Teabagging **it – Page 33 – BilgeBucket Gazette

Hypocritical Oaf

Remember when Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast back in 2012, killing 117 people and causing an estimated 65 billion dollars in damage. Millions of people were left in need of federal assistance to recover. But fortunately for conservative Republicans, a brash young tea party hellcat named Ted Cruz voted against a disaster relief bill for victims of the horrendous storm.

Fast forward to this past week and Ted Cruz is demanding President Obama and congress provide disaster relief for the victims of the recent calamitous flooding in Texas which claimed 15 lives. Remember, Ted Cruz is running for president so he has to appear to his fellow Texans like he gives a damn about them. If he keeps this up, he’ll out flip-flop Spiff Romney.

Teabagger patriot, climate change denier, staunch anti-socialist and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, proclaims that despite being against federal assistance for disaster victims, President Obama should send federal aid to Texas flood victims because...you know...Ted Cruz wants to be president.

A Douchey Move

We’ve had a changing of the guard here in Arizona during the last election. Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer has handed over the reigns of her wingnut kingdom to former ice cream magnate Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey). Ducey, not to be outdone on the insanity meter by Indiana’s Mike Pence, this past week signed a bill that prohibits women from using the federal health exchange health care program to pay to an abortion. Also they stated erroneously that doctors have the right to tell women that the process is reversible, a claim critics call junk science. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Republicans are making up science to match their narrow ideology. I mean most Republicans believe angels exist, think the Earth is only six thousand years old and Jesus co-existed with the dinosaurs. Coming soon from the Republican Science Labs: the Sun really does revolve around the Earth.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey's health plan for women who want an abortion is a good old fashioned wire hanger. — Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) announces his ‘old fashioned’ health plan for women who may want to terminate a pregnancy.

They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Discrimination And Intolerance

The nation’s outrage over Indiana’s recent law guaranteeing ‘religious freedom’ and condoning discrimination and intolerance is growing. Boycotts have been announced. Even corporations have announced that they’ll be changing their business relations with the state; which is very serious because this nation is a corporate oligarchy and business is the golden calf here. So you think with all the economic pressure coming to bear on Indiana, do you think conservative christian stalwart, Governor Mike Pence, is going to relent? Hah! No way! He stands firmly behind his decidedly non-christian behavior. Not only that, other leading candidates for the Republican nomination like Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz have announced support for Pence. Because you see, admitting that you’re wrong on anything is not something that conservative christian Republicans do. But as the christians have always stated throughout history(see Spanish Inquisition, Meso-America conquest, Native American conquest, Pacific Islander conquest, Galileo’s scientific discoveries, etc…), it’s not discrimination or intolerance when we do it; it’s God’s will. It reminds us of that old song we learned in church “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love”, which has been conveniently updated in our photo-toon to reflect the state of modern christianity.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance". — Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence’s new slogan “They’ll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance”.

Cotton, Cotton; This Guy’s Rotten

We’re all familiar now with the name of Tom Cotton, the brash young Senator from Arkansas who stupidly authored a letter signed by 47 idiotic Republican Senators to the leaders of Iran behind President Obama’s back thus putting his negotiations with Iran on a possible nuclear deal in jeopardy and also committing treason. Well the wing nut Teabaggers in the Republican leadership are already trying to clear the way for a Cotton presidency in 2020. Yes, Cotton makes Teabagger darling Ted Cruz look good by comparison. Maybe that’s what the Republican plan is: to keep coming up with more insane candidates to make the previous lunatic look sane by comparison. Shut down the government; run for President. Commit treason; run for President. Just another day in the wacky, wonderful world of the GOP!

Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, to see if he 'dun gud'. — Author of the Iran Letter, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, checks with his insanity mentor, Ted Cruz, on his job performance.

Speaking of stupidity, Ted Cruz has announced his candidacy for President in 2016 but apparently didn’t have the foresight to secure the domain name tedcruz.com. Yes, what a great leader he’ll be. Here’s a screenshot of the site tedcruz.com as of today. Hilarious!

Insert Knife; Twist Knife

Just when you thought the Republicans couldn’t be more obnoxious, they surprise you and pull off an even more colossally dickish move. In a move right out of Julius Caesar, our Senate Republican Brutuses sent a letter to Iran signed by 47 Republican Senators (7 Republicans, to their credit, didn’t sign) saying that even if the Iranians reach an agreement with Obama, there’s no guarantee that it will be ratified by the Congress. So basically, the Republicans have gone behind the President’s back once again with a foreign power, undermining the President’s authority. They have committed treason for the second time in a week. Here’s a list of the 47 imbeciles who have committed treason against America. Even Iran’s Foreign Minister Javad Zarif dismissed the letter as “mostly a propaganda ploy” and also challenging Republicans on their understanding of constitutional law and of the U.S. Constitution.

Here’s some other reviews on this astronomically assholish move. The New York Daily News said, “We strenuously condemn their betrayal of the U.S. Constitutional System”. The American Conservative said, “Ignorant…Unwelcome and Potentially Harmful. The Washington Post said, “Farcically condescending in word and tone”. The Kansas City Star said, “A nearly unprecedented attempt by one party to meddle in the foreign diplomatic affairs of the United States.” The Detroit Free Press said, “A profound and dismaying disrespect for the office of the Presidency.” We think you get the picture, but go ahead and read why this is “one of the most plainly stupid things a group of senators has ever done”.

It’s pretty obvious that the Republicans are doing everything possible to undermine the President. Many Republicans have openly said they’ve wanted Obama to fail ever since he’s gotten into office. Can we expect to see a push for impeachment in the next year? As Teabagger darling Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha!”

President Obama proceeds cautiously with negotiations with Iran on their nuclear program, while Senate Republicans like John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Ted Cruz prepare to stick their knives in and commence to twisting. — President Obama proceeds cautiously with negotiations with Iran on their nuclear program, while Senate Republicans prepare to stick their knives in the President’s back and commence to twisting.

Lying Sack Of Manure

We just commented a few posts back about the growing liars club in today’s media and political circus. In the wake of the Brian Williams scandal, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly was caught in a little lie of his own. O’Reilly criticized Williams for his lack of integrity while exaggerating his own war experiences in Argentina during the War in the Falklands, when he was working for CBS. Now, several former CBS colleagues have stepped forward to refute what O’Reilly claimed, calling him basically a lying sack of manure; something we’ve known for years.Will O’Reilly be suspended like Williams? Hah! Fox News will probably give a promotion and a years supply of loofah mitts. According to Republican Propaganda Network, it ain’t a lie if you believe it to be true. Ahh! That’s some responsible journalism!

Ebola Is Coming! Ebola is Coming?

Remember those halcyon days before the election when the Republicans and, not coincidentally, the supposedly ‘liberal’ media were blathering on and on about how immigrant children were amassing at the border ready to flow into America and take everyone’s jobs; and ISIS was amassing at the border ready to take hostages and behead Americans; and of course the biggest threat of all, the Ebola virus was amassing at the border ready to infect Americans and cause a hideous and painful death. Not surprisingly, these fear tactics worked like gangbusters on the American sheeple. Lo and behold, Congress and the Senate are now filled with Republicans. Nowadays, there’s rarely mention of these menacing invaders ready to take freedom from every American. Surely, Ebola will resurface next year, when the Republicans need to scare the public into voting for Jeb Bush or whoever the Republican Presidential candidate is.

Rednecks discuss how Republicans scared away the Ebola virus and will now make everyone rich. — Some red state Republican voters discuss the brilliance of the GOP fearmongering campaign during the 2014 election, which not only scared away the Ebola virus but will certainly make everyone rich.

Ernst Loves Pork

By most accounts, President Obama’s State of the Union address was well received, with most people talking about his slam against the Republicans. Predictably, all five of the Republican responses were pretty lame, as Jon Stewart so deftly analyzed. But what struck us was up and comer, Iowa Senator Joni Ernst’s response. She started doing the old, tired ‘when I was young we walked twelve miles to school with bread bags on our feet in the middle of a blinding blizzard and we liked it’ spiel (seriously folks, everybody’s father and grandfather has already performed this routine ad infinitum). We thought it was pretty funny when it came out this week, that this teabagger darling, who is so against the government, actually received almost half a million in government assistance for her farming family. Well, it seems Senator Ernst loves pork, doesn’t she. Hmmm, sounds like someone’s a bit of a hypocrite, which is par for the course for today’s conservative Republican; do as I say, not as I do.

Joni Ernst professes to hate pork but in fact she and her farming family have benefited greatly from government assistance. — Teabagger darling, Joni Ernst, preaches the wonders of wearing bread bags to the masses while her kinfolk have received the wonders of government pork.

NASA On Cruz Control

From the ‘You’ve got to be kidding me’ file…anti-science enthusiast and the smuggest human alive, Ted Cruz, has been named chair of the Subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness. Gee, what better person to put in charge of Science than a religious, nut case, teabagger who is ‘skeptical of the scientific theory’ of global warming, this despite a consensus of 97% of climate scientists that climate change is happening. With a man like Cruz, who barely believes in gravity, you can kiss NASA goodbye, even though he claims he’ll increase funding for NASA. Maybe he’ll put creationist, Ken Ham, in charge of NASA. The hijinx would really start then! We think, NASA should invite Senator Cruz on board a test flight and ‘accidentally’ shoot him into space. That would be a win for Planet Earth.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz calls himself Mr. Science and names Creation Museum founder, Ken Ham, as head of NASA. — Teabagger darling and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, promises he'll remake NASA and science to his and his religious supporters' liking.

Imperial President? We think NOT!

We mentioned a few posts back that the Republicans have been whining that President Obama is acting like he’s a king or an imperial dictator. As usual, the GOP’s bluster is at odds with the facts. President Obama has had the lowest number of executive orders to date of any two term president in the last one hundred years. Here’s a handy dandy chart detailing the numbers and showing that Obama definitely is NOT an imperial president. He needs 97 just to catch ol’ Dubya and he needs 187 to catch St. Ronald Reagan, the patron saint of conservative Republicans everywhere. So the next time you hear a Republican whining about Obama being a king, just waive these numbers in their smug, little faces.

President Obama has had the lowest number of executive orders to date of any two term president in the last one hundred years. — 'Imperial President' Barack Obama needs just 97 more executive orders to catch the 'bestest president ever' George W. Bush.