Tag Archive for douche

Douchey Advice

As we’ve mentioned before, coronavirus cases have spiked throughout the Sun Belt with record numbers of cases for one day being recorded in many states. One of the hardest hit states has been our home state of Arizona. Our state was doing fine at the beginning of May. We had kept our numbers down, businesses were closed, people were social distancing and wearing masks. Then Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump visited a mask factory in Phoenix without wearing a mask. Trumpty Dumpty had some words with Arizona’s super-duper-businessman-turned-governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) and yada, yada yada, restrictions were removed and in the past two weeks COVID-19 cases have spiked dramatically, almost tripling since Memorial Day. To give you an indication of how dramatic, Arizona was holding at 23rd in the nation in mid-May, just barely ahead of Wisconsin, who just held their stupid anti-lockdown protest. Now, Arizona is 15th and on the fast track to 13th and a whopping 22,000 cases more than Wisconsin.

You’d think Ducey would reconsidering reopening or at least mandate wearing a mask in public but nooooooooooo. Our douchey governor recently stated that Arizonans are just going to have to get use to the coronavirus. Wear a mask, if you think it’s wise, or in other words, consumer beware. What a douchebag! Fortunately, for Arizonans, local municipalities are looking into mask-wearing mandates since Ducey seems reluctant to. . . you know. . . be a leader. Ducey can’t seek re-election in 2022 because of term limits. But unfortunately, we’ve got two more years of this Trump asskisser, who’s done absolutely nothing for this state other than typical Republican shit: rip away at regulations in order to privatize federal lands and services thus starving the government for the good of corporate America and the plutocrats who control it. His now dismal legacy on coronavirus may finally lift the stranglehold the GOP has had on this state since the 1960s.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) receives some poignant advice from the master at ignoring problems, Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump.
Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) receives some poignant advice from the master at ignoring problems, Impeached CEO/Dictator and stable genius Donald Trump.

A Douchey Move

We’ve had a changing of the guard here in Arizona during the last election. Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer has handed over the reigns of her wingnut kingdom to former ice cream magnate Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey). Ducey, not to be outdone on the insanity meter by Indiana’s Mike Pence, this past week signed a bill that prohibits women from using the federal health exchange health care program to pay to an abortion. Also they stated erroneously that doctors have the right to tell women that the process is reversible, a claim critics call junk science. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Republicans are making up science to match their narrow ideology. I mean most Republicans believe angels exist, think the Earth is only six thousand years old and Jesus co-existed with the dinosaurs. Coming soon from the Republican Science Labs: the Sun really does revolve around the Earth.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey's health plan for women who want an abortion is a good old fashioned wire hanger.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) announces his ‘old fashioned’ health plan for women who may want to terminate a pregnancy.