Walker: Georgia Danger

Let’s face it, folks: the 2022 Republican candidates are bat shit insane. One of the biggest examples of this insanity is former football star Herschel Walker who is running for Senator in Georgia against Democrat Raphael Warnock. Walker has been making a lot of false claims (imagine that – just like his idol TFG). Some of his more egregious lies are: that he’s a police officer, a member of the FBI, valedictorian of his class and probably his most ridiculous – that TFG never claimed the 2020 election was stolen. Walker originally pulled out a prop honorary badge during a recent debate with Warnock and keeps doubling down on his lie insisting the badge is real.

Walker has a troubled history that includes a bout with mental illness and anger management issues. He has prevaricated on how many children he has. He even has claimed that he is pro-life even when he’s paid for a former girlfriend’s abortion and then offered to pay for a second with the same woman. So basically this man is a pathological liar which makes him a perfect candidate for today’s GOP.

Shockingly, the Georgia Senate race like all others featuring looney tunes MAGA Moron Republicans is tight. Warnock, who is a reverend for Pete’s sake, is clearly the best choice but Republicans, who are supposedly the party of moral superiority, are completely backing Walker. We’re pretty sure the FBI badge he has is probably a Federal Boob Inspector prop job which he probably uses to pick up all the women he gets.

Georgia Senate candidate and christian pillar of morality Herschel Walker whips out his FBI (Federal Boob Inspector) badge to try and impress another unsuspecting female.
Georgia Senate candidate and christian pillar of morality Herschel Walker whips out his FBI (Federal Boob Inspector) badge to try and impress another unsuspecting female.

VP Debate Winner: Super Fly

The Vice Presidential debate took place Wednesday night in Salt Lake City, Utah and at least it was civil despite Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence trying to do his best Donald Trump impersonation by lying his ass off and interrupting Democratic candidate Kamala Harris repeatedly. As expected Harris did a solid job and most thought she won the debate. Our favorite moment was when Senator Harris boldly stated (a few times) when Pence tried to interrupt her “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking.” But let’s face it, folks; VP debates have always been a bit of a side show and usually don’t change voter’s minds too drastically.

However, the real star of the VP debate was the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head midway through the debate. But this fly was no ordinary fly. This scene stealing ‘Super Fly’ stayed put for almost two minutes while Pence rambled on with his propaganda and drivel. It’s become an internet sensation. We here at the Bucket noticed that the image of the fly on Mike Pence bore an uncanny resemblance to a fly on a pile of shit. The similarities are remarkable. We’re sure some alt-right, QAnon nut job will come up with some conspiracy theory that good ol’ Super Fly was some kind a miniature drone built by the Democrats in order to make Mike Pence look bad. Sorry, conservative wing nuts; old Puritan Pence is quite capable of looking bad all by himself.

The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence's head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.
The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.

Remembering Aleppo Marx


Last week was a bad week for everyone involved with the farce known as Con-a-thon 2016, (especially we the people who have to endure this shit). Hillary Clinton kept getting hit about her emails and then got pneumonia to boot. Donald Trump’s fraud, lies and deceptions kept proliferating. Matt Lauer completely botched the Commander-in-Chief forum. Anyone else?

Yes indeed! Libertarian candidate and former Republican Gary Johnson had the biggest fail of all last Friday. When questioned about the besieged Syrian city of Aleppo, Johnson replied with a perplexed look on his face, “What is Aleppo?”. Not good! Not good at all…especially for someone who would be making vital decisions in this region for years to come. He’s running for President of the United States, not President of the PTA. He did recover somewhat and even took responsibility for the gaffe saying he needed to do better. But the damage was done. We’re guessing that maybe Johnson should’ve laid off the weed before the interview. The disturbing thing is…he still knows more than Donald Trump.

Libertarian presidential candidate, Gary 'Dude' Johnson' explains that Aleppo was the funniest of the Marx Brothers.
Libertarian Presidential candidate, Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson, explains that Aleppo was the funniest of the Marx Brothers.

Brewer Wants Women Back In Kitchen

We thought we were done with our review of lame AZ political figures and issues but former Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer had to open her mouth and of course when that happens, something stupid usually comes out.

Brewer said in an interview that way too much emphasis has been placed on electing female candidates, stating that “this woman thing has gotten way out of control I believe.” That’s right women; get back in the kitchen and serve your man. No wonder Donald Trump and other conservative christian Republican men love her. Up Next: Jan Brewer says that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Former Arizona Governor Jan 'Skeletor' Brewer says a woman's place is in the home serving her man and Donald Trump wholeheartedly agrees.
Former Arizona Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer announces her plans to set the women’s movement back one hundred years much to Republican frontrunner Donald Trump’s approval.

Cotton, Cotton; This Guy’s Rotten

We’re all familiar now with the name of Tom Cotton, the brash young Senator from Arkansas who stupidly authored a letter signed by 47 idiotic Republican Senators to the leaders of Iran behind President Obama’s back thus putting his negotiations with Iran on a possible nuclear deal in jeopardy and also committing treason. Well the wing nut Teabaggers in the Republican leadership are already trying to clear the way for a Cotton presidency in 2020. Yes, Cotton makes Teabagger darling Ted Cruz look good by comparison. Maybe that’s what the Republican plan is: to keep coming up with more insane candidates to make the previous lunatic look sane by comparison. Shut down the government; run for President. Commit treason; run for President. Just another day in the wacky, wonderful world of the GOP!

Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, to see if he 'dun gud'.
Author of the Iran Letter, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, on his job performance.

Speaking of stupidity, Ted Cruz has announced his candidacy for President in 2016 but apparently didn’t have the foresight to secure the domain name tedcruz.com. Yes, what a great leader he’ll be. Here’s a screenshot of the site tedcruz.com as of today. Hilarious!

tedcruz.com
tedcruz.com supports President Obama.