The Holy Corporate Empire

Here’s a good article about how America has become a corporate theocracy. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight. Its been happening gradually over the last 60 years; kind of like turning up the heat gradually on a pan of boiling water so the frogs inside the pot don’t even realize they’re getting boiled. Sinclair Lewis famously said something similar to the statement, “When fascism comes to America, it will wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.” Religions, especially christianity, are authoritarian by nature; the sheep follow the shepherd and do was he says; which is dangerous when the shepherd is a corporatist wolf, only interested in making profits off his duped sheep. Make no mistake; this holy corporatist state is the new fascism and the people implementing it are extremely authoritarian and will not tolerate any dissent.

Before World War II, you could tell a fascist because they usually wore a military uniform, service cap or helmet and jackboots. However, today’s fascist, thanks to wily marketing and propaganda tactics, is much more palatable to the average citizen. Today’s fascist wears a spiffy business suit with a flag lapel pin on one side and a cross on the other. And they’ve always got a sparkling, toothy smile(see Mitt Romney).  If today’s holy corporate fascists have their way, if a business or corporation doesn’t like who you are or what you believe in, they will be able to deny you basic health services, employment or just plain service.  That’s hokum, you say. But look at the decisions handed down by the religious, conservative activist dominated Supreme Court in the past 5 years. Corporations are ‘people’ who can give as much money as possible to political lackeys who will do their bidding and these corporations can impose their will on you in the name of religious freedom. Fascism has arrived in America in a nice, friendly, tidy combination of business, economics and religion that hates science, logic and reason. Goodbye United States of America; Hello The Holy Corporate Empire!

Fascism has a new uniform; Resistance is futile
Goodbye United States of America; Hello Holy Corporate Empire!

Rewind: 3:16 To Tehran

This is our final post in our brief Coming Soon To A Theater Near You retrospective…

Here’s a theater poster from our October 28, 2007 edition highlighting the Neocon Production 3:16 to Tehran starring George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as Mo. Yep, the conservative christian Republicans, led by John McCain are still banging the drums for war against Iran and the rest of the Islamic world. If only those Muslims would convert to christianity…

George W. Bush is on a mission from God to spread christian love to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran in missile form.
3:16 to Tehran: Super christian George W. Bush is on a mission from God as he and fellow neocon Dick Cheney try to convert Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran to christianity. Will his message of love from the book of John work in missile form? All aboard for the 3:16 to Tehran! Rated R for Rapturous.

Let The Children Suffer

Hold onto your hats everyone. Conservative christian Republicans are upset at President Obama! Shocking right? Unaccompanied immigrant children have been crossing the border in record numbers this year and who’s fault is it according to the right wing christians? Obama’s of course, even though the surge is related to law to curb child trafficking passed in 2008 and signed into law by….George W. Bush. What should we do with all these children? Conservative christians have been screaming loudly about the only obvious solution…send the little varmints back. What a great christian attitude! That’s certainly what Jesus would have done…or at least Capitalist Jesus would have done it. Just let holier than thou Bill O’Reilly explain it to you. The new updated Jesus message on little urchins now reads ‘Let the Children Suffer’.

Capitalist Jesus says that the immigrant children should go back to Mexico or rot.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, updates his message on little urchins to now say 'Let the children suffer'.

Supreme Jesters

Boy the Supreme Court is certainly showing its true colors the last couple of years. First they showed what supreme corporate lackeys they were by giving corporations ‘personhood’ and then they said these ‘corporate people’ could give as much money as they wanted politically to senators and representatives who will do their bidding. Now apparently, corporations also have religious rights, too. In a landmark case this week, the Supreme Jesters said in the case of Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, that corporations could opt out of paying for an employees birth control because it went against their religious beliefs. Wow! Who knew that corporations could have religious beliefs. Now corporations can make healthcare decisions for their employees. Talk about your death panels, eh Sarah Palin! This decision also provides a loophole for those who oppose Obamacare. Just state that a particular medical procedure goes against your religion and whoop there it is. What’s next? A company or business refusing service to a customer based on religious belief? It almost happened here in Arizona folks. The christians are going to shove their religion down your throat whether you like it or not. (Interestingly enough, Hobby Lobby will pay for vasectomies and Viagra.)

So are you outraged that now corporations are not only citizens with religious beliefs but also more important than women. You can fight back. You hit corporate America where it hurts most; in the pocket book. That’s why we say BOYCOTT HOBBY LOBBY!! There are tons of arts and crafts stores out there. America is all about choice (except when it comes to women’s reproductive rights). Choose to cause Hobby Lobby’s failure. We know that you are mostly consumer automatons and that it’s in your wiring to buy, buy, buy. Be strong! Resist that burning temptation to buy lace doilies or glitter or craft foam or iron-on appliques. Buy them at a locally owned shop! Again we say,  BOYCOTT HOBBY LOBBY!!

Hobby Lobby founder and sanctimonious asswipe David Green says that women should be barefoot and pregnant and making crafts much to the chagrin of intelligent women everywhere.
Hobby Lobby founder David Green and his wife, whose name isn't important, preach their christian philosophy to ignorant, heathen women boycotting their store.

Kommandant Coulter

This will be our last post of our Ann Coulter retrospective because quite frankly we’re sick of her and we don’t want to waste any more of our precious energy on this pile of waste. Remember when the Living Skeleton said that ‘Jews can be perfected by finding Christ’. back in 2007? Here’s a photo-toon from our October 28, 2007 issue. Yes, the Nazis would have been proud of you Kommandant Coulter.

Neoconservative author and pundit, Ann Coulter, recently appeared on CNBC talk show, The Big Idea, and proudly proclaimed that Jews needed to be 'perfected' by becoming Christian. and possibly sent to special camps.
Neoconservative author and pundit, Ann Coulter, recently appeared on CNBC talk show, The Big Idea, and proudly proclaimed that Jews needed to be 'perfected' by becoming Christian.

Chef Coulter

Continuing with our Ann Coulter retrospective… Remember the time when Ann Coulter joked about slipping some rat poison into then Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens’ creme brulee? Hmmmm. Sounds like Ms. Coulter would be perfect for Hell’s Kitchen. This photo-toon from our February 13, 2006 issue depicts Chef Coulter delivering the goods. What a ray of sunshine she is!

Neoconservative author and commentator Ann Coulter thoughtfully bakes up some creme brulee loaded with hemlock, arsenic and other tasty toxins for liberal Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. She's just joking, of course.
Neoconservative author and commentator Ann Coulter thoughtfully bakes up some creme brulee loaded with hemlock, arsenic and other tasty toxins for liberal Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. She's just joking, of course.

 

Coultergeist

The specter of right wing conservative angel, Ann Coulter, reared it’s ugly head again recently. In an effort to be her usual charming self, Ms. Coulter attempted to mock the #BringBackOurGirls campaign on Twitter and Facebook that completely blew up in her face — hilariously.

We don’t make fun of neocon personalities like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly or Ann Coulter very much anymore because frankly it’s just not worth it commenting on piles of dung that are shaped like human beings. But we’ll run a brief retrospective of Ms. Coulter with a couple of our favorite photo-toons from the early aughts.  Here’s one from June 19th, 2006 where Annie aimed her rapier wit at those ruthless 9/11 widows.

Jesus commends Ann Coulter for attacking the 9/11 harpies because Ann Coulter is the real victim.
'Compassionate' conservative author, Ann Coulter, gets a ringing endorsement on her new book, Godless: The Church of Liberalism, in which she comments on the 9/11 widows, "These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much." .

The Madman Ranteth

Last month, aging rocker and gun aficionado Ted Nugent, a.k.a The Motor City Madman, commented that President Obama was a ‘subhuman mongrel’. Nugent is well known for his outspoken hatred of President Obama but even this statement brought condemnation from many Republicans, even the folks at Fox News, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network. This outrage is justified as that particular phrase was used by the Nazis to condone the extermination of not only Jews but Slavs, Poles, communists, socialists, Roma and homosexuals.  But there was one Tea Party patriot who gave the ‘Nuge’ a thumbs up. Sarah Palin endorsed Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott, by saying “if he’s good enough for Ted Nugent, he’s good enough for me”. Yes, the Republican party sure has admirable spokespeople for the future.

Sarah Palin approves of Ted Nugent's plan to hunt down subhuman mongrel supporters of President Obama.
Aging rocker and gun enthusiast, Ted Nugent, a.k.a the Motor City Madman, demonstrates why he and Sarah Palin are at the forefront of the Tea Party movement in the Republican party.

Sermon On The Pterodactyl

Recently, Bill Nye debated creationist Ken Ham at the Creation Museum on creationism vs. evolution. We here at the Bucket are fans of Bill Nye and we applaud his efforts to teach science, logic and reason to the American people, who in general are severely lacking in scientific understanding (80% Americans actually believe in angels). Now, we’re really impressed with him because  92% of respondents in a Christian Today poll concluded that Nye won the debate. Even conservative christian wing nut poster boy Pat Robertson said that Ken Ham should just shut up. So kudos to Bill Nye for having the patience to debate a narrow minded doofus, because if it were any of us here at the Bucket, we would have just said ‘screw it’ and thumped Ham over the head with an oversized cartoon mallet.

Ken Ham explains how Jesus rode a pterodactyl and Peter rode Dino to an incredulous Bill Nye.
Bill Nye realizes the futility in trying to explain scientific principles, reasoning and logic to a narrow minded clown.

Mr. Helper

Former Arkansas Governor and perennial GOP presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, recently made headlines by commenting that Democrats are trying to convince women they need ‘Uncle Sugar’ to control their libidos. Of course, Mr. Huckabee, being a bible thumping conservative christian, prefers old-fashioned, holier methods of birth control to help women such as abstinence, prayer and a good old chastity belt.

Mike proposes that women use abstinence, prayer and a good old chastity belt, controlled by their male spouse,  to control their wanton libidos.
Mike Huckabee declares that it is wrong for government to control a women's libido but perfectly A-OK for the church to control it.