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Rewind: Rummy’s Iron Fist

A Donald popped up this past week that just about made us puke and it wasn’t Donald Trump. Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Defense during the Bush Administration and architect of the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War, resurfaced this week to hawk an app for Churchill Solitaire on various talk shows. But what also popped up this week was a recently declassified Joint Chief of Staffs document which proves that there were no WMDs in Iraq and that the Bush Administration lied to the American people and should be prosecuted as war criminals.

Rumsfeld also popped up last summer trying to clear himself from wrongdoing about the Iraq War. Last June, Rummy said that ‘The idea that we could fashion a democracy in Iraq seemed to me unrealistic. I was concerned about it when I first heard those words.’ Of course this runs counter to his rhetoric back in the summer of 2006, when he assailed any critics of the Iraq War as intellectual and morally confused appeasers. It boggles our minds that anybody would listen to anything this man says about foreign affairs after being so utterly wrong about Iraq. He should be doing time in jail instead of making the talk show circuit selling his app.

Here’s a photo-toon from our September 17, 2006 issue which shows what ol’ iron fisted Rummy would do with the appeasers.

Iron fisted Donald Rumsfeld wants to crush the real enemies of the Iraq War; the appeasers. — Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld tells the pliant crowd at the American Legion convention in Salt Lake City, Utah, that critics of the Iraq War are morally and intellectually confused and that they are in fact appeasing the Islamo-fascists much the way Europe appeased Hitler in the 1930s, while conveniently ignoring the fact (or not) that he and the Bush Administration are employing Nazi propaganda tactics to suppress dissent in this country.

Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country. – Herman Goering

Out-Trumped

And then there were…still way too many.

As our last post of 2015, we’re giving an update of the travesty of democracy that is Con-a-thon 2016 (only 10 and a half more months of this shit).

Lindsey Graham and George Pataki are the latest ejections from the Republican clown car. South Carolina Republican Senator Graham suspended his campaign before Christmas and former New York governor Pataki ended his yesterday. Both were polling in the microscopic region. Of course, with blowhard Donald Trump bloviating hot air and hatred 24/7, it’s not hard to figure out why nobody noticed them. We here at the Bucket would like to say we’ll miss these two, but we can’t…we just can’t. (Sweet Jesus, have we mentioned we still have 10 and a half more months of this shit!)

Nobody notices Lindsey Graham and George Pataki as Donald Trump bloviates hot air 24/7. — Lindsey Graham and George Pataki contemplate how people failed to notice their lackluster campaigns and uninspired messages of maintaining the status quo, while frontrunner, Donald Trump, bloviates something outrageous to the masses.

Flouting Godwin’s Law

At the risk of flouting Godwin’s Law, we’ve noticed how far to the right the Republican party has traveled over the past twenty years; specifically in the years after Dubya left office and with the rise of the Teabaggers. Now that Donald Trump has started to spew forth truly hateful rhetoric in this farce of an election called Con-a-thon 2016, comparisons to the NSDAP party(Nazis) of 1930’s Germany are not only inevitable, but necessary. Make no mistake, it’s not just Trump who believes this filth. Every Republican candidate believes it as well, especially Rubio and Cruz, who both have said some vile, nasty unchristian things toward immigrants, foreigners, gays, women, and non-christians. Although every single high ranking Republican condemned Trump for his words, they would absolutely vote for him and support him in the general election. Yep, Trump is the heart and soul of the current Republican party and it’s pretty ugly.

What grinds our gears though, is when right wing blowhards violate Godwin’s by bloviating and showing their ignorance by comparing Obama to Hitler. This is not only laughable but blatantly incorrect. History shows that the leaders of the NSDAP party were overwhelmingly right wing conservatives not leftists (For an excellent, informative read try Richard Evans’ Third Reich trilogy: The Coming of the Third Reich; The Third Reich in Power; and The Third Reich at War). They had a well oiled propaganda machine that spewed forth hateful rhetoric about minorities and foreigners who would serve as convenient scapegoats for all national maladies. They were against gays, democratic socialists (they would have killed Obama), immigrants, and unions. Women were second class citizens who would only be useful to provide further citizens for the nation. They promoted eternal warfare and invoked nationalism to incite citizens to join the military. They pushed for a strong military and were very friendly to corporations which fueled the military industrial complex. They would regularly stoke fear in the hearts of the citizenry by claiming the aforementioned scapegoats were going to ruin their nation. They would regularly stifle opposing viewpoints by announcing that anyone who disagreed were enemies of the state and should be eliminated. Hmmmm…notice any similarities? We think Americans must take notice, (Godwin’s Law be damned) and be very concerned about this 21st century neocon Republican party that, according to its propaganda, wants to ‘make America great again’ just as a certain right wing conservative fascist party wanted to make Germany great again in the 1930s.

The modern Republican Party has some eerie and frightening similarities to a certain right wing conservative fascist party from 20th century Germany, a.k.a. the Nazis. — The modern Republican Party has some eerie and frightening similarities to a certain right wing conservative fascist party from 20th century Germany.

Mein Trumpf

Amazingly, Donald Trump is still dominating the Republican field in the charade that is Con-a-thon 2016. This, despite some rather recent fascist-like statements, like his wanting to keep all Muslims out of the United States. But this is all going according to plan for the Republicans, who are master con artists, propagandists and media manipulators. The sacrificial lamb Donald Trump, is making the extremists within the party, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, look sane by comparison, thereby setting them up to obtain the nomination next summer as the less dangerous choice. Ahhhh….Joseph Goebbels would be proud.

Speaking of which….just in time for the holiday season, The Donald has come out with a delightful new book, (reminiscent of another book by some 20th century German fascist), explaining his fascist tendencies and his authoritarian vision for the future of the Holy Corporate Empire with its dictator…er…president, Donald Trump (or shall we say Trumpf). It even has a picture of Herr Trumpf dressed in the fascist uniform of the 21st century; the designer business suit. Like the cover says…READ IT! NOW!!!!!

just in time for the holiday season, Donald Trump's new book, Mein Trumpf, makes an ideal stocking stuffer for the fascist in your family. — Just in time for the holiday season, Donald Trump’s new book, Mein Trumpf, makes an ideal stocking stuffer for the fascist in your family.

Screw Thanksgiving! All Hail Black Friday!

At this time of year, in the not too distant past, it used to be that people would gather around the dinner table with their families and friends, feast on turkey and pumpkin pie, play a little football, watch a little football, take tryptophan and wine induced naps and spend time with their loved ones, talking, playing and enjoying each others company.

Well, screw all that. There’s a new holiday in town and it’s called Black Friday. Why is this holiday replacing Thanksgiving? Because there is a thing in America called consumerism and it must me fed 24/7, 365 days a year or America will fall apart. Yes, thanks to a partnership from hell between corporate America and the ever pliant corporate media, Americans are bombarded with news of sales, sales, sales, even on Thanksgiving day. Hmmmm. Sales or family and friends? The choice is clear for today’s materialistic consumer automatons. Buy! Buy! Buy!!! And Bill O’Reilly thinks atheists are leading the so called ‘War on Christmas’. What a pinhead!

Screw Thanksgiving! Black Friday is America's new favorite holiday. — An American consumer automaton declares her love of the new holiday Black Friday, which replaces the much lamer Thanksgiving.

Do Unto Your Brother; But Only If He’s Christian

The big news lately in the wake of the Paris terrorists’ attack last week is what to do with the Syrian refugees. Many Americans are against letting them into the country at all, while others are demanding stricter standards for allowing them into the country. While we think sending troops to Syria is a knee jerk reaction, we think stricter vetting of the refugees isn’t such a bad idea. We should use the same solid background checks that we use for any American who wants to purchase a gun. What could possibly go wrong with that plan? (Side note:Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, recently piped up and said Jesus would have loved guns.)

We also find it a bit odd that the most christian of the christians of the Republican candidates are saying that only christian refugees should be allowed into the country. Hmmmm…what would Capitalist Jesus have to say about that?

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests to use them on Syrian refugees because Christians rule. — Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, confesses his love for guns and suggests a use for them to his gun loving Christian followers.

Ben Carson: Truth Doctor

As predicted, the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 is living up to expectations. The Donald no longer is the front runner and there is a new flavor of the month in the lead. That distinction now belongs to famed evangelical neurosurgeon Ben Carson. Unbelievably, this man has risen to the top of the GOP heap and in some polls(we suspect extremely errant polls) he’s even ahead of Hilary Clinton. Of course, all this despite Dr. Carson uttering the most non-sensical crap ever to spew forth from a presidential candidate’s mouth. But then you can never be too crazy with this year’s candidates in the Republican clown car. Seriously folks, the things that Carson has said are just mind-blowingly inane.

It appears that Dr. Carson is a pathological fabricator. He claims that he was excessively violent as an ‘impoverished’ child but no one who knew him back then can corroborate his story. He also falsely claimed to have applied for and been accepted to West Point. And this so called man of science doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks the Big Bang is a fairy tale.

In addition, it has recently been documented how that his house is basically a temple to himself. This follows along with the prosperity gospel being taught by many of today’s evangelical preachers, which is why the christian Tea Baggers are nuts for him…you know…because he believes in Jeebus. This despite his actions and viewpoints being mostly against anything Jesus ever said or did. But christians are authoritarians and when someone in authority, like Dr. Carson, says something, the good little sheep believe and obey. And of course, the authoritarian dictating his doctrines, like Dr. Carson, believes the truth is whatever he says it is.

Do Americans really want this chronic fibber as their leader? Well Dubya was president for eight years, so maybe they miss all the lies and deceptions. America is pretty dysfunctional in that respect. We’ve got another year to go in this travesty of democracy so we guess anything can happen. Maybe Jim Gilmore will come out of nowhere and be the next Republican flavor of the month.

Dr. Ben Carson explains that the Pyramids were for storing grain and the Great Wall of China was a big roller coaster much to the delight of his evangelical Teabagger followers. — New GOP frontrunner, Dr. Ben Carson, proclaims to all his evangelical Teabagger sheeple that the truth is pretty much what he says it is.

Salk, Hero; Shkreli, Zero

How about that Martin Shkreli, huh? What a piece of work he is. In case, you don’t know, Martin Shkreli is the wunderkind CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals who recently made every sane person’s list of most hated man in the world recently by raising the price of a life saving drug Daraprim from $13.50 to $750 per pill. Yes, you read that right… $750 per pill.

And now poor little rich man is mad at Bernie Sanders because Mr. Shkreli wanted to donate to Sanders campaign and Sanders wisely rejected the donation. According to Shkreli, he is so mad at Sanders that he could punch a wall. Ahhhhh! Poor wittle baby!!! Well, I think it’s safe to say that there are many Americans who would like to punch Mr. Shkreli’s greedy, smug little face into oblivion.

Shkreli could learn a lot about ethics from Dr. Jonas Salk. Salk discovered the vaccine for polio and instead of filing a patent, which could have made him a gazillionaire, famously said “There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?”. He had no desire to profit personally but instead wanted the vaccine distributed as widely as possible in order to cure as many people as possible of this dreaded disease. Of course, in this age of greed and profits at any and all costs, Dr. Salk’s actions are scoffed at by most modern day doctors and scientists, who seem to support the idea of putting profits before people. This way of thinking seems counter not only to the Hippocratic Oath (“I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.“) but also to basic christianity, which this nation supposedly has claimed itself to be.

Health care for humans and even our pets has become ridiculously expensive. What’s needed is regulation for the pharmaceutical and medical industry so prices remain affordable to every American, not just the rich. But people keep electing people to Congress who are against any kind of regulation (a.k.a Republicans). One thing is for certain; health care for profit is a bad idea and one that needs changing. Either that, or say hello to more assholes like Mr. Shkreli with their $750 pills.

Dr Jonas Salk is a hero and Mr. Martin Shkreli is a zero. — Mr. Martin Shkreli and his price gouging brand of health care has a long way to go to if he wants to have the same status as Dr. Jonas Salk.

The Republicans’ Toxic Masculinity Problem

The Republicans’ stupid has been coming fast and furious lately…it’s been hard for us to keep up. But we’ve got to comment on Jeb Bush’s statements following the school shootings in Oregon last week. In an interview following the tragedy, ‘compassionate conservative’ Jeb stated that you know ‘Stuff happens’. Can’t you just feel the sympathy oozing from his pores? Just the latest in our corporate lackey politicians licking the gun barrels of the NRA, the weapons industry and the military industrial complex. Because you know you can’t possibly be a man unless you have a gun and of course, as in all things manly, you’ve got to have either a big gun or a lot of them.

There’s a new buzzword that’s been making the rounds lately called ‘toxic masculinity’ and this catch phrase fits today’s gun culture perfectly. Since December 2012, we’ve had 990 mass shootings. When you care more about a gun than living beings, that’s a sign of a sick society. Our spineless politicians should stand up to the gun lobbyists and say enough is enough. It’s incredible that Republicans are so myopic that they’re still focusing on the 4 lives lost at Benghazi and not the 1249 people lost to gun violence in the past three years. It’s time for Americans to vote these incompetents out of office. If our elected officials won’t take the necessary steps to make this country safer, then maybe it’s time for new elected officials.

GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that 'stuff happens' while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval. — GOP Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, compassionately explains that ‘stuff happens’ while NRA executive vice president, Wayne LaPierre, gives him a big vote of approval.

Boehner’s Holy Revelation

There was some huge news this past week and we here at the Bucket are suffering from a massive case of Schadenfreude. Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner), has announced that he is resigning effective the end of the month. Of course, Boehner milked the moment for every thing it was worth in true christian martyr fashion, proclaiming by stepping down he is saving congress. However, we believe that Papa Francisco’s visit had a lot to do with the Orange Man’s departure. Boehner, a life long Catholic, was very moved by the pope’s visit. We think that while listening to his speech and looking out at the ‘christian’ Republicans sitting in the Senate and House, Boehner had a gobsmack revelation when he realized what astounding, hypocritical assholes he and his colleagues were in comparison with the pope.

Boehner provided a lot of laughs for us here at the Bucket over the years but we’re sure that his nut job replacement as Speaker will soon be providing comedic gold for satirists everywhere. We say good riddance to the Chief Oompa Loompa with one more photo-toon for the road.

Pope Francis' visit to Congress opened Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner's eyes and helped him realize what a colossal asshole he has been. — Republican Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa John Boehner, bids farewell to Congress after realizing what a colossal asshole he has been.