Tag Archive for holiday

I’ll Have A Blue Festivus Without You

We’ll its that time of year where we trot out the Festivus Pole and air our grievances. The state of our country is similar to last year. Democracy is still alive but barely. TFG has been indicted and is up on 91 criminal counts spread over four trials and yet he is the leading GOP candidate for President. The Republicans have done absolutely nothing except fail at doing any kind of meaningful legislation which is pretty much the job of a legislator. Speaker Kevin McCarthy was dumped and the GOP finally came up with a christian nationalist named Mike Johnson to lead their circus of clowns. The economy is rumbling along and domestically things seem to be stabilizing. Infrastructure is slowly being built back up. Unemployment is down and inflation has been checked. Biden is doing a good job trying to do the impossible: juggle the Ukraine War and the never ending crises in the Middle East. But according to polls, somehow Biden is even or losing to the pathological lying crook TFG. Some MAGA Morons are even saying they want a dictatorship with the orange haired megalomaniac in charge. And yet the corporate media compliantly keeps the microphone in front of these idiots’ faces while completely ignoring sane, sensible people who think Biden and the Democrats are doing a good job of governing and want a functioning democracy and not a corporate/christian theocracy. Well, we think that we’ve filled our grievance quota for this year.

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus. And to all those Republican, MAGA Morons, TFG acolytes, QAnon nutbags and everyone who continue to support Trump and shamelessly promote a fascist takeover by christian nationalists . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Top Last Minute Drug Store Xmas Gifts

The holiday season is in full swing. If you’ve got a big family and many friends you just may be in danger of overlooking somebody until the last possible minute. No worries! We’re here to help!

We’ve come up with a list of swell gifts to buy from your local drug store at five minutes to closing on Christmas Eve for that lucky someone. You’ll definitely be remembered for your . . . eh-hem . . . thoughtfulness.

  • A tube of hemorrhoid cream
  • A CD of ‘Fabio’s Greatest Christmas Hits’ (in the discount bin)
  • A pack of Marlboro Lights
  • A jar of calcium gummies
  • A ribbed condom
  • A tube of holiday gift wrap
  • A bitchin’ sphygmomanometer
  • A crazy swirly glass straw
  • A roll of toilet paper (this was like gold back in 2020)
  • Some hearing aid batteries
  • An ovulation test kit
  • A DVD of ‘Christmas with the Kranks’ (in the super discount bin)
  • A package of leopard print jeggings
  • If you’re in Texas, an AR-15
  • A ‘fifth’ of Jack Daniels

Festivus Pole, Festivus Pole, Festivus Pole Rock

We’ll its that time of year where we trot out the Festivus Pole and air our grievances. But since we always air our grievances, we’ll keep it short. Democracy is still alive but barely. The Democrats managed to maintain control of the Senate but the House is now the hands of Republicans, several of whom helped plan the Jan. 6th riots (MTG, Gosar, Biggs, etc…) but amazingly enough are still in Congress. We’re coming up on two years now since the attempted coup and all we’ve got is referrals for criminal charges against TFG. We’ll refer to our synopsis from two years ago when the pandemic was raging : American democracy is still alive, but it’s on a ventilator.

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus. And to all those Republican, MAGA Morons, TFG acolytes, QAnon nutbags and everyone who voted to end democracy and promote a fascist takeover by christian nationalists . . .we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

I’ll Be Home For Festivus

Despite the fact that the new Omicron variant of the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus is spreading like wildfire around the globe and cancelling many holiday festivities for a second straight year, we’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to all the TFG loving, QAnon nut jobs who stormed the Capitol and the conservative christian Republicans who enable and encourage their democracy threatening antics . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s A Festivus Miracle

We’ve been enjoying our break from commentary about current events so much that we’ve decided to extend our vacation until after New Year’s Day 2021. We’ve also thoroughly enjoyed the spectacle of the Trump machine failing and sputtering monumentally at overturning the election. But like we’ve pointed out after the election, it’s incredibly disturbing that 126 GOP lawmakers and 19 state’s Attorneys General actually signed on to overthrow the election results to keep their authoritarian leader in power. Fortunately, the Supreme Court rejected it thus preserving democracy in America at least temporarily . . . until the next lame ass Republican effort. Was it a Festivus miracle? Er . . . no . . . but democracy is not well in this country. We’ll use a coronavirus analogy to illustrate the unfortunate and inconvenient truth: American democracy is still alive, but it’s on a ventilator.

With that dismal grievance filed, we’d still like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! And to the Trump family and all the enablers, sycophants and zombie supporters of the orange-skinned petulant man child, we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Have Yourself A Merry Little Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! Or a given the recent news, a Merry Impeachmas!

And to Trump supporters and the conservative christian Republican enablers who claim that Trump is a better president than Abraham Lincoln, compare him to Jesus Christ and don’t support impeaching him. . .we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Have A Holly, Jolly Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who’ve enabled the lying, orange haired, megalomaniac man child these past two years…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Rockin’ Around The Festivus Pole

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who just passed a massive tax cut for the plutocrats of this nation…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Happy Festivus To You

And so we’re offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times
Many ways, Happy Festivus to you

That even goes for you, too,  Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole