VP Debate Winner: Super Fly

The Vice Presidential debate took place Wednesday night in Salt Lake City, Utah and at least it was civil despite Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence trying to do his best Donald Trump impersonation by lying his ass off and interrupting Democratic candidate Kamala Harris repeatedly. As expected Harris did a solid job and most thought she won the debate. Our favorite moment was when Senator Harris boldly stated (a few times) when Pence tried to interrupt her “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking.” But let’s face it, folks; VP debates have always been a bit of a side show and usually don’t change voter’s minds too drastically.

However, the real star of the VP debate was the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head midway through the debate. But this fly was no ordinary fly. This scene stealing ‘Super Fly’ stayed put for almost two minutes while Pence rambled on with his propaganda and drivel. It’s become an internet sensation. We here at the Bucket noticed that the image of the fly on Mike Pence bore an uncanny resemblance to a fly on a pile of shit. The similarities are remarkable. We’re sure some alt-right, QAnon nut job will come up with some conspiracy theory that good ol’ Super Fly was some kind a miniature drone built by the Democrats in order to make Mike Pence look bad. Sorry, conservative wing nuts; old Puritan Pence is quite capable of looking bad all by himself.

The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence's head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.
The image of a fly sitting on Vice President and modern day Puritan Mike Pence’s head during the VP debate bears an uncanny resemblance to a fly sitting on a pile of shit.

Ajit Pai = A Shit Pie


The assholes keep coming out of the woodwork in the Trump administration. The latest jerk is none other than FCC chairman former Verizon lawyer, Ajit Pai,(or as we’re crudely calling him from now on, Ashit Pie, who this week brought an end to net neutrality and quite possibly will change how the Internet works in the future. Pie and his stupid, big ass coffee mug (because bigger is always better, folks), commented in the snarkiest way possible that the end of net neutrality will provide us with more freedom, which is corporate talk for even more profits for mega-rich telecom giants like Verizon, Comcast and AT&T and less bang for the buck for the average consumer and complete devastation for small businesses. He even produced a repulsive YouTube video (which we’re not going to provide a link to: FU Ashit Pie!) promoting all the things you can still do on the Internet, like gramming their food. Mark Hamill even slammed Ashit Pie for wielding a light saber in the video because a Jedi ‘would never enrich giant corporations’.

The surprising thing here is that the vast majority (83%) of the American public, covering the whole political spectrum( 75% of Republicans, 86% of Independents and 89% of Democrats), are in favor of keeping net neutrality regulations. You would think that most politicians on both sides of the aisle would be pushing to reinstate the laws. This opens the door for broadband providers to possibly throttle content based on politics, thus jeopardizing freedom of speech. It says in the Constitution that the general welfare of the United States citizenry should be promoted, not the coffers of a few already wealthy individuals. The Obama administration was right when it viewed the Internet as a public utility. In the 21st century, it is a basic part of every American’s life. Everyone should have access and all traffic should be treated equally just like electricity or water for our homes or phone calls. But thanks to corporate lackey Republicans, the American public is getting screwed once again.

No matter what happens, Ashit Pie is now one of the most hated persons in America behind pharma bro Martin Shkreli and just about everyone else in the Trump administration like Scott Pruitt, Mike Pence, Rex Tillerson, Stephen Miller, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Wilbur Ross, Steve Mnuchin, Jared Kushner…sweet freaking Zeus, the list goes on and on and the swamp just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger… One thing’s for sure: Ashit Pie is one massive DICKHEAD! 

FCC chairman, big mug aficionado and colossal DICKHEAD, Ajit Pai, a.k.a. A Shit Pie, explains to a consumer peon how awesome freedom from regulation will be much to the delight of a nearby plutocrat telecom stockholder.
FCC chairman, big mug aficionado and colossal DICKHEAD, Ajit Pai, a.k.a. Ashit Pie, explains to a consumer peon how awesome freedom from regulation will be much to the delight of a nearby plutocrat telecom stockholder.

Brand Recognition


On the eve of the Republican National Convention, a.k.a. The Finest Dumpster Fire The World Has Even Seen, the RNC is busy preparing themselves for what looks to be a complete clusterf*ck. Donald Trump seems to have selected Indiana governor, christian soldier and blandest man alive, Mike Pence, as his running mate. Many prominent Republicans are not even attending the convention, preferring to distance themselves from Mr. Trump. Given this, the Republican party has decided to officially assent to the rise of Trump by re-branding the party with a brand new logo which more properly reflects its current ideology: a steaming pile of patriotic shit (note the dead elephant’s trunk sticking out on top).

On the eve of the Republican convention, the GOP has revealed its brand new logo which more accurately represents its current ideology: a steaming pile of patriotic shit.
On the eve of the Republican convention, the GOP has revealed its brand new logo which more accurately represents its current ideology.

Lying Sack Of Manure

We just commented a few posts back about the growing liars club in today’s media and political circus. In the wake of the Brian Williams scandal, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly was caught in a little lie of his own. O’Reilly criticized Williams for his lack of integrity while exaggerating his own war experiences in Argentina during the War in the Falklands, when he was working for CBS. Now, several former CBS colleagues have stepped forward to refute what O’Reilly claimed, calling him basically a lying sack of manure; something we’ve known for years.Will O’Reilly be suspended like Williams? Hah! Fox News will probably give a promotion and a years supply of loofah mitts. According to Republican Propaganda Network, it ain’t a lie if you believe it to be true. Ahh! That’s some responsible journalism!

A couple mistakes bloviating Fox News host Bill O'Reilly for a lying sack of manure.
Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, bloviates to anyone who will listen that he has first hand experience with war.

Holy Shit!

It’s been awhile since we’ve posted some of our old satire articles from 2003-2009. So we’re going to start posting them more often, maybe a couple times a week. To start things off, in the wake of the religious fallout from the Charlie Hebdo attacks, here’s one from our Religious BS file dated June 2, 2003.

Holy Shit: Man Has Feces Shaped Like Virgin Mary

Local man Hector Torres has claimed that the Virgin Mary has visited and blessed him in the form of feces in his toilet.

“I was taking a dump,” said Torres. “And I look down into the bowl and there was this turd shaped exactly like the Virgin Mary. So I call my wife Maria into the bathroom, you know, and I’m like ‘Look in the bowl’ and she said ‘I don’t want to look at your shit! What are you? Some sort of weirdo!’ and I’m like ‘No, look at that turd. It looks just like the Virgin Mary’ and she squints down into the bowl and says ‘Dios Mio! It’s a miracle!'”

Many people are now making pilgrimages to the Torres household to view the blessed turd. Last weekend, lines went out the front door as people clamored for a glimpse.

“I think Our Holy Mother is speaking to us through Hector’s shit,” said Maria Torres. “It’s like she is saying to us, ‘Even though you are dumped on, keep believing.’ We are truly blessed!”

Hector’s brother, Miguel, who also lives there with his wife and two kids, is tired of the attention. “The whole house smells like Tijuana, man. I can’t sleep at night. We can’t take baths or brush our teeth because we start gagging.”

Hector’s other brother, Pablo, who also lives there with his wife and daughter, said, “I’m tired of going down to the gas station to use the bathroom. This house only has one bathroom. What happens if I get the runs? Do I use a bucket or something? Should I go on the rug like the dog? And don’t get me started about all the people. What happened to our privacy? I miss my… quiet time.” He paused, wiped a tear from his eye and then added, “I may go to Hell, but if Hector don’t flush that thing soon, I’m going to flush it myself!”