Arpaio?! Seriously?!

In a stunner that we certainly didn’t see coming, Doug Jones beat bible thumper and teenage girl aficionado, Roy Moore, in a special election and will now be the first Democratic Senator for Alabama in 25 years. This will also hopefully put Moore out of the national spotlight(we’re absolutely sick of him), although he’s still got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do to the women he’s harassed.

So are what are racist, authoritarian, conservative, christian Republicans to do? Have no fear, wingnuts. Fresh from his pardoning by Donald Trump, former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio announced that “he’s seriously, seriously, seriously considering running for the U.S. Senate” in Arizona. Seriously…that’s right, folks: America’s favorite racist, authoritarian law enforcer says he may run for Jeff Flake’s vacant seat in 2018.

We thought the 85 year old Arpaio was losing it before, but this pretty much makes it official. He got thumped by Paul Penzone for a county level position, and yet he thinks he can seriously win a state wide election given his notoriety. If it wasn’t for his pal Trump, he’d be doing some time. Arizonans are sick of his schtick. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. Retire already! Ride off into the sunset like a good former sheriff and leave the good people of Arizona alone. Because you know what…we’re seriously, seriously, seriously NOT voting for you!

Authoritarian, colossal egoist and former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, announces that he's seriously, seriously, seriously considering a run for the Senate, to which Arizona voters reply that they will seriously, seriously, seriously not vote for him.
Authoritarian, colossal egoist and former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, announces that he’s seriously, seriously, seriously considering a run for the Senate, to which Arizona voters reply that they will seriously, seriously, seriously not vote for him.

Arpaio To Model Pink Underwear

While John McCain may be staying in Arizona politics for a while longer, another bastion of Arizona conservatism may be riding off into the sunset very soon; Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio. We’ve commented before about authoritarian, demagogue Sheriff Joe and his crazy support of fellow birther Donald Trump. Now it finally appears that he’s getting his comeuppance for his racial profiling laws. Arpaio has officially been charged with criminal contempt of court and could be spending six months in prison. And of course, all of Sheriff Joe’s shenanigans have cost Arizona taxpayers millions of dollars. On top of this, his Democrat opponent in the Maricopa County sheriff election, Paul Penzone, has a lead on him in the latest polls. What poetic justice: not only will Arpaio finally be retiring from public office, he very well could become a resident of his own infamous creation, Tent City. We hope he enjoys the 100+ degree heat, his pink underwear and green bologna… oh and the undying love and admiration of his fellow inmates.

The inmates of Tent City want a pink underwear fashion show from their new resident, soon to be former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.
The inmates of Tent City want a pink underwear fashion show from their new resident, soon to be former Maricopa County Sheriff, Joe Arpaio.

Top AZ Wingnuts Endorse Trump

We’ve commented before about the dismal politicians in our home state of Arizona(here, here, here, and here for starters). And unfortunately, they keep on delivering the crazy much to the embarrassment of reasonable and sane Arizonans.

There’s the primary election fiasco on March 22nd (we’ve got a photo-toon coming on this one.) Then there’s the obstructionism of Arizona’s senators on Obama’s Supreme Court nominee (we’ve got a couple photo-toons coming on this one, too.) But this post deals with the endorsements of Donald Trump by former governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio.

Jan Brewer has never impressed us here at the Bucket. Just take a look at her awful performance in the 2010 gubernatorial debates and you’ll get an idea of her incompetence. She’s like an older, blonder Sarah Palin.

As for Arpaio, he’s been in office so long (since 1992), he thinks he’s not only the law, but that he’s above the law. Now we don’t think Arpaio is all bad. He strongly punishes animal abusers, which is a good thing. And like we’ve said before, the pink underwear and the Tent City thing was a hoot — in the nineties. Arpaio’s schtick has worn thin over the last fifteen years. Now with his support of birtherism, SB 1070 (racial profiling) and being sued for abuse of power and racial profiling by federal prosecutors(which has cost the taxpayers of Maricopa County a whopping $142 million), we think it’s time for Sheriff Joe to ride off into the sunset in true old Western fashion.

We guess it’s no wonder that Arpaio and Brewer endorsed Trump. Look at where the rally for Trump was held prior to the March 22nd primary. Fountain Hills, along with Paradise Valley and North Scottsdale (or Snottsdale as we call it here in these parts), is one of the most exclusive communities in the state and Arpaio lives there. And that pretty much sums up the Republicans motto: exclude everyone except if you’ve got money, you’re christian, you’re white and you accept that because of your fortuitous financial status, you should be able to rule everyone’s life. It’s also not surprising that some protesters got arrested for trying to disrupt the rally. Get used to it America. If Donald Trump becomes President there will be no protesting or free speech. It’s going to be Trump’s way or pink underwear in Sheriff Joe’s Tent City.

Arizona authoritarian demagogues, former Governor Jan 'Skeletor' Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe 'Just Call Me God' Arpaio announce their support for national, authoritarian demagogue Donald Trump for President, who clarifies who is the bigger God in true Donald Trump fashion.
Arizona authoritarian demagogues, former Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio announce their support for national, authoritarian demagogue Donald Trump for President, who clarifies who is the bigger God in true Donald Trump fashion.

 

This Is The Word Of Arpaio

Once again, Arizona has moved to the forefront of the news with some more lunacy, this time courtesy of Secretary of State Ken Bennett. Last week, Bennett said that although he doesn’t believe it, ‘several constituents’ wanted proof that President Barack Obama was actually born in Hawaii, even though he officially released his certificate of live birth which has been verified many times by Hawaiian officials. Look at his CNN video about the ‘birther’ conspiracy. But this isn’t good enough for the ‘birthers’. And of course the head ‘birther’ in Arizona is Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Arpaio is known as “America’s toughest sheriff” because of his unorthodox disciplinarian methods used on prisoners such as making them wear pink underwear, live in tents, work on chain gangs and eat green bologna.  He’s no stranger to controversy. He’s currently being investigated by the federal government for abuse of power for his enforcement methods of the controversial anti-illegal immigration act SB1070. We remember when this unenforceable, discriminatory law was passed, a journalist famously asked Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer, ‘What does an illegal immigrant looks like?’. In true Brewer fashion, she gave a deer in the headlight look, hemmed, hawed, mumbled and finally admitted she didn’t know. Because she knows that to enforce the law, you have to racially profile a certain segment of the population and to the conservative mindset, that means Hispanics.

Yes, Sheriff Arpaio has indeed been a popular figure in Arizona, especially with conservatives. He’s been in office for twenty years. He even had a short tv series on Fox Realty Channel. But we think his ego has gotten out of control. There’s a laundry list of controversies surrounding this man including several concerning abuse of power. His pursuance of the ‘birther’ issue using taxpayers money and the SB 1070 law are just two of the latest more annoying instances of this abuse of power.

So we say this to Sheriff Joe(like he’s going to listen to us): Please retire. Arizona can survive without you as Sheriff. You’re 80 years old. You’ve had a great twenty year run and a lot of great moments. Even we liked the pink underwear and chain gangs. But this latest escapade with the ‘birthers’ and SB1070 shows that it’s time to ride off into the sunset in true Arizona sheriff tradition. Please quit embarrassing our great state and give the reins to someone else.

So remember Arizonans: do ol’ Sheriff Joe and this state a big favor this fall and vote him out of office.

Space station astronauts took this photo of the ego inflated head of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio rising up into the troposphere proclaiming his words of wisdom to all within earshot.