Tag: christians

Rig-or Trump-us

Donald Trump has been claiming the whole summer with his pals from Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network, that the election will be rigged. Republicans have claimed that voter fraud is rampant despite statistics showing that it is virtually non-existent. This is of course to obfuscate the voter suppression that is occurring at state level by the Republicans. This should be no surprise because ever since the Reagan years, Republicans have been claiming to be something they’re not. They claim to want government out of your lives, but approve of government controlling a woman’s uterus and warrantless wiretapping. They claim to want small government but government has grown incredibly under Republican regimes. They claim to be ‘compassionate’ conservatives, and yet they don’t want healthcare for everyone and want to eliminate Medicare and Social Security. The list goes on and on. So basically when a Republican claims that Democrats are rigging the election, you can pretty well bet that the Republicans are working on rigging the election.

So what happened this past week: a Trump supporter was arrested in Iowa for voting twice. Yes, Donald Trump predicted voter fraud and his supporters are making damn sure his prediction comes true.

A Trump supporter proudly boasts that his idol's predictions of a rigged election will come true.
A Trump supporter proudly boasts that his idol’s predictions of a rigged election will come true.

Comey’s October Surprise

Just when you thought the possibility of a Trumpocalypse was over and you could breath safely…

FBI Director and one tall dude(6’8″), James Comey, decided Friday that Americans weren’t stressed out enough about the elections and decided to throw some raw meat to Donald Trump’s drooling thugs. Comey, a lifelong Republican, decided to conveniently re-open the email investigations with a little more than a week left until the election. This investigation doesn’t concern emails on Hillary’s server, but emails pertaining to Anthony Weiner. Comey, claims that he just wants to make sure that there is no wrongdoing here or as one lawyer put it, he’s covering his ass. The DOJ promptly fired back with a complaint against Comey. We find it interesting, that Comey, who claims he isn’t a Republican anymore, has long had ties to them and he even did his thesis in college on everyone’s favorite evangelical theocrat James Falwell. What’s interesting is that back in June, Comey claimed the matter closed and that no reasonable prosecutor would pursue the matter. But here it is, almost election time (and Halloween)…and surprise, surpise – more emails! Maybe Comey had this planned all along like the Democrats are now claiming. Or maybe he is just covering his ass and making absolutely positive that there was no wrongdoing like he did before.  All we know is that this goddamn farce that is Con-a-thon 2016 can’t get over soon enough. Thanks for the added stress Mr. James Comey! Can we send our medical bills for anxiety and mental fatigue to you?

FBI director James Comey says that Hillary Clinton is too far ahead and decided to give Trump's easily pissed off supporters more red meat on which they can gnaw.
FBI director James Comey decided that there wasn’t enough tension in the 2016 Presidential election, so he decided to throw some red meat to Donald Trump’s rabid, easily pissed off supporters to make things interesting.

Thou Shalt Grabbeth Her By The Pussy

The fallout from Pussygate continues for GOP nominee Donald Trump. More women have come forward with allegations of improper sexual advances. The orange haired rage monster’s polls continue to drop and he’s in full blamestorming mode, pointing fingers at everyone but himself. But the one thing that continues to astonish most people is that evangelical christians, who blather on and on and on about morality and family values, continue to support this obvious horndog. Maybe we’re missing something…Oh yeah! We completely forgot about Jesus’ little known Sermon at the Strip Club, where he told his fellow apostles “Thou shalt moveth on the bitch, and grabbeth her by the pussy.”

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club where "Thou shalt moveth on the bitch and grabbeth her pussy."
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, defends GOP candidate Donald Trump by reciting his little known Sermon at the Strip Club.

 

Paying Taxes Is For Losers

Another day, another ugly revelation about Donald Trump. They’re coming so fast and furious we can’t keep up with them. A tape surfaced Friday which revealed that Donald Trump was not just a misogynist but a perverted misogynist and unbelievably people are shocked! This authoritarian megalomaniac has been saying lewd things about women for the past year and people are still shocked???!!!!

But we’ll comment further on that in upcoming posts. For now, we’re going to try to catch up on the Donald possibly not paying taxes for the past twenty years. In the first presidential debate, Hillary goaded Trump into pretty much admitting he pays no income tax. Furthermore, he thinks he’s smart for doing so. Not only that, Trump’s acolytes like Suckinupagus Christie and Rudy Giuliani praised Trump and called Trump a genius for not paying his fair share. Of course, this is a core belief that Republicans have been adhering to since…forever. Paying taxes is for losers. Only people with money shouldn’t have to pay taxes because they’re ‘winners’. Or in other words, I got mine… f*ck you! Now, we’d hardly call that a christian attitude. But then again, the Republicans have been conning the evangelicals for years. Look at the GOP nominee for President and his puritanical VP. We’re pretty sure that greedmeister Trump will come up with some sure fire plan to make money off of not paying his taxes. His sheeple are already lining up. Like P.T. Barnum said “There’s a sucker born every minute.”

Authoritarian megalomaniac, GOP nominee and 'tax genius', Donald Trump, exhorts one of his many peons that if he works hard and makes him President, then he'll get a real deal on a tax tip so he doesn't have to pay taxes like a loser.
Authoritarian, megalomaniac con man, GOP nominee and ‘tax genius’, Donald Trump, exhorts one of his many peons that if he works hard and makes him President, then he’ll get a real deal on a tax tip so he doesn’t have to pay taxes like a loser.

Pence Lies Like A Real Boy

The Vice Presidential debate was last night and as predicted is was pretty lackluster. What kills us is that many ‘pundits’ think Pence won the debate because he merely denied that Donald Trump said all the horrible, rotten, despicable things he has actually said during the course of the last year of this clusterf*ck that is Con-a-thon 2016. Since when did lying your ass off win you a debate? Oh that’s right, he’s Republican and the corporate news media is conservative. Hell, Republicans were claiming victory two hours ahead of the debate.

However, the Clinton campaign has released a pretty damning video showing the dishonesty and deception of Mike Pence and the Trump campaign. If Puritan Pence keeps lying like Pinocchio, he’ll severely jeopardize his chances of entering into his christian heaven.

GOP Vice President nominee, Puritan Mike Pence spins some Pinocchio-like deception by claiming Donald Trump called Mexicans therapists and not rapists.
GOP Vice Presidential candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, spins some Pinocchio-like deception and dishonesty which may hinder his chances of getting into christian heaven.

Lisa Clinton vs Bart Trump

The results are in from the first Presidential debate and the consensus is that Hillary Clinton wiped the floor with Donald Trump. As expected, Trump and his acolytes are proclaiming victory or claim that such things as a faulty microphone or a cold were to blame for Trump’s less than stellar performance. (Really, what was with the Donald’s sniffling all night? Gee, we thought Hillary was supposed to be the sick one. Why doesn’t the media spend hours obsessing over Trump’s health? Is he on death’s door or just doing coke?)

Which brings us to the bigger question; will the debate performance boost Hillary in the polls? Most people think so, but Michael Moore posited an interesting and disturbing response  with which we are kind of grudgingly, reluctantly and frighteningly inclined to agree. Moore states that even though Hillary beat Trump handily and may rise in the polls, so what… Trump will still win the election. Unfortunately and frighteningly, he could be right. Look at what has happened this past year. Trump has said the most disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant things that a person could say not just during a Presidential campaign but in general life. And what’s the response? His poll numbers are boosted! It’s exactly like Trump boasted last year; that he could shoot people in Times Square and his backers would still support him. Logic, reason, facts, statistics, science and common sense don’t matter to Trump supporters. Even our local rag, The Arizona Republic, endorsed Hillary for President; the first time in the paper’s history they endorsed a Democrat. Will it sway the right wing Teabagger Republicans in this state? Probably not. This race should be a Clinton landslide, but instead Trump’s blind, unthinking, sycophantic supporters and the lax and enabling coverage of the corporate conservative news media have made this election into a nerve wracking vigil for an impending, apocalyptic nightmare or the Trumpocalypse.

We noted a few posts ago about how Hillary is like Lisa Simpson and the Donald is like Bart Simpson. Unfortunately, America seems to have transformed itself into a country just like a certain cartoon town of idiots.

Just like on 'The Simpsons', Hillary 'Lisa' Clinton proclaims she is prepared to be president only to be obnoxiously ridiculed by Donald 'Bart' Trump much to the delight of the cartoonish idiotic citizens.
Despite being completely qualified mentally and physically to be President, Hillary ‘Lisa’ Clinton discovers that the cartoonish idiocracy prefers the inane, rude, crude, obnoxious imp, Donald ‘Bart’ Trump.

Spineless Ted Cruz

We know the first of the Presidential Debates was last night, but so much crap is happening, we’re having a hard time keeping up. We’ll be commenting on the debate results soon.

In a not so surprising move to us here at the Bucket, Ted Cruz endorsed authoritarian megalomaniac, Donald Trump, for President, which pretty much proves all those nasty things Trump and Cruz said to each other was political theater and absolute bullshit. It also proves that Ted Cruz doesn’t really have much integrity. We hope he enjoys cleaning up Trump’s trail of bullshit with Suckinupagus Chris Christie. Better get those waders out boys…it’s gonna get deep!

Donald Trump orders his new lackey Ted Cruz to help Suckinupagus Chris Christie clean his shorts- his undershorts.
Smuggest Senator alive and spineless suck-up, Ted Cruz, freely chooses a life of servile lackeydom to authoritarian megalomaniac and GOP nominee, Donald Trump.

 

Pence Loves Dick

This past week, GOP VP nominee and everyone’s favorite Puritan, Mike Pence came out of the conservative closet and proudly pronounced to all that Dick Cheney, architect of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War, is his VP role model. If we had any respect for this man, (we didn’t), it was completely lost with this confession.

As a policy we started last year, whenever Dick Cheney appears in the press spouting his lies or one of his surrogates like Pence pops up praising him, we’d repeat Cheney’s biggest lie on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Here’s another video released by the White House which shows how wrong Dick Cheney has been about everything and that his credibility level is zero. All we have to say about Cheney is WHAT A DICK!!!

Rewind: The Bush Putin Bromance

As we’ve noted before, GOP nominee Donald Trump and Russian President, Vladimir Putin have struck up quite the bromance lately. But it’s not Putin’s first bromance with a Republican President. George W. Bush and Putin developed quite a chummy relationship back during Dubya’s disastrous presidency. Bush even famously said, “I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul.”  Wow! Get a room will ya.

As a matter of fact, Trump and his VP nominee, Mike Pence, have stated that they think Putin is a stronger leader than Obama. And why wouldn’t Republicans not like the authoritarian dictator (we know he’s technically president, but come on!). Putin strong arms and bullies everyone and stifles dissent, just like Republicans. Gee, no wonder he has a high approval rating. If you disagree, you die. This is what the Republicans have been after since…well…forever; absolute power and dominance over not just this country, but the world.

There’s a reason why some people consider Putin the most dangerous man in the world; we’re talking James Bond kind of villainous. Putin sees a way to make Russia great again. Putin saw a sucker with Bush and he sees another simp in Trump. If he can cleverly get America to bite on several more disastrous quagmires like Iraq and Afghanistan, which would be likely with the hotheaded Trump in charge(we’re thinking Syria, Iran, Iraq again, North Korea, Ukraine and Mexico – basically World War III), America’s wealth would be bled away again and Russia would return to prominence in the world order.  So go ahead Trump supporters; make Russia great again and enjoy all those new wars in which you’ll be fighting. There’s a reason Millennials hate Trump; with him they have no future.

This photo-toon is from our July 19, 2007 issue.

Putin advises George W. Bush that to rid himself of pesky dissenters, just use a pinch of Polonium 210 and a dash of AK-47 and Voila.
While rekindling their romance recently in Maine, President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin discussed possible solutions to some of their more difficult problems, like dealing with people who disagree with them.

The Tragedy Of Clogged Prayer Lines

Pope Francis made Mother Teresa a saint this past week so now the catholic sheeple have yet another semi-deity to whom they can pray. Yay!

In honor of this nonsense, here’s another golden oldie article from our archives covering the tragedy that occurs when prayer lines get clogged. Oh the horror! The horror!

This is from our April 10, 2005 issue.

Prayer Lines Clogged For Schiavo, Pope

A crisis occurred last week in heaven when billions of people across the globe simultaneously prayed for Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II causing ancient prayer lines to temporarily clog, preventing many prayers from getting through to intended saints, angels, and deities.

Lead prayer center agent, Saint Sixtus said, “Jesus Christ, what a mess! Oops did I just use the Lord’s name in vain. Well, I’m sorry J.C! We’ve really got to update our technology here. I mean we might have been able to keep Terri Schiavo alive for a few more days if those prayers hadn’t been lost. Boy, St. Paul really chewed my butt out for that one.”

President Bush spoke on behalf of Jesus Christ. “People, we’re going to need to update these old prayer lines. I mean don’t you hate it when you pray for something and don’t get it? It hasn’t happened to me lately, but it’s still annoying. Why I was talking to God just this morning, and the connection was all garbled. I could have sworn he said to invade Iran. Now I can’t take chance on orders from the Big Guy, so I guess we’re going to have to invade Iran. The bottom line is, if we don’t help streamline prayer technology those terrorists prayers to Allah will get through quicker and then who knows what will happen. Fear, fear, fear! Terror, terror, terror!”

Reverend Eugene Bilkwell of the Fourth Evangelical Church of Latham, Louisiana said, “I’ve been predicting this for years. My brethren, we need to upgrade to PT1 or PT3 lines as soon as possible. This technology offers wider bandwidth so Christian prayers get through quicker than Muslim, Hindu or Jewish prayers and they have less of chance of getting dropped. But it’s going to take money folks and lots of it. So be sure and give generously to your church each and every week. We’ll make sure it gets to the right people in heaven. Remember – we’ve got better connections with the Man Upstairs because we’re holier than you disgusting, degenerate sinners.”

All signs seem to indicate the panic has subsided. Saint Sixtus said, “Well everything has calmed down for now. We were hitting spikes for the Michael Jackson trial, but traffic seems to have dropped off precipitously. Yeesh! I ain’t voting for that guy to get in here. But those crappy old Seraphim 1000 lines, that are as old as Methuselah, aren’t going to hold much longer, especially if Bush invades Iran. It’s going to be the apocalypse!” After a short pause, a perplexed Saint Sixtus remarked, “Are you sure this Bush guy is in good with Jesus? Because he really seems like a bonehead to me.”