Tag: christian

We Are Charlie

What a way to start out the new year. The recent shootings at the Charlie Hebdo headquarters in Paris has struck a raw nerve with us here at the Bucket. We’re all atheists here. We tend to agree with Bill Maher’s statement on Jimmy Kimmel’s show that ‘“there are no great religions, they’re all stupid and dangerous,” Some people just do not seem to possess a sense of humor, especially religious fundamentalists. And isn’t it funny that religious fundamentalists seem to be…drum roll please…extreme conservatives. Go figure.  One of the most important lessons in life we have learned is the ability to laugh at one’s self. Obviously, religious fundamentalists in all major organized religions seemed to have missed that lesson. Once again, fundamentalists in Islam have gotten upset over cartoons. CARTOONS!!!! We’d just like to say to all fundamentalists in every major religion on this planet… LIGHTEN UP!!!! LEARN HOW TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF!!! GET A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!

Ahhh! We’re just messing with you. We can’t tell you ‘holy guys’ what to do. Go ahead and keep killing all the people who don’t believe what you believe. That’s worked so well for the past couple thousand years. There’s nothing like the status quo.

Jewish, Islamic, and Christian fundamentalists seem to get all pissy when someone points out the outdated silliness of their doctrines.
Fundamentalists from the major religions on Planet Earth agree on one thing: their senses of humor suck.

Treat ‘Em Like Polly

As usual, the Republican Fear and Noise Machine is in overdrive since Obama has boldly come out fighting after the election. Obama has pushed for keeping net neutrality, voting against the Keystone pipeline (it didn’t pass the Senate this past week), and the big news in the past week, an executive order for comprehensive immigration reform. The GOP is fit to be tied. Of course it doesn’t matter that a GOP investigative committee found no wrongdoing by the Obama administration in Benghazi. Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced boner), had announced that they’ll pursue another investigation with a committee that he will select. How is a sane person to deal with these Republican shenanigans? We think the pet care world has an appropriate answer for dealing with the fearmongering, conservative Republican in your life. Just use the following tactic at Thanksgiving dinner if your Republican gets going on a rant.

If the fearmongering conservative Republican in your life keeps acting up, just throw a sheet over him, like you do Polly.
The pet care world provides an answer for dealing with the fearmongering, conservative Republican in your life.

 

Glenn Beck’s No Brainer Diagnosis

We’re still processing the stupidity of last week’s election results, (more on that in future posts). So we’ll go with an easy one today. Apparently, America’s super über patriot, Glenn Beck, is battling some rare neurological disorder, but doctors haven’t been able to diagnose what’s wrong with him. This one writes itself folks.

 

A doctor finally diagnoses Glenn Beck as being bat shit insane.
A friendly doctor finally diagnoses what's wrong with America's super über Patriot, Glenn Beck.

GOP Scaring Up Votes

The knob on the Republican Noise and Fear Machine has been cranked all the way up to 11 this summer and fall in their desperate attempt to scare Americans into voting for conservative Republican candidates this year and give the Republicans a majority in the Senate and the House. This is the standard GOP tactic and has been used successfully many times in the past to get the American sheeple for vote Republican. What can a rational, thinking person possibly do to combat these horrifying, terrifying, frightening, scare tactics, you may ask? We could start by remembering the words of FDR; “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”. There’s really only one solution to this conservative Republican fearmongering: just say NO… to Republicans!

Republican ghouls McConnell, Cruz, McCain, Krauthammer and Boehner are scaring up votes from the electorate this Halloween.
America’s favorite Republican ghouls have been out this Halloween season literally scaring up votes from the electorate.

The Holy Corporate Empire

Here’s a good article about how America has become a corporate theocracy. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight. Its been happening gradually over the last 60 years; kind of like turning up the heat gradually on a pan of boiling water so the frogs inside the pot don’t even realize they’re getting boiled. Sinclair Lewis famously said something similar to the statement, “When fascism comes to America, it will wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.” Religions, especially christianity, are authoritarian by nature; the sheep follow the shepherd and do was he says; which is dangerous when the shepherd is a corporatist wolf, only interested in making profits off his duped sheep. Make no mistake; this holy corporatist state is the new fascism and the people implementing it are extremely authoritarian and will not tolerate any dissent.

Before World War II, you could tell a fascist because they usually wore a military uniform, service cap or helmet and jackboots. However, today’s fascist, thanks to wily marketing and propaganda tactics, is much more palatable to the average citizen. Today’s fascist wears a spiffy business suit with a flag lapel pin on one side and a cross on the other. And they’ve always got a sparkling, toothy smile(see Mitt Romney).  If today’s holy corporate fascists have their way, if a business or corporation doesn’t like who you are or what you believe in, they will be able to deny you basic health services, employment or just plain service.  That’s hokum, you say. But look at the decisions handed down by the religious, conservative activist dominated Supreme Court in the past 5 years. Corporations are ‘people’ who can give as much money as possible to political lackeys who will do their bidding and these corporations can impose their will on you in the name of religious freedom. Fascism has arrived in America in a nice, friendly, tidy combination of business, economics and religion that hates science, logic and reason. Goodbye United States of America; Hello The Holy Corporate Empire!

Fascism has a new uniform; Resistance is futile
Goodbye United States of America; Hello Holy Corporate Empire!

Rewind: 3:16 To Tehran

This is our final post in our brief Coming Soon To A Theater Near You retrospective…

Here’s a theater poster from our October 28, 2007 edition highlighting the Neocon Production 3:16 to Tehran starring George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as Mo. Yep, the conservative christian Republicans, led by John McCain are still banging the drums for war against Iran and the rest of the Islamic world. If only those Muslims would convert to christianity…

George W. Bush is on a mission from God to spread christian love to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran in missile form.
3:16 to Tehran: Super christian George W. Bush is on a mission from God as he and fellow neocon Dick Cheney try to convert Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Iran to christianity. Will his message of love from the book of John work in missile form? All aboard for the 3:16 to Tehran! Rated R for Rapturous.

Let The Children Suffer

Hold onto your hats everyone. Conservative christian Republicans are upset at President Obama! Shocking right? Unaccompanied immigrant children have been crossing the border in record numbers this year and who’s fault is it according to the right wing christians? Obama’s of course, even though the surge is related to law to curb child trafficking passed in 2008 and signed into law by….George W. Bush. What should we do with all these children? Conservative christians have been screaming loudly about the only obvious solution…send the little varmints back. What a great christian attitude! That’s certainly what Jesus would have done…or at least Capitalist Jesus would have done it. Just let holier than thou Bill O’Reilly explain it to you. The new updated Jesus message on little urchins now reads ‘Let the Children Suffer’.

Capitalist Jesus says that the immigrant children should go back to Mexico or rot.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, updates his message on little urchins to now say 'Let the children suffer'.

Rewind: Bush Administration Logo

It’s shocking to us here at the Bucket how horrible people’s memories are. A recent poll of 1400 people revealed that more people think President Obama is a worse President than George W. Bush. Were these people unconscious during Bush’s eight years in office? The Bush administration routinely practiced crony capitalism with favored corporations and the Bush tax cuts to the 1% made most Americans poorer and brought America to the brink of disaster. Not to mention the trillions of dollars spent on clusterf*ck quagmire wars of Afghanistan and Iraq. There were also 13 attacks on U.S. embassies causing 98 deaths during the Bush years in addition to the 9/11 attacks which caused 3,000 deaths. Then he used the 9/11 attacks for political purposes over the next three years to keep the sheeple scared.  Oh and then there was the stacking of the Supreme Court with conservative ideologists and activists who have not only opened the door wide for unrestrained corporatism but have given corporations control over females reproductive rights and apparently freedom to push their religion down employees throat. And of course the Bushies denied any wrongdoing while only giving access to Fox News, a.k.a the Republican Propaganda Network. Alternet has a list of some of Bush’s more spectacular failures.  Fortunately, most historians’ memories haven’t faded and they continue to rank Bush as one of the worst presidents. Here’s a photo-toon from our February 18, 2007 issue which shows the Bush Administration replacing the presidential seal with a more appropriate logo reflective of their ‘moral’ values.

The Bush Administration has commissioned a new logo to more properly reflect the current administration's 'moral' values of Deceit, Denial and Dough.
President George W. Bush has commissioned a new logo to more properly reflect the Bush Administration's 'moral' values.

 

Supreme Jesters

Boy the Supreme Court is certainly showing its true colors the last couple of years. First they showed what supreme corporate lackeys they were by giving corporations ‘personhood’ and then they said these ‘corporate people’ could give as much money as they wanted politically to senators and representatives who will do their bidding. Now apparently, corporations also have religious rights, too. In a landmark case this week, the Supreme Jesters said in the case of Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, that corporations could opt out of paying for an employees birth control because it went against their religious beliefs. Wow! Who knew that corporations could have religious beliefs. Now corporations can make healthcare decisions for their employees. Talk about your death panels, eh Sarah Palin! This decision also provides a loophole for those who oppose Obamacare. Just state that a particular medical procedure goes against your religion and whoop there it is. What’s next? A company or business refusing service to a customer based on religious belief? It almost happened here in Arizona folks. The christians are going to shove their religion down your throat whether you like it or not. (Interestingly enough, Hobby Lobby will pay for vasectomies and Viagra.)

So are you outraged that now corporations are not only citizens with religious beliefs but also more important than women. You can fight back. You hit corporate America where it hurts most; in the pocket book. That’s why we say BOYCOTT HOBBY LOBBY!! There are tons of arts and crafts stores out there. America is all about choice (except when it comes to women’s reproductive rights). Choose to cause Hobby Lobby’s failure. We know that you are mostly consumer automatons and that it’s in your wiring to buy, buy, buy. Be strong! Resist that burning temptation to buy lace doilies or glitter or craft foam or iron-on appliques. Buy them at a locally owned shop! Again we say,  BOYCOTT HOBBY LOBBY!!

Hobby Lobby founder and sanctimonious asswipe David Green says that women should be barefoot and pregnant and making crafts much to the chagrin of intelligent women everywhere.
Hobby Lobby founder David Green and his wife, whose name isn't important, preach their christian philosophy to ignorant, heathen women boycotting their store.

Kommandant Coulter

This will be our last post of our Ann Coulter retrospective because quite frankly we’re sick of her and we don’t want to waste any more of our precious energy on this pile of waste. Remember when the Living Skeleton said that ‘Jews can be perfected by finding Christ’. back in 2007? Here’s a photo-toon from our October 28, 2007 issue. Yes, the Nazis would have been proud of you Kommandant Coulter.

Neoconservative author and pundit, Ann Coulter, recently appeared on CNBC talk show, The Big Idea, and proudly proclaimed that Jews needed to be 'perfected' by becoming Christian. and possibly sent to special camps.
Neoconservative author and pundit, Ann Coulter, recently appeared on CNBC talk show, The Big Idea, and proudly proclaimed that Jews needed to be 'perfected' by becoming Christian.