Satire that shovels it to the public – just like the real media!
Thanks to the disastrous Trump campaign, we’re given on a daily basis such a plethora of gaffes and blunders to choose from, the satire just writes itself. Take for instance, Mike Pence recently stating that name calling has no place in politics; this from the Vice Presidential candidate of a man who’s made his living for the last year calling his opponents childish nick names like Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy Jeb Bush. We think ol’ Puritan Pants is a bit irony impaired.
As the Democratic National Convention wound up this week and the Democrats, the only sane party left in the United States, united to support their nominee Hillary Clinton, news surfaced that the Russians may have been involved in hacking the DNC email server. If that wasn’t enough, authoritarian demagogue, GOP nominee and comedian extraordinaire, Donald Trump, “jokingly” hoped his pal Vladimer Putin hacked into Hillary’s email server to find missing emails. Way to go Trump! Nothing says patriotic like conspiring with the Russians and committing treason on your fellow American.This shouldn’t surprise anyone though because Republicans have been pulling this shit for the last half century at least. Remember Nixon sabotaging the Paris peace talks in 1968. Or how about St. Ronald Reagan’s secretive deal with Iran, behind the Carter administration’s back, in 1980. Then there’s the whole Watergate affair with Nixon again. And who could forget the malfeasance of the 2000 election, when the conservative leaning Supreme Court and Dubya’s brother Jeb, handed the presidency to George W. Bush. If you’re looking for filthy politics, look no further than your nearest Republican.
Then, to top it off, Trump then tried to distance himself from his hot bromance with Putin, by saying they’ve never met despite evidence to the contrary. What’s amazing (and frightening) is that there are still people who want this orange haired pathological liar to have his finger on the nuclear button.
We’ve commented ad infinitum about our befuddlement over the fact that megalomaniac Donald Trump is the Republican nominee for president and is somehow ahead in some polls, despite running an absolutely miserable campaign, and presiding over one of the worst Republican conventions in history. It really boggles the mind! Can Americans really be this dense?
It goes back to previous posts(here, here and here) about some lower income Americans seeing themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. They see a rich man like Donald Trump and they buy his con that he’ll make things better and that all that wealth will come flooding in and tricking down(where have we heard that before). There’s a reason why Trump says he loves the poorly educated; they’re pretty easy to con. And you throw in the fact that most Americans are horrendous at math and you’ve got a world class swindle going on right now in the Republican party which could not only affect the United States but the world in a stupendously negative manner.
Take Donald Trump’s claim a few months back that he gave a million dollars to a veterans charity. On the surface that seems pretty generous. But when you consider that his estimated wealth is 4.5 billion dollars, the one million dollar gift is only 0.022 percent (not even 1% folks!) of his wealth. This is like a person with a $1,000 dollars giving 22 cents to the charity; not very impressive in reality. But that’s the beauty of this con and Republicans use it all the time. They claim that these poor billionaires pay millions in taxes every year. To most of the Republican party’s lower income blue collar white workers, this seems like robbery because a million dollars to these people is an absolute fortune. But to billionaires, it’s a drop in the bucket.
For simplicity sake, take a CEO who earns a one billion a year. If the tax rate is 30%, then he should pay $300 million a year in taxes. Most of us would scream bloody murder if we had to forfeit this much money. But this CEO still has $700 million dollars left. He ain’t hurting! He’s still living high off the hog while you’re scraping and scratching just to get by. When he complains and gets his tax rate lowered he’s taking that extra money and selfishly puts it into offshore tax havens or buying up more real estate and mansions. He’s not letting that money trickle down by any means. In fact, he’s leaving us to foot his portion of the tax bill, one that he easily could afford. Money is power and with great power comes great responsibility. The 1% in this country want all the money and power but none of the responsibility. Instead, we, the middle and lower classes, are squeezed and the corporate lackey conservative Republicans the 1% pay off in Congress convince everyone it’s the Liberals or the Democrats fault. The Republicans claim loudly that the rich, like Donald Trump, would never con anyone. Hah! Just look into Trump University and his numerous failed businesses. If you’re supposed to run the government like a business, like many Republicans claim, then Trump is the wrong person to be CEO. The astonishing truth is that if you’re a Trump supporter and you make less than $125k a year, you’re voting against your own interests. In short, DO THE MATH!
Well, the RNC has come and gone and it’s been every bit a clusterf*ck as predicted. Some highlights(or lowlights): Melania Trump plagiarized Michelle Obama’s 2008 DNC speech – Trump’s campaign denied then admitted the fraud; the so called anti-Trump movement never really gets going; Pence bores everyone to sleep; a tepid endorsement from Paul Ryan; and the smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, still licking his wounds from his defeat in the Republican primaries, refuses to endorse Donald Trump. When your top celebrity endorser is Scott Baio from Joanie Loves Chachi, you know it’s bad. To top it off, Trump delivered a lie filled acceptance speech in an effort to make his supporters shit their pants in fear. Wow! What a sucky, sucky, suck ass Party!
But one thing that is incredibly disturbing is the platform adopted by the Republicans. It looks like it was written by extremist, far right wing, evangelical christians. You might as well call the Republican Party the Puritan Party now. Among the more dismaying platform points: appoint anti-choice Supreme Court justices; legalize anti-LGBT discrimination; pass an anti-choice constitutional amendment; end funding for Planned Parenthood; repeal environmental protection laws; ignore climate change; expand fracking and burying nuclear waste; privatize Medicare; cut food stamps; require bible study in public schools and (the worst one in our opinion) make christianity the national religion. Apparently, the Republicans want to go back to the ’50s…the 1650s! The Republican party platform also bears a strong resemblance to our fascist checklist we posted several months ago. If there was any doubt before there is no doubt now; with this party platform the Republican party has gone into hard core fascist mode.
On the eve of the Republican National Convention, a.k.a. The Finest Dumpster Fire The World Has Even Seen, the RNC is busy preparing themselves for what looks to be a complete clusterf*ck. Donald Trump seems to have selected Indiana governor, christian soldier and blandest man alive, Mike Pence, as his running mate. Many prominent Republicans are not even attending the convention, preferring to distance themselves from Mr. Trump. Given this, the Republican party has decided to officially assent to the rise of Trump by re-branding the party with a brand new logo which more properly reflects its current ideology: a steaming pile of patriotic shit (note the dead elephant’s trunk sticking out on top).
It’s the first week in July and the good news for most of America is that there is only four months left in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Polls show that Hillary has opened up substantial leads in the battleground states, which has given most sane Americans a reason to breathe a sigh of relief. But there is a reason for pessimism. Let’s face it folks; Hillary is far from perfect and has lots of baggage. We’ve felt that she’s moved to the right and is for all intents and purposes a moderate Republican and Noam Chomsky seems to agree. Her coziness to Wall Street is why so many left leaning Democrats and Independents (like us) ‘felt the Bern’ this past year.
Hillary and Bill Clinton also have a history of pulling stupid gaffes at inopportune times. Of course, Bill’s infamous affair with Monica Lewinsky during his presidency stands out as the biggest blunder. Bill Clinton almost hurt his wife yet again recently. He reportedly met with current Attorney General Loretta Lynch in secret during a layover in Phoenix recently with the FBI’s investigation of Hillary’s private email server looming. Fortunately, for Hillary, the FBI found her to be ‘extremely careless’ but should not be charged of any wrongdoing.
In addition to Bill pulling boners (pun intended), Hillary has had a huge problem of appearing disingenuous to the American public. Recently, she talked about income inequality while wearing a $12,000 pantsuit. Several months back, while blatantly pandering to moderate Republican, she credited the Reagans for bringing awareness to AIDS, which is the exact opposite of what they did.
Throughout the debates and the primaries, Hillary and Bernie Sanders clearly distinguished themselves as the only adults in the room. If Hillary is to win the election, (and we here at the Bucket sincerely hope that she does now that Bernie Sanders is out), she’s going to have to cut down on the gaffes and change her duplicitous persona. She needs to aggressively attack Trump and the Republicans every chance she gets. She needs to play to win and not play not to lose, like her predecessors Al Gore and John Kerry. Fortunately, she seems to be doing that so far and Trump seems to be doing a pretty good job of self-destruction as well.
No doubt the Republicans will continue their witch hunt and character assassinations of Hillary. They’re already throwing a tantrum about the FBI findings. But it seems that fortunately, for her and America, she’s inherited some of Bill’s Teflon coating.
Arizona’s Senior Senator John McCain keeps losing more and more respect by the day. Recently, he made headlines by boldly claiming that President Obama was ‘directly responsible’ for the Orlando shootings. In trying to clarify his fallacious statement he completely forgot that it was George W. Bush who created the power vacuum in the Middle East by invading Iraq, which allowed not only Al-Qaeda to thrive but also allowed the ISIS movement to be born.
Then McCain turned the ‘crazy’ knob to eleven and endorsed Donald Trump. If you remember, last year Trump questioned McCain’s war hero credentials and criticized McCain for getting captured. Now, almost a year later, McCain is going to endorse the man who insulted him. This (and his stubborn refusal to vote on a new Supreme Court justice) is apparently why support for his Democratic opponent, Ann Kirkpatrick has surged in recent polls, and even has her ahead in one. Our advice to Senator McCain(like he’s asking us): you’ve had a good run, but it’s time to retire to one of your seven or eight or twenty houses you own and start shooing kids off your lawn and away from your precious gold. We have no doubt you’ll be great at it.
And we thought things were strange in America…
Great Britain took the unbelievable step and decided to exit the European Union yesterday in a stunning move which sent financial markets plummeting around the world. John Oliver gave a humorous yet poignant explanation of Brexit last week and explained why the United Kingdom should stay in the EU even though it can be incredibly frustrating at times. But the British are apparently afflicted by the same illness that plagues America and an increasing number of countries throughout Europe…radical right wing conservatism. Yes, fearmongering and anti-intellectualism is a mighty powerful combination and insidiously effects some people, especially the elderly and the lesser educated, who according to most polls, supported the Brexit. As a matter of fact, Boris Johnson, the Donald Trump of Britain, has hailed Britain stepping into the abyss as a victory. Even Donald Trump, who is visiting one of his golf courses in Scotland, approves. Most analysts concur that this move toward isolationism could have serious consequences for Britain and the rest of the world.
A common theme from all these right wing radicals in Europe and the United States is that they all want to ‘make their country great again’. And apparently, in the mind set of right wing conservatives, making one’s country great again, means isolating itself from other countries and promoting nationalistic tendencies, denigrating immigrants and obliterating multi-culturalism, a policy which wreaked havoc in the 20th century. Britain used to be the biggest, most powerful empire on the planet, with colonies on every continent. However with the Brexit vote, one thing’s for sure: it seems that the sun has finally set on the British Empire.
P.S. If any Brit sees this photo-toon and is offended by it…bugger off! Quite frankly, we feel that you’ve lost any right to look down your noses at Americans after this blunder. Cheerio!
From the unfrigginbelievable file…
It was just announced that none other than ol’ Dubya, George W. Bush, has come out of retirement to help GOP Senators who are having trouble with their failing campaigns this fall because of the toxicity of the Republican nominee for President, Donald Trump. Isn’t that like calling in an arsonist to put out a fire? It’s amazing that just ten years ago, most sane Americans were thinking the Republican party couldn’t get much worse than good ol’ Dubya and the Bush administration. For those of you with anemic memories who actually have forgotten how horrible George W. Bush was, here’s a short list and a longer list to remind you that he’s the worst President since Herbert Hoover.
Of course, conservative Republicans being conservative Republicans, can never admit that they’re ever wrong about anything. So rather than change direction, they just plow over the cliff and into the abyss. Good luck with that Dubya thingee, GOP.
Here’s a photo-toon from our December 7, 2005 issue.
We were rummaging through our archives and came across an article ten years ago written by the Bucket’s resident crusty curmudgeon, Chester Einstein. In it, he laments how America seems to be fancying rude assholes and politeness and manners seem to be a thing of the past. Ten years on, with the rise of the King of Rudeness, Donald Trump, things seems to be getting worse rather than better.
This is from our June 19, 2006 issue.
America Seems To Be Fancying Rude Assholes These DaysRecently, as I was watching the incredible duel between that Tyler Hick and Nanny McPhee on American Idol, it occurred to me; it seems that people in America seem to be infatuated with rude assholes lately. Not that Tyler or Nanny are assholes. On the contrary; they were delightful breaths of fresh, Mentos flavored air wafting through a flowery meadow. It’s that asshole Simon Cowell that gets my dander boiling! And it seems that every show these days has to have a resident asshole spewing forth offensive expletives and rude commentary. Look at that new cooking show, Hell’s Kitchen. Those people are just trying to cook food for pete’s sake and this chef rips ‘em a new one. Of course, that’s because nothing in America these days is entertaining unless it’s IN YOUR FACE!
Now I know a lot of you are saying, “Well geeeeeeeez Chester! Aren’t you in my face right now?” Well con sarn it, this is different! I’m in your face because I’m old and I’m supposed to be mad at you whippersnappers. I swear if I see one more youngun’ talking on a cell phone while driving… Dag nab it! Now I’m all discombobulated! What was I ranting about?… Oh yeah, America’s fancying of rude assholes. Well folks, this phenomenon goes beyond T.V.; it’s trickling down into every phase of life. I guess you could call it trickle-down insolence.
Look at the music young people are grooving to nowadays; that hippety-hop rappity crap that’s all the rage. Now the beat ain’t all that bad. I have to confess, I’ve tapped a foot or two listening to that Snoopy Dog fella, but the lyrics are down right frightening. Everybody’s capping each other’s asses, slapping their hos and killing cops. Back in my day, we rebelled, but we did it subtly; like taking an extra cookie, or dipping pigtails in ink wells, or giving swirlies to that geeky kid who was always answering teacher’s question. Poor Howie Hughes! I wonder what ever happened to that little nerd. But you don’t see gentle rebellion like that anymore. Now it’s drive-bys, shoot-em-ups and extreme payback. Everybody is all IN YOUR FACE! I’m scared to watch MTV anymore.
Take a look at the political scene. Those right wing radio show hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Michael Savage have made a name for themselves belittling opposing points of view, spewing forth hateful words and pouring gasoline on the fires of ignorance. Take a look at that Ann Coulter…that is if you can. My God, she’s a walking skeleton! She looks like a meth addict! Has she heard of the concept of food and eating? Anyhoo, she complains that liberals are evil, mean and rooting for the terrorists and then she calls those 9/11 widows harpies and merry widows dancing on their husbands graves! That’s about as rude and assholish as you can get! And then those so called ‘compassionate’ conservatives like David Horowitz enable her by saying stuff like “she’s a national treasure”. Oprah’s a national treasure, you moron! Ann Coulter is just a miserable excuse for a human being! How’s that for IN YOUR FACE, Ms. Coulter? I remember seeing a plaque on the wall in a brothel in Nevada once that stuck with me to this day. It said “Be sure and wear a condom”. Wait… that’s not it… okay… I got it now. It said “Be the change you want to be in the world”. What a beautiful sentiment! Well, I guess the conservatives want the world to be rude, ignorant and full of hate.
Well, I’ve gone beyond my rant limit set by Dr. Mesmer; I’m still recuperating from my latest illness don’t you know. It’s time to calm myself down with an episode of Jerry Springer. Nothing says peace and quiet like squabbling, overweight rednecks who like to make fools of themselves on national television. Jerry, you’re an American treasure, too!