Tag Archive for festivus

It’s A Festivus Miracle

We’ve been enjoying our break from commentary about current events so much that we’ve decided to extend our vacation until after New Year’s Day 2021. We’ve also thoroughly enjoyed the spectacle of the Trump machine failing and sputtering monumentally at overturning the election. But like we’ve pointed out after the election, it’s incredibly disturbing that 126 GOP lawmakers and 19 state’s Attorneys General actually signed on to overthrow the election results to keep their authoritarian leader in power. Fortunately, the Supreme Court rejected it thus preserving democracy in America at least temporarily . . . until the next lame ass Republican effort. Was it a Festivus miracle? Er . . . no . . . but democracy is not well in this country. We’ll use a coronavirus analogy to illustrate the unfortunate and inconvenient truth: American democracy is still alive, but it’s on a ventilator.

With that dismal grievance filed, we’d still like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! And to the Trump family and all the enablers, sycophants and zombie supporters of the orange-skinned petulant man child, we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Have Yourself A Merry Little Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus! Or a given the recent news, a Merry Impeachmas!

And to Trump supporters and the conservative christian Republican enablers who claim that Trump is a better president than Abraham Lincoln, compare him to Jesus Christ and don’t support impeaching him. . .we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Have A Holly, Jolly Festivus


We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who’ve enabled the lying, orange haired, megalomaniac man child these past two years…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Rockin’ Around The Festivus Pole

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters and the Republicans who just passed a massive tax cut for the plutocrats of this nation…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Festivus

We’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to Trump supporters…we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Happy Festivus To You

And so we’re offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times
Many ways, Happy Festivus to you

That even goes for you, too,  Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Happy Festivus To All, And To All A Good Night

Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

Festivus For The Rest Of Us

Festivus is officially celebrated on December 23rd…so we’re late a couple days. Happy Festivus to everyone, especially Bill O’Reilly!

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

 

Celebrate Christmas or Die!

Do you need a last minute holiday gift? You came to the right place! Fox News talk show host Bill O’Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book just in time for you to buy it and stuff it… in your stocking for Christmas, Festivus or whatever the hell holiday you celebrate this time of year. He gives key strategies on dealing with people who have non-Christian ideologies and how to beat the holy hell out them, all in the joyous spirit of the season. And with a foreward by Ms. Ubetcha, how can anyone refuse!

Bill O'Reilly book Celebrate Christmas or Die! : How to win the War on Christmas

Fox News talk show host Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has released a new book filled with strategies on how to annihilate anyone who has the audacity to wish you 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'.

 

 

 

Top Holiday Gifts For 2013

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
  • A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
  • ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
  • The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
  • Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
  • A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
  • ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
  • Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
  • ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
  • A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
  • Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
  • ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
  • A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
  • Guns, guns and more guns
  • Healthcare