Tag Archive for CEO

Wrapped In The Flag; Carrying A Cross

Let’s face it, folks; the year 2020 sucks! The events of the last two weeks (not to mention the last three years) have profoundly disturbed and shook us, which is why we had to recently post some old photo-toons so we could wrap our heads about the ugliness of it all. First, there was the repugnant murder of an unarmed black civilian, George Floyd, by Minneapolis police officers. If you’re any kind of sentient, sane, compassionate, sympathetic human being, the video of the police officer with his knee on Mr. Floyd’s neck was nauseating to watch. Predictably and justifiably, protests broke out, not only in cities across America but in other countries around the world. Unfortunately, our Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump, decided to play authoritarian strongman and chose to throw gasoline on the fire by egging police and military forces to take harsh actions against any and all protesters. He called for governors in each state to ‘dominate’. It’s kind of ironic that just a couple weeks ago, when the MÆGAMorons protested not being able to get manicures because of the coronavirus shutdown, Trump was all for protesters to liberate their states.

The examples of brutality have become legion in the past week alone. Certainly, the most visible is the one Trump and his droopy-faced hound dog Attorney General William Barr instigated by scheduling a photo-op and sending tear gas into a crowd so Trump could waltz across the street from his White House bunker to St. John’s church so he could hold a bible upside down and proclaim that he’s doing God’s work. Really convincing, eh? Even religious leaders criticized Trump for his using the bible as a prop. Of course, Trump and his fascist gaslighters have denied using tear gas despite the evidence. Also notable at this incident, were several unidentified armored officers. Could these secretive security forces possibly be Trump’s version of brownshirts showing up to enforce the will of dear Leader Trump? It certainly seems like it.

We’ve commented many times about fascism and fascists, especially the prediction credited to Sinclair Lewis that when it comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross. We even posted, before Trump was even elected, a handy dandy checklist comparing the NSDAP Party of 1930s Germany with 21st century Republicans. You know why? We’ve read a lot about the subject and when we see similarities we mention them. Like in Naomi Klein’s excellent book, The Shock Doctrine, Trump is following the playbook of authoritarian leaders who shock their own citizens into accepting their ideology and economic world view. The GOP has been planning this for the past twenty years. We even posted about it after Trump’s sham of an impeachment trial; it’s Trump über alles. Trump has been shocking us on a daily basis with a Twitter blitzkrieg for the last three years to crush our will and depress us. And what are the Republicans in Congress doing? They’re letting him get away with it because this is their plan. They’re goosestepping right behind him, pushing through laws that favor corporations and plutocrats while destroying the middle class as Trumpty Dumpty and Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican propaganda network, distract and gaslight us to death. Could these latest acts of authoritarianism and police brutality be the breaking point? We certainly hope so. We must continue to protest this clusterf*ck of a presidency and stand up against authoritarian rule. Fascism is unacceptable in America. Democracy and rule of law are what this country is all about. Freedom of speech is one of our most cherished freedoms. This is a country, by the people for the people; not by the corporation for the corporation. We the people must vote Trump and his fascist cohorts out of office in November!

Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump demonstrates that fascism has arrived in America by sexually abusing a flag (wrapped in the flag) and displaying an upside down bible (carrying a cross).
Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump demonstrates that fascism has arrived in America by sexually abusing a flag (wrapped in the flag) and displaying an upside down bible (carrying a cross).

CEO Dan Price Gets It


It’s only April but we here at the Bucket already have a nominee for Person of the Year. CEO Dan Price of Seattle’s Gravity Payments, a credit card processing company, lowered his pay by a million dollars and raised the pay of his workers so that the minimum wage at his company is $70k a year. Finally, a CEO that gets it! Since the ’80s, when Reaganomics brought upon massive deregulation, CEO salaries have skyrocketed so that now the average difference between CEO and worker salary in America, is around 257:1. For comparison purposes, in other countries, gaps range from between 28 in Poland to 148 in Switzerland (this report also reports the American gap at 354:1). This move by Dan Price is a breath of fresh air. Now if only more CEOs would follow his lead, workers would finally be able to have a living wage. They would have more money to not only afford the basics but also buy other items, which will in turn help boost the economy. Kudos to Dan Price!!! We salute you!!!

Billionaire President and CEO of Juggermart, Lawrence T. Juggers, says Dan Price is wrong and that CEOs need to treat employees like the scum they are.

Billionaire President and CEO of Juggermart, Lawrence T. Juggers, demonstrates why most Americans view today's CEOs as being greedy assholes.

Those Poor, Poor Millionaires


Continuing with our Corporate BS retrospective…This article is from our March 13th, 2005 issue, back when then President Bush signed the ‘Tort Reform’ bill. Never forget folks: corporations are the most important ‘people’ in America.

Bush’s Tort Reform Aids Poor, Defenseless Corporations

President Bush came to the rescue of poor American corporations recently when he signed into law the so called ‘Tort Reform’ bill which places limits on class action lawsuits placed against corporations.

“This is a momentous occasion for my corporate benefactors,” said Bush. “From now on, our poor, defenseless American corporations will never be fleeced by greedy, money-grubbing consumers who are out to screw our decent CEOs out of their hard earned millions.”

Sally Whitman, spokesperson of Drugzilla, one of America’s leading pharmaceutical companies, praised the legislation. “This bill is a godsend. I’m so sick of people complaining, ‘Oh, this medicine caused me to break out in a rash’, ‘This medicine made my child vomit’, ‘This medicine killed my husband’. Has anyone heard of the phrase, ‘Buyer Beware’? No one held a gun to your head to take the medicine. A doctor’s prescription doesn’t necessarily have to be followed, people.”

Dr. Ted Cargill said, “This is great for all us doctors who’ve ever had to worry about malpractice suits. Now when I mistakenly amputate a patient’s right leg instead of the left leg, I won’t have to suffer any consequences, like losing my license to practice medicine, my membership at the country club or my Porsche. God, I’d die if I lost my Porsche.”

Lawrence T. Juggers, President and CEO of Juggermart, said, “Now I don’t have to put up with employee complaints of working them over forty hours a week. They’ll work when I want them to work. When I say jump, they’ll say ‘How high, Mr. Juggers?’ I bet I can even get away with paying less than minimum wage now. That means maybe I can get vacation home number ten. I’m thinking a nice little hideaway in Aruba will do nicely.”

Consumer advocate, Clarence Simons, said, “This is disastrous for the average American. While it may be true there are a few tort lawyers who abuse the system, the majority of the cases brought before the state courts are legitimate. Now that the tort cases will be brought before federal courts, the likelihood of a case being dismissed will be greater. The consumer stands the chance of not having any retribution if they purchase a faulty product, have a conflict with an employer or are harmed by defective drugs. They will have no rights.”

Americans seemed ambivalent about the bill. Jenny Miller of Madison, Wisconsin, said, “I welcome corporate slavery. I don’t mind working an extra five, ten or twenty hours a week for my boss. I mean he doesn’t pay me more but there are benefits. He lets me take an extra donut every morning. I’d say that more than makes up for it.”

James S. Quinton, of Atlanta, Georgia, said, “Well I was going to sue Dr. Jamieson’s ass for giving me a sex change operation instead of a vasectomy. But I guess I can get used to wearing pantyhose and heels. I hope my wife doesn’t mind if I use hers.”

Ernest Jefferson, of Houston, Texas, who lost his life savings in the Enron scandal, said, “When I say the word, can you kick the chair I’m standing on out from underneath my legs. Thank you.”

The Job Creators

Our Corporate BS retrospective continues…This article is from our very first issue back on May 19, 2003. It’s amazing how some things remain the same in the ol’ Corporate States of America. Remember folks… it’s all about the profits.

CEO Says Layoff is ‘Move of Strength’

CEO Mike Montgomery of MicroDinks, Inc. says this weeks layoff of 25% of the work force was a ‘move of strength’. “This move will position us positively in the market place and enable us to be mean and lean for the future,” said Montgomery at a news conference.

“Move of strength my ass!” said laid off technician Jerry Nelson. “I’ve worked for MicroDinks for ten years and this is the thanks I get! I’ve got three small kids, a sick parent, a mortgage and two car payments. That two week severance check ain’t going to cover crap. And my health coverage is gone! I can’t afford those COBRA payments. They’re expensive as hell!  I’m screwed!”

John Germann, a laid off computer programmer said, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. The job market sucks. I’ve looked on monsterspaz.com, nerdorama.com and geeksforhire.com. There are just no technical jobs to be found.”

Montgomery insisted that the move was necessary in order for MicroDinks to make a profit for the upcoming fiscal year and keep stock prices high to appease stockholders.

Even though 250 people were laid off, neither Montgomery’s nor other officer’s salaries were cut. Montgomery makes a reported salary of $40 million year. Other officer salaries ranged from $5 million a year to $20 million a year.

“Well hot damn,” added Nelson. “That warms the cockles of my heart knowing that ol’ Mikey won’t have to sell his Porsche or his Hummer. He even gets to keep his five homes. Greedy Frigging Bastard!”

“Maybe I could get a job as his pool boy,” said Germann.