Tag Archive for crisis

Rewind: Dubya’s Office Of Lessons Learned

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Back to our 20th anniversary retrospective . . .

Let’s return to those halcyon days of 2006, not long after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, when good ol’ Dubya gave a press conference. When asked about what lessons he’s learned in his five years in office, the eternal bumbler couldn’t even answer the question correctly because he learned absolutely nothing. Here’s an article from our August 11, 2006 edition.

Bush Office of Lessons Learned Small, Empty

Last week, a group of tourists was shocked to find that the Bush Administration’s Office of Lessons Learned, was not only empty but just a closet in the basement of an office building across from the White House.

“Wow what a shocker!” said tourist John Melbourne from Little Rock, Arkansas. “I was completely surprised. I came to Washington D.C. to see three things; the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument and this office and it’s just a dark, dank, closet full of brooms, mops and roach traps. What a gyp!”

“Oh, I was sure upset,” said Gloria Hale from Berryville, Illinois. “I figured with all the mistakes Bush has made these past five years; you know, Iraq, Afghanistan, allowing torture, illegal wiretapping, secrecy in government, the gargantuan deficit, no affordable healthcare, the Medicare drug program, high gas prices, the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, the Middle East crisis, ignoring global warming, dismantling environmental regulation, tax cuts to the rich, stacking the courts with conservative ideologues, ruining America’s standing with the rest of the world. I thought there would be a building the size of the Pentagon filled to the rafters with documents. Instead we get this little closet. There wasn’t even a waste basket in it. What a gyp!”

Dave Rogers from St. Louis, Missouri said, “I wasn’t completely disappointed. We did manage to see the director of the Office of Lessons Learned Stuart Baker get into his BMW and drive away, though. Did you know he makes over $100k a year? Who did he blow to get that job, eh? Ah, who am I kidding? What a gyp!”

When asked about the Office of Lessons Learned, President Bush said, “Oh that’s old screwy Stuey’s office. Fortunately, we haven’t had to use that office very much during my time as President, since I don’t make mistakes. But I will say old Stuey’s doing a heckuva job!”

And Now, For Our Next Fake Emergency…

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, upset that he didn’t get all the money he wanted for his precious, unnecessary border wall, pulled a trick out his authoritarian dictator hat and declared a national emergency for a border crisis that doesn’t exist and which most sane Americans agree is bogus. According the 1975 National Emergencies Act, the president can declare a national emergency, but the specific emergency powers must be outlined and declared first. Some examples of national emergencies declared by other presidents include the 9/11 attacks (under Dubya), the Iran hostage crisis (Carter) or the 2009 H1N1 flu pandemic (Obama). All these seem to be legitimate declarations. But legitimacy doesn’t matter to our orange-haired, megalomaniac man child who pretends to be the President of the United States. He’s drunk with power and he wants to flaunt it like any other dictator in the world. And true to form, feckless Republicans like Lindsey Graham lined up to support Trump.

Fortunately for democracy, a bipartisan group of 58 former national security officials have decided to stand up to Trump and declare that “there is no factual basis” for his emergency. Hopefully, the slew of lawsuits being filed will also stop this nonsense.  If Trump gets away with this, then he will no doubt declare other fake national emergencies as well in the future. We wonder what the next ‘crisis’ declaration will be by Trumpty Dumpty in order to get what he wants.

American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, declares a national emergency so that the McRib becomes permanent, to which sycophant Lindsey Graham wholeheartedly approves and Mitch 'Turtle Boy' McConnell cowers in his shell.

Spineless sycophant Lindsey Graham fecklessly supports any crisis, real or imagined, that American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, comes up with, while Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell cowers in his shell.

Pander Express

It’s the first week in July and the good news for most of America is that there is only four months left in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Polls show that Hillary has opened up substantial leads in the battleground states, which has given most sane Americans a reason to breathe a sigh of relief.  But there is a reason for pessimism. Let’s face it folks; Hillary is far from perfect and has lots of baggage. We’ve felt that she’s moved to the right and is for all intents and purposes a moderate Republican and Noam Chomsky seems to agree. Her coziness to Wall Street is why so many left leaning Democrats and Independents (like us) ‘felt the Bern’ this past year.

Hillary and Bill Clinton also have a history of pulling stupid gaffes at inopportune times. Of course, Bill’s infamous affair with Monica Lewinsky during his presidency stands out as the biggest blunder.  Bill Clinton almost hurt his wife yet again recently. He reportedly met with current Attorney General Loretta Lynch in secret during a layover in Phoenix recently with the FBI’s investigation of Hillary’s private email server looming.  Fortunately, for Hillary, the FBI found her to be ‘extremely careless’ but should not be charged of any wrongdoing.

In addition to Bill pulling boners (pun intended), Hillary has had a huge problem of appearing disingenuous to the American public. Recently, she talked about income inequality while wearing a $12,000 pantsuit. Several months back, while blatantly pandering to moderate Republican, she credited the Reagans for bringing awareness to AIDS, which is the exact opposite of what they did.

Throughout the debates and the primaries, Hillary and Bernie Sanders clearly distinguished themselves as the only adults in the room. If Hillary is to win the election, (and we here at the Bucket sincerely hope that she does now that Bernie Sanders is out), she’s going to have to cut down on the gaffes and change her duplicitous persona. She needs to aggressively attack Trump and the Republicans every chance she gets. She needs to play to win and not play not to lose, like her predecessors Al Gore and John Kerry. Fortunately, she seems to be doing that so far and Trump seems to be doing a pretty good job of self-destruction as well.

No doubt the Republicans will continue their witch hunt and character assassinations of Hillary. They’re already throwing a tantrum about the FBI findings. But it seems that fortunately, for her and America, she’s inherited some of Bill’s Teflon coating.

Hillary Clinton blatantly panders for moderate Republican votes, while the ghost of conservative icon, St. Ronald Reagan, makes a funny about the fallacy of trickle down economics, much to the delight of doting ghost wife, Nancy.

Hillary Clinton blatantly panders for moderate Republican votes, while the ghost of conservative icon, St. Ronald Reagan, makes a funny about the fallacy of trickle down economics, much to the delight of doting ghost wife, Nancy.