Tag Archive for holy

WWTD: What Would Trump Do?

As more and more information comes to the forefront in the House’s impeachment investigation, it appears that instead of re-evaluating their support for America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and seeing the light, Trump supporters, especially those of the evangelical variety, seem to be doubling down in their almost cult-like worship of a man who is the epitome of the golden calf mentioned in the old testament of the bible. Seriously, folks . . . Jesus’ preaching smacked of socialism and yet people choose the greedy capitalist who likes to grab women by the pussy as they’re new savior?

So why are these supposedly holy people supporting the polar opposite of their lord and savior Jesus Christ? Good question. Here at the Bucket, we’ve been completely baffled for the last four years. Could it just be that they love ‘owning the libs’? How can evangelicals support bashing skulls in the name of Jesus? This one article asserts that modern evangelicals reject the reality based world in the 21st century – you know, facts, logic, reasoning and the worst taboo of all, science – and whole-heartedly embrace the world presented to them by Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network and Donald Trump. As we’ve noted here before, it’s a fusion of Nazism, corporatism and christian theocracy, a holy trinity of authoritarianism if you will, which is creating the Holy Corporate Empire in which we now live in. Thus, there is the cult-like following of the evangelicals, especially in the rural areas of the South and Midwest, who are wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.

Unfortunately, even if Trump gets impeached, it may be quite a dilemma to remove him from office. Trump supporters, like this one MLB umpire, are even crowing that they’ll actually take up arms. Thus, we have no doubt that Trumpies from all across the nation could very well take to the streets and use thuggery and the word of Trump to impose their will on the nation. Onward christian thugs: praise the lord and pass the ammunition!

Some red state Republican voters discuss how truly christlike Donald Trump is and ponder forcefully spreading his word to some unsuspecting immigrants.
Some red state Republican voters discuss how truly christlike Donald Trump is and ponder forcefully spreading his word to some unsuspecting immigrants.

Holy Shit!


It’s been awhile since we’ve posted some of our old satire articles from 2003-2009. So we’re going to start posting them more often, maybe a couple times a week. To start things off, in the wake of the religious fallout from the Charlie Hebdo attacks, here’s one from our Religious BS file dated June 2, 2003.

Holy Shit: Man Has Feces Shaped Like Virgin Mary

Local man Hector Torres has claimed that the Virgin Mary has visited and blessed him in the form of feces in his toilet.

“I was taking a dump,” said Torres. “And I look down into the bowl and there was this turd shaped exactly like the Virgin Mary. So I call my wife Maria into the bathroom, you know, and I’m like ‘Look in the bowl’ and she said ‘I don’t want to look at your shit! What are you? Some sort of weirdo!’ and I’m like ‘No, look at that turd. It looks just like the Virgin Mary’ and she squints down into the bowl and says ‘Dios Mio! It’s a miracle!'”

Many people are now making pilgrimages to the Torres household to view the blessed turd. Last weekend, lines went out the front door as people clamored for a glimpse.

“I think Our Holy Mother is speaking to us through Hector’s shit,” said Maria Torres. “It’s like she is saying to us, ‘Even though you are dumped on, keep believing.’ We are truly blessed!”

Hector’s brother, Miguel, who also lives there with his wife and two kids, is tired of the attention. “The whole house smells like Tijuana, man. I can’t sleep at night. We can’t take baths or brush our teeth because we start gagging.”

Hector’s other brother, Pablo, who also lives there with his wife and daughter, said, “I’m tired of going down to the gas station to use the bathroom. This house only has one bathroom. What happens if I get the runs? Do I use a bucket or something? Should I go on the rug like the dog? And don’t get me started about all the people. What happened to our privacy? I miss my… quiet time.” He paused, wiped a tear from his eye and then added, “I may go to Hell, but if Hector don’t flush that thing soon, I’m going to flush it myself!”