Tag Archive for Arizona

The Seven Wonders Of Cactus Corners, Arizona

July 11, 2016 bb_admin BilgeBucket Lists, Wide World O' Wacky

And now for something completely different…

With all the depressing daily shootings that are going on, we thought we’d do something Pythonesquely different and devote some attention to summer travel and tourism. We haven’t done a BilgeBucket List for some time, so we decided to highlight our fair burg of Cactus Corners, Arizona, just in time for the sweltering 110+ degree heat. Everyone’s heard of the Seven Wonders of the World. Our little corner of the desert has some splendid attractions, well worth your tourist dollar. So, in an effort to educate the world on the awe-inspiring splendors that make Cactus Corners such a miserable hell hole, America’s trendiest suburb, here is a list of the Seven Wonders of Cactus Corners.

  • Delores Romanowski’s Five Story Compost Heap
  • The Hubcap Dinosaur Statue at Prospector Pete’s Gold Mine Ride & Fun-o-torium
  • Raul’s Sex Emporium’s Tower, which looks like a giant penis
  • The Mechanical Gila Monster on the ninth hole at J.J.’s Putt-o-rama
  • The flock of pink flamingo lawn ornaments at Cactus Trailer Park Supplies
  • The melted ice cream stain of Jesus in front of the Dairy Fairy on Prickly Pear & Ranch
  • The melted ice cream stain of Elvis next to the melted ice cream stain of Jesus in front of the Dairy Fairy on Prickly Pear & Ranch
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The Sun Is Setting On John McCain

June 30, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Neocon Media Circus

Arizona’s Senior Senator John McCain keeps losing more and more respect by the day. Recently, he made headlines by boldly claiming that President Obama was ‘directly responsible’ for the Orlando shootings. In trying to clarify his fallacious statement he completely forgot that it was George W. Bush who created the power vacuum in the Middle East by invading Iraq, which allowed not only Al-Qaeda to thrive but also allowed the ISIS movement to be born.

Then McCain turned the ‘crazy’ knob to eleven and endorsed Donald Trump. If you remember, last year Trump questioned McCain’s war hero credentials and criticized McCain for getting captured. Now, almost a year later, McCain is going to endorse the man who insulted him. This (and his stubborn refusal to vote on a new Supreme Court justice) is apparently why support for his Democratic opponent, Ann Kirkpatrick has surged in recent polls, and even has her ahead in one. Our advice to Senator McCain(like he’s asking us): you’ve had a good run, but it’s time to retire to one of your seven or eight or twenty houses you own and start shooing kids off your lawn and away from your precious gold. We have no doubt you’ll be great at it.

Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, blames Obama for the Orlando shooting and promptly endorses Donald Trump for President.

Arizona’s Senior Senator and crusty old coot, John McCain, demonstrates why he should retire from politics and start a successful new career of keeping kids off his lawn and away from his gold.

 

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Brewer Wants Women Back In Kitchen

May 9, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Con-a-thon 2016, Grand Old Plutocrats, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus, Teabagging **it

We thought we were done with our review of lame AZ political figures and issues but former Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer had to open her mouth and of course when that happens, something stupid usually comes out.

Brewer said in an interview that way too much emphasis has been placed on electing female candidates, stating that “this woman thing has gotten way out of control I believe.” That’s right women; get back in the kitchen and serve your man. No wonder Donald Trump and other conservative christian Republican men love her. Up Next: Jan Brewer says that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

Former Arizona Governor Jan 'Skeletor' Brewer says a woman's place is in the home serving her man and Donald Trump wholeheartedly agrees.

Former Arizona Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer announces her plans to set the women’s movement back one hundred years much to Republican frontrunner Donald Trump’s approval.

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AZ’s Solar Obstructionists

May 6, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus, There's No Planet B

We know the big news is that Trump has clinched the GOP nomination, but we’ve still got six more months of Con-a-thon 2016 to mock his crap. Nevertheless, this is our final post for now reviewing lame AZ public figures and issues…

When you think of Arizona, you usually think of one thing: sunshine…and lots of it. Arizona is sunny at least 85% of the time. You’d think with that much sunshine, Arizona would be the world leader in solar energy research. You’d think that when flying into Phoenix’s Sky Harbor airport, you’d see in addition to all the backyard pools, you’d see solar panels on every roof. You’d think that Arizona’s electric utility companies would be making roof top solar energy affordable to everyone and solar energy companies would be making money hand over fist. Well, in this state, you’d be WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!

First of all the cost of rooftop solar is so high($11,000 to rent, 20-30k to buy) that most people just can’t afford it. This is even despite the fact that an overwhelming number of Arizonans are interested in solar(94% according to the above article). Being energy independent is right in line with Arizona’s independent spirit. So with the demand so high, why isn’t the solar industry exploding?

Enter the monopolistic Arizona electric utility companies. APS and SRP are the power utility companies which provide power to the Phoenix metropolitan area. They’ve spent millions on building solar arrays in the desert, like SRP’s huge array by Gila Bend, which is terrific for using clean energy. And both companies are always advertising to ‘Go Solar’. But it’s all very disingenuous. We’ve mentioned the high costs. But the rate plans, like SRPs, are something we’d expect from pirates. The whole idea is to be energy independent with rooftop solar; to get off the grid. But with the rate plans in place, you’d still have to pay a steep monthly fee, which kind of defeats the purpose of having solar panels. Like the article in the link says, SRP is saying, “You can use solar power… but only if you buy it from us, and don’t generate it yourself.” But we really shouldn’t be surprised by this, since this state is controlled by anti-environmental, conservative Republicans and they pull this kind of crap all the time in this state.

We think that SRP and APS employees should just don pirate uniforms and quit trying to con people into thinking they’re so pro-solar, when all their rate plans and prices make it impossible for normal everyday people to supply their own electricity and be energy independent. Simply put, here’s a slogan which sums up perfectly how we feel: Support Rooftop Solar – Power to the People!

An Arizona electric utility company official and pirate explains to a naive energy independent minded consumer how solar energy really works in the state of Arizona.

An Arizona electric utility company official explains to a naive, energy independent minded consumer how solar energy really works in the state of Arizona. Arrrrggghh!

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AZ’s Junior Obstructionist

April 29, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus, Turtle Boy Tales

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

We’ve commented before about Arizona’s junior Senator Jeff Flake (here and here). He truly is a conundrum. On the surface, this congenial, young man with the ultra-brite smile seems like he grew up with Wally and the Beav. He even sells himself as Mr. Bipartisan. But like most con artists, it’s just for show. He’s more Eddie Haskell than Wally. Mr. Flake is joining his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, in obstructing President Obama’s pick for the Supreme Court. And why does Mr. Bipartisan say he’s doing this. A friend of the Bucket, who complained to the Senator about his obstructionism, shared with us this email response from Mr. Flake.

“Justice Scalia was untiring in his defense of the Constitution. His intellect, candor, and wit will be sorely missed. As we mourn the tragic loss of Justice Scalia and celebrate his life’s work, much is being said and written about whether the Supreme Court vacancy created by his death should be filled this year. One would have to go back more than a century to find a scenario where a president’s nominee for the Supreme Court was confirmed by the opposition party in the United States Senate when the vacancy occurred during an election year. I am not about to break new ground in the Senate, particularly when any nominee could so drastically shift the balance of the court.“

There you have it folks. Mr. Bipartisan isn’t going to break new ground (or be a maverick!) because he’s going to dig in his heels like his fellow Republican crybabies and defy the Constitution. He’s clearly choosing partisan politics over doing what is best for the people and this country.

We used to be feel bad for Mr. Flake. Often times, he has seemed like he is trying to legitimately reach across the aisle. He supported the end of the ban on relations with Cuba. And to his credit, he has agreed to meet with Merrick Garland.  But again, it’s just for show.  He just created his reality show to sell the public that he was reasonable, maybe to boost his credentials for a possible future run at the Presidency. But make no mistake; he’s true to his religious, anti-science base as evidence by his criticizing federal spending on science. Just when you think he’s going to make a break from the zombies as with gun control legislation a few years ago, he turns and runs back toward the narrow minded zombie hordes. Life sitting on a fence is never easy. We’re hoping that with the rise of head zombie, Donald Trump, maybe Flake will finally embrace sanity and leave the Republican party. But then again…

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch 'The Turtle' McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama's Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a.k.a. Mr. Bipartisan, proudly announces that he will join his Republican zombie cohorts, led by Mitch ‘The Turtle’ McConnell, to boldly obstruct President Obama’s Supreme Court nomination for partisan reasons.

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AZ’s Senior Obstructionist

April 26, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

The Supreme Court obstructionism continues and both of Arizona’s Senators are joining their crybaby Republican colleagues in blatantly avoiding their constitutional duty. We’ve ribbed repeatedly Arizona’s Senior Obstructionist, John McCain(here, here and here for starters). Yes, our ‘maverick’ Senator, who famously reached across the aisle to champion Campaign Finance Reform, only to vote against an amendment which would overturn the Supreme Court’s atrocious Citizens United ruling, which gives the well funded corporate elites of this country carte blanche to control elections, recently was quoted as saying ““I believe that we should wait until after the next election and let the American people pick the next president, and we should consider who the next president of the United States nominates.” This contrasts greatly to the old John McCain, who used to solidly support the Senate voting on Supreme Court nominations. What’s more, in 1993 and 1994, McCain voted to approve President Clinton’s Supreme Court appointments of Breyer and Ginsberg by saying “under our Constitution, it is the president’s call to make.” In addition, McCain, like several other Republicans, wholeheartedly approved Merrick Garland’s appointment to the Washington D.C appeals court as chief judge in 1997.

So what’s up with Mr. Maverick? We here at the Bucket think that Senator McCain’s best days are clearly far, far behind him. He’s up for reelection this year(he’s facing a stiff challenge from Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick and fellow Republican Kelli Ward) and this issue may decide if he retains his position. He’s seems to be acting more like a crotchety, old curmudgeon than a distinguished senator.  His dislike of Obama has unhinged him so much that he won’t even perform his constitutional duty. We’ve commented before here that many Republicans have said that if the current President was Republican, they’d approve the nomination. It’s clearly the Republicans who are playing politics. Ol’ Man McCain needs to join Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Helen Purcell and ride off into the Arizona sunset.

Crusty, old codger and Senator, John McCain, demonstrates his 'maverick' style by explaining why he supports obstructionism over solid, bipartisan statesmanship much to the delight of his plutocratic overlord.

Crusty, old codger and Senator, John McCain, demonstrates his ‘maverick’ style by explaining why he supports obstructionism over solid, bipartisan statesmanship much to the delight of his plutocratic overlord.

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AZ’s Education Fraud

April 22, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus, Teabagging **it

Continuing our review of lame AZ public figures and issues…

A special election is coming up here in Arizona on May 17,2016 that deals with the funding of Arizona’s woeful education system. This article at DailyKos explains the issue better than we could. The Republicans is this state have been trying since forever to release all that public land so private interests(land developers) can make money on it. So it’s perfectly natural that privatization fans, a.k.a. Republicans hold Arizona’s children as hostage – “fork over your precious land or the kids get it!” The answer to a better education is solved by increasing the corporate tax or just raising taxes. But corporate, business and private interests are of primary importance here in the land of the Republican wingnuts and taxes are a four letter word. Which is why corporate friendly tools, like Governor Ducey, are so actively trying to pull this fraud on Arizonans. Like the article at DailyKos says, it’s a bit dubious that all the slick, special, private, monied interests support Prop 123 and all the regular folks, who aren’t so richly backed, are saying nay. Just another day in the clusterf*cked state of Arizona politics. At least we’ve got beautiful scenery…er…ummm…maybe not for much longer. Happy Earth Day everyone?

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) declares that the only 'reasonable' way to save Arizona's abysmal education system is to sell off the land to 'private interests' a.k.a. developers and industry.

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) declares that the only ‘reasonable’ way to save Arizona’s abysmal education system is to sell off the land to ‘private interests’ a.k.a. developers and industry.

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AZ’s Austerity Democracy

April 14, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Neocon Media Circus

The fallout form Arizona’s election fiasco on March 22nd is still unfolding. Maricopa County Recorder, Helen Purcell, was widely and deservedly vilified for her initial response, where she actually blamed the voters.  Purcell backtracked a few days later and took full responsibility, but the damage was done. Purcell, explained that the number of polling places was cut from 200 to 60(almost 70% reduction… let us repeat that…70 FRIGGING PERCENT REDUCTION!!!) in order to save money. But the truth is that conservative Republicans have a stranglehold on this state and since they’ve gerrymandered the state legislature districts so drastically, there is virtually no way to get them out of power. They’ve clearly passed legislation and cut election funding in order to suppress voters. The office of Maricopa County Recorder is supposed to be a non-partisan position but Ms. Purcell is a staunch Republican and she has been in office since 1988. In several years, she’s run unopposed which has led to the same complacency and smug demagoguery that Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio possesses. Let’s just say she’s a good soldier for Republican causes.

Now the federal government is investigating the voter suppression and even Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders and the DNC is suing Maricopa County for voting rights violations. Will Maricopa County increase the number of polling places for the elections later on this year? We’re not holding our breath here. Arizona Republicans want to remain in power come Trump or the apocalypse. Given their anti-federal government viewpoint, this will only strengthen their resolve. You see, austerity democracy works great…for corporate America backed conservative Republicans. The game is definitely rigged here in Arizona for Republicans and they’re not going to change anything any time soon.

Getting back to Ms. Purcell…we do think that she should get on the back of Sheriff Joe’s horse and ride off into the sunset. We’d expect this kind of voting rights violation in a banana republic. But this latest debacle is inexcusable in America and especially in our home state of Arizona. Ms. Purcell needs to resign!

Arizona Maricopa County Recorder Helen Purcell proclaims that democracy is expensive and voters need to quit whining much to the delight of plutocrats everywhere.

Arizona Maricopa County Recorder, Helen Purcell, proclaims that democracy is expensive and voters need to quit whining, much to the delight of plutocrats everywhere.

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Top AZ Wingnuts Endorse Trump

April 7, 2016 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Con-a-thon 2016, Corporate States of America, Grand Old Plutocrats, Let Them Eat Cake, Neocon Media Circus, Teabagging **it

We’ve commented before about the dismal politicians in our home state of Arizona(here, here, here, and here for starters). And unfortunately, they keep on delivering the crazy much to the embarrassment of reasonable and sane Arizonans.

There’s the primary election fiasco on March 22nd (we’ve got a photo-toon coming on this one.) Then there’s the obstructionism of Arizona’s senators on Obama’s Supreme Court nominee (we’ve got a couple photo-toons coming on this one, too.) But this post deals with the endorsements of Donald Trump by former governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio.

Jan Brewer has never impressed us here at the Bucket. Just take a look at her awful performance in the 2010 gubernatorial debates and you’ll get an idea of her incompetence. She’s like an older, blonder Sarah Palin.

As for Arpaio, he’s been in office so long (since 1992), he thinks he’s not only the law, but that he’s above the law. Now we don’t think Arpaio is all bad. He strongly punishes animal abusers, which is a good thing. And like we’ve said before, the pink underwear and the Tent City thing was a hoot — in the nineties. Arpaio’s schtick has worn thin over the last fifteen years. Now with his support of birtherism, SB 1070 (racial profiling) and being sued for abuse of power and racial profiling by federal prosecutors(which has cost the taxpayers of Maricopa County a whopping $142 million), we think it’s time for Sheriff Joe to ride off into the sunset in true old Western fashion.

We guess it’s no wonder that Arpaio and Brewer endorsed Trump. Look at where the rally for Trump was held prior to the March 22nd primary. Fountain Hills, along with Paradise Valley and North Scottsdale (or Snottsdale as we call it here in these parts), is one of the most exclusive communities in the state and Arpaio lives there. And that pretty much sums up the Republicans motto: exclude everyone except if you’ve got money, you’re christian, you’re white and you accept that because of your fortuitous financial status, you should be able to rule everyone’s life. It’s also not surprising that some protesters got arrested for trying to disrupt the rally. Get used to it America. If Donald Trump becomes President there will be no protesting or free speech. It’s going to be Trump’s way or pink underwear in Sheriff Joe’s Tent City.

Arizona authoritarian demagogues, former Governor Jan 'Skeletor' Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe 'Just Call Me God' Arpaio announce their support for national, authoritarian demagogue Donald Trump for President, who clarifies who is the bigger God in true Donald Trump fashion.

Arizona authoritarian demagogues, former Governor Jan ‘Skeletor’ Brewer and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe ‘Just Call Me God’ Arpaio announce their support for national, authoritarian demagogue Donald Trump for President, who clarifies who is the bigger God in true Donald Trump fashion.

 

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Unruly Urchins Delight Restaurant Patrons

March 11, 2016 bb_admin Articles:Society BS

Once again we’re sick of current events so here’s another golden oldie article for the weekend…

What happens when parents can’t control their delightful little urchins in a public restaurant and the wee ones run amok? Fun times, that’s what!

This article is from our July 25, 2006 issue.

Unruly Urchins Delight Restaurant Patrons

Most of the patrons at the Bucky’s Burgers at Cactus Corners’ Blue Cactus Shopping Center were absolutely delighted by the antics of Layla Cooper’s six rowdy and rambunctious children last Monday evening. Cooper and her urchins invaded the fast food chain at around 6:00pm and stayed for a full hour charming the customers.

Cashier Danica Drew said, “When Layla came in with her children, the place just livened up immediately. Those kids were running around the dining room, yelling, pushing and punching each other, pulling each other’s hair. They weren’t shy either. They’d run right up to people and scream at ‘em. It was so fun watching those little scamps. Then once their food was ordered, they had a good old fashioned food fight right there in the dining room. They threw everything; fries, hamburgers, drinks. We’re still trying to get those shake and root beer stains out of the carpet. But hey, kids will be kids. What are you going to do right?”

“I’m telling you,” commented senior citizen Gert Metzger. “Those little whippersnappers were delightful. Take that little brown haired boy with the runny nose. I was eating my burger when he comes up and yells in my ear. My hearing aid started whining and I dropped my burger on the floor. Then the little dickens used my shirt sleeve as his Kleenex and wiped his nose all over it. That ragamuffin sure got me good. But hey, kids will be kids. What are you going to do, right?”

Mechanic Al Stanley said, “Well I was sitting on the toilet, reading the latest issue of Cosmo, when all of a sudden I hear all these footsteps. It sounded like a herd of buffalo. Then one of those delightful little sprites kicked open the door and much to my delight all six kids were standing there watching me take a dump and laughing. Then they left the stall door open and went screaming out of the rest room leaving the rest room door wide open to boot. I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun. But hey, kids will be kids. What are you going to do, right?… I’ll tell you what I’m going to do…those goddamned little %$^%&#@*((*&&*!*(**@&$.”

Cooper said that she has tried to discipline her kids, but she claims it doesn’t work. “I’ve tried to make ‘em mind, but they just got minds of their own,” said Cooper as she took a drag off her cigarette. “And each of the kid’s fathers ain’t around anymore. Why my last boyfriend ain’t even seen little Chance. That’s him over there, tipping over the trash can. He’s strong for a two year old ain’t he? My current boyfriend and I are trying to have another kid. He’s got a good job, too. He’s a stock boy over at Juggermart. He’s really good to the kids, too, although I’ve seen him letting A.J. have some of his beer. A.J.’s only nine, you know. Angela! Put mama’s cigarettes down honey pie. You’re not supposed to smoke until high school. Besides, everybody just loves my kids. They’re not bad. They’re just spirited and energetic. Yeah, that’s it; spirited and energetic.” She paused and took the cigarette lighter away from Angela. “Besides, we like it here at Bucky’s. We’ll probably come back here next Monday.”

Cashier Drew, upon hearing of Cooper’s upcoming visit, immediately requested the following Monday off.

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