Category: Teabagging **it

Christie Sucks Up To Trump

Former GOP presidential candidate and Jersey boss, Chris Christie, did an about face this past weekend and endorsed Donald Trump, fueling speculation on why a so called ‘establishment’ candidate would endorse someone who eviscerated him so thoroughly during the debates. Just another wacky turn of events in the masquerade of democracy called Con-a-thon 2016.

Our favorite tidbit from this though is the supposed humiliation Christie received from Trump during a Tennessee rally, when a hot mic caught Donald Trump telling Christie to ‘Go Home‘. It’s mostly taken way out of context, but it’s still funny. But that’s what life will be like in America if Trump is elected President. Unless you give him your undivided, sycophantic support, he will trash you to no end. And then he’ll trash you for giving in to him; a no win situation…kinda like being in the mob.

Jersey boss Chris Christie hints around about a Vice Presidential appointment, while Donald Trump shoos him away from his spotlight.
GOP frontrunner Donald Trump shows his gracious appreciation to Jersey boss, Chris Christie, for his sycophantic endorsement.

Republicans Receive Iowa Participation Trophies; They’re All ‘Winners’

Well, the Iowa Caucus BS is mercifully over and as predicted, the Republican Clown Car has gotten a lot roomier in the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016.

On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton finished in a virtual tie and nice guy, Martin O’Malley, wisely decided to end his campaign and devote his time to playing more guitar and doing ab crunches. We’re wondering if Sanders’ strong performance might mean that the ‘liberal’ media might actually start covering his campaign.

On the GOP side, the smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, pulled a surprise and upset frontrunner Donald Trump, mostly by huckstering  the evangelical christian vote. The funny thing about the Republican results is that despite not winning, Donald Trump and third place finisher, Marco Rubio, proudly declared that they were winners, too. Of course, all the egotistical Republicans think they’re winners, even Rand Paul, Mike *uckabee, and Rick Santorum, who all suspended their campaigns due to a complete lack of interest from voters. Then there’s Jeb Bush who finished a distant sixth. But then again, Jeb Bush said several weeks ago, they he prefers being in the back of the pack. Yep, there’s nothing like leading from behind. If he’s not careful he’ll be conducting his campaign from his couch.

It’s interesting to note that *uckabee won Iowa in 2008 and Santorum won in 2012 and of course they went on to…lose badly. Hmmm…we’re hoping that this trend continues in 2016 and Cruz plummets before too long.

Despite losing the Iowa Caucuses GOP candidates, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee and Jeb Bush all proudly proclaim they're winners.
Despite losing the Iowa Caucuses, GOP candidates and extraordinary con artists, Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee and Jeb Bush all proudly proclaim they’re winners.

Trump’s Trumpeters

The first election of the sham that is Con-a-thon 2016 is coming up this Monday and everyone is getting in some late minute BS slinging before Iowans go to the polls in the Iowa Caucuses. Donald Trump made quite a ruckus (what else is new!) this past week by bypassing the Fox News Republican debate this past Thursday because Donald Trump doesn’t like Megyn Kelly. Geez! For a tough guy, Trump sure is acting like a baby. But again, what else is new for this megalomaniac who recently bragged that he could shoot people in the middle of New York and still not lose voters.  While this statement shows how dangerously psychotic Trump is, it says more about how insane Trump’s supporters are because he’s actually right. Donald Trump could murder innocent people and his demented supporters would still vote for him.

Speaking of people supporting Trump, he’s got quite an eclectic list of celebrity endorsements heading into Iowa. Rolling Stone has another list. If you look at the lists, there are a lot of authoritarian, tough guy, manly men like Arizona’s own Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio, Hulk Hogan, Mike Tyson and Russian President Vladimir Putin who said of Trump “he’s a bright and talented person”. We guess it takes a tyrant to know a tyrant. We’re sure that Putin and Trump could team up and subjugate the hell out of the rest of the world just like Stalin and Hitler did. Of course, all of these aggressive egotists would rather fight and kill than use something peaceful like diplomacy.

On the female side, there’s Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin, who gave the strangest endorsement speech of all time (we like Stephen Colbert’s mockery of it). Conservative harpie and living skeleton Ann Coulter, anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly and empty headed reality star Tila Tequila all are Trumpeters on Trump’s solid gold bandwagon.

But probably the strangest endorsement was by John Wayne. Although the Duke has been dead since 1979 , his daughter Aissa said that if John Wayne were alive today, he would endorse the Donald. You see Donald Trump’s 19th century mindset sits perfectly with the cowboy image embodied by the Duke. So to make America great again, we just have to make everything like it was back in the days of the Wild West (everybody’s got a gun; shoot first, ask questions later; tough, tough, tough; kill, kill, kill, etc…). We think Donald Trump’s motto should be, “We’re Going Back To The Future”.

Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, the ghost of John Wayne and Donald Trump all think that Donald Trump is great.
Megalomaniac GOP candidate Donald Trump modestly acknowledges his ‘greatness’ to his adoring fans like Vladimir Putin, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and the ghost of John Wayne.

Cruz Sez Diplomacy Is For Pussies

This past week, the Obama administration not only pulled off a prisoner exchange where they swapped 7 Iranians for 4 Americans who had been held for years on false charges, but they also got 10 U.S. Navy sailors, who had accidentally drifted into Iranian waters, released within one day. You’d think everyone, including the GOP, would be ecstatic over these displays of calm and cool diplomacy. But NOOOOOOOOOOO! The ridiculous, whining, crybaby Republican candidates for president did nothing but criticize the Obama administration saying the exchange made America look weak. Ted Cruz, Teabagger darling and the smuggest senator alive, even said that the only reason the sailors were taken in the first place was because of the weakness of Obama. Of course, the Republicans  would have started World War III and nuked them ’til they glowed because that’s what manly men do. Screw life on earth, there are gargantuan egos and pride at stake. Yes, there’s nothing like administering 19th century, ‘wild west’ philosophy in the 21st century.

Ted Cruz declares that diplomacy is for pussies and that he'd nuke Iran unitl they glowed.
GOP candidate and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, gives Americans a hint at what foreign policy would be like during a possible Cruz presidency.

 

Al Was The Smart Bundy

Continuing with our mockery of Y’all Queda…

Poor Al Bundy! The much maligned patriarch of the dysfunctional Bundy family from the classic sitcom Married…with Children, can’t even retain his fame as the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y’all Queda leader, Ammon Bundy. Come to think of it, Ammon’s Dad, Cliven dethroned Al last year. Oh well. At least Al’s still the funniest Bundy.

Al Bundy, famous shoe salesman and athlete, who once scored four touchdowns in one high school football game, discovers that he's no longer the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y'all Queda leader Ammon Bundy.
Al Bundy, famous shoe salesman and athlete, who once scored four touchdowns in one high school football game, discovers that he’s no longer the stupidest Bundy in America thanks to Y’all Queda leader Ammon Bundy.

You Say ‘Patriot’, We Say Domestic Terrorist

What a way to kick off 2016! Some outraged, armed ‘patriots’ a.k.a. domestic terrorists have taken over the Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon. According to the leader of this band of idiots (hilariously nicknamed by many Y’all Queda) , who is none other than Ammon Bundy, son of Cliven Bundy, who told us about ‘the Negro’ last year, these morons are taking over this land because it’s the people’s land, and by people they mean kin folk and other local ranchers and hunters who want free grazing and free hunting. Of course, he’s ignoring that the land was declared a refuge by none other than Theodore Roosevelt back in 1908 as a way to protect birds and wildlife from hunters who shot anything that moved. There’s a reason the federal government regulates things, especially in a designated wilderness area; because the ranchers and hunters leave things looking like shit. And another tidbit that is way too funny; these brainwaves appealed to the masses to send them snacks because apparently they forgot to plan ahead, despite saying they were going to stay ‘for years’. We’re hoping that the wildlife (or birdwatchers) rise up and give these idiots their much needed comeuppance.

A member of the Y'all Queda armed domestic terrorist group that has taken over Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, explains his viewpoint to a bald eagle resident who is not amused.
A member of the Y’all Queda armed domestic terrorist group that has taken over Malheur Wildlife Refuge in Oregon, explains his viewpoint to a resident of the Refuge, who is not amused.

Out-Trumped

And then there were…still way too many.

As our last post of 2015, we’re giving an update of the travesty of democracy that is Con-a-thon 2016 (only 10 and a half more months of this shit).

Lindsey Graham and George Pataki are the latest ejections from the Republican clown car. South Carolina Republican Senator Graham suspended his campaign before Christmas and former New York governor Pataki ended his yesterday. Both were polling in the microscopic region. Of course, with blowhard Donald Trump bloviating  hot air and hatred 24/7, it’s not hard to figure out why nobody noticed them. We here at the Bucket would like to say we’ll miss these two, but we can’t…we just can’t. (Sweet Jesus, have we mentioned we still have 10 and a half more months of this shit!)

Nobody notices Lindsey Graham and George Pataki as Donald Trump bloviates hot air 24/7.
Lindsey Graham and George Pataki contemplate how people failed to notice their lackluster campaigns and uninspired messages of maintaining the status quo, while frontrunner, Donald Trump, bloviates something outrageous to the masses.

If It Sounds Muslimy, Bomb It

From the unfrickingbelievable file…

In the wake of the recent Republican debate for the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016, where frontrunners Ted Cruz and Donald Trump announced proudly that they would carpet bomb ISIS in Syria, a poll conducted by the Public Policy Polling (PPP) found that 30% of Republicans and 41% of Donald Trump supporters were in favor of the United States magic carpet bombing the city of Agrabah. The only problem is that the city of Agrabah is the fictional city in Disney’s film Aladdin. But as evident in the last twenty years, facts and reality don’t matter to today’s right wing, teabagging, conservative, christian Republican. Their motto; if it sounds muslimy, bomb it!

Reneck Republican voters and Trump supporters say if it sounds muslimy, then bomb it.
Some red state Republican voters intellectually discuss the necessity of carpet bombing the very muslimy sounding city of Agrabah.

Flouting Godwin’s Law

At the risk of flouting Godwin’s Law, we’ve noticed how far to the right the Republican party has traveled over the past twenty years; specifically in the years after Dubya left office and with the rise of the Teabaggers. Now that Donald Trump has started to spew forth truly hateful rhetoric in this farce of an election called Con-a-thon 2016, comparisons to the NSDAP party(Nazis) of 1930’s Germany are not only inevitable, but necessary. Make no mistake, it’s not just Trump who believes this filth. Every Republican candidate believes it as well, especially Rubio and Cruz, who both have said some vile, nasty unchristian things toward immigrants, foreigners, gays, women, and non-christians. Although every single high ranking Republican condemned Trump for his words, they would absolutely vote for him and support him in the general election. Yep, Trump is the heart and soul of the current Republican party and it’s pretty ugly.

What grinds our gears though, is when right wing blowhards violate Godwin’s by bloviating and showing their ignorance by comparing Obama to Hitler. This is not only laughable but blatantly incorrect. History shows that the leaders of the NSDAP party were overwhelmingly right wing conservatives not leftists (For an excellent, informative read try Richard Evans’ Third Reich trilogy: The Coming of the Third Reich; The Third Reich in Power; and The Third Reich at War). They had a well oiled propaganda machine that spewed forth hateful rhetoric about minorities and foreigners who would serve as convenient scapegoats for all national maladies. They were against gays, democratic socialists (they would have killed Obama), immigrants, and unions. Women were second class citizens who would only be useful to provide further citizens for the nation. They promoted eternal warfare and invoked nationalism to incite citizens to join the military. They pushed for a strong military and were very friendly to corporations which fueled the military industrial complex.  They would regularly stoke fear in the hearts of the citizenry by claiming the aforementioned scapegoats were going to ruin their nation. They would regularly stifle opposing viewpoints by announcing that anyone who disagreed were enemies of the state and should be eliminated. Hmmmm…notice any similarities? We think Americans must take notice, (Godwin’s Law be damned) and be very concerned about this 21st century neocon Republican party that, according to its propaganda, wants to ‘make America great again’ just as a certain right wing conservative fascist party wanted to make Germany great again in the 1930s.

The modern Republican Party has some eerie and frightening similarities to a certain right wing conservative fascist party from 20th century Germany, a.k.a. the Nazis.
The modern Republican Party has some eerie and frightening similarities to a certain right wing conservative fascist party from 20th century Germany.

Only The Powah of Prayer Can Help

Another day, another shooting…aaaah, life in 21st century America. This time, instead of radical christian terrorists, it was radical islamic terrorists…but still radical religious terrorists. This husband and wife team killed 14 people and injured 21 with assault weapons, which according to every gun enthusiast, is vital to living a happy life in this country. Again the response by Republicans has been pathetic. GOP presidential candidate, Marco Rubio, proclaimed that gun control legislation won’t help and many Republicans, including the smuggest Senator alive and GOP candidate, Ted Cruz, said they’re sending their prayers to the victims. In fact, President Obama caused quite a ruckus when he rightfully said “God isn’t fixing this” and correctly pushed for gun control legislation. The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a. Fox News, jumped in and offered the insipid response that if you’re not praying you’re for the terrorists.(That’s sounds a lot like Dubya’s old catchphrase). And of course, the NRA High Priest, Wayne LaPierre, made a video designed to make everyone want to go out, buy a gun and join in the melee, in the name of national security. At least The New York Daily News came out with a full page headline blasting Republicans on their inaction. Maybe this will light a match under the Republicans to grow a pair and stand up to the special interest groups like the NRA and the gun industry, who control them like they’re puppets. Will it work? Let’s just put it this way; we wonder where the next shooting is going to be.

GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American's sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, which gets an amen and hallelujah from NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.
GOP candidates and super clowns, Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, proclaim that owning an assault weapon is every American’s sacred right and that only the power of prayer can save us from more shootings, much to the evangelical delight of NRA high priest Wayne LaPierre.