Tag Archive for turtle

So Much Vice, GOP Acquits Twice

The second impeachment trial of America’s former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has concluded and to no one’s surprise, he was acquitted, despite a 57-43 vote of guilty. Seven GOP Senators voted for rule of law over party joining all fifty Democrats in saying that Trump incited the riots on January 6th because . . . of course he did. We all saw it on tape!

What’s especially galling is the statement from minority leader Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell made after the vote, which takes the cake for unethical hypocrisy. He basically said that Trump was guilty of provoking the insurrection and should be held accountable. And how do we do that? You impeach the bastard! But no, no, no… Turtle Boy voted to acquit. So, in a nutshell, Trump and the Republicans got away with their malfeasance like they’ve done for the last four years. There was one time Trump told the truth in his whole time as leader of the GOP and that was when he stated he could shoot somebody on 5th Ave and still not lose any supporters. He just incited an insurrection on the Capitol of the United States of America and five people died and several more were injured . . . and he got away with it without losing supporters. And the supposed party of moral responsibility allowed him to do so. If there was any doubt that the GOP is an unethical, immoral, corrupt, crime syndicate of greedy hooligans and grifters before the trial, then all skepticism should be obliterated by this decision. They openly support authoritarian fascist actions to overthrow democracy and install permanent Republican rule.

Speaking of immoral grifters, one of our least favorite humans on the planet passed away, Boss Limhogg himself, Rush Limbaugh. We posted a photo-toon last year that pretty much sums up our feelings about that obnoxious, racist, sexist tub of goo. In short: Rot in hell, El Rushblo!

Oozing with incandescent charisma, Moscow Mitch 'Turtle Boy' McConnell bravely acquits former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump of responsibility for inciting the Capitol riots despite proclaiming that he was guilty as hell.
Oozing with incandescent charisma, Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell bravely acquits former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump of responsibility for inciting the Capitol riots despite proclaiming that he was guilty as hell.

Hypocrisy, Thy Name Is Republican

Given the record of the GOP’s lust for power these past 40 years, is it really any surprise that Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell would hypocritically announce that he would vote immediately on a replacement for deceased Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg before her memorial service. If you have the memory of gnat, then let us remind you that in 2016 after Anton Scalia died in February, McConnell and the Senate Republicans declared to all that since it was an election year, it was in the best interest of the nation to let the winner of the upcoming election fill the vacancy. President Obama nominated Merrick Garland but Moscow Mitch refused to even hold confirmation hearings like the authoritarian, fascist jackass he is. And of course, the supposedly morally superior Republican crybabies fell right in line and obstructed Obama until Trump stole the electoral college (thanks to help from Russia – remember, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote) and filled the empty seat with right-winger Neil Gorsuch.

So what did the Republican Senators say in comparison to what they’re saying this year? Some of the more noteworthy hypocritical quotes from 2016 include:

“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.” Mitch McConnell, Feb. 13. 2016

“I strongly support giving the American people a voice in choosing the next Supreme Court nominee by electing a new president. I hope all Americans understand how important their vote is when it comes to picking a new Supreme Court justice. The American people should choose wisely this November.” Lindsey Graham, March 16, 2016

“In the midst of a critical election, the American people deserve to have a say in this important decision that will impact the course of our country for years to come.” Joni Ernst, March 16, 2016

“I don’t think we should be moving forward on a nominee in the last year of this president’s term. I would say that if this was a Republlcian president.” Marco Rubio, March 17, 2016


“In a few short months, we will have a new president and new senators who can consider the next justice with the full faith of the people. Why would we cut off the national debate on the next justice? Why would we squelch the voice of the populace? Why would we deny the voters a chance to weigh in on the make-up of the Supreme Court?” Tom Cotton, March 16, 2016

The hypocrisy is blatant and in your face, but the Republicans don’t care. There are piles of unattended bills from the House that need to be brought to a vote including further coronavirus relief, but that will have to wait because the Republicans have changed their minds and have decided that it is imperative now that the Supreme Court seat must be filled as soon as possible, RBG’s final wishes be damned. What’s strange is that 62% of the country seems to agree with the 2016 Republicans and thinks that the new Supreme Court Justice should be named by the winner of the upcoming election.

Here’s a list of all the hypocritical Senators from 2016 who are up for election in 2020 who conveniently changed their minds and should be voted the hell out of office.

  • Dan Sullivan, Alaska
  • Tom Cotton, Arkansas
  • Cory Gardner, Colorado
  • David Perdue, Georgia
  • Joni Ernst, Iowa
  • Mitch McConnell, Kentucky
  • Steve Daines, Montana
  • Thom Tillis, North Carolina
  • Jim Imhofe, Oklahoma
  • Lindsey Graham, South Carolina
  • Mike Rounds, South Dakota
  • John Cornyn, Texas
  • Shelley Moore Capito, West Virginia

Here it is in a nutshell, folks: Republicans are nothing but blatant goddamn hypocrites and they’ve been proving it every day of the Trump administration, especially during Trump’s impeachment! Everybody should take a look at the list of senators up for re-election this year and vote their smarmy lying asses out of office! They’re nothing but sanctimonious, duplicitous frauds who should never be let near the corridors of power in the United States again! Of course, if they move to Russia, we’re sure ol’ Vlad Putin will have a place for them.

Editor’s Note: In our original photo-toon we had a picture of Sonny Perdue, not David Perdue. This has been corrected.

Here are some of the goddamn Republican hypocrites who in 2016 proclaimed loudly that the people voting in November should decide who should be on the Supreme Court but now in 2020 want to rush through a pick just days before the election.
Here are some of the goddamn Republican hypocrites who in 2016 proclaimed loudly that the people voting in November should decide who should be on the Supreme Court but now in 2020 want to rush through a pick just days before the election.

The Tan Suit Controversy

Remember when Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network had an absolute conniption fit about then President Barack Obama wearing a tan suit during the summer time. This and Obama’s using spicy mustard on his food were horrendous, earth shattering scandals to the right-wing conservative jackals.

Fast forward to 2020 and look who’s trying to wear a tan suit; none other than Moscow Mitch “Turtle Boy” McConnell. As far as who wore it better, it’s not even close. Obama looks like a super suave, debonair CHAMP while McConnell looks like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model . . . or in other words . . . a CHUMP.

Former President Barack Obama wore his tan suit like a Champ, while Moscow Mitch "Turtle Boy" McConnell wore his tan suit like a Chump, looking more like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model.
Former President Barack Obama wore his tan suit like a Champ, while Moscow Mitch “Turtle Boy” McConnell wore his tan suit like a Chump, looking more like a salesman at a discount mattress warehouse trying to sell you a slightly used model.

Wagging The Rapture Dog

The news is out that the Democrats are pushing for Robert Mueller to testify before Congress and the Trump administration and Republicans are not happy about that. Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell tried using Jedi mind tricks in the Senate by repeatedly uttering “Case closed….Case closed.” And of course, America’s CEO/Dictator and delusional man child, Donald Trump, continued his pathological prevaricating on Twitter and on his right wing echo chamber Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network. But there were some other disturbing developments on the international front that show that the Republicans might take an insane, catastrophic step in order to protect Trump from the fallout of Mueller testifying.

The United States has sent warships to the Gulf of Hormuz in response to ‘troubling’ actions by Iranians. National Security Advisor, war hawk and failed walrus impersonator John Bolton, has been beating the drums for war with Iran since the days of the Iraq War clusterf*ck, which Bolton still thinks was the right call. Now the delusional Bolton thinks starting another war in the Middle East would be another smashing idea and we’re sure the defense corporations are champing at the bit for a new avenue for profit. Therefore, Bolton and Trump are trying to create a Gulf of Tonkin incident so they can start a war with Iran.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo also seems to be supporting the idea of war with Iran but for a different reason. Pompeo is one of those looniest of loony evangelical christians called a rapturist. In the warped mind of these nutbags, the end times are a-coming which means that all good christians will be slurped up to heaven while the rest of us ‘heathens’ will be left to toil on Earth. One of the pre-cursors for the end times, according to ‘biblical scripture’, is that Jerusalem is recognized as the capital of Israel, which Donald Trump did last year. Now, according to the end times mythology, a great war will occur and Jesus Christ will come again which will facilitate the ‘rapture’. Many prominent Republicans are rapturists including Pompeo, VP Puritan Mike Pence, former Teabagger darling Sarah ‘Ubetcha’ Palin, former Attorney Confederate General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, housing secretary Ben ‘Mr. Sandman’ Carson and energy secretary and brain fart expert Rick Perry. So, with a normal, logical, reasonable Secretary of State, war is usually and wisely avoided. But with this evangelical loon, conditions are being forced that would result in a catastrophic conflict in the Middle East. This would mean that biblical prophecy would be ‘proven’ correct and all the ‘good people’ (christians) will get their just desserts in heaven and all the bad people (the rest of us) will suffer in lakes of fire here on Earth.

Of course, these wack jobs fail to consider that the people who wrote the bible lived two thousand years ago and didn’t know jack about the Earth or the universe. We’ve mentioned before that religious people connect to a tiny bronze age database while scientific people connect to a colossal, 21st century database chock full of knowledge. We’ve gained so much knowledge about everything in the last four hundred years. To ignore science, scientific inquiry and scientific methods is sheer lunacy and any person advocating radical ideology based on two thousand year old babble shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the corridors of power in this country. We guarantee to all those rapture loonies that unless you’re vaporized by a nuclear blast you’ll still be here left to toil on the Earth with the rest of us.

To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to 'wag the dog' with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.
To distract from the possible testifying of Robet Mueller before Congress, American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump has decided to ‘wag the dog’ with multiple wars much to the delight of National Security Advisor and war monger extraordinaire John Bolton and Secretary of State and Rapture aficionado Mike Pompeo.

And Now, For Our Next Fake Emergency…

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, upset that he didn’t get all the money he wanted for his precious, unnecessary border wall, pulled a trick out his authoritarian dictator hat and declared a national emergency for a border crisis that doesn’t exist and which most sane Americans agree is bogus. According the 1975 National Emergencies Act, the president can declare a national emergency, but the specific emergency powers must be outlined and declared first. Some examples of national emergencies declared by other presidents include the 9/11 attacks (under Dubya), the Iran hostage crisis (Carter) or the 2009 H1N1 flu pandemic (Obama). All these seem to be legitimate declarations. But legitimacy doesn’t matter to our orange-haired, megalomaniac man child who pretends to be the President of the United States. He’s drunk with power and he wants to flaunt it like any other dictator in the world. And true to form, feckless Republicans like Lindsey Graham lined up to support Trump.

Fortunately for democracy, a bipartisan group of 58 former national security officials have decided to stand up to Trump and declare that “there is no factual basis” for his emergency. Hopefully, the slew of lawsuits being filed will also stop this nonsense.  If Trump gets away with this, then he will no doubt declare other fake national emergencies as well in the future. We wonder what the next ‘crisis’ declaration will be by Trumpty Dumpty in order to get what he wants.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, declares a national emergency so that the McRib becomes permanent, to which sycophant Lindsey Graham wholeheartedly approves and Mitch 'Turtle Boy' McConnell cowers in his shell.

Spineless sycophant Lindsey Graham fecklessly supports any crisis, real or imagined, that American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, comes up with, while Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell cowers in his shell.

Turtle Boy’s Disappearing Act

Senate Majority Leader and mutant Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell, has once again pulled his patented disappearing act during the current record setting Trump government shutdown, which is coming up on the one month mark. We’ve remarked before on Turtle Boy’s uncanny ability to avoid responsibility when news first emerged about Russia’s involvement with the Trump campaign in December 2016. And who can forget after the 2012 election, the talks to avoid the dreaded fiscal cliff. We usually don’t like to repeat photo-toons, but when we got one that works, we stick with it.

McConnell refuses to act as a leader of the Senate and stand up to Trump. He has twice blocked votes against ending the shutdown. Apparently Turtle Boy doesn’t care about the government workers scraping by to pay their mortgages (or food) and working for free because hey…it ain’t hurting him. What a compassionate conservative! He’s also up for re-election in 2020 and since Trump is more popular than he is in Kentucky, he has courageously disappeared and decided not to rock the boat. Way to go, Turtle Boy!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘Turtle Boy’, boldly performs his patented turtle act to avoid any responsibility for ending the record setting Trump government shutdown.

Mutant Turtle Boy

From the unfriggingbelieveable files…

Senate Majority Leader and Mutant Turtle Boy, Mitch McConnell had the audacity to state that Americans will not tolerate the Democrats obstructing American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s picks for the Supreme Court, despite having obstructed President Obama’s pick for the Supreme Court for most of 2016. Then the Lord of Obstruction went on to say that Democrats should grow up and not obstruct Trump’s cabinet picks despite the Republicans doing exactly that in 2009 for Obama. New York Senator Chuck Schumer even posted McConnell’s letter to then Senate Majority leader Harry Reid that cabinet picks must meet certain standards.

So basically Mutant Turtle Boy doesn’t want to apply the same standards for Trump’s picks. Please keep in mind that the new American CEO/Dictator hasn’t even released his tax returns and the ethically challenged Republicans aren’t even going to press him to do it. Because you know…it’s okay when Republicans do it.

Here’s hoping the Democrats obstruct the Republicans Supreme Court pick for the next four years because the Republicans planned to do the same to the Democrats if Hillary had won.

Mitch 'Mutant Turtle Boy' McConnell says Americans won't tolerate Democrats obstructionism despite doing the same thing to the Obama administration for the last eight years.

A noble American worker just can’t tolerate any more stupid, irony impaired and ethically challenged statements by Senate Majority Leader, Mitch ‘Mutant Turtle Boy’ McConnell.

 

McConnell’s Treasonous Turtle Act

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell pulled his patented turtle act again for Con-a-thon 2016. It was recently revealed that McConnell knew about the Russians hacking the election but decided to keep quiet about it. Wow! What integrity! A foreign, hostile government hacked the U.S. elections and he wanted to keep it quiet because it benefited his party. A man like that should be shoveling elephant manure in a circus. Wait a second…that’s what he already does.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a 'The Turtle', boldly performs his turtle act and allows a foreign, hostile government to hack the U.S. elections allowing his fellow Republicans to commit treason and take complete control of the government.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a ‘The Turtle’, boldly performs his turtle act and allows a foreign, hostile government to hack the U.S. elections allowing his fellow Republicans to commit treason and take complete control of the government.

AZ’s Junior Obstructionist

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

We’ve commented before about Arizona’s junior Senator Jeff Flake (here and here). He truly is a conundrum. On the surface, this congenial, young man with the ultra-brite smile seems like he grew up with Wally and the Beav. He even sells himself as Mr. Bipartisan. But like most con artists, it’s just for show. He’s more Eddie Haskell than Wally. Mr. Flake is joining his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, in obstructing President Obama’s pick for the Supreme Court. And why does Mr. Bipartisan say he’s doing this. A friend of the Bucket, who complained to the Senator about his obstructionism, shared with us this email response from Mr. Flake.

“Justice Scalia was untiring in his defense of the Constitution. His intellect, candor, and wit will be sorely missed. As we mourn the tragic loss of Justice Scalia and celebrate his life’s work, much is being said and written about whether the Supreme Court vacancy created by his death should be filled this year. One would have to go back more than a century to find a scenario where a president’s nominee for the Supreme Court was confirmed by the opposition party in the United States Senate when the vacancy occurred during an election year. I am not about to break new ground in the Senate, particularly when any nominee could so drastically shift the balance of the court.

There you have it folks. Mr. Bipartisan isn’t going to break new ground (or be a maverick!) because he’s going to dig in his heels like his fellow Republican crybabies and defy the Constitution. He’s clearly choosing partisan politics over doing what is best for the people and this country.

We used to be feel bad for Mr. Flake. Often times, he has seemed like he is trying to legitimately reach across the aisle. He supported the end of the ban on relations with Cuba. And to his credit, he has agreed to meet with Merrick Garland.  But again, it’s just for show.  He just created his reality show to sell the public that he was reasonable, maybe to boost his credentials for a possible future run at the Presidency. But make no mistake; he’s true to his religious, anti-science base as evidence by his criticizing federal spending on science. Just when you think he’s going to make a break from the zombies as with gun control legislation a few years ago, he turns and runs back toward the narrow minded zombie hordes. Life sitting on a fence is never easy. We’re hoping that with the rise of head zombie, Donald Trump, maybe Flake will finally embrace sanity and leave the Republican party. But then again…

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch 'The Turtle' McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama's Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama’s Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.

Taxing the Rich? I Can’t Watch!

The talks to avoid the dreaded ‘fiscal cliff’ continue and yet one big Republican player has been sitting on the sidelines of the debate. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. ‘The Turtle’, has pretty much kept himself out of the discussions. But we have no doubt that in the coming days, the good senator, who famously wanted to make President Obama a one-term president, will show us the typical spirit of bi-partisanship that Republicans have exhibited the past four years and block anything the Democrats put in front of him.

The always cautious but zany Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, plays the waiting game with the looming ‘fiscal cliff’.