Tag Archive for Oprah

Rewind: Talk Show Burnout?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Let’s face it, folks – television is not what it used to be. Reality television SUCKS and the daytime talk shows are just a revolving door of SUCKAGE. We can’t watch two seconds of any daytime talk show without flipping the channel for something else . . . anything else . . . even commercials! Back in the early eighties, there were only a couple talk shows like Donahue and Sally Jesse Raphael. Then Oprah conquered the airwaves which brought a massive influx of semi-celebrities trying to duplicate her success. Then hosts like Maury Povich, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones came on the scene and television was officially swirling the drain. We’ve often marveled at the people in the audience, especially Springer gawkers and wondered why the hell they’d want to be in the audience and watch this bilge in person. Surely, they must be paid to sit through these crapfests. Which brings us to our article published on December 22, 2006 where we speculate on the very real phenomenon of professional talk show audience member burnout. Maybe folks at The View will cover this important issue in a future show.

Professional Talk Show Audience Member Burns Out

Marla Donnelly, a professional audience member for talk shows ranging from Maury to Dr. Phil has resigned from her position citing exhaustion. She is the third professional audience member in the last three weeks to quit her position. Larry Dawson quit in early December and Kathy Corcoran quit last week.

“I just couldn’t do it anymore,” said a sullen Donnelly. “I mean that last Oprah’s Favorite Things giveaway was grueling, but then Ellen had her 12 Days of Giveaways. I mean a person can only get so excited about a cappuccino maker. I don’t even drink coffee so it was really tough screaming like a banshee when I saw it. Then we were asked to have an orgasm over towels from Ye Olde Hardware Shoppe. Towels for Pete’s sake! I just couldn’t be a screaming Mimi anymore. I had to get out of there.”

Dawson agrees with Donnelly. “I had to take time off because I just couldn’t fake enthusiasm when inside I felt like vomiting. I was doing the Maury show last month and I’m telling you, after the tenth failed paternity test, you just stop caring. Come on! The woman’s a slut if she can’t even pick out the father out of ten guys. These women are worse than Paris and Britney combined. And don’t even get me started on Springer. If I never see another love tryst between a redneck, his three hundred pound wife and his transvestite lover, it will be too soon.”

Corcoran said, “What did me in was the Rachael Ray Show. That rotating platform made me nauseous. Plus we had to applaud every time she added a pinch of cayenne pepper or dash of oregano. I’m sorry, oregano just isn’t that exciting. Not only that, Rachael was just too damn perky. No one’s that perky. Not even Katie Couric was that perky. At the end of one of her shows, I was ready to kill and I sing in my church choir.”

“It’s not surprising,” said audience member manager, Fay Goodman. “It’s not easy these days being an audience talk show member. Back in the old days, there was just Donahue. Then Oprah came on, then Springer, then Jenny Jones. Then everybody and their brother were getting talk shows. Remember Tempestt Bledsoe’s show? Or Charles Perez’s show? Thankfully, most of us have forgotten those timewasters. Now there are so many different shows on so many different networks. I know several of these women rush from Emeril to Martha and then over to Montel. It can really be quite grueling.”

Donnelly however didn’t rule out a return in the future. “I know I’m tired of the routine now but you never really get it out of your system. I know that sometime in the future, I’ll be watching Oprah and I’ll instinctively jump off the couch and start screaming like a howler monkey and send my seventeen cats up the draperies. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

Let Them Eat Crudité

We take a brief detour from our coverage on Arizona’s insane GOP politicians to cover the unfortunate Senate campaign of one of Oprah’s creations, Dr. Mehmut Oz, who is running for Senator in Pennsylvania and is approved by TFG. We’ve commented before about this charlatan with a stethoscope when he famously said that children dying from COVID was acceptable during the pandemic in the summer of 2020. He’s already received tons of criticism for living in New Jersey and running in Pennsylvania. He’s also backed some sketchy health care solutions as well using his fame to push said products. But the bad doctor really stepped in some dog doo recently.

Well, Dr. Ooooze has been trying to convince people that he is an ‘everyman’ instead of a rich, spoiled hoidy-toid. First of all, he told people in an interview that he had only two houses to sound like a normal middle class American because doesn’t every American have two houses. LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE! LIE! He has at least ten properties, which certainly places him in an elitist category. One house is 9,000 square feet and another is 7,000 square feet! Who needs that much?! A greedy, materialistic, corporatist quack, that’s who. Next, Dr. Ooooze goes grocery shopping to complain about high prices and starts asking around for the crudité. Now we here at the Bucket didn’t know what the hell crudité was. Fortunately, Dr. Ooooze’s opponent Democrat John Fetterman trolled him royally by presenting a veggie tray. That’s right, folks. Crudité is just a fancy veggie tray. So much for the bad doctor being a regular guy. Like we’ve said before, Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil are Oprah’s two biggest mistakes. Hopefully, Pennsylvanians will realize what a huckster and clown Ooooze is and send him packing back to his real home in New Jersey or one of his other nine properties.

Overrated doctor and clown politician Dr. Mehmet Oz recently tried to show everyone what a regular guy he was by shopping for some crudité at his local grocers, while maybe adding some foie gras, pinot noir and Grey Poupon, of course.
Overrated doctor and clown politician Dr. Mehmet Oz recently tried to show everyone what a regular guy he was by shopping for some crudité at his local grocers, while maybe adding some foie gras, pinot noir and Grey Poupon, of course.

The Derp Doctors

Last week, Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, trotted out two famous television doctors, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, to spew forth reasons why America should open up the economy despite nationally, being nowhere close to flattening the curve of the coronavirus pandemic. Both doctors, surprisingly enough, got their big break from the queen of all media Oprah Winfrey. Staff member Chester Einstein has always been a huge fan of Ms. Winfrey, but when it comes to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, he’s reduced to twiddling his lips. Quoting Chester, “These guys are clowns!” And from what these TV physicians said last week, we’re inclined to agree. As a matter of fact, we think they’re Oprah’s two biggest mistakes.

First, Dr. Phil. We’ve always thought his folksy prescriptions for living a better life were a bit reminiscent of a snake oil salesman. We even created a BilgeBucket list of Dr. Phils folksiest pieces of advice bullshit for improving your life. We’re particularly fond of ” If you can con Oprah into thinking you know something, start pricing solid gold houses .” Remember, she was hoodwinked by author James Frey. Anyway, Dr. Phil started making ill-advised and completely inappropriate comparisons of COVID-19 deaths to swimming pool, auto accident and smoking deaths. He stated basically that people die all the time, why not just open up the country.

Dr. Oz made a similar tone deaf argument stating that we need to open up schools as soon as possible, saying that a 2-3% death rate for children might be considered acceptable. Really!!!??? This quack has already been backpedaling on his comments about hydroxychloroquine. Now this blubbering bonehead, along with Dr. Phil are moonwalking more than Michael Jackson. One thing’s for sure: Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz are now America’s Derp Doctors. Trust them at your own risk, America.

Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America's Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.
Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America’s Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.

Dr. Phil’s Top Ways To Improve Your Life

Here’s a BilgeBucket List from April 26, 2006.

Dr. Phil McGraw has taken television and America by storm. Thanks to his exposure on The Oprah Winfrey Show, he was given his own television show in 2002. He’s even appeared in that crowd pleasing movie, Scary Movie 4. Every afternoon, Dr. Phil offers folksy advice for living to troubled, depressed, and gullible viewers. He’s also written several books offering common sense counseling to the confused masses. We’ve read up on Dr. Phil’s pearls of wisdom over the years and we’ve come up with a list of his top no nonsense ways to improve your life.

  • To live you have to breathe air
  • Get your turkey out of the oven or it’s going to get burnt
  • If you stub your toe, don’t amputate your foot
  • People do what they got to do
  • Life is shit when you really look at it (Ooops…Sorry that’s Monty Python)
  • Don’t gorge yourself on Cheezits when you can fill yourself up with Cool Ranch Doritos
  • Don’t pull out until you are completely finished
  • Remember what the dormouse said: “Feed your head”
  • Do or do not; there is no try (Ooops…Sorry that’s Yoda)
  • Dream big but not too big; you don’t want do better than ol’ Dr. Phil now do you? DO YOU?!!!
  • Don’t manage your life; live it
  • You can’t just live your life; you’ve got to manage it
  • You’re hopeless; just buy my books
  • You’re not hopeless; just buy my books
  • Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war (Ooops…Sorry that’s Donald Rumsfeld)
  • If you can con Oprah into thinking you know something, start pricing solid gold houses
  • There’s a stupid cliché for every situation; memorize them and use them every chance you get
  •  If you haven’t watched my television show, you can’t possibly be happy yet
  • Nothing is your fault; it’s all Bill Clinton’s fault