Tag: conservative

The Sun Sets On The British Empire

And we thought things were strange in America…

Great Britain took the unbelievable step and decided to exit the European Union yesterday in a stunning move which sent financial markets plummeting around the world. John Oliver gave a humorous yet poignant explanation of Brexit last week and explained why the United Kingdom should stay in the EU even though it can be incredibly frustrating at times. But the British are apparently afflicted by the same illness that plagues America and an increasing number of countries throughout Europe…radical right wing conservatism. Yes, fearmongering and anti-intellectualism is a mighty powerful combination and insidiously effects some people, especially the elderly and the lesser educated, who according to most polls, supported the Brexit. As a matter of fact, Boris Johnson, the Donald Trump of Britain, has hailed Britain stepping into the abyss as a victory. Even Donald Trump, who is visiting one of his golf courses in Scotland, approves. Most analysts concur that this move toward isolationism could have serious consequences for Britain and the rest of the world.

A common theme from all these right wing radicals in Europe and the  United States is that they all want to ‘make their country great again’. And apparently, in the mind set of right wing conservatives, making one’s country great again, means isolating itself from other countries and promoting nationalistic tendencies, denigrating immigrants and obliterating multi-culturalism, a policy which wreaked havoc in the 20th century. Britain used to be the biggest, most powerful empire on the planet, with colonies on every continent. However with the Brexit vote, one thing’s for sure: it seems that the sun has finally set on the British Empire.

P.S. If any Brit sees this photo-toon and is offended by it…bugger off! Quite frankly, we feel that you’ve lost any right to look down your noses at Americans after this blunder. Cheerio!

According to a Pythonesque British pepperpot Brexit spokesperson, Britain doesn't like anyone and is just going to take their quids home, have a banger or two and watch the tele which impresses a visiting Donald Trump so much he asks her to be his campaign manager.
A Pythonesque British pepperpot and Brexit spokesperson thoughtfully summarizes the subject, which thoroughly impresses a visiting Donald Trump.

Rewind: Stay The Course!

From the unfrigginbelievable file…

It was just announced that none other than ol’ Dubya, George W. Bush, has come out of retirement to help GOP Senators who are having trouble with their failing campaigns this fall because of the toxicity of the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Isn’t that like calling in an arsonist to put out a fire? It’s amazing that just ten years ago, most sane Americans were thinking the Republican party couldn’t get much worse than good ol’ Dubya and the Bush administration. For those of you with anemic memories who actually have forgotten how horrible George W. Bush was, here’s a short list and a longer list to remind you that he’s the worst President since Herbert Hoover.

Of course, conservative Republicans being conservative Republicans, can never admit that they’re ever wrong about anything. So rather than change direction, they just plow over the cliff and into the abyss. Good luck with that Dubya thingee, GOP.

Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue.

President Bush shouts his mantra 'Stay the course!', while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.
President Bush shouts his mantra while joyriding his Republican made vehicle, America, off a cliff with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of State Rice and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld.

America’s Obsession With Rude Assholes

We were rummaging through our archives and came across an article ten years ago written by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he laments how America seems to be fancying rude assholes and politeness and manners seem to be a thing of the past. Ten years on, with the rise of the King of Rudeness, Donald Trump, things seems to be getting worse rather than better.

This is from our June 19, 2006 issue.

Chester Einstein’s Words of Wisdom

Chester Einstein - BilgeBucket GazetteAmerica Seems To Be Fancying Rude Assholes These Days

Recently, as I was watching the incredible duel between that Tyler Hick and Nanny McPhee on American Idol, it occurred to me; it seems that people in America seem to be infatuated with rude assholes lately. Not that Tyler or Nanny are assholes. On the contrary; they were delightful breaths of fresh, Mentos flavored air wafting through a flowery meadow. It’s that asshole Simon Cowell that gets my dander boiling! And it seems that every show these days has to have a resident asshole spewing forth offensive expletives and rude commentary. Look at that new cooking show, Hell’s Kitchen. Those people are just trying to cook food for pete’s sake and this chef rips ‘em a new one. Of course, that’s because nothing in America these days is entertaining unless it’s IN YOUR FACE!

Now I know a lot of you are saying, “Well geeeeeeeez Chester! Aren’t you in my face right now?” Well con sarn it, this is different! I’m in your face because I’m old and I’m supposed to be mad at you whippersnappers. I swear if I see one more youngun’ talking on a cell phone while driving… Dag nab it! Now I’m all discombobulated! What was I ranting about?… Oh yeah, America’s fancying of rude assholes. Well folks, this phenomenon goes beyond T.V.; it’s trickling down into every phase of life. I guess you could call it trickle-down insolence.

Look at the music young people are grooving to nowadays; that hippety-hop rappity crap that’s all the rage. Now the beat ain’t all that bad. I have to confess, I’ve tapped a foot or two listening to that Snoopy Dog fella, but the lyrics are down right frightening. Everybody’s capping each other’s asses, slapping their hos and killing cops. Back in my day, we rebelled, but we did it subtly; like taking an extra cookie, or dipping pigtails in ink wells, or giving swirlies to that geeky kid who was always answering teacher’s question. Poor Howie Hughes! I wonder what ever happened to that little nerd. But you don’t see gentle rebellion like that anymore. Now it’s drive-bys, shoot-em-ups and extreme payback. Everybody is all IN YOUR FACE! I’m scared to watch MTV anymore.

Take a look at the political scene. Those right wing radio show hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Michael Savage have made a name for themselves belittling opposing points of view, spewing forth hateful words and pouring gasoline on the fires of ignorance. Take a look at that Ann Coulter…that is if you can. My God, she’s a walking skeleton! She looks like a meth addict! Has she heard of the concept of food and eating? Anyhoo, she complains that liberals are evil, mean and rooting for the terrorists and then she calls those 9/11 widows harpies and merry widows dancing on their husbands graves! That’s about as rude and assholish as you can get! And then those so called ‘compassionate’ conservatives like David Horowitz enable her by saying stuff like “she’s a national treasure”. Oprah’s a national treasure, you moron! Ann Coulter is just a miserable excuse for a human being! How’s that for IN YOUR FACE, Ms. Coulter? I remember seeing a plaque on the wall in a brothel in Nevada once that stuck with me to this day. It said “Be sure and wear a condom”. Wait… that’s not it… okay… I got it now. It said “Be the change you want to be in the world”. What a beautiful sentiment! Well, I guess the conservatives want the world to be rude, ignorant and full of hate.

Well, I’ve gone beyond my rant limit set by Dr. Mesmer; I’m still recuperating from my latest illness don’t you know. It’s time to calm myself down with an episode of Jerry Springer. Nothing says peace and quiet like squabbling, overweight rednecks who like to make fools of themselves on national television. Jerry, you’re an American treasure, too!

Paul Ryan: Man Of Integrity

The so called GOP stalwarts, who have so brazenly yelled what a monster Donald Trump is, are falling one by one to the bullying charms of this authoritarian megalomaniac. Bold men like Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio are now sycophantic bootlickers of the orange haired menace. The latest to cave in meekly to the Donald: Republican Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan.

We’ve never really taken to Mr. Ryan. During Con-a-thon 2012, when he was Spiff Romney’s vice-presidential candidate, we noted the several times he just flat out lied or was a complete hypocrite. (Here, here and here.)

Nothing’s changed really. For months, he claimed he wasn’t interested in taking over Speaker of the House for John Boehner and then suddenly …BOOM… he’s Speaker of the House. So I guess this latest development shouldn’t come as any surprise. Paul Ryan has been boldly stating (or conning) these past several months that he just can’t support Donald Trump. But after a ‘very important’ meeting this past week, Ryan now endorses Trump. What a man of integrity! Why shucky darn…with guys like Trump and Ryan leading the way, changing their points of view every time the wind blows, America’s sure to be great again in no time.

Jug eared Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, shows what a man of integrity he is by supporting someone he can't stand like Donald Trump much to the delight of one of his plutocratic overlords.
Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, shows what a man of integrity he is by supporting someone he can’t stand like Donald Trump much to the delight of one of his plutocratic overlords.

Trump: Jesus’ Twin?

One of the more perplexing things about the rise of Donald Trump is the support he’s getting from the evangelical christians. We thought for sure they would support supposed ‘savior’ Ted Cruz, but they have overwhelmingly come out in support of someone who is thrice married; a hedonist, morally bankrupt and has at best a sketchy knowledge of the bible. We’re atheists here at the Bucket and we probably know more about the bible than Trump. Samantha Bee recently gave a hilarious analysis of the religious right evangelical’s seemingly hypocritical viewpoint. It’s definitely a lip diddler for us, folks. But then again, we can’t figure out how the hell Donald Trump is the GOP nominee for president.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admires his ideological twin, Donald Trump, for his greedy, egomaniacal, petty, self-aggrandizing, misogynistic, bombastic, materialistic, deceitful, callous, bigoted, and oppresive nature.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, is stoked that his ideological twin, Donald Trump, looks to be the GOP nominee for president.

World War III: Trumpocalypse Now

We’re not pulling any punches here at the Bucket. We are vehemently anti-Donald Trump. Sure Hillary Clinton isn’t perfect, but she is basically a centrist Democrat and a moderate Republican. Like our guy Bernie Sanders has said, even on her worst days, she’s still one thousand times better than Mr. Trump.

There are countless reasons to not elect GOP frontrunner Donald Trump president. So far, he’s been as fickle as the wind on foreign and domestic issues alike. Oh, it’s Tuesday, then he’s for punishing women for abortions. If it’s Wednesday’s and the wind’s from the northwest, then women shouldn’t be punished. He used to be for gun control, but now he’s all for everyone having guns everywhere. Other issues he’s been for and against: transgender bathroom usage, same-sex marriage, NATO, reducing the national debt, Planned Parenthood, violence for political gain, etc…

But probably the biggest reason not to elect this psychopath is his foreign policy experience. We can’t think of a more dangerous person to have his finger on the nuclear button than this egomaniacal, authoritarian rage monster. The thought should make every sane Americans blood run cold. Let’s take the recent incident when U.S. sailors ventured into Iranian waters and were taken prisoners. Within a day, thanks to diplomacy by the Obama administration, the sailors were released. But Mr. Trump wanted to get tough with Iran (and possibly start World War III), which will undoubtedly be a nuclear war. He’s already sending mixed messages on foreign war policy as well. He stated that the U.S. shouldn’t be involved in foreign wars. But then he turns around and says he’d carpet bomb ISIS and show force in Syria. Can you imagine the Donald handling incidents with North Korea, China, the Ukraine, the Middle East. Just the slightest provocation would send Trump to the nuclear button. He’s already said, he would use nuclear weapons. Who knows — if Mexico doesn’t agree to build the border wall that Trump wants, he may send a few warheads southward.

The bottom line is this; if a person is thinking about voting for Trump, then that person should be prepared to go to war themselves, or send their sons, daughters or grandchildren to war. And this war won’t be just any war. It will be World War III: the Trumpocalypse.

In Donald Trump's new patriotic poster, an exuberant Trump supporter exhorts other Americans to join the fun in World War III: the Trumpocalypse.
In Donald Trump’s new patriotic poster, an exuberant Trump supporter exhorts other Americans to join the fun in World War III: the Trumpocalypse.

SEGUMUCA Nation

Well, the unthinkable has happened in America. What started out as a joke last June, has become a reality. Donald Trump has pretty much clinched the Republican Presidential nomination. Like other sane, reasonable folks, we’re completely surprised and a bit horrified at the ascendancy of this disingenuous, authoritarian megalomaniac. And naturally the blamestorming has commenced. Common scapegoats include the obvious choices like the Teabagger Republicans and corporate media. The Republicans have the gall to actually blame Obama. John Stewart has suggested it’s the Democrats. We here at the Bucket will go one better; we’re all to blame for this fiasco.

That’s right folks. Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re all responsible for Donald Trump because the orange rage monster is the epitome of capitalism run amok. We’ve commented before about the ugly predatory nature of unregulated capitalism.  Upton Sinclair documented it one hundred years ago in the book The Jungle and it still is applicable today. Trump has come to represent everything that capitalism holds dear; greed, avarice, egoism, ultra-competitiveness, selfishness and materialism. Most Americans who have been raised on the belief that capitalism is the only sensible economy for this planet, look to the self-aggrandizing, megalomaniac billionaire, who has had three trophy wives and scores of material possessions like houses, cars, planes, etc… and say “Hey! I want to be like him.” That’s the American way. The rich, greedy plutocrats dangle the carrot and the rest of us salivate and go after it. We’ve mentioned John Steinbeck’s quote about the poor seeing themselves as temporarily embarrasses millionaires instead of exploited grunts. These are Trump’s trumpeters; the temporarily embarrassed millionaires; and of course the plutocrats, like Sheldon Adelson, who will naturally support his fellow billionaire.

We here at the Bucket were kind of hoping that Bernie Sanders, the self proclaimed democratic socialist would have gotten the nomination. That would have made the election a referendum of sorts between democratic socialism against unregulated capitalism. According to polls, in a head to head showdown, Sanders thumps Trump.

We think it’s time that all Americans do a bit of self-introspection, especially conservatives. Conservatives generally don’t do this because in the conservative mindset, they are always right, hence no need to look at oneself in the mirror. Questioning your actions is bad and a sign of weakness. One must do what has been traditionally done forever and ever. And don’t even think of apologizing; that is absolute weakness and worthy of death. But is Donald Trump really who were are as a nation? Are we really like Trump? Are we a SEGUMUCA nation: a nation of Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Assholes? (Catchy eh?…[sound of crickets chirping]…hellllooooo) Isn’t it time we put the people’s health and welfare, the public good and the environment above profits and selfish, greedy materialistic desires? Maybe if we do that, we won’t look in the mirror, see Donald Trump snarling back and say to ourselves, “Holy Shit! How did we get so fugly!”

Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a selfish, egotistical, greedy, ultra-materialistic, ulta-competitive asshole, a.k.a. Donald Trump.
Uncle Sam recoils in horror as he looks in the mirror and sees that he has become a Selfish, Egotistical, Greedy, Ultra-Materialistic, Ultra-Competitive Asshole.

Brewer Wants Women Back In Kitchen

We thought we were done with our review of lame AZ political figures and issues but former Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer had to open her mouth and of course when that happens, something stupid usually comes out.

Brewer said in an interview that way too much emphasis has been placed on electing female candidates, stating that “this woman thing has gotten way out of control I believe.” That’s right women; get back in the kitchen and serve your man. No wonder Donald Trump and other conservative christian Republican men love her. Up Next: Jan Brewer says that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Former Arizona Governor Jan 'Skeletor' Brewer says a woman's place is in the home serving her man and Donald Trump wholeheartedly agrees.
Former Arizona Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer announces her plans to set the women’s movement back one hundred years much to Republican frontrunner Donald Trump’s approval.

AZ’s Junior Obstructionist

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

We’ve commented before about Arizona’s junior Senator Jeff Flake (here and here). He truly is a conundrum. On the surface, this congenial, young man with the ultra-brite smile seems like he grew up with Wally and the Beav. He even sells himself as Mr. Bipartisan. But like most con artists, it’s just for show. He’s more Eddie Haskell than Wally. Mr. Flake is joining his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, in obstructing President Obama’s pick for the Supreme Court. And why does Mr. Bipartisan say he’s doing this. A friend of the Bucket, who complained to the Senator about his obstructionism, shared with us this email response from Mr. Flake.

“Justice Scalia was untiring in his defense of the Constitution. His intellect, candor, and wit will be sorely missed. As we mourn the tragic loss of Justice Scalia and celebrate his life’s work, much is being said and written about whether the Supreme Court vacancy created by his death should be filled this year. One would have to go back more than a century to find a scenario where a president’s nominee for the Supreme Court was confirmed by the opposition party in the United States Senate when the vacancy occurred during an election year. I am not about to break new ground in the Senate, particularly when any nominee could so drastically shift the balance of the court.“

There you have it folks. Mr. Bipartisan isn’t going to break new ground (or be a maverick!) because he’s going to dig in his heels like his fellow Republican crybabies and defy the Constitution. He’s clearly choosing partisan politics over doing what is best for the people and this country.

We used to be feel bad for Mr. Flake. Often times, he has seemed like he is trying to legitimately reach across the aisle. He supported the end of the ban on relations with Cuba. And to his credit, he has agreed to meet with Merrick Garland.  But again, it’s just for show.  He just created his reality show to sell the public that he was reasonable, maybe to boost his credentials for a possible future run at the Presidency. But make no mistake; he’s true to his religious, anti-science base as evidence by his criticizing federal spending on science. Just when you think he’s going to make a break from the zombies as with gun control legislation a few years ago, he turns and runs back toward the narrow minded zombie hordes. Life sitting on a fence is never easy. We’re hoping that with the rise of head zombie, Donald Trump, maybe Flake will finally embrace sanity and leave the Republican party. But then again…

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch 'The Turtle' McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama's Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.
Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama’s Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.

AZ’s Senior Obstructionist

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

The Supreme Court obstructionism continues and both of Arizona’s Senators are joining their crybaby Republican colleagues in blatantly avoiding their constitutional duty. We’ve ribbed repeatedly Arizona’s Senior Obstructionist, John McCain(here, here and here for starters). Yes, our ‘maverick’ Senator, who famously reached across the aisle to champion Campaign Finance Reform, only to vote against an amendment which would overturn the Supreme Court’s atrocious Citizens United ruling, which gives the well funded corporate elites of this country carte blanche to control elections, recently was quoted as saying ““I believe that we should wait until after the next election and let the American people pick the next president, and we should consider who the next president of the United States nominates.” This contrasts greatly to the old John McCain, who used to solidly support the Senate voting on Supreme Court nominations. What’s more, in 1993 and 1994, McCain voted to approve President Clinton’s Supreme Court appointments of Breyer and Ginsberg by saying “under our Constitution, it is the president’s call to make.” In addition, McCain, like several other Republicans, wholeheartedly approved Merrick Garland’s appointment to the Washington D.C appeals court as chief judge in 1997.

So what’s up with Mr. Maverick? We here at the Bucket think that Senator McCain’s best days are clearly far, far behind him. He’s up for reelection this year(he’s facing a stiff challenge from Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick and fellow Republican Kelli Ward) and this issue may decide if he retains his position. He’s seems to be acting more like a crotchety, old curmudgeon than a distinguished senator.  His dislike of Obama has unhinged him so much that he won’t even perform his constitutional duty. We’ve commented before here that many Republicans have said that if the current President was Republican, they’d approve the nomination. It’s clearly the Republicans who are playing politics. Ol’ Man McCain needs to join Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Helen Purcell and ride off into the Arizona sunset.

Crusty, old codger and Senator, John McCain, demonstrates his 'maverick' style by explaining why he supports obstructionism over solid, bipartisan statesmanship much to the delight of his plutocratic overlord.
Crusty, old codger and Senator, John McCain, demonstrates his ‘maverick’ style by explaining why he supports obstructionism over solid, bipartisan statesmanship much to the delight of his plutocratic overlord.