Akron Instead Of Dallas?

During our 20th anniversary retrospective last year, we reposted a couple of photo-toons from our Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors feature we had from 2003-2009, postulating that we would resurrect the light hearted feature in the future when we needed a palate cleanser from the dirty world of politics. We’ll here’s our latest installment, just in time to take a break from TFG and his corrupt pals in the joke that is the Roberts’ Supreme Court.

What’s more fun these days than trivia . . .especially trivia about America’s favorite pastime. No, it’s not baseball trivia. And no it’s not trivia on the sex life of Paris Hilton. It’s the boob tube, the idiot box . . . TV trivia! Yes, and what’s even more peachy keen is this trivia may not even be true; dare we say gossip, because you know, checking sources takes a lot of time and we’ve got TV to watch. So we present to you Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors! Yes, we’re talking seconds of entertainment all in one feature.

Today’s completely not made-up authentic rumor is that the smash ’80s TV show Dallas was originally named Akron and set in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. The show was to revolve around the exploits of the Ewing family who were a clan of rubber robber barons. Wow! Does that sound exciting or what? If this show would’ve taken off, people would have flocking to Akron during the ’80s instead of Dallas. Oh, what could have been.

Rumor has it that Dallas was originally named Akron when it was first conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around the Ewing family who were rubber robber barons living in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. Fortunately, veteran actor Larry Hagman suggested that the Ewings be a family of oil tycoons who lived on a sprawling ranch in the Texas city of Dallas, which was experiencing massive growth at the time. The result was one of the most popular television series of all time. The third season cliffhanger episode of "Who shot J.R.?" was one of the most watched episodes ever and made Larry Hagman a megastar. We can only imagine at how quickly the show would have been cancelled had it stayed in Akron.
Rumor has it that Dallas was originally named Akron when it was first conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around the Ewing family who were rubber robber barons living in the rubber capital of the world, Akron, Ohio. Fortunately, veteran actor Larry Hagman suggested that the Ewings be a family of oil tycoons who lived on a sprawling ranch in the Texas city of Dallas, which was experiencing massive growth at the time. The result was one of the most popular television series of all time. The third season cliffhanger episode of “Who shot J.R.?” was one of the most watched episodes ever and made Larry Hagman a megastar. We can only imagine at how quickly the show would have been cancelled had it stayed in Akron.

Rewind: The Rockford Flies?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Here’s the second (and final) of our old photo-toon series called Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors. The intro for this schtick was as follows:

What’s more fun these days than trivia . . .especially trivia about America’s favorite pastime. No, it’s not baseball trivia. And no it’s not trivia on the sex life of Paris Hilton. It’s the boob tube, the idiot box . . . TV trivia! Yes, and what’s even more peachy keen is this trivia may not even be true; dare we say gossip, because you know, checking sources takes a lot of time and we’ve got TV to watch. So we present to you Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors! Yes, we’re talking seconds of entertainment all in one feature.

In this photo-toon from our October 28. 2006 issue, we explore the completely not made-up authentic rumor that the original title of The Rockford Files was actually a transposition of the l and i in the word flies resulting in much more intriguing and hilarious The Rockford Flies. Can’t you just see it now? James Garner as a garbage man solving crimes with two super intelligent talking flies named Buzz and Maggie. We believe it would have been just as good as old TV classics like Mr. T and Tina, Joanie Loves Chachi and Manimal. Oh, what could have been!

Rumor has it that this show was named The Rockford Flies when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around an easy going garbage collector on the gritty streets of Los Angeles who solves crimes with the help of two super intelligent talking flies named Buzz and Maggie. Fortunately savvy star James Gardner suggested to simply transpose the l and the i in the title and make Rockford an easy going private investigator living in a Malibu beach trailer and replace the flies with a human dad. The result was an Emmy winning classic television detective show that lasted six seasons and produced one of the best loved theme songs by Mike Post. We can only speculate what may have happened had the executives kept the original title and premise. We predict it would have challenged Mr. T. and Tina, Joanie Love Chachi and Manimal on the top of the scrap heap of awful television shows.
Rumor has it that this show was named The Rockford Flies when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around an easy going garbage collector on the gritty streets of Los Angeles who solves crimes with the help of two super intelligent talking flies named Buzz and Maggie. Fortunately savvy star James Gardner suggested to simply transpose the l and the i in the title and make Rockford an easy going private investigator living in a Malibu beach trailer and replace the flies with a human dad. The result was an Emmy winning classic television detective show that lasted six seasons and produced one of the best loved theme songs by Mike Post. We can only speculate what may have happened had the executives kept the original title and premise. We predict it would have challenged Mr. T. and Tina, Joanie Love Chachi and Manimal on the top of the scrap heap of awful television shows.

Rewind: Diagnosis Mortar?

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

We’re still rummaging through our archives and we discovered a fun little photo-toon series that we called Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors. Unfortunately, we only produced a couple pieces but the possibilities for hijinx are endless given that the Internet is the rumor mill on steroids, so we may try resurrecting it in the near future . . . that is if we don’t become a fascist authoritarian nightmare after the 2024 election. The intro for this schtick was as follows:

What’s more fun these days than trivia . . .especially trivia about America’s favorite pastime. No, it’s not baseball trivia. And no it’s not trivia on the sex life of Paris Hilton. It’s the boob tube, the idiot box . . . TV trivia! Yes, and what’s even more peachy keen is this trivia may not even be true; dare we say gossip, because you know, checking sources takes a lot of time and we’ve got TV to watch. So we present to you Super Neato TV Trivia Rumors! Yes, we’re talking seconds of entertainment all in one feature.

In this photo-toon from our March 29. 2007 issue, we explore the completely not made-up authentic rumor that the original title of Diagnosis Murder was actually Diagnosis Mortar. Now that would’ve been an exciting TV show, amirite? Dick Van Dyke as a doctor moonlighting as a masonry advisor for Hollywood celebrities? Why, the jokes write themselves!

Rumor has it that this show was named Diagnosis Mortar when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around a respected L.A. doctor, who moonlights as a masonry advisor for celebrities. Fortunately, television legend, Dick Van Dyke, realized the lameness of the premise and suggested that his character, Dr. Sloan, moonlight as a detective solving some of L.A.'s toughest murders. The result was a classic television series that lasted from 1993 to 2001. This despite having Scott Baio on the show for two years. The idea for Diagnosis Mortar was resurrected in 2004 by Fox with star Bob Villa, but was cancelled half way through the show's first commercial break.
Rumor has it that this show was named Diagnosis Mortar when it was originally conceived by Hollywood writers. The show would revolve around a respected L.A. doctor, who moonlights as a masonry advisor for celebrities. Fortunately, television legend, Dick Van Dyke, realized the lameness of the premise and suggested that his character, Dr. Sloan, moonlight as a detective solving some of L.A.’s toughest murders. The result was a classic television series that lasted from 1993 to 2001. This despite having Scott Baio on the show for two years. The idea for Diagnosis Mortar was resurrected in 2004 by Fox with star Bob Villa, but was cancelled half way through the show’s first commercial break.