Thanksgiving – BilgeBucket Gazette

Turkey Day Time Out

While America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and rejected, petulant man child Donald Trump continues his post-election temper tantrum and President-elect Joe Biden constructs his cabinet with little help from the Trump administration, we’ve decided to take some time off to catch our breath and regain some sanity and perspective on what the future holds for our country.

Let’s face it, folks: 2020 has sucked. Yes, Joe Biden won the presidency, but coronavirus continues to run amok amongst the human population on planet Earth and the Trump cult is still out there spreading ignorance, hatred and misinformation that is as bad or worse than the virulent pathogen. Let’s all just take a little time off, reset our compasses and maybe take a trip to sci-news.com and appreciate all the wonderful, amazing, spectacular things our universe has to offer, all made understandable by scientific inquiry. We’ll be back real soon.

Gone Fishin' - Be Back Soon! — We’re taking a break America. We’ll be back real soon.

Screw Thanksgiving! All Hail Black Friday!

At this time of year, in the not too distant past, it used to be that people would gather around the dinner table with their families and friends, feast on turkey and pumpkin pie, play a little football, watch a little football, take tryptophan and wine induced naps and spend time with their loved ones, talking, playing and enjoying each others company.

Well, screw all that. There’s a new holiday in town and it’s called Black Friday. Why is this holiday replacing Thanksgiving? Because there is a thing in America called consumerism and it must me fed 24/7, 365 days a year or America will fall apart. Yes, thanks to a partnership from hell between corporate America and the ever pliant corporate media, Americans are bombarded with news of sales, sales, sales, even on Thanksgiving day. Hmmmm. Sales or family and friends? The choice is clear for today’s materialistic consumer automatons. Buy! Buy! Buy!!! And Bill O’Reilly thinks atheists are leading the so called ‘War on Christmas’. What a pinhead!

Screw Thanksgiving! Black Friday is America's new favorite holiday. — An American consumer automaton declares her love of the new holiday Black Friday, which replaces the much lamer Thanksgiving.

Corporate Douchery

The fallout from Con-a-thon 2012 continues with more Republicans and corporatists whining about the re-election of President Obama. Ranging from Papa John’s CEO stating that he’ll have to raise prices on his pizzas a whopping 14 cents to cover the costs of Obamacare to other captains of industry firing people rather than cut their own obscene salaries. To add insult to injury, huge department store chains have cut their workers hours and salaries and decided to open up their stores on Thanksgiving as well. So rather than do the whole wholesome, conservative family values thing and spend time with your family, spend time in the store fighting other people for unbelievable bargains.

What’s even more astonishing is that people showed up in droves to the stores on Thanksgiving. So now it looks like Black Thursday will replace Black Friday and probably Thanksgiving as the big event in November. And ‘culture warrior’ Bill O’Reilly blames atheists for the ‘War on Christmas’ and not the greedos in corporate America.