Tag Archive for holiday

Rockin’ Around The Festivus Pole

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who just passed a massive tax cut for the plutocrats of this nation…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Happy Festivus To You

And so we’re offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times
Many ways, Happy Festivus to you

That even goes for you, too,  Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Mein Trumpf

Amazingly, Donald Trump is still dominating the Republican field in the charade that is Con-a-thon 2016. This, despite some rather recent fascist-like statements, like his wanting to keep all Muslims out of the United States. But this is all going according to plan for the Republicans, who are master con artists, propagandists and media manipulators. The sacrificial lamb Donald Trump, is making the extremists within the party, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, look sane by comparison, thereby setting them up to obtain the nomination next summer as the less dangerous choice. Ahhhh….Joseph Goebbels would be proud.

Speaking of which….just in time for the holiday season, The Donald has come out with a delightful new book, (reminiscent of another book by some 20th century German fascist),  explaining his fascist tendencies and his authoritarian vision for the future of the Holy Corporate Empire with its dictator…er…president, Donald Trump (or  shall we say Trumpf). It even has a picture of Herr Trumpf dressed in the fascist uniform of the 21st century; the designer business suit. Like the cover says…READ IT! NOW!!!!!

just in time for the holiday season, Donald Trump's new book, Mein Trumpf, makes an ideal stocking stuffer for the fascist in your family.

Just in time for the holiday season, Donald Trump’s new book, Mein Trumpf, makes an ideal stocking stuffer for the fascist in your family.

Happy Festivus To All, And To All A Good Night

Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Festivus For The Rest Of Us

Festivus is officially celebrated on December 23rd…so we’re late a couple days. Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Top Holiday Gifts For 2013

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
  • A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
  • ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
  • The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
  • Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
  • A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
  • ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
  • Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
  • ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
  • A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
  • Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
  • ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
  • A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
  • Guns, guns and more guns
  • Healthcare

 

Holiday Conversations At The Mall

iPads, iPhones, Androids and other mobile devices are everywhere and you can really observe this when you go xmas shopping your nearest mall. In the olden days, one might turn to the person shopping next to them or standing in line and start a conversation. Now, everyone is having conversations… on their cell phones. They’re chatting with their best friends about the bargains they’re seeing or they’ve got their heads down gazing at their smart phones checking their all important Facebook status. Happy Holidays folks, but please don’t talk to us…we’re playing Angry Birds.

Everyone is spreading holiday cheer this year at the local shopping mall by constantly checking their mobile devices and having conversations...on their cell phones.

 

 

Baby Talk, Baby Talk

Well it’s the holiday season so that means that it’s time to go out and shop for all your loved ones. So what should you get your baby or toddler this year. Skip the toys, dolls and stuffed animals. We think there’s no better gift to give your infant than a cell phone and bluetooth. Mobile devices are ubiquitous these days and you might as well get your little one wired up as soon as possible because there is nothing more important in life than staying connected to the grid.

Wireless companies are targeting an increasingly younger audience these days.

Top Mall Stores That Won’t Make It

The holiday season has come and gone and with it comes the inevitable decline in shopping. But while we were running around hectically trying to find that perfect gift, we also noticed that there were some specialty stores in the malls of Cactus Corners, that because of their merchandise or services, probably won’t be around for very much longer. Here they are in convenient list form.

  • Faded Charms Used Lingerie
  • T’oh Clipperz
  • Broccoli on a Stick
  • Dickeys For Less
  • Paper Clip City
  • The Tampon Hut
  • Olson’s Designer Toothpicks
  • Itchy Cosmetics
  • Whirligigs and Crap
  • The Lederhosen Depot
  • Turnip Treats
  • The Amish Fashion Barn
  • Turbans, Turbans, Turbans
  • U.S. Army Recruiter