conservative – Page 37 – BilgeBucket Gazette

Hypocritical Oaf

Remember when Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast back in 2012, killing 117 people and causing an estimated 65 billion dollars in damage. Millions of people were left in need of federal assistance to recover. But fortunately for conservative Republicans, a brash young tea party hellcat named Ted Cruz voted against a disaster relief bill for victims of the horrendous storm.

Fast forward to this past week and Ted Cruz is demanding President Obama and congress provide disaster relief for the victims of the recent calamitous flooding in Texas which claimed 15 lives. Remember, Ted Cruz is running for president so he has to appear to his fellow Texans like he gives a damn about them. If he keeps this up, he’ll out flip-flop Spiff Romney.

Teabagger patriot, climate change denier, staunch anti-socialist and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, proclaims that despite being against federal assistance for disaster victims, President Obama should send federal aid to Texas flood victims because...you know...Ted Cruz wants to be president.

Rewind: Dubya’s Dubious Legacy

Guess who’s reared his ugly head recently. That’s right: good ol’ Dubya. Since brother Jeb has started to rev up his campaign for Con-a-thon 2016, George W. Bush has stopped painting himself in the bath tub and emerged to help his brother gain the presidency in 2016. Of course, that means spinning the bejeezus out of his disastrous legacy as president. Dubya actually had the nerve to criticize President Obama on his handling of the situation in Iraq. And of course, Dubya has deluded himself into thinking that increasing the numbers of troops in Iraq (the Surge) helped stabilize the region when in fact the surge failed. It’s a sign of things to come in the next year and a half. The Republicans are going to being lying their asses off to try and make the Iraq War, Obama’s war. Make no mistake: the Iraq War was and will always be George W. Bush’s war.

Here’s a photo-toon from our November 29, 2007 issue, when Dubya was already trying to bullshit people on the debacle that was his presidency.

George W. Bush, flanked by his old friends the Deficit and the Iraq Occupation, has recently been trying to spin or bs a positive legacy out of his disastrous tenure as President. — George W. Bush, flanked by his old friends the Deficit and the Iraq Occupation, has recently been trying to spin a positive legacy out of his disastrous tenure as President.

Jenner’s Shocking Revelation

Bruce Jenner recently sat down with ABC’s Diane Sawyer and confirmed to the world what many had already suspected; he is transitioning from being a man to being a women. He calmly and thoughtfully explained that though he is not gay, he has always felt that he was a woman and decided to finally make the transition. But then Jenner dropped the big bombshell; he came out as a….Republican! GASP!!!! EEEEEWWWWW!

We find it kind of funny that Jenner would be a Republican, especially when so many current conservative Republicans are so openly hostile to the trangendered. Of course, we also find it shocking that there are so many Log Cabin Republicans. Why would you support a group of people like the ‘compassionate’ conservative Republicans, who if given the chance, would leave you hanging out to dry with no qualms or regret. Some christian conservative Republicans have even called for openly killing gays. It boggles the imagination. Nevertheless, we’re sure one of the Republican clowns running for President in 2016 will no doubt use Jenner as a tool to get the transgendered vote.

Well, whatever. We here at the Bucket are not big fans of the Kardashian clan, reality shows or any Hollywood celebrities for that matter, so we say this to Bruce Jenner on finding people in the Republican party who will support your decision: Lotsa Luck!

Former Olympian Bruce Jenner, who is also transitioning from male to female, shocked the world recently by proclaiming he was a Republican.

Capitalism? More Like Cannibalism

It’s obvious that our nation is not a functioning representative democracy anymore. Thanks to the recent Supreme Court Citizens United and McCutcheon vs FEC decisions, we can safely say that the United States of America is a corporate oligarchy, where only the wealthiest corporations have a say in what happens to America. So contrary to what the Republican say, big government isn’t the problem; corporate America controlling the government is the problem. After all, Republicans and Democrats nowadays are just corporate lackeys; doing their corporate overlord’s bidding for campaign contributions. It is truly sad to see that America is as corrupt as a banana republic. The whole idea behind the Republican’s ‘government is the problem’ con is to fool the masses into thinking that relaxing government regulations and oversight on corporations is a great thing for freedom when in fact it is the worst thing that can happen. Let’s be honest and frank here; capitalism breeds greed, avarice and selfishness. These traits are counter to everything a supposedly ‘christian’ nation holds dear. Without regulations, humanity’s greed runs rampant and our economy and society truly becomes a rat race. It’s shocking that just living basically and simply today costs an arm and a leg. People everywhere in the past ten years have gone under. The middle class has all but disappeared. In order to survive, people have to raise rates, fees and prices to exorbitant levels just to break even. Just taking a beloved pet to the vet can bankrupt a person. It’s gotten to a point where you have to wonder whether it’s capitalism anymore or cannibalism. Is this really what we want for our society?

Modern capitalism has taken on a more cannibalistic approach. — Capitalism: devouring the humanity from humans since the Middle Ages.

Rewind: Falwell’s Date For Eternity

With the recent fallout of the Religious Freedom Bill in Indiana and the launching of Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign from Liberty University, which was founded by evangelical preacher Jerry Falwell, we decided to dig out one of our old photo-toons on Mr. Falwell right after his death in May of 2007. If you remember, Mr. Falwell didn’t particularly like the Teletubbies, especially Tinky Winky. Well, Mr. Falwell finally discovers his eternal reward isn’t quite what he thought it would be.

The Reverend Jerry Falwell gets to spend eternity with his old pal from the teletubbies, Tinky Winky. — The Reverend Jerry Falwell has just found out the afterlife isn't what he thought it was going to be.

Falwell was well known for his controversial, hateful statements over the years. Here’s a short compendium of his most offensive quotes. Yeah, we don’t miss him either.

Jerry Falwell’s Greatest Hates

On Sept. 11: “The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way—all of them who have tried to secularize America—I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen.'”
On AIDS: “AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals.”
On feminists: “I listen to feminists and all these radical gals. … These women just need a man in the house. That’s all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they’re mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They’re sexist. They hate men; that’s their problem.”
On global warming: “I can tell you, our grandchildren will laugh at those who predicted global warming. We’ll be in global cooling by then, if the Lord hasn’t returned. I don’t believe a moment of it. The whole thing is created to destroy America’s free enterprise system and our economic stability.”
On Martin Luther King Jr.: “I must personally say that I do question the sincerity and non-violent intentions of some civil rights leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mr. James Farmer, and others, who are known to have left-wing associations.”
On Islam: “I think Mohammed was a terrorist. I read enough of the history of his life, written by both Muslims and non-Muslims, that he was a violent man, a man of war.”
On Jews: “In my opinion, the Antichrist will be a counterfeit of the true Christ, which means that he will be male and Jewish, since Jesus was male and Jewish.”
On public education: “I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won’t have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again, and Christians will be running them.”
On the separation of church and state: “There is no separation of church and state.”

A Douchey Move

We’ve had a changing of the guard here in Arizona during the last election. Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer has handed over the reigns of her wingnut kingdom to former ice cream magnate Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey). Ducey, not to be outdone on the insanity meter by Indiana’s Mike Pence, this past week signed a bill that prohibits women from using the federal health exchange health care program to pay to an abortion. Also they stated erroneously that doctors have the right to tell women that the process is reversible, a claim critics call junk science. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Republicans are making up science to match their narrow ideology. I mean most Republicans believe angels exist, think the Earth is only six thousand years old and Jesus co-existed with the dinosaurs. Coming soon from the Republican Science Labs: the Sun really does revolve around the Earth.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey's health plan for women who want an abortion is a good old fashioned wire hanger. — Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) announces his ‘old fashioned’ health plan for women who may want to terminate a pregnancy.

They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Discrimination And Intolerance

The nation’s outrage over Indiana’s recent law guaranteeing ‘religious freedom’ and condoning discrimination and intolerance is growing. Boycotts have been announced. Even corporations have announced that they’ll be changing their business relations with the state; which is very serious because this nation is a corporate oligarchy and business is the golden calf here. So you think with all the economic pressure coming to bear on Indiana, do you think conservative christian stalwart, Governor Mike Pence, is going to relent? Hah! No way! He stands firmly behind his decidedly non-christian behavior. Not only that, other leading candidates for the Republican nomination like Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz have announced support for Pence. Because you see, admitting that you’re wrong on anything is not something that conservative christian Republicans do. But as the christians have always stated throughout history(see Spanish Inquisition, Meso-America conquest, Native American conquest, Pacific Islander conquest, Galileo’s scientific discoveries, etc…), it’s not discrimination or intolerance when we do it; it’s God’s will. It reminds us of that old song we learned in church “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love”, which has been conveniently updated in our photo-toon to reflect the state of modern christianity.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance". — Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence’s new slogan “They’ll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance”.

Cheney: Lying War Criminal

Dick Cheney recently reared his ugly head again. YAY! In a Playboy interview, he said that President Obama was the worst president of his lifetime. So not only is he a lying sack of manure, he’s senile as well. Amazing how he conveniently forgets the eight years he spent as Vice President/War Criminal to one of the most egregiously inept Presidents to ever step foot in Washington. WHAT A DICK!!!

We started a policy here several posts ago that whenever Dick Cheney appeared in the press spouting his lies, we’d repeat his biggest one on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Cotton, Cotton; This Guy’s Rotten

We’re all familiar now with the name of Tom Cotton, the brash young Senator from Arkansas who stupidly authored a letter signed by 47 idiotic Republican Senators to the leaders of Iran behind President Obama’s back thus putting his negotiations with Iran on a possible nuclear deal in jeopardy and also committing treason. Well the wing nut Teabaggers in the Republican leadership are already trying to clear the way for a Cotton presidency in 2020. Yes, Cotton makes Teabagger darling Ted Cruz look good by comparison. Maybe that’s what the Republican plan is: to keep coming up with more insane candidates to make the previous lunatic look sane by comparison. Shut down the government; run for President. Commit treason; run for President. Just another day in the wacky, wonderful world of the GOP!

Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, to see if he 'dun gud'. — Author of the Iran Letter, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, on his job performance.

Speaking of stupidity, Ted Cruz has announced his candidacy for President in 2016 but apparently didn’t have the foresight to secure the domain name tedcruz.com. Yes, what a great leader he’ll be. Here’s a screenshot of the site tedcruz.com as of today. Hilarious!

Liberal Media My Ass!

Back in December we posted about how obnoxious the Republicans were being about President Obama’s immigration executive order. We also posted about their claims of Obama being an imperial president despite having the fewest number of executive orders of any two term president going back one hundred years. One thing we failed to mention is that none of the four major news networks decided to cover the President’s executive order. Let me repeat that; NONE. ZILCH. NADA. NULL. Hmm… we think that’s a fairly odd way for the ‘liberal media’ to behave. We would think a ‘liberal’ media would televise every moment of a supposedly ‘liberal’ president’s important executive order concerning immigration reform; touting it as the greatest event ever. But, not one of the four major news networks, ABC, NBC, CBS or FOX(big surprise), covered the event.

Now the Republican Noise and Fear Machine has its sights set on probable 2016 Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. They’ve already been whining about the Benghazi non-scandal. Now they’re crying about Hillary Clinton using a personal server for government email correspondence as Secretary of State. We’re not trying to sugarcoat Clinton’s handling of her email; she blundered. But it’s no worse than when good ol’ Dubya lost millions of emails in 2007, which the supposedly ‘liberal’ media conveniently glossed over. Or the fact Colin Powell and Karl Rove have used personal email for their own purposes. Or that former Florida governor Jeb Bush, the leading Republican candidate for President in 2016 and Dubya’s brother, had some email problems of his own, using personal email to discuss troop deployments and security issues.

Could it be that the ‘liberal’ media is just a great big con job by the biggest, most well funded, propaganda artists since Joseph Goebbels’ propaganda machine in Nazi Germany? Nah, come on! Just like their stupendously stupid letter to Iran, the Republicans are just joshing with us. Pretty funny, eh?

President Obama takes time to thank the 'liberal' media for their generous coverage of his important immigration executive order back in November 2014. — President Obama takes time to thank the ‘liberal’ media for their generous coverage of his important immigration executive order back in November 2014.