Tag Archive for Hollywood

Another Shooting? Ho Hum…

Joe Biden promised during his presidential campaign to return the country to normalcy after the clusterf*ck reign of America’s Twice Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. And so far, he’s off to a good start. He’s gotten people vaccinated, he’s getting his cabinet approved, and he’s started to restore America’s reputation abroad.

But one thing has reared it’s ugly head that nobody wanted to return; mass shootings. In the past two weeks, we’ve had shootings in Atlanta and Boulder. And as usual, the same, pathetic response by the corporate media and politicians has occurred in the aftermath of the tragedies. One Atlanta police captain quoted another investigator saying that the shooter in the Atlanta case was having a ‘bad day’. Ahhh. That poor widdle killer! But then again that’s par for the course in America. We’ve noted here many times before that the motto for most conservatives in this country is In Guns We Trust. After every mass shooting, these 2nd Amendment gun nuts come out and poo-poo the whole ordeal, the NRA bitches and moans and the corporate lackeys in Congress sit on their hands and do nothing. What’s more is that the corporate media and Hollywood focus on the killers. The madmen who pull the trigger became famous and some even have movies made about them, while the victims melt into the background and are remembered only by friends and family. You’d think after the Sandy Hook massacre way back in 2012, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! You’d think after the 2012 Aurora movie theater massacres, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! You’d think after the Orlando nightclub shootings in 2016, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! Take a look at the mass shootings in America. But Republicans seem to only be concerned about stopping people from voting, not from killing one another.

There’s been talk that President Biden may issue an executive order to ban assault weapons. Since the Republicans seem to not give a damn about saving people’s lives either from mass shootings or the coronavirus, we say go for it, Joe! We’re sick of the mass shootings, but we’re even more sick of the same old excuses by feckless conservative politicians and the goddamn NRA.

A conservative police captain shows sympathy for the poor shooter and reminds citizens who foolishly want sane gun laws that the motto of the United States is In Guns We Trust.
A conservative police captain shows sympathy for the poor shooter and reminds citizens who foolishly want sane gun laws that the motto of the United States is In Guns We Trust.

Must…Worship….Celebrities!


And now for something completely different…

Remember when there was a dearth of celebrity worship shows? Neither do we. Here’s an article from our January 4, 2004 issue.

American Crisis: Shortage Of Celebrity Worship Shows

America is facing a huge crisis of gargantuan proportions the likes of which haven’t been seen in some time: the shortage of celebrity worship shows. Entertainment industry experts proclaim this year could be dire for celebrity obsessed Americans.

Hollywood Beat reporter Joel Tinsel said “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s just brutal out there! Currently, the only way to keep track of your favorite celebrities are shows like Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, Extra, Celebrity Justice, Cribs, Celebrity Stalker, Celebrity Anus Probe and Entertainment Studios.com. Then there are celebrity talk shows like David Letterman, Conan, Tonight Show, Carson Daly, Craig Kilborn, El Gordo y la Flaca, Sharon Osbourne, Ellen DeGeneres, The View, Ali and Jack, Regis and Kelly, Bumphus and Mortimer, and Toolin’ with Aunt Tootie. And then there are the game shows which really are celebrity worship shows like Hollywood Squares, 10,000 Dollar Pyramid and Tinseltown Airheads. As you can see, this clearly is not enough for the millions of Americans that are clamoring to touch a star!”

Jill Knotts of Brainerd, Minnesota said, “I need to know what Britney Spears is doing morning, noon and night. You see, I don’t have a life of my own, so I need to live through her. If I don’t know what she’s doing I just cower in the corner of my closet and suck my thumb for hours on end.”

Tyler Moore of Eagle Butte, Idaho said, “I’m all about couples news, man. I need to know which couples are together and which have broken up. You know the power couples, like Brad and Jennifer, Will and Jada, Bennifer, Michael and Catherine Zeta Jones, Julia Roberts and whoever, Anne Heche and whatever. If I lose track of this vital information I’d probably kill myself.”

Mary Deacon of Claypitt, Georgia said, “Before I develop my own opinion on any subject, I wait until I hear what the celebrities think on the subject. I mean after all, they’re the most intelligent people on the planet. They’re so much better than I am. If Jessica Simpson says no to world hunger, then that’s all I need to know.”

Industry insiders have mentioned that electronic tracking devices will soon be implanted into all celebrities so that reporting on their activities will be much easier. Trials have already been performed on such top celebs as Anna Nicole Smith, Pauly Shore and Victoria Jackson. Marilu Henner even has a twenty-four hour channel documenting every phase of her life.

Tinsel reacted tearfully to the new technology. “This is sooooooo fantastic! Americans will never be without knowledge of celebrity whereabouts ever again! OMG! Marilu Henner is cutting her toenails!”

The End Of The World As We Know It


An earth shaking event occurred this past week that affected everyone all over the world and very well could signal the apocalypse. Every news outlet covered it as one of it’s top stories and people and pundits alike are debating the significance and consequences of it. Did another nuclear reactor start leaking radiation? Was there another oil or chemical spill? Did North Korea launch a nuclear missile? Did war break out in the Middle East? No folks, I’m afraid it’s much worse than that.

Which celebrity do we worship now that Justin Bieber has been arrested. Is it the end of the world.

The arrest of teen pop artist, Justin Bieber, on suspicion of a DUI just may bring on the apocalypse.