Well, Dr. Ooooze has been trying to convince people that he is an ‘everyman’ instead of a rich, spoiled hoidy-toid. First of all, he told people in an interview that he had only two houses to sound like a normal middle class American because doesn’t every American have two houses. LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE!He has at least ten properties, which certainly places him in an elitist category. One house is 9,000 square feet and another is 7,000 square feet! Who needs that much?! A greedy, materialistic, corporatist quack, that’s who. Next, Dr. Ooooze goes grocery shopping to complain about high prices and starts asking around for the crudité. Now we here at the Bucket didn’t know what the hell crudité was. Fortunately, Dr. Ooooze’s opponent Democrat John Fetterman trolled him royally by presenting a veggie tray. That’s right, folks. Crudité is just a fancy veggie tray. So much for the bad doctor being a regular guy. Like we’ve said before, Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil are Oprah’s two biggest mistakes. Hopefully, Pennsylvanians will realize what a huckster and clown Ooooze is and send him packing back to his real home in New Jersey or one of his other nine properties.
So we don’t know what Trump and Mike Pence have been smoking but they are seriously delusional. About the only group (other than Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network) that Trump has won the respect of are professional clowns. That is because the daily actions of the orange haired man-child in the White House are making them look like rank amateurs.
Clowns have nothing but respect for the Grand Poobah of buffoons, American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, whose daily actions make them look like rank amateurs.
We’re also thinking that ol’ Marcobot may have some defective chips in his circuitry or a defective operating system, because this legislation does not compute.
Smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, and Marcobot 2017, replete with defective logic and circuitry, guarantee further Benghazi like attacks with their idiotic bill that will cut funding for security 50 percent for embassies throughout the world.
As predicted, the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 is living up to expectations. The Donald no longer is the front runner and there is a new flavor of the month in the lead. That distinction now belongs to famed evangelical neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Unbelievably, this man has risen to the top of the GOP heap and in some polls(we suspect extremely errant polls) he’s even ahead of Hilary Clinton. Of course, all this despite Dr. Carson uttering the most non-sensical crap ever to spew forth from a presidential candidate’s mouth. But then you can never be too crazy with this year’s candidates in the Republican clown car. Seriously folks, the things that Carson has said are just mind-blowingly inane.
In addition, it has recently been documented how that his house is basically a temple to himself. This follows along with the prosperity gospel being taught by many of today’s evangelical preachers, which is why the christian Tea Baggers are nuts for him…you know…because he believes in Jeebus. This despite his actions and viewpoints being mostly against anything Jesus ever said or did. But christians are authoritarians and when someone in authority, like Dr. Carson, says something, the good little sheep believe and obey. And of course, the authoritarian dictating his doctrines, like Dr. Carson, believes the truth is whatever he says it is.
Do Americans really want this chronic fibber as their leader? Well Dubya was president for eight years, so maybe they miss all the lies and deceptions. America is pretty dysfunctional in that respect. We’ve got another year to go in this travesty of democracy so we guess anything can happen. Maybe Jim Gilmore will come out of nowhere and be the next Republican flavor of the month.
New GOP frontrunner, Dr. Ben Carson, proclaims to all his evangelical Teabagger sheeple that the truth is pretty much what he says it is.
That Republican clown car is getting roomier and roomier. Scott Walker has exited the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. This one is a bit of a shocker for us here at the Bucket. Walker was one of the darlings of the deep pocketed (or is it derp pocketed) Koch brothers. We figured he would be in it until the Republican convention. But his poll numbers dropped to less than 1%, so he decided to walk. We’ll sum up his departure simply; a simple photo-toon for a simple man.
Scott Walker sums up his 2016 presidential campaign in true Walkeresque fashion.
Well there’s a little more elbow room in the Republican clown car tonight, as former Texas governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Of course, the writing was on the wall, since it was reported recently that his staff wasn’t getting paid. We here at the Bucket have concluded that despite his makeover with smarter looking glasses, they just weren’t smart looking enough. Better luck in 2020, Poindexter.
Former Texas governor Rick Perry vows to run for President again in 2020 with smarter looking glasses and a much pointier clown hat.
So Donald Trump, fresh from his comments on breastfeeding women, is the front runner of the Republican party with a meager 15 months left before the elections? Wow! What are we going to do? We guess that everyone should buy a tarp to protect themselves from all the bullshit that’s being propelled by the media, who are actually giving credibility to this con job. But then again this is Con-a-thon 2016. What else should we expect?
The Republicans are masters of propaganda and the art of the con. They’ve learned their lessons from 2012 and 2008. That’s why they’ve got the clown car filled with sixteen candidates; just enough flavor-of-the-months to get through to November 2016. In case you haven’t figured it out, the GOP establishment, mainly the Koch Brothers, have decided that Jeb Bush and Scott Walker are the best candidates. So to protect these guys from actual scrutiny, they’ve got fourteen other candidates to sacrifice themselves for the Republican cause by saying outrageous statements that make the other guys in the clown car appear to be sane. Donald Trump is just the first. Do you honestly think ‘the Donald’ will be selected to be the standard bearer for the Republican party? It looks like Mike Huckabee could be the second with his statements about Obama putting the Jews in the oven with the Iran deal. We know from 2012 that Rick ‘the Dick’ Santorum is good for several months worth of spewing forth crap and Chris Christie is chock full of hot air. Just look at him for Pete’s sake! And then there’s Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul…it’s a cornucopia of blithering insanity. But in the end, the Republicans will put another Bush on the ticket and America will be stuck with another media anointed Bush-Clinton election. Freedom of choice in America? The Con is On!
Donald Trump's outrageous statements about immigrants, John McCain and breastfeeding women make the other candidates in the Republican clown car appear sane.
This was one of our favorite features back in the day. This is from our October 6, 2006 issue.
A favorite feature nowadays in many papers across the country is one presenting local citizens who claim that they look like well known celebrities. Well we here at the Bucket know a lame-ass idea when we see it. We’ve asked residents of Cactus Corners, Arizona which celebrity they resemble. The results will astound you!
WARNING – You’re not seeing double folks!
Phyllis Forman:The gals in my canasta club think I’m a dead ringer for Madonna; especially when I’m wearing my black leather equestrian gear.
Boyd Schnee:I think they’re just messing with me but the guys down at the gym say I look exactly like Michael Jordan.
Zippy:I don’t care what the other dogs in the Kennel Club say; Rin Tin Tin and I could be twins!
Nimrod the Clown:I’m always stopped by people on the street who mistake me for President Bush.