Tag Archive for evolution

Ben Carson: Truth Doctor

As predicted, the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 is living up to expectations. The Donald no longer is the front runner and there is a new flavor of the month in the lead. That distinction now belongs to famed evangelical neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Unbelievably, this man has risen to the top of the GOP heap and in some polls(we suspect extremely errant polls) he’s even ahead of Hilary Clinton. Of course, all this despite Dr. Carson uttering the most non-sensical crap ever to spew forth from a presidential candidate’s mouth. But then you can never be too crazy with this year’s candidates in the Republican clown car. Seriously folks, the things that Carson has said are just mind-blowingly inane.

It appears that Dr. Carson is a pathological fabricator. He claims that he was excessively violent as an ‘impoverished’ child but no one who knew him back then can corroborate his story. He also falsely claimed to have applied for and been accepted to West Point. And this so called man of science doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks the Big Bang is a fairy tale.

In addition, it has recently been documented how that his house is basically a temple to himself. This follows along with the prosperity gospel being taught by many of today’s evangelical preachers, which is why the christian Tea Baggers are nuts for him…you know…because he believes in Jeebus. This despite his actions and viewpoints being mostly against anything Jesus ever said or did. But christians are authoritarians and when someone in authority, like Dr. Carson, says something, the good little sheep believe and obey. And of course, the authoritarian dictating his doctrines, like Dr. Carson, believes the truth is whatever he says it is.

Do Americans really want this chronic fibber as their leader? Well Dubya was president for eight years, so maybe they miss all the lies and deceptions. America is pretty dysfunctional in that respect. We’ve got another year to go in this travesty of democracy so we guess anything can happen. Maybe Jim Gilmore will come out of nowhere and be the next Republican flavor of the month.

Dr. Ben Carson explains that the Pyramids were for storing grain and the Great Wall of China was a big roller coaster much to the delight of his evangelical Teabagger followers.

New GOP frontrunner, Dr. Ben Carson, proclaims to all his evangelical Teabagger sheeple that the truth is pretty much what he says it is.

The Prankin’ Pope

Pope Francis has become a very popular pope among the world’s catholics and non-catholics alike. Since he’s become pope he’s come out with some pretty bold, controversial statements criticizing capitalism, supporting evolution, supporting the big bang, acknowledging gay rights and stating that climate change is real. It’s gotten such that even tea party darling Sarah Palin has commented how liberal the pope has sounded. (Wow, imagine that…a pope acting liberal, just like Jesus!)

We here at the Bucket are atheists and while we give Papa Francisco some props for his views on capitalism and his ‘evolution’ on scientific matters, we think he’s still way off on many issues such as women’s rights, birth control and of course, the whole God thing. But what annoys us the most isn’t the pope; it’s about the majority of humans, not only in this country but worldwide. Scientists have been touting evolution, the big bang, climate change and other scientific discoveries and facts  for years and nobody listens. Scientists base their findings on solid data and evidence gathered over many years using the scientific method and religious people reply to this with an ‘oh I’m skeptical’ reply, ignoring the implausibility of their own ‘beliefs’. And yet Papa Francisco, who knows far less about science than your average scientist, comes out and says climate change and evolution are real, and suddenly, all the sheeple say, ‘Oh maybe there is something to this.’ So humanity won’t listen to people who actually know something about how the universe works but they’ll listen to somebody like the pope, who in our opinion, knows little about how the universe functions. Hmmm, could that be why the world is in such a colossal mess?

But wouldn’t it be funny if Papa Francisco’s next bombshell for the sheeple was that the whole God thing was… a prank. Move over Ashton Kutcher; we’ve got a new Punk Master!

Pope Francis states that there's no God and that the sheeple have been pranked for the last two thousand years for fun and profit.

Pope Francis reveals his latest bombshell to his pliant, unquestioning flock.

 

Sermon On The Pterodactyl

Recently, Bill Nye debated creationist Ken Ham at the Creation Museum on creationism vs. evolution. We here at the Bucket are fans of Bill Nye and we applaud his efforts to teach science, logic and reason to the American people, who in general are severely lacking in scientific understanding (80% Americans actually believe in angels). Now, we’re really impressed with him because  92% of respondents in a Christian Today poll concluded that Nye won the debate. Even conservative christian wing nut poster boy Pat Robertson said that Ken Ham should just shut up. So kudos to Bill Nye for having the patience to debate a narrow minded doofus, because if it were any of us here at the Bucket, we would have just said ‘screw it’ and thumped Ham over the head with an oversized cartoon mallet.

Ken Ham explains how Jesus rode a pterodactyl and Peter rode Dino to an incredulous Bill Nye.

Bill Nye realizes the futility in trying to explain scientific principles, reasoning and logic to a narrow minded clown.

Santorum, Kansas: Proudly Entering the Stone Age

It looks like Rick “Google Me” Santorum has won the Kansas caucuses in the sham that is… Con-a-thon 2012. Yes a whopping 1% of the population in Kansas cast their votes Saturday and Mr. Santorum tallied an impressive 15,000 votes. Wow! Can you feel the excitement?! It’s like the ‘Joe-Mentum’ of Joe Lieberman all over again.

Of course it’s not surprising that Santorum won Kansas given it’s recent history of supporting teaching creationism…oops…I mean ‘intelligent design’ in its schools alongside evolution. And according to creationism…oops…I mean ‘intelligent design’ the world is only a few thousand years old and stone age man roamed the earth with fun loving dinosaurs frolicking at their heels. Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue. The cave man’s resemblance to Mr. Santorum is uncanny!

The U.S. Mint reissued a newly designed Kansas state quarter to reflect the Kansas Board of Education's decision to allow teaching intelligent design in science classrooms alongside evolution.

Get Back In The Kitchen!

Amazingly, former Senator Rick “Google Me” Santorum, is the leader again in the joke that is Con-a-thon 2012, ‘surging’ last week and taking the caucuses in Colorado and Minnesota and the Missouri primary. Of course, like previous primaries and caucuses, the turnout was anemic, though you’d never get that info from the mainstream media. Total votes cast in Missouri; about 270,000 or 4.4% of the total population. Total votes cast in Colorado; about 66,000 or 1.3% of the total population. Total votes cast in Minnesota; about 49,000 or 0.9% of the population. I don’t think anyone can say these candidates are thrilling anybody, except maybe the 1%ers.

It’s especially interesting that Santorum is leading again given his archaic views on not only women, but topics like immigration, education, defense, evolution and life in general. We already knew about his anti-choice and anti-contraception stances; all out of the dark ages. But recently he said that women aren’t equipped for combat either and even has questioned the value of women in the workplace. Of course, these views are in line with the conservative agenda, and in particular conservative catholics. How can contraception be a sin when there are now 7 billion people on the planet?!!! We think that since Newt Gingrich has proposed a moon base, maybe Rick Santorum should propose building a time machine and travel back to the period in history that is more appropriate for his way of thinking: the days when neanderthal man roamed the earth, which according to Santorum’s creationist dogma was only about six thousand years ago.

GOP candidate Rick 'Google Me' Santorum, enlightens the 2012 CPAC convention about woman's place in American society.

 

Veering Right…Into the Rapture

It’s no secret that the Republicans have veered sharply to the right ever since St. Ronald Reagan was president. But today’s political and national climate has become ridiculous. Candidates have been openly pandering to the 30-40% of the people in this country who identify themselves as evangelical christians. These same people also don’t believe in evolution, deny climate change, think that the Earth is all but a few thousand years old and think the rapture is coming very soon so why bother taking care of the planet. If you ever have watched TBN, there are televangelists who unabashedly salivate at the notion that the world is going to end; probably not the best people to be calling the shots. They also openly want to make the United States a christian theocracy.  Haven’t we already learned from history that theocracy is a bad idea? Hey, with Spiff Romney, Rick “Google Me” Santorum and Timmy Tebow leading the way, what could go wrong, right?

Here’s an article from our June 6, 2005 issue (back when ol’ Dubya was presidentin’) about the absurdity of the religious right.

White House Endorses Biblical Explanation For Grand Canyon

In what is considered to be a complete surrender to religious right extremists, the Bush White House completely endorsed a biblical explanation for the Grand Canyon and wants to quickly phase out all other theories on how the great chasm came into existence. The White House also wanted to push an ‘intelligent design’ agenda into schools eventually eliminating the teaching of evolution.

“I’ve discussed this matter with the Big Guy and he agrees with me,” said President Bush. “We have to put an end to the teaching of evolution by these smartsy fartsy liberal thinkers once and for all. Men from apes! That’s just absurd. Do I look like some sort of smirking chimp to you?”

Reverend Delbert Dillman of the Third Evangelical Church of The Apocalypse said, “We’re very excited that we finally have the chance for truth to prevail in the world instead of the unfounded science touted by so called scientists today. The scientific community wants to force Americans to believe in evolution. They want to shove it down our throats. This is so completely wrong. We believe that the only people who can force beliefs down people’s throats is the religious community.”

Paul J. Bryan, head researcher at the Revelations School of Truthful Science said, “Evolution is just a theory. Through work at our institute we’ve discovered that the Grand Canyon is not millions of years old like evolutionists would have you believe, but is in fact just a few thousand years old and created during Noah’s flood. Dinosaurs lived not millions of years ago like evolutionists would have you think, but actually lived side by side with early humans. Humans probably used them for doing laborious work like building pyramids and buildings much like the Flintstones. As a matter of fact, we think the Flintstones is a pretty accurate portrayal of early life for man. Dinosaurs weren’t the monsters as depicted in Jurassic Park. They were playful and harmless pets like Dino.”

Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania supported the institute’s findings and wants to have them taught side by side with evolution in schools. “If schools do not include intelligent design in the new teaching standards, many students will be denied a first-rate science education. Many will be left behind. And I won’t be re-elected by my wacky Christian Fundamentalist electorate.”

Bryan added, “We feel that the events in the Bible are accurate and are not just Judeo Christian myths and stories written down by Bronze-Age peasants. No these stories are accurate and with some creative manipulation, the science of today can be folded, spindled and mutilated to support the stories of the Bible. If the evolutionists would stop thinking logically and start reading only the Bible, then they too might become enlightened. Remember; if you read one book, make it the Bible!”

People had mixed reactions to the announcement. Jerry Swoboda of Cambridge, Massachusetts, said, “This is unbelievable! I’m a grad student in geology. I know science and I know what the geological evidence says about the history of the earth. And you’re telling me that some bible-thumpers who feel threatened are dictating policy and trying to inform me the Grand Canyon was created by a worldwide flood two thousand years ago. I say what are you smoking and where can I get some!”

Mildred Moller of Pebble Noggin, Mississippi, said, “Evolution just doesn’t give me the same warm fuzzy that creationism, …oops…intelligent design, gives me. Just don’t be curious about anything and you’ll be so much happier. Ignorance truly is bliss.”

Mike Ellerby of Dewy Meadows, Maryland, said, “Well of course I believe that Noah’s flood really happened and that Noah built an ark that could hold the millions of species of animals that exist on Earth and that no animal ate any of the other animals during that whole forty day, forty night time span. I also believe that there’s a whole micro-world of leprechauns living on my hairy ass.”

Rick ‘the Dick’ Surges

The joke that is Con-a-thon 2012 continues. 122,224 Iowans (or 0.04% of the US population) have spoken and Spiff Romney has won the Iowa caucus by a whopping 8 votes over surprise runner-up Rick “Google Me” Santorum. Wily ol’ Prospector Ron “I’m agin’ everything” Paul finished a close third.

But the big news is that another once dead candidate has risen from the ashes. That’s right folks. The new flavor of the month appears to be that champion of intelligent design, anti-gay rights, anti-choice and bombing Iran, Rick Santorum. Incredible! The guy who made such of fuss about the top Google ranking of the site spreadingsantorum.com is now a front runner for the GOP nomination. Wow! Con-a-thon 2012: what an absolute farce!  What’s even more ludicrous is the media attention heaped on this ‘all important’ caucus. According to the media, this nation of 301 million must now base it’s entire decision on what 122,224 people decided. Democracy in action? We’ll see who the corporations and Super PACs (you know, BIG MONEY) get behind and support. The bs just keeps getting piled higher and deeper.

We’ve only one photo-toon of Rick Santorum from our archives. This is from our July 7, 2006 issue when Rick ‘the Dick’, enabler extraordinaire of the Bush Administration’s military adventurism in the Middle East and ace sleuth, came forward and said that the WMD’s were found in Iraq. Rick was voted out of office the following November.

Pennsylvania Senator and super sleuth Rick Santorum recently claimed that the WMDs in Iraq were found, despite intelligence officials, military officials and even the Bush administration confirming that the pre-1991 chemicals weren't the WMDs the administration cited in its argument for war and, as former weapons inspector David Kay stated, were about as harmful as household pesticides.

 

In the Beginning, There Was BS

The evangelical christians have sure been showing their true ignorance lately with Pat Robertson and Michele Bachmann proclaiming that the east coast hurricanes and earthquakes are signs from God. Bachmann later recanted saying she was just jesting and that she has a fantastic sense of humor (well that statement made us howl with laughter). But what cracks us up here at the Bucket is religious conservatives’, especially GOP Presidential candidate Rick Perry, insistence that evolution is “just a theory” and that creationism should be taught in school on an equal footing with evolution. Of course they ignore that the Bible is a first century book of mythology and has tons of holes in it but we guess that’s just what’s called ‘faith’. Even Pope John Paul II said that evolution was “more than just a hypothesis.” But we like Biologist Richard Dawkins’ response to Rick Perry the best. Here’s the link.

Here’s one of our favorite photo-toons from our June 2, 2007 issue commemorating the opening of that bastion of ‘intelligent design’, the Creation Museum.

The Creation Museum, based on the teachings of the book of Genesis in the Bible, opened recently in Petersburg, Kentucky and contains such thought provoking, scientifically accurate displays as this one which depicts humans and dinosaurs co-existing peacefully in a sun-kissed, peachy keen world.