Tag Archive for festivus

Rockin’ Around The Festivus Pole

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who just passed a massive tax cut for the plutocrats of this nation…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Happy Festivus To You

And so we’re offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times
Many ways, Happy Festivus to you

That even goes for you, too,  Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Happy Festivus To All, And To All A Good Night

Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Festivus For The Rest Of Us

Festivus is officially celebrated on December 23rd…so we’re late a couple days. Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Celebrate Christmas or Die!

Do you need a last minute holiday gift? You came to the right place! Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book just in time for you to buy it and stuff it… in your stocking for Christmas, Festivus or whatever the hell holiday you celebrate this time of year. He gives key strategies on dealing with people who have non-Christian ideologies and how to beat the holy hell out them, all in the joyous spirit of the season. And with a foreward by Ms. Ubetcha, how can anyone refuse!

Bill O'Reilly book Celebrate Christmas or Die! : How to win the War on Christmas

Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book filled with strategies on how to annihilate anyone who has the audacity to wish you 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'.

 

 

 

Top Holiday Gifts For 2013

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
  • A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
  • ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
  • The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
  • Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
  • A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
  • ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
  • Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
  • ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
  • A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
  • Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
  • ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
  • A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
  • Guns, guns and more guns
  • Healthcare

 

Top Holiday Gifts For 2011

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • A set of masonry drill bits
  • Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Starter Set – For Kids
  • Mazeltel’s Talking Menorah featuring the voice of Fran Drescher
  • Mercenary Jesus Hummel Figurine
  • Lindsay Lohan’s new fragrance: Eau dat Skank
  • Pischer Frice’s My First AK-47 – For Kids
  • A jar of Colon Cleanse
  • A $30,000 Tiffany’s yellow diamond ring with a double-row of white round brilliant diamonds in platinum and 18k gold – Oops…That’s just for Newt and Callista Gingrich
  • Allahsbro’s Lil’ Suicider Fun Kit
  • Joan Rivers’ Do-It-Yourself Skin Tightening Clamps
  • Fear Factor Bug And Testicle Blender – For Kids
  • A barrel of sweet crude
  • ‘My Favorite Kwanzaa Memories‘ audio CD by Mitt Romney
  • A shiny, new Festivus pole