Tag: GOP

Christian Terrorists? What Christian Terrorists?

This past weekend, an anti-choice, conservative, religious zealot, Robert Dear, barricaded himself inside a Planned Parenthood clinic and killed three people and injured nine others. If that wasn’t unsettling enough, take into account the aftermath of this tragedy. As one could predict, the media is being incredibly stupid, postulating on what his possible motive could be despite his grumbling the phrase “no more baby parts” as he was being jailed. This was in line with Republicans, who also took the Sgt. Schultz approach. (Christian Terrorists? What christian terrorists?) Probably the most inane comment was by the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, who said there was nothing linking him to the anti-abortion stance (pay no attention to the “no more baby parts” statement) and that he was a “transgendered leftist activist” and not a crazed anti-abortionist, right wing, christian terrorist. The wife of Dear even said he was conservative , religious and anti-abortion. But in Ted Cruz’s demented world vision, we need to be very afraid of people like Laverne Cox, Kaitlyn Jenner and Chaz Bono, who seem to be pretty docile and friendly people. And this clown, Cruz, wants to be President.

This was obviously a politically motivated shooting and it shows how the Republican rhetoric toward defunding Planned Parenthood has created a toxic attitude toward the important organization, which provides vital reproductive and counseling services to women. We’ve mentioned before the lies and deceptions by the conservative media and Carly Fiorina concerning Planned Parenthood.  When the media and right wing conservative politicians fail to quell the hatred but instead incite it, then they should be held accountable. For instance, Ted Cruz recently crowed about an endorsement for his campaign from Troy Newman,who has openly endorsed violence against abortion providers. Another wack-a-doodle GOP candidate, Mike Huckabee, likened Planned Parenthood to ISIS. Of course, everyone of these ‘pro-lifers’ are totally for starting wars in the Middle East, which will kill thousands of people in the process. Pro-life indeed! And everyone of these ‘freedom loving conservatives’ are for getting government out people’s lives, except when it comes to women’s reproductive systems, then by all means let’s monitor their vaginas and uteri 24/7. Hypocrites indeed!

Ted Cruz says Robert Dear was a trangendered activist, while the media remains clueless about his motivation despite the shooter saying 'no more baby parts.'
Top notch sleuth and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, offers the pliant media a possible solution to the mystery of why Robert Dear attacked Planned Parenthood.

Do Unto Your Brother; But Only If He’s Christian

The big news lately in the wake of the Paris terrorists’ attack last week is what to do with the Syrian refugees. Many Americans are against letting them into the country at all, while others are demanding stricter standards for allowing them into the country. While we think sending troops to Syria is a knee jerk reaction, we  think stricter vetting of the refugees isn’t such a bad idea. We should use the same solid background checks that we use for any American who wants to purchase a gun. What could possibly go wrong with that plan? (Side note:Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, recently piped up and said Jesus would have loved guns.)

We also find it a bit odd that the most christian of the christians of the Republican candidates are saying that only christian refugees should be allowed into the country. Hmmmm…what would Capitalist Jesus have to say about that?

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests to use them on Syrian refugees because Christians rule.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests a use for them to his gun loving Christian followers.

 

It’s Not Jindal Time

Hey America! It’s not Jindal time! It sounds like a rap song, but it’s actually the next chapter in the charade that is Con-a-thon 2016. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that it’s “not my time” and dropped out of the Republican race.  Jindal came to prominence in 2008 but quickly nosedived after his less than stellar rebuttal to President Obama’s state of the Union address in 2009. We were kind of shocked that he decided to run for President because his sing-songy simplistic manner resonated with no one. His poll numbers were microscopic, indicating that there may never be a ‘Jindal Time’ ever in America. Oh well…that just means more room in the Republican clown car for the umpteen other loonies.

Bobby Jindal realizes that it will never be 'Jindal Time' in America
GOP candidate Bobby Jindal bows out of the Con-a-thon 2016 realizing that it will never be ‘Jindal Time’ in America.

 

Ben Carson: Truth Doctor

As predicted, the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 is living up to expectations. The Donald no longer is the front runner and there is a new flavor of the month in the lead. That distinction now belongs to famed evangelical neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Unbelievably, this man has risen to the top of the GOP heap and in some polls(we suspect extremely errant polls) he’s even ahead of Hilary Clinton. Of course, all this despite Dr. Carson uttering the most non-sensical crap ever to spew forth from a presidential candidate’s mouth. But then you can never be too crazy with this year’s candidates in the Republican clown car. Seriously folks, the things that Carson has said are just mind-blowingly inane.

It appears that Dr. Carson is a pathological fabricator. He claims that he was excessively violent as an ‘impoverished’ child but no one who knew him back then can corroborate his story. He also falsely claimed to have applied for and been accepted to West Point. And this so called man of science doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks the Big Bang is a fairy tale.

In addition, it has recently been documented how that his house is basically a temple to himself. This follows along with the prosperity gospel being taught by many of today’s evangelical preachers, which is why the christian Tea Baggers are nuts for him…you know…because he believes in Jeebus. This despite his actions and viewpoints being mostly against anything Jesus ever said or did. But christians are authoritarians and when someone in authority, like Dr. Carson, says something, the good little sheep believe and obey. And of course, the authoritarian dictating his doctrines, like Dr. Carson, believes the truth is whatever he says it is.

Do Americans really want this chronic fibber as their leader? Well Dubya was president for eight years, so maybe they miss all the lies and deceptions. America is pretty dysfunctional in that respect. We’ve got another year to go in this travesty of democracy so we guess anything can happen. Maybe Jim Gilmore will come out of nowhere and be the next Republican flavor of the month.

Dr. Ben Carson explains that the Pyramids were for storing grain and the Great Wall of China was a big roller coaster much to the delight of his evangelical Teabagger followers.
New GOP frontrunner, Dr. Ben Carson, proclaims to all his evangelical Teabagger sheeple that the truth is pretty much what he says it is.

Jeb’s Fatal Delusion

From all accounts, Jeb Bush’s ship appears to be sinking in the farce that is Con-a-thon 2016. Not only have his performances been lackluster in the ridiculous GOP debates, but he seems to be completely delusional about his brother, George W. Bush’s tenure as President. Lead GOP clown, Donald Trump actually did something the spineless Democrats never could do; call Dubya out for his failure at preventing 9/11. As one could predict, Jeb defended his brother like he’s done this whole election season, saying his brother’s response to 9/11 was ‘awe-inspiring’. Really???!!!! Yes, seeing Dubya sitting there reading ‘My Pet Goat’ to grade schoolers sure inspired us. And then that whole invading Iraq on faulty intelligence of WMDs that resulted in a quagmire with thousands of American deaths and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi deaths, not to mention the rise of Al-Qaeda and now the rise of ISIS to fill the power vacuum left by Saddam Hussein and costing the US over a trillion dollars. And how about how Dubya politicized 9/11 during the 2004 election, literally scaring the sheeple into voting for him. And don’t get us started about his economic policies that just about bankrupted America. WOW! That was awesome! We think that maybe Jeb should join Dubya painting people in the bathtub.

George Bush respoded to 9/11 by starting the Iraq War quagmire, politicizing 9/11 and causing the Great Recession.
GOP Presidential candidate, Jeb Bush, thinks his brother Dubya was an ‘awe-inspiring’ President and an even awesomer painter.

 

The Benghazi Witch Hunt

In the aftermath of the first Democratic debates, more Republican stupidity…

California GOP congressman Kevin McCarthy made headlines recently in a couple ways. First, he was next in line to replace John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner) as Speaker of the House. But upon seeing that he would somehow have to spend every waking moment trying to wrangle the Tea Party wingnuts, he decided to remove his name from consideration, thus throwing the House of Representatives into even more chaos.

The second way, which was the cause of the aforementioned event, was that McCarthy showed his incompetence by opening admitting that the Benghazi hearings were nothing more than a political witch hunt on Hillary Clinton at the expense of the taxpayers money. So, seeing that he pretty much blew the Republican’s cover, he bowed out.

A Benghazi whistleblower came forward last week pretty much saying the same thing as McCarthy, which brought forth the lead investigator of the Benghazi witch hunt, South Carolina GOP Congressman Trey Gowdy from his underground lair to denounce the whistleblower and McCarthy. Which in turn brought a surprise response from CNN denouncing Gowdy.

What this all means is what most sane Americans have suspected all along. The Benghazi investigation is nothing but a political character assassination campaign by the GOP against Hillary Clinton in order to prevent her from being elected President. Now the teabagger Republicans in the House are going to start another witch hunt at the taxpayers expense investigating Hillary’s private e-mail server she kept as Secretary of State. If they want true justice, then they should also investigate former Secretary of State Colin Powell, who also relied on personal e-mails. While they’re at it, investigate all those e-mails that got erased from Dubya’s White House account back in 2007. Oh that’s right! We keep forgetting. It’s okay when Republicans do it.

Puritanical clowns and GOP congressmen Kevin McCarthy and Trey Gowdy find a way to waste taxpayers money by conducting a political witch hunt on Hillary Clinton for Benghazi and her e-mail server.
Puritanical clowns and GOP congressmen Kevin McCarthy and Trey Gowdy find a way to waste taxpayers money by conducting a political witch hunt on Hillary Clinton.

The Republicans’ Toxic Masculinity Problem

The Republicans’ stupid has been coming fast and furious lately…it’s been hard for us to keep up. But we’ve got to comment on Jeb Bush’s statements following the school shootings in Oregon last week. In an interview following the tragedy, ‘compassionate conservative’ Jeb stated that you know ‘Stuff happens’. Can’t you just feel the sympathy oozing from his pores? Just the latest in our corporate lackey politicians licking the gun barrels of the NRA, the weapons industry and the military industrial complex. Because you know you can’t possibly be a man unless you have a gun and of course, as in all things manly, you’ve got to have either a big gun or a lot of them.

There’s a new buzzword that’s been making the rounds lately called ‘toxic masculinity’ and this catch phrase fits today’s gun culture perfectly.  Since December 2012, we’ve had 990 mass shootings. When you care more about a gun than living beings, that’s a sign of a sick society. Our spineless politicians should stand up to the gun lobbyists and say enough is enough. It’s incredible that Republicans are so myopic that they’re still focusing on the 4 lives lost at Benghazi and not the 1249 people lost to gun violence in the past three years. It’s time for Americans to vote these incompetents out of office. If our elected officials won’t take the necessary steps to make this country safer, then maybe it’s time for new elected officials.

GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that 'stuff happens' while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval.
GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that ‘stuff happens’ while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval.

Not So Golden Graham

We’ve commented before about the hypocrisy of right wing congressmen and senators, especially when it comes to federal aid for victims of natural disasters, so it should come as no surprise that South Carolina senator and GOP presidential hopeful, Lindsey Graham, has pleaded for federal aid for his home state after torrential rain and horrific flooding, despite voting against aid for residents of New Jersey after Hurricane Sandy in 2013. Graham’s response: “I’m all for helping the people in New Jersey. I don’t really remember me voting that way.  Anyway, I don’t really recall that, but I’d be glad to look and tell you why I did vote no, if I did.” Typical compassionate conservative Republican: deny, deny deny. The beat goes on.

Lindsey Graham explains why he supports federal aid for South Carolina and not New Jersey before finally calling attention to Benghazi.
GOP Presidential candidate, Senator and compassionate conservative hypocrite, Lindsey Graham, explains why he supports federal aid for South Carolina and not New Jersey.

Boehner’s Holy Revelation

There was some huge news this past week and we here at the Bucket are suffering from a massive case of Schadenfreude. Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner), has announced that he is resigning effective the end of the month. Of course, Boehner milked the moment for every thing it was worth in true christian martyr fashion, proclaiming by stepping down he is saving congress. However, we believe that Papa Francisco’s visit had a lot to do with the Orange Man’s departure. Boehner, a life long Catholic, was very moved by the pope’s visit. We think that while listening to his speech and looking out at the ‘christian’ Republicans sitting in the Senate and House, Boehner had a gobsmack revelation when he realized what astounding, hypocritical assholes he and his colleagues were in comparison with the pope.

Boehner provided a lot of laughs for us here at the Bucket over the years but we’re sure that his nut job replacement as Speaker will soon be providing comedic gold for satirists everywhere. We say good riddance to the Chief Oompa Loompa with one more photo-toon for the road.

Pope Francis' visit to Congress opened Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner's eyes and helped him realize what a colossal asshole he has been.
Republican Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa John Boehner, bids farewell to Congress after realizing what a colossal asshole he has been.

 

The Ice Queen Fibbeth

Carly Fiorina has ‘surged’ into second place in the sham that is Con-a-thon 2016. But she has caught a lot of flak recently and deservedly so for out and out lying about Planned Parenthood. This failed CEO and stone cold Ice Queen cooked up a video to support her lies. (Imagine that: a Republican making shit up!) But that’s par for the course for today’s compassionate, ‘pro-life’, conservative Republican. Tea Party Republicans in Congress right now are trying to defund Planned Parenthood stating that it would save taxpayers money on providing abortion services even though according to facts (something Republicans hate and ignore), only 3% of the money afforded to Planned Parenthood goes to abortion services. Here’s another article that points out the Republicans incoherence. Most of Planned Parenthood services go to STD prevention, cancer screening and providing contraception consultation. Make no mistake, the right wing, evangelical christians will do anything including the distinctly unchristian lying, cheating and deceiving to make sure a woman has no choice but to have her baby even if it might possibly mean the woman’s life ends. ‘Pro-life’ indeed!

In Carly Fiorina's mind, Planned Parenthood armies will force abortions on pregnant women and sell the body parts for drugs and liquor.
GOP Presidential candidate and stone cold Ice Queen, Carly Fiorina, creates a new fib of gigantic proportions in hopes of eliminating Planned Parenthood and winning the votes of the right wing wackos in charge of the Republican party.