Rewind: Lunch Break Lotto

We were scanning through our archives recently and we noticed this article about the foibles of working in corporate America from our January 11, 2006 issue. You see, workers have been getting screwed for some time now and, unfortunately, this article still works for today like it did in 2006. The beat goes on . . . and on . . . and on . . .

Juggermart Holds Exciting New Lottery For Lunch Breaks


In response to recent court cases complaining of its employees not being able to take lunch breaks, retail giant Juggermart, has announced a new lottery for employees to ‘win’ full half hour lunch breaks.

Lawrence T. Juggers, President and CEO of Juggermart, explained the new system. “This lottery will allow five employees per store the chance to have a full half hour lunch break for the day. A full half hour lunch break! This is great news for the employees who win. This means the lucky employee will not only be able to choke down their tuna fish sandwich, but he’ll also be able to wash it down with a refreshing beverage from one of our store soda vending machines, where every drinks sell for the low, low price of $1.00 for a 12 ounce can. The employees who don’t win will continue to get their regular ten minutes, not including rest room break. The employee will also be required to purchase their lottery ticket at the low, low price of two dollars per ticket. I mean who wouldn’t want a full half hour lunch break? With this fantastic program, geared for today’s worker, nobody can say that I’m not generous.”

Consumer advocate Clarence Simons said, “This is an outrage! Not only does Juggermart pay barely above minimum wage to it’s employees and forces them to work over forty hours a week without extra pay, they’re now stuffing this down the employee’s throat. Pretty soon the workers in this country will have no recourse whatsoever. I don’t know how Lawrence T. Juggers can sleep at night. If they didn’t have such low, low prices, I’d never shop there again.”

Employees had mixed reaction to the new ‘Lunch Lotto’ promotion. Sales clerk Dale McDougall at the Ft. Dinsdale, New Jersey store, said, “Well it would be nice to have a enough time to eat a sandwich. And to have a bathroom break so I don’t have to hold my pee all day long. And to have health care. And to see my wife and kids during waking hours. And to be able to pay my mortgage, even though I’m working seventy hours a week. But I’m just a lowly sales clerk. I’m sure Mr. Juggers knows what’s good for me better than I do.”

Cashier Fern Stack, of Juggermart’s Blythe, California store, said, “So let me get this straight. We have to pay two goddamn dollars for the lottery ticket and only five employees per store per day win a measly half hour lunch break while the rest of the employees continue to get ten friggin’minutes . . . as long as Juggermart keeps its low, low prices, I’m good!”

Store greeter Lou Farmer at the Winchester, Mississippi store, said “I’ve always wondered what it was like being a slave like my great-great-great grandfather. Now I know. Thanks Juggermart!”

Stock clerk Bessy Kuhlander at the Poedunk, Iowa store, said, “Oh, boy. I think it is a great idea. Mr. Juggers has certainly shown me why he is the boss. What a generous man. I sure hope I’m able to win the ‘Lunch Lotto’ one day and get a whole half hour to eat my lunch. I certainly hope Mr. Juggers remembers my kind words when he is filling the position of head stock clerk.”

I’ll Be Home For Festivus

Despite the fact that the new Omicron variant of the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus is spreading like wildfire around the globe and cancelling many holiday festivities for a second straight year, we’d like to wish everyone a Happy Festivus!

And to all the TFG loving, QAnon nut jobs who stormed the Capitol and the conservative christian Republicans who enable and encourage their democracy threatening antics . . . we think you know where you can stick the Festivus pole.

Happy Festivus aluminum pole

GOP Baby Factories – a.k.a. Women

The right-wing dominated Supreme Court has shown their true intentions about abortion rights by recently letting stand severe abortion bans in Texas and Mississippi. We’ve been screaming about their intentions for years here at the Bucket. States with Republican leadership ranging from bible thumping states like South Dakota and Alabama to our home state of Arizona have been slowly chipping away at abortion rights over the last twenty years. Religious zealots have seized control of state and federal government and forced their horribly archaic, first century viewpoints upon the citizenry of the country because these holy huckster bible thumpers still view the woman as nothing more than a baby factory. If these people were truly pro-life, they’d realize that the woman’s life should come first. But then hypocrisy does seem to be commonplace with these sheeple. They claim to be pro-life but then fervently support gun rights. They claim to be pro-life but then violently protest getting a life saving vaccine against a disease that has claimed over 800,000 people in the US and over 5 million word wide.

We’re re-posting a photo-toon from January 11, 2006 when ol’ Dubya nominated Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. This was the beginning of the end because since then, Alito, Thomas, Kavanaugh and Coney Barrett (the Handmaiden’s Justice) have formed a staunch conservative religious bloc on the court that not only wants to force women through unwanted pregnancies but also to knock down the wall between church and state, thus forcing all of us to adhere to outdated, biblical philosophy whether we like it or not. Like we’ve stated before, we’re regressing rapidly toward America becoming the Holy Corporate Empire.

Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool (a wire hanger)which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he's on the bench.
Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito displays the only tool which will enable a woman to terminate a pregnancy once he’s on the bench.

Bush’s Forever War

Like we mentioned in our previous post, one of the disturbing events which happened this summer was the media’s treatment of the United States’ withdrawal from the Afghanistan quagmire after twenty long frustrating years. The Taliban quickly regained controlled of the country from the sham government propped up by the U.S. and the corporate main stream media was quick to blame everything on Joe Biden despite twenty years of missteps from not only the Bush and TFG administrations but also the Obama White House.

Most Americans seem to be correctly blaming the Bush administration for the failures. But they also blame Biden which is completely wrong. Granted, the withdrawal did not go smoothly. But was that Biden’s fault? We think not. For one thing, the media seemed to gloss over the fact that TFG not only released thousands 5,000 Taliban prisoners while he was in office, he also scheduled the withdrawal immediately in 2021. Biden had only six months to make sure the very weak government of Afghanistan was in order before withdrawal thanks to TFG’s schedule. Don’t forget, TFG wasn’t too smooth with the withdrawal from Syria leaving the Kurds high and dry against not only their adversaries in Syria but also Turkey.

There have been a multitude of failures over the past twenty years in Afghanistan. After killing Osama Bin Laden, Obama had the opportunity to exit the country where empires go to die but failed to do so. The number of snafus committed by the Bush administration are legion. We never should have gotten involved in the first place. We didn’t learn our lessons from Vietnam and thanks to ol’ clueless Dubya, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and the war mongering, conservative Republicans, we ended up repeating the very same mistakes, all to make money for the military industrial complex. Considering that TFG always bitched about Bush, why didn’t he withdraw from Afghanistan during his administration? Because the Republican’s modus operandi is to boldly go nation building in impossible countries half way around the globe knowing full well that it will be impossible to leave and when Democrats get elected to clean things up, they will receive the blame, just like Biden did.

Like we said in the previous post, the corporate main stream media will throw anybody under the bus if it means money and ratings and right now they are pushing right wing talking points which are false and misleading. Biden made some mistakes, but the blame for the Afghanistan quagmire, just like the Iraq clusterf*ck falls firmly on the George W. Bush administration. Thanks Dubya! At least you’re painting pictures now instead of making more forever wars.

Much to the delight of former President George W. Bush, his buddies in the corporate main stream media have blamed current President Joe Biden for Dubya's failures in the Afghanistan quagmire.
Much to the delight of former President George W. Bush, his buddies in the corporate main stream media have blamed current President Joe Biden for Dubya’s failures in the Afghanistan quagmire.

The Cuckoo Coup

We’re baaaaacccckkkk . . . well, kinda . . . sorta. It’s been seven months since our last post here at the Bucket and no, we don’t have COVID. We’re fully vaccinated and we still wear masks when we go to stores or enclosed spaces. So, where have we been? Like we mentioned in our last post, we’ve had the blahs – a feeling of languishing that was primarily caused by four years of non-stop chaos courtesy of TFG – (like many, we can’t say #45’s name anymore – we hate the man that much) – and the morally bankrupt fascist Republicans. But mostly we’ve been chillaxing; observing and trying to fathom some of the insanity that is happening, not only in this country, but in the world. For instance, we can’t figure out why people won’t get vaccinated against a deadly disease like COVID-19 which has killed over 5 million people worldwide and over 700,000 in the US. And governments like the US are trying to stop the spread by issuing mask mandates and offering the vaccine free of charge. But people are rioting against the life-saving measure and sometimes killing others in the process – madness; complete madness. Prominent conservative right wing anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers have even died from COVID complications which could have been prevented if they had just gotten the vaccine. And somehow athletes and former reality show hosts know more than doctors do about microbiology. Sheer insanity.

There has been an avalanche of worrisome events that have occurred over the summer and we can’t comment on all that has happened in just one post. Joe Biden and most of the Democrats have delivered on their promises for making the vaccine widely available and trying to control the pandemic. They’re restored ties and relations with our allies and improved our standing on the world stage again. They’ve also delivered on the infrastructure bill despite sabotage from a couple DINOs: West Virginia’s Coal Lovin’ Joe Manchin and Arizona’s own Miss Cutesy-Pie Bait and Switcher Krysten Sinema (we’ll comment more on these specimens later). All in all, the Democrats have accomplished a lot in the last eight months, not that the media has given them much credit. Despite the Democrats performing well, we’ve seen disturbing developments from the corporate main stream media that reminds us of when Obama got elected. The Democrats swept into power but yet the ‘liberal’ media focused on the Republicans, which allowed for the rise of the Teabagger movement, which morphed into the MAGA cult. For instance, Biden correctly withdrew from Afghanistan but the Taliban took back the country. The corporate media portrayed this as Biden’s fault completely forgetting the last twenty years of our disastrous involvement in this country where empires go to die. Well, we don’t have short memories here at the Bucket. The fault lies with George W. Bush for getting tangled up in the quagmire to begin with. We’ve got much more commentary on this subject matter later, too.

But what really has us worried is that few people have been reprimanded for the Jan. 6th capitol riots. Honestly, folks – we’re students of history here and this smells just like other fascist attacks in history like in Italy and Germany in the 1920s and 1930s and Chile in the 1980s. Using terminology from Naomi Klein’s book, The Shock Doctrine, the Republicans are implementing shock and awe on their own country. And to make matters worse, it seems to be working. The top story in the supposedly liberal media every night should be about reprimanding all the assailants of the Capitol and all their enablers in Congress. Why haven’t we seen Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley expelled yet? Why are Paul Gosar, Andy Biggs, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert still serving? They openly aided and abetted the insurrection. The media should be grilling them over this. But instead they just repeat the Republican’s weak, disturbing attempt at gaslighting saying the the riot was nothing more than an friendly tour of the Capitol. We’ve seen the pictures, morons! This was an attempted coup to overthrow a legitimate election with almost zero voter fraud, no matter how much the Republicans claim there was! Fortunately, more evidence that TFG and other congressional Republicans instigated and were behind the coup. Democrats are advising democracy loving Americans to be patient, but time is running out, folks. According to some sources, the Republicans incredulously are primed to take back the House and the Senate in 2022. If that happens, democracy will be dead because the Republican absolutely will resume tearing apart this government and forcing their fascist, corporatist and religious agendas down every American’s throat.

Despite overwhelming evidence that the Jan. 6th riot was an attempted coup, the Republicans continue to gaslight the American people by saying that it was just a nice, friendly tourist visit.
Despite overwhelming evidence that the Jan. 6th riot was an attempted coup, the Republicans continue to gaslight the American people by saying that it was just a nice, friendly tourist visit.

Got The Blahs? Read A Book!

In case you haven’t noticed, we haven’t published many posts in 2021. Joe Biden is doing a great job so far, but our motivation levels here at the Bucket are anemic. Maybe we’re still fatigued from four years of non-stop insanity from Trump and the Republicans. Or maybe we’re dismayed with all the continued mass shootings, the ongoing pandemic, the Chauvin trial, anti-maskers and continued Republican chicanery. We weren’t sure why we’ve been so demotivated lately but we found an article about having the blahs that suggested a cause and possible solution. Just like a lot of Americans, we seem to be languishing – a feeling of joylessness and aimlessness.

One of the solutions for languishing is focusing on a small goal and give yourself uninterrupted time to accomplish said goal. We’ll refer to a post from a year ago when America had just started quarantining from the pandemic. We recommended everyone read a book. Guess what? We still highly recommend it. Take a look at the reading list we provided, chock full of informative, entertaining books pertaining to science, nature, politics and history.

We also recommend books over at Copper Cactus E-books, which contains science fiction stories by budding Arizonan sci-fi writer S. Zarkon. His primary series, Tales of Zarkon, which are inspired by The Twilight ZoneStrange Tales and The Outer Limits, are science fiction/suspense stories exploring the quirky, dark and bizarre aspects of humanity and reality. Strange twists and odd turns will lead the reader down shadowy paths where anything can happen and nothing is as it seems. And many of Zarkon’s tales are set in Arizona, too. Hopefully, we’ll all get through our languishing period and some normalcy will return to our lives soon.

Got the blahs? Read a science fiction story like one of S. Zarkon’s Tales of Zarkon at szarkon.com.
Got the blahs? Read a science fiction story like one of S. Zarkon’s Tales of Zarkon at szarkon.com.

Another Shooting? Ho Hum…

Joe Biden promised during his presidential campaign to return the country to normalcy after the clusterf*ck reign of America’s Twice Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. And so far, he’s off to a good start. He’s gotten people vaccinated, he’s getting his cabinet approved, and he’s started to restore America’s reputation abroad.

But one thing has reared it’s ugly head that nobody wanted to return; mass shootings. In the past two weeks, we’ve had shootings in Atlanta and Boulder. And as usual, the same, pathetic response by the corporate media and politicians has occurred in the aftermath of the tragedies. One Atlanta police captain quoted another investigator saying that the shooter in the Atlanta case was having a ‘bad day’. Ahhh. That poor widdle killer! But then again that’s par for the course in America. We’ve noted here many times before that the motto for most conservatives in this country is In Guns We Trust. After every mass shooting, these 2nd Amendment gun nuts come out and poo-poo the whole ordeal, the NRA bitches and moans and the corporate lackeys in Congress sit on their hands and do nothing. What’s more is that the corporate media and Hollywood focus on the killers. The madmen who pull the trigger became famous and some even have movies made about them, while the victims melt into the background and are remembered only by friends and family. You’d think after the Sandy Hook massacre way back in 2012, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! You’d think after the 2012 Aurora movie theater massacres, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! You’d think after the Orlando nightclub shootings in 2016, something would have been done. But, nooooooooo! Take a look at the mass shootings in America. But Republicans seem to only be concerned about stopping people from voting, not from killing one another.

There’s been talk that President Biden may issue an executive order to ban assault weapons. Since the Republicans seem to not give a damn about saving people’s lives either from mass shootings or the coronavirus, we say go for it, Joe! We’re sick of the mass shootings, but we’re even more sick of the same old excuses by feckless conservative politicians and the goddamn NRA.

A conservative police captain shows sympathy for the poor shooter and reminds citizens who foolishly want sane gun laws that the motto of the United States is In Guns We Trust.
A conservative police captain shows sympathy for the poor shooter and reminds citizens who foolishly want sane gun laws that the motto of the United States is In Guns We Trust.

The New GOP Pinhead Clown

The fallout from the January 6th Capitol riots is still taking place as more and more citizen rioters have been rounded up. The QAnon shaman guy even did a TV interview and the guy who put his feet up in Nancy Pelosi’s office, whose nickname is ‘Bigo’, is complaining that he’s getting unfair treatment. Oh, boo hoo! That’s called punishment for trying to take over the government. It’s the law and order that conservative Republicans declare they want; you know, break the law – go to jail.

But that ‘Bigo’ guy does have a point. Why have none of his co-conspirators in Congress been brought to justice yet? The Republicans in the House and Senate voted to let Trump off the hook. Are the Democrats are willing to let Republicans like Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley and Tommy Tuberville off the hook, too? It’s true federal investigators have started examining communique between the rioters and U.S. lawmakers. But despite overwhelming video and audio evidence, nothing has been done yet. Hawley is especially appalling since he gave the rioters a big fist up on that January 6th morning, which caused one of his earliest supporters to regret his decision. But what is it about this Senator that makes him so annoying?

Well, it appears that Hawley wants to be the new Trump and is trying to position himself so he can win over Trump’s supporters for a possible Presidential bid in 2024. On January 6th, Hawley, Ted Cruz and Tommy Tuberville opening questioned the legitimacy of the 2020 election right before the riots occurred thus fanning the flames for the insurrectionists. As a result, his favorability has plummeted and he is viewed as a pariah. Sidenote: It’s funny that Republicans are crying now that Democrats need to show unity in the Senate when all the Republicans had to do to promote unity was accept the election results. The hypocrisy runs deep with the GOP.

Now that Merrick Garland has been confirmed he has promised that investigation into the Capitol riot will be given top priority. So maybe, just maybe, justice will be coming soon for the instigators like the new, GOP pinhead traitor clown Josh Hawley. We think treason would be an appropriate charge for this up and coming Republican doofus.

There's a new pinhead in the GOP circus named Josh Hawley and he's the Trumpiest clown of them all.
There’s a new pinhead in the GOP circus named Josh Hawley and he’s the Trumpiest clown of them all.

Coward Of The Country

Ted Cruz. Just saying the name brings a mixture of laughter and revulsion that is hard to describe. Over the past decade, he has cemented his status as the most hated American politician and yet . . . he’s still in Congress, just like other contemptible Republicans Lindsay Graham, Mitch McConnell, Thom Tillis, Susan Collins, etc…. But Ted Cruz, who started out as a Teabagger darling, is especially slimy. We’ve made many photo-toons about Cruz’s reprehensibility over the years but his recent actions have only reinforced his status.

Take his part in the Capitol riots on January 6th. He purposefully lent legitimacy to unfounded claims of voter fraud with fellow GOP corporate lackeys Josh Hawley and Tommy Tuberville (sounds like a kid’s show clown) opposing the legal election of Joe Biden. Then during Trump’s second impeachment trial, these seditionists voted that the petulant man child was innocent despite a 57-43 verdict and Mitch McConnell stating that the orange-haired megalomaniac was certainly responsible for inciting the riot. But Cruz is culpable. He could have promoted unity but instead insisted with his election fraud shenanigans thus egging on the easily triggered Trump troglodytes.

Cruz’s cowardice isn’t surprising considering that he opening ridiculed Trump in the 2016 presidential campaign, performed a 180 and smooched his gargantuan ass when he got the nomination despite Trump calling his wife ugly and saying his dad helped kill JFK.

But Cruz took his vileness to new levels in the past week. Texas suffered one of its worst winter storms on record with temperatures in the normally balmy state dipping down into single digits and snow accumulating across the entire state. Not only that, the power went out because the gas and coal plants weren’t weatherized properly, so people had to deal with rolling blackouts. Some even had to burn furniture or live in their cars. But Ted Cruz had a great solution . . . at least for him. Instead of showing leadership to his constituents, he did the very Republican thing of saying let them eat cake and flew off with his family to Cancun. Wow! The stupidity of this action is enormously stunning! What makes it even more damning for Cruz is that Alexandrea Ocasio-Cortez, who isn’t even from Texas, managed to not only raise millions of dollars for victims but also flew down and helped out. Way to go AOC!

Yes, Ted Cruz has proven himself to be many things; Senator, sycophant, seditionist, traitor and coward. Which begs the question – how and why the hell is he still in Congress?

Ted Cruz: Senator, sycophant, seditionist, traitor, coward.
Ted Cruz: Senator, sycophant, seditionist, traitor, coward.

So Much Vice, GOP Acquits Twice

The second impeachment trial of America’s former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump has concluded and to no one’s surprise, he was acquitted, despite a 57-43 vote of guilty. Seven GOP Senators voted for rule of law over party joining all fifty Democrats in saying that Trump incited the riots on January 6th because . . . of course he did. We all saw it on tape!

What’s especially galling is the statement from minority leader Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell made after the vote, which takes the cake for unethical hypocrisy. He basically said that Trump was guilty of provoking the insurrection and should be held accountable. And how do we do that? You impeach the bastard! But no, no, no… Turtle Boy voted to acquit. So, in a nutshell, Trump and the Republicans got away with their malfeasance like they’ve done for the last four years. There was one time Trump told the truth in his whole time as leader of the GOP and that was when he stated he could shoot somebody on 5th Ave and still not lose any supporters. He just incited an insurrection on the Capitol of the United States of America and five people died and several more were injured . . . and he got away with it without losing supporters. And the supposed party of moral responsibility allowed him to do so. If there was any doubt that the GOP is an unethical, immoral, corrupt, crime syndicate of greedy hooligans and grifters before the trial, then all skepticism should be obliterated by this decision. They openly support authoritarian fascist actions to overthrow democracy and install permanent Republican rule.

Speaking of immoral grifters, one of our least favorite humans on the planet passed away, Boss Limhogg himself, Rush Limbaugh. We posted a photo-toon last year that pretty much sums up our feelings about that obnoxious, racist, sexist tub of goo. In short: Rot in hell, El Rushblo!

Oozing with incandescent charisma, Moscow Mitch 'Turtle Boy' McConnell bravely acquits former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump of responsibility for inciting the Capitol riots despite proclaiming that he was guilty as hell.
Oozing with incandescent charisma, Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell bravely acquits former CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump of responsibility for inciting the Capitol riots despite proclaiming that he was guilty as hell.