Tag Archive for president

Mister Fitness

Things are not going well lately for America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. His coronavirus response has been anemic as COVID-19 cases continues to escalate across the United States and the death toll mounts. His ‘comeback rally’ in Tulsa was a complete and total disaster. His poll numbers are tanking and Joe Biden has opened up a sizable lead, although we know better (see the 2016 presidential elections) than to completely trust polls especially four months before election day.

But probably the funniest thing that’s happened is the problems our fearless Leader has had with basic human motor functions. Much mockery has been made of Trump’s exit down a ramp from a West Point speech that made him appear “like a baby deer on a frozen pond”. During that same West Point speech, our orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist drank a glass of water like a toddler using his sippy cup. Normally, we wouldn’t mock elderly people who are having trouble. However, Trump has derided and mocked others every day of his clusterf*ck of a presidency while simultaneously bragging what a perfect human specimen he is. He has become so unhinged that he spent several minutes regaling the crowd of his domination of the water glass and his ramp descent like he had just single-handedly wrestled a hippo into submission in the Congo. He even drank a glass of water with one hand, to hoots and hollers from the small crowd. So, this is what it’s come to, folks; Trump supporters are cheering for and worshiping a man because he can drink a glass of water . . . with one hand. Yikes!!!

Yes, Donald Trump is Mister Fitness, America. We have no doubt that soon he’ll be boasting about running a mile under four . . . HOURS.

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, fittest President ever and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, amazes everyone with magnificent feats of derring-do like running a sub-four hour mile and drinking a glass of water with one hand.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, fittest President ever and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, amazes everyone with magnificent feats of derring-do like running a sub-four hour mile and drinking a glass of water with one hand.

Trump’s Tulsa Turdfest

How ’bout that rally in Tulsa? Talk about your turdfest! Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump really laid an egg Saturday night at his Nuremberg rally for his MÆGAMoron followers. The Tulsa fire department listed the attendance at 6,200, which is about 1/3 the 19,000 seat capacity for the BOK Center. Compare the actual turnout with the millions of ticket requests boasted by the Trump campaign and you can quickly surmise what a complete and total clusterf*ck this was.

What caused this hilarious debacle for the orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist? Tik-Tok users and K-pop fans are taking credit for the reduced crowd by claiming they submitted fake requests. Also contributing, the unrelenting march of COVID-19 with massive coronavirus spikes throughout the Sun Belt. Trump did himself no favors by requiring attendees to sign a liability waiver form absolving Trump of any responsibility if they get sick. Indeed, several Trump staffers tested positive for COVID-19 before and after the rally. Oooops!

Any way you slice it, Trump’s Tulsa rally was an unmitigated disaster. Or as this article puts it, Trump wanted mayhem but got meh instead. Excuse us if we have nothing but Schadenfreude about this fiasco. Could it be that the end of the Trump authoritarian regime is nigh? Only four more months to find out.

The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader's presence with overwhelming electric energy.
The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader’s presence with overwhelming electric energy.

Going Rogue!

Continuing with our ‘something completely different – get me the hell out of the nightmare year that is 2020’ photo-toon retrospective. . .

Remember when the craziest thing about the Republican party was Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin? Fun times! The Queen of Wasilla certainly made quite a ruckus when she published her book Going Rogue. Oh right. . . late Senator John McCain also chose her as his Vice Presidential candidate in 2008, which resulted in the rise of the Teabaggers in 2010. Ooops!!! Yeah, we never forgave McCain for that one.

Here’s a photo-toon from our October 28, 2008 issue featuring a certain beloved cartoon character moose who has fallen victim to a certain rogue hunter.

The United States is now a more dangerous place for a certain beloved cartoon character moose.
The United States is now a more dangerous place for a certain beloved cartoon character moose.

The Gods of Greed

The coronavirus pandemic is still wreaking havoc on the human population across the planet with the death rate at close to 6% globally. The United States now leads the world in coronavirus cases by a large margin with over 500,000 cases and in deaths with over 21,000. Not only has COVID-19 exposed the incompetence of the Trump administration, but it’s revealed the true abhorrent nature of right wing propaganda media outlets like Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, and has destroyed the myth of a strong economy that American CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has touted since day one of his clusterf*ck of a presidency.

Trump has taken over the media since the coronavirus outbreak and on a daily basis shown that he is a truly horrible, tone deaf, uncaring heel. He openly has pushed for the use of hydroxychloroquine as a possible cure for COVID-19 despite medical evidence to the contrary. He has openly tried to gaslight the public in saying that he was always concerned about the coronavirus pandemic when he clearly mocked the media for touting its danger back in January and February, calling it ‘the next democratic hoax’ and stating that the virus will go away by April. (Editor’s note – we were skeptical back then, too – but at least we’ll admit we underestimated the original situation). In typical Trumpian fashion, he has blamed everyone but himself. His daily briefings are nothing more than political rallies where he crows about what a fantastic job he’s doing and that his ratings are higher than ever. He even brought out the My Pillow guy to prop him up. In Trump’s warped mind, over 21,000 (that’s seven 9/11s, folks) deaths in a two month span is a good thing and apparently we should congratulate him. Remember when he tweeted in 2014 calling for Obama to resign because of his handling of Ebola which resulted in two American deaths. No hypocrisy there, eh?

Fox News has also been doing its part in the gaslighting of America, too. When the pandemic first broke back in February, they openly called it a hoax and nothing to worry about. Twenty-one thousand American deaths later, they’re walking back their comments like Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk. Trump bootlicker extraordinaire Sean Hannity even had the gaul to say that Fox has always been concerned about the coronavirus, conveniently forgetting that there are video records showing the contrary. Fortunately, they’re getting sued for spreading lies and misinformation to the American public about coronavirus. Will justice be served and Fox be driven into the ground? We can only hope, but like John Oliver recently revealed on his excellent show, there are more bat shit insane right wing networks like OAN waiting in the wings to take Fox’s place.

The true emptiness of our capitalistic society has also been exposed with this pandemic. People have been trying to make boatloads of money off the shortages of paper products from the panic buying last month in the very definition of disaster capitalism. The stock market has lost much of its gains of the Trump era despite billionaires pumping money into the voracious, insatiable maw of Wall Street. Pundits like tin foil hat king Glenn Beck have even put forth notions that people should sacrifice themselves in order to save the stock market. Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin has even suggested that people are going to die anyway, why not sacrifice yourself for the stockholders of America. And somehow, disgraced former Fox News propagandist and self-proclaimed history detective Bill O’Reilly has appeared back on the air and has been blathering the same kind of thing as Johnson saying that the deaths have been people who ‘were on their last legs anyway’. What a compassionate conservative christian!

That’s where we are, folks; our leaders and right wing media pundits are actually suggesting we lay down our lives for profit. For those christians out there, is this what Jesus would do? With the coronavirus pandemic, we now know that to the Republican party, certain people in America (a.k.a. the non 1%ers) just don’t matter and they should sacrifice themselves on the altar of capitalism in order to appease the Gods of Greed; the capitalistic overlords on Wall Street and plutocrats of corporate America.

The Gods of Greed: In order to save his precious stock market while simultaneously improving his all-important TV ratings, American CEO/Dictator and top notch medical professional Donald Trump and his horde of sycophantic Republican lackeys try to convince the American populace that granny and gramps must sacrifice themselves to the coronavirus pandemic on the altar of capitalism in order to save the lives of our greedy corporate overlords and the avaricious plutocratic gods on Wall Street. Rated R for Rapacious.
The Gods of Greed: In order to save his precious stock market while simultaneously improving his all-important TV ratings, American CEO/Dictator and top notch medical professional Donald Trump and his horde of sycophantic Republican lackeys try to convince the American populace that granny and gramps must sacrifice themselves to the coronavirus pandemic on the altar of capitalism in order to save the lives of our greedy corporate overlords and the avaricious plutocratic gods on Wall Street. Rated R for Rapacious.

The Virus Whisperer

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump ratcheted up his audacity to yet another level of absurdity this past week. Upset that his precious stock market gains were being erased by the coronavirus, our grown-up Bart Simpson President proclaimed that things will officially be back to normal by Easter, which caused countless simultaneous facepalms by health professionals throughout the world. This shouldn’t be surprising since Trump was pretty pissed off that Hurricane Dorian changed course last year and made dear Leader look bad.

Trump’s colossal ego and narcissism is not only boundless but dangerous. His delusion that he’s somehow on equal footing as scientists and doctors produced a drastic result this past week as an Arizona man died taking chloroquine phosphate, a derivative of an anti-malaria drug cholorquine that Trump touted as being a possible cure for coronavirus, which again prompted a multitude of facepalms from science professionals. You can’t just tell a virus what to do no more than you can tell a hurricane what to do, but don’t tell that to ‘master scientist’ Trump. Apparently, he thinks he’s some kind of virus whisperer. Fortunately, Dr. Anthony Fauci, one the country’s leading disease experts and a member of Trump’s coronavirus team, stepped up and said that the virus makes the timeline not humans. We’re predicting that with that kind of attitude toward facts, truth and honesty, Dr. Fauci may not be on Trump’s team much longer.

Trump’s choice of Easter is also very telling of another group in his base that he’s trying to appease; the evangelical christians. Remember: he’s got holier-than-thou rapture freaks Mike Pence, Mike Pompeo and Bill Barr in his administration. What better symbolism could you ask for than having America reborn from a horrible scourge on Easter, the day Jesus ‘resurrected from the dead’. Trump says he even wants to pack the churches with the faithful to celebrate. As we mentioned in our last post, we have no doubt Trump will politicize the coronavirus for the upcoming election. If everything appears to be fine by Easter then he will proclaim it to be an ‘Easter miracle’ and he will appear even more like ‘the chosen one’ to his brain dead zombie followers.

Actually, we have no problem with Trumpty Dumpty’s plan of packing the churches on Easter. Just ignore stories of pastors who thought coronavirus was a hoax and died or an entire congregation who met at a church event resulting in three dozens infections. It’s just fake news. Trump knows best. If Trump’s MAGA supporters want to defy doctors and scientists and gather together and spread the COVID-19 to other sheeple in the flock, then we here at the Bucket say go right ahead. Let Jesus take the wheel. When you get sick, just don’t go to the ‘evil’ scientists or doctors for help; just hunker down and pray to God or Donald Trump to be magically cured. Yeah . . . that will work well.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it's killing and endangering innocent people, but because it's lowering his precious stock market gains.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, bestest scientist ever, virus whisperer and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, gets tough with coronavirus, not because it’s killing and endangering innocent people, but because it’s lowering his precious stock market gains.

Coronavirusing The Election

The coronavirus pandemic has brought out the strangeness of humanity. On one hand you have the Italian people singing from balconies in a touching effort to stay connected with each other. On the other hand, for some strange reason, people are hoarding toilet paper and acting like this is the apocalypse, which has now caused problems with the sewers in California with people using alternatives. The stock market has lost just about all its gains from the Trump era. Not only that, Republicans are somehow embracing socialism, proposing sending every American one thousand dollars to deal with the crisis.

While Covid-19 has wreaked havoc on the world, Vladimir Putin has pulled strings in Russia so that he will remain President until 2036. Hell, let’s just call this what it is: President-for-life(a.k.a.dictator) . . . and quite possibly even after his death (we’re sure he’ll find a way). This is hardly the actions of a healthy democracy now is it. Speaking of healthy, Russia seems to avoiding coronavirus surprisingly well. Hmmmmmm….

Yet we have no doubt that America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump is green with envy about his man crush Putin. Trumpty Dumpty has hinted on more than one occasion about how being ‘president for life’ would be a wonderful thing for America. The Republicans have been working feverishly to enact voter suppression laws across America. Last week we saw that fear of coronavirus kept some people away from primaries and many states are even postponing their presidential primary elections. Reports have indicated that Covid-19 may come in waves so that we will have to be on guard until next year. Could it be that Trump, in an effort to keep power, cancels the 2020 election due to a serious coronavirus wave outbreak? If it sounds evil and vile, then you can bet Republicans are probably going to do it. The Republican-led Senate just gave Trump a free pass on impeachment despite him being guilty as hell, thus suspending rule of law, checks and balances and democracy. So, Trump can do whatever he wants. Republicans under Bush tried to create a perpetual war with its war on terrorism after 9/11. Now with many waves of coronavirus possible and the American public panicking like never before, Republicans will absolutely politicize the hell of it because if there’s one thing the GOP knows how to do, it’s fearmonger.

Keep the sheeple scared and keep ’em away from the polls! Yep, Trump’s definitely angling to join the President for Life club with his pal Vlad and his Republican sycophants are no doubt going to do their damnedest to try and make it happen.

Upon seeing how scared the American sheeple have become due to the coronavirus, America's Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump reveals that he'll just cancel the 2020 election so that he will be President for life and beyond, just like his hero and man crush Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Upon seeing how scared the American sheeple have become due to the coronavirus, America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump reveals a plan that will enable him to be President for life and beyond, just like his hero and man crush Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Our Simpson-esque Man Child Dictator

We received this week for the umpty-ninth time of the Trump administration a glaring colossal reason why America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump should not be re-elected. In a televised speech to the nation, Trumpty Dumpty in typical Trumpian fashion failed to admit any fault in his response to the coronavirus and instead of calming the nerves of people worldwide, prompted more panic as stock markets again plunged Thursday morning. That’s almost an 8,000 point drop since mid February, folks; basically erasing any stock market gains since 2017. And remember: the ‘strength’ of the stock market was supposedly Trump’s mightiest accomplishment. Ooops!

A hallmark of the Trump presidency is that he constantly boasts how everybody loves him, what a stable genius he is and that ‘some people’ proclaim that he’s the greatest president in history. This monstrous narcissism was on display last week at a press conference at the CDC where our orange-haired megalomaniac blathered on about how a relative of his was a ‘super-genius’ and how scientists were coming up and telling him how smart he was and that he’s got ‘a natural ability’. Scientist, doctors and engineers around the world collectively vomited at this point. Trump’s vanity and ego truly know no bounds!

We’ve noted Trump’s resemblance to perpetual cartoon brat back in 2016 when we did a photo-toon explaining the 2016 election, Simpsons style with Hillary Clinton as Lisa and Trump as Bart. Trump’s constant boasting over the last three years reminds us of a classic episode of the Simpsons in Season 4 (Lisa’s First Word) when a little two year old Bart paraded around the house banging a pot proclaiming to all within earshot “I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me! I am so great!” Or here’s a hilarious 10 minute loop of Bart’s proclamation. (We’ve also embedded the vids below.) Gee, sound familiar? Yes, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump certainly does bear a striking resemblance to rotten little imp Bart Simpson. Cowabunga, dude!

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, bears a striking resemblance to rotten, little imp Bart Simpson from the Simpsons and has even adopted walking around proclaiming loudly to all how great he is.
Donald Trump proclaiming his greatness to all.
Donald Trump perpetually proclaiming his greatness.

Rewind: A Promise Too Far

The 2020 presidential election has become clearer in the past week with the results of Super Tuesday. Joe Biden won a clear victory and is now the front runner with Bernie Sanders not too far behind in second place. Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar have bowed out and given their support to Biden. Unfortunately, for all Americans, Elizabeth Warren, the smartest candidate running in this election, has also called it quits. So, basically it’s a two horse race between a couple senior citizens; one a corporatist, one a social democrat. We’ve got the funny feeling that once again, despite having a myriad of social programs(Medicare, Social Security, etc…) already in place, Americans are still having a collective brain fart on social democracy and socialism.

Honestly, we prefer the Warren-Sanders wing of the Democrat Party. However, although we here at the Bucket are progressive independents, we are voting for whomever the Democratic nominee is, just like we have for the past twenty-eight years. Just look at the Trump administration in addition to the Bush administration (not to mention the first Bush and the Reagan administrations) and you’ll understand why we’ll never vote for another Republican as long as we live. But we’ve been around long enough to know that Joe Biden is not the perfect candidate. Let’s face it, folks; Biden likes to bullshit and he’s a big time gaffe master. If there’s a chance he’ll stick his foot in his mouth or tell embarrassing tall tales, he will. Back in 2008 when Obama named Biden his VP, we collectively slapped our foreheads and said “Oh, oh!” But thankfully, Biden turned out to be a commendable Vice President. He is a good, honorable man who will do the right thing for all Americans. But, he will also do and say some stupid things along the way, guaranteed. So, don’t let the conservative corporate media or Fox News Republican propaganda machine fool you. Yes, Biden’s having senior moments, but then again Trumpty Dumpty is outpacing Uncle Joe on that front by a country mile. Donald Trump is by the far the WORST choice for America and the world and he proves it on a daily basis.

Here’s a photo-toon from our March 7, 2009 issue, where Obama assures the American populace that Biden will not insert his foot into his mouth while Uncle Joe has some reservations about that prospect.

President Obama may have made one promise he can't keep. concerning Vice President and gaffe master Joe Biden.
President Obama may have made one promise he can’t keep.

We’re Not Living On Tulsi Time

With all the drama of the impeachment unfolding on a day to day basis, the Democratic presidential primaries have been pushed to the back burner.
Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren continue to be the front runners, with Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Yang and Amy Klobuchar still hanging on with the Iowa caucuses just a week away.

One name that is amazingly still in the race despite anemic poll numbers is the curious case of Tulsi Gabbard. It has been suggested by Hillary Clinton that she’s a Russian agent, which has caused Gabbard to sue Clinton for defamation. Former candidate Kamala Harris scolded her for her criticism of Obama and her fellow Democrats. Is she a Russian plant? We don’t know, but her vote of ‘Present’ during the historic impeachment vote certainly didn’t quash the rumors and she announced she won’t seek re-election for her congressional seat in heavily Democratic Hawaii. As a matter of fact, Ms. Gabbard is now the most disliked Democrat. Why would any sane, rational person who has been conscious the past three years vote against impeachment, especially when the evidence is so overwhelming that the President abused his power and obstructed Congress (not to mention obstructed justice as the Mueller report volume 2 concluded)? Trump certainly approved of her vote.

So, what’s Tulsi’s game then? Is she a contrarian who just likes to criticize others in her party to bring attention to herself? She does support Bernie Sanders, who is a social democrat. She has strongly advocated most of the progressive Democrat’s issues in the past. But then again lately, she does seem to talk a lot like a Republican. She has also been sympathetic to Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. Ms. Gabbard appeared regularly on Fox News during the Obama administration and cozied up to Trump and Steve Bannon.


So, really . . . what is Ms. Gabbard’s deal? What’s her motivation? What the hell is she up to? We here at the Bucket think it’s something more egotistical. We think that the enigma that is Ms. Gabbard sees that the stairwell to the Democratic nomination is blocked and will be for many years to come with every Democrat currently still running polling well ahead of her. Like Reagan and Trump, (both former Democrats), the possibility exists that she could get the Republican nomination if she switches parties. Her vote against Trump’s impeachment certainly endeared her to Trump’s nutbag supporters and her approval is very strong from conservative males (gee, go figure that! . . . see the saga of Sarah Palin). Plus, she’s from a heavily Democratic state. Look at all the fawning Democrats do over moderate Republicans from heavily Republican states who side (or appear to side) with Dems (the late John McCain, Susan Collins, Spiff Romney) and you’ll get it. You have to have a gynormous ego to run for president, and Ms. Gabbard certainly is developing a colossal one. Since she has absolutely no chance to win the Democratic nomination in 2020, here’s our bold and fearless, purely comedic conjecture prediction for Ms. Gabbard: she runs for President as a Republican in 2024. Remember: we predicted a Ralph Nader landslide in the 2004 election so . . . yeah . . . we’re . . . probably . . . wrong.

Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard's presidential ambitions may be so great that she'd switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she'd get the blessings of America's current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!
Could it be that Tulsi Gabbard’s presidential ambitions may be so great that she’d switch parties in 2024, and because of her impeachment vote, she’d get the blessings of America’s current CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his following of nutcase supporters? Stay tuned, folks!

Nobody Knows The Trouble Trump’s Seen

America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has been impeached by the Democratic controlled House of Representatives and the Republicans are in full, whiny, crybaby persecution mode. They’ve done everything from having a moment of silence for the 63 million people who voted for Trump in 2016 (what about the 66 million who voted for Clinton or the 8 million who voted for third party candidates!) to one GOP congressman from Georgia actually comparing Trump’s impeachment to the trials and tribulations of Jesus. Jesus Christ!!! What a load of malarkey!!!!

We’ve droned on forever about how hypocritical the evangelical, conservative christian sheeple are for supporting Trump but this takes the cake. At least one christian magazine has come forward and openly supports impeaching the orange-haired megalomaniac. Maybe, just maybe, this will start a backlash that will start christians waking up and realizing that Trump is nothing more than a golden calf. Yeah right!!! But hey, it’s the supposedly ‘magical’ holiday season – we can dream can’t we!

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, admits that American CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s impeachment is much worse than his crucifixion and offers him some affluent advice for healing his pain and suffering.