Tag Archive for Oprah

The Derp Doctors

Last week, Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, trotted out two famous television doctors, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, to spew forth reasons why America should open up the economy despite nationally, being nowhere close to flattening the curve of the coronavirus pandemic. Both doctors, surprisingly enough, got their big break from the queen of all media Oprah Winfrey. Staff member Chester Einstein has always been a huge fan of Ms. Winfrey, but when it comes to Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz, he’s reduced to twiddling his lips. Quoting Chester, “These guys are clowns!” And from what these TV physicians said last week, we’re inclined to agree. As a matter of fact, we think they’re Oprah’s two biggest mistakes.

First, Dr. Phil. We’ve always thought his folksy prescriptions for living a better life were a bit reminiscent of a snake oil salesman. We even created a BilgeBucket list of Dr. Phils folksiest pieces of advice bullshit for improving your life. We’re particularly fond of ” If you can con Oprah into thinking you know something, start pricing solid gold houses .” Remember, she was hoodwinked by author James Frey. Anyway, Dr. Phil started making ill-advised and completely inappropriate comparisons of COVID-19 deaths and swimming pool, auto accident of smoking deaths. He stated basically that people die all the time, why not just open up the country.

Dr. Oz made a similar tone deaf argument stating that we need to open up schools as soon as possible, saying that a 2-3% death rate for children might be considered acceptable. Really!!!??? This quack has already been backpedaling on his comments about hydroxychloroquine. Now this blubbering bonehead, along with Dr. Phil are moonwalking more than Michael Jackson. One thing’s for sure: Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz are now America’s Derp Doctors. Trust them at your own risk, America.

Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America's Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.
Oprah discoveries Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have officially become America’s Derp Doctors with their tone deaf prescriptions for opening up the economy despite the coronavirus curve not even being close to flattening.

Dr. Phil’s Top Ways To Improve Your Life


Here’s a BilgeBucket List from April 26, 2006.

Dr. Phil McGraw has taken television and America by storm. Thanks to his exposure on The Oprah Winfrey Show, he was given his own television show in 2002. He’s even appeared in that crowd pleasing movie, Scary Movie 4. Every afternoon, Dr. Phil offers folksy advice for living to troubled, depressed, and gullible viewers. He’s also written several books offering common sense counseling to the confused masses. We’ve read up on Dr. Phil’s pearls of wisdom over the years and we’ve come up with a list of his top no nonsense ways to improve your life.

  • To live you have to breathe air
  • Get your turkey out of the oven or it’s going to get burnt
  • If you stub your toe, don’t amputate your foot
  • People do what they got to do
  • Life is shit when you really look at it (Ooops…Sorry that’s Monty Python)
  • Don’t gorge yourself on Cheezits when you can fill yourself up with Cool Ranch Doritos
  • Don’t pull out until you are completely finished
  • Remember what the dormouse said: “Feed your head”
  • Do or do not; there is no try (Ooops…Sorry that’s Yoda)
  • Dream big but not too big; you don’t want do better than ol’ Dr. Phil now do you? DO YOU?!!!
  • Don’t manage your life; live it
  • You can’t just live your life; you’ve got to manage it
  • You’re hopeless; just buy my books
  • You’re not hopeless; just buy my books
  • Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war (Ooops…Sorry that’s Donald Rumsfeld)
  • If you can con Oprah into thinking you know something, start pricing solid gold houses
  • There’s a stupid cliché for every situation; memorize them and use them every chance you get
  •  If you haven’t watched my television show, you can’t possibly be happy yet
  • Nothing is your fault; it’s all Bill Clinton’s fault