The Real Boss In America

The Trans-Pacific Partnership is a huge, free trade agreement with the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Japan and eight other Asian-Pacific countries. It’s just about a done deal thanks to the Republican Congress who wants to shove this through as fast as possible and a pliant President Obama, (sometimes known as the Compromiser-in-Chief), who is proving that he is as big a corporatist as Bill Clinton, Reagan and the Bushes. While proponents tout that this pact will lead to economic growth, development and job creation (NAFTA anyone?), opponents are sounding the alarm that the agreements contents are being kept secret because it’s really a gigantic gift to give multinational corporations to do whatever the hell they want including off-shoring more American jobs, exposing the U.S. to unsafe food products and empowering corporations to smash our environmental and health safeguards.

If any American had any doubt that representative democracy is dead in the U.S., take a look at the secrecy involved between the corporate world and congress to get this thing passed on the fast track. There is nothing democratic about the passing of this new deal and it pretty much confirms that America is a corporate oligarchy. Corporate States of America or Holy Corporate Empire; either one sufficiently describes America today. We also think there may be another reason why Obama wants to the same thing as Boehner, Cruz and other CONgressional Republicans, which is illustrated in the following photo-toon.

Obama proclaims he supports the TPP because he's a corporatist, doesn't want to be impeached and he wants to please his corporate masters.
America’s corporate, elite plutocrats applaud the fast tracking of the TPP by their political lackeys to prove to every one on planet Earth who really is the boss in America.

Grand Stupidity

From the Unfreakingbelievable file: it appears a goddamn, greedy mega-developer thinks the timeless grandeur of the Grand Canyon in Arizona is lacking. That’s obviously because there’s no Mega-mall there where you can shop ’til you drop! Yes, this colossal asswipe wants to place a mega-development at the edge of the Grand Canyon. We don’t know where to begin on describing how ludicrously stupid this is. Seriously, if you’re going to the Grand Canyon and you expect to find unlimited shopping opportunities, then you are a special kind of seriously f*cked up! Most people go the Grand Canyon to GET AWAY FROM development and enjoy nature and wildlife at its most basic. If they want cheezy, glitzy shopping opportunities then they go to Las Vegas.  Maybe these greedy, capitalist, dickhead developers can make a replica of the Grand Canyon in Las Vegas just like they did with Paris, New York and Egypt. Las Vegas is where this kind of stupidity belongs. When it comes to the Grand Canyon, we have just three words to say to developers: LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!

A noble, American hunter prepares to thin the herd of greedy, rapacious, land developers, who want to develop the Grand Canyon.
A noble, American hunter prepares to thin the herd of greedy, rapacious, land developers.

They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Discrimination And Intolerance

The nation’s outrage over Indiana’s recent law guaranteeing ‘religious freedom’ and condoning discrimination and intolerance is growing. Boycotts have been announced. Even corporations have announced that they’ll be changing their business relations with the state; which is very serious because this nation is a corporate oligarchy and business is the golden calf here. So you think with all the economic pressure coming to bear on Indiana, do you think conservative christian stalwart, Governor Mike Pence, is going to relent? Hah! No way! He stands firmly behind his decidedly non-christian behavior. Not only that, other leading candidates for the Republican nomination like Jeb Bush and Ted Cruz have announced support for Pence. Because you see, admitting that you’re wrong on anything is not something that conservative christian Republicans do. But as the christians have always stated throughout history(see Spanish Inquisition, Meso-America conquest, Native American conquest, Pacific Islander conquest, Galileo’s scientific discoveries, etc…), it’s not discrimination or intolerance when we do it; it’s God’s will. It reminds us of that old song we learned in church “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love”, which has been conveniently updated in our photo-toon to reflect the state of modern christianity.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence's new slogan "They'll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance".
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, approves of Indiana Governor Mike Pence’s new slogan “They’ll know we are Christians by our discrimination and intolerance”.

Let The Children Suffer

Hold onto your hats everyone. Conservative christian Republicans are upset at President Obama! Shocking right? Unaccompanied immigrant children have been crossing the border in record numbers this year and who’s fault is it according to the right wing christians? Obama’s of course, even though the surge is related to law to curb child trafficking passed in 2008 and signed into law by….George W. Bush. What should we do with all these children? Conservative christians have been screaming loudly about the only obvious solution…send the little varmints back. What a great christian attitude! That’s certainly what Jesus would have done…or at least Capitalist Jesus would have done it. Just let holier than thou Bill O’Reilly explain it to you. The new updated Jesus message on little urchins now reads ‘Let the Children Suffer’.

Capitalist Jesus says that the immigrant children should go back to Mexico or rot.
Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, updates his message on little urchins to now say 'Let the children suffer'.

The Capitalist Pigs

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs. This elite business college in the Gold Coast region of Lake Wannamoola, Connecticut really teaches their students the value of a buck and many graduates go on to successful careers bilking millions from unsuspecting rubes as brokers on Wall Street, politicians in Washington D.C and televangelists in the South.  The highlight at home games is when school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie, whose picture is prominently displayed on the teams helmet, roams the stadium in his chauffeured, custom designed, open top, Cadillac golf cart, lighting cigars with $100 dollar bills, sipping champagne, eating caviar and throwing cake out the window so some lucky peasants fans can scramble for the crumbs. The climax of the season is the game with their rival college across the lake, the Marx School of Liberal Arts Commie Bastards.

Speaking of capitalist pigs, be sure to check out the BilgeBucket store where you can purchase fine BilgeBucket gear just in time for Black Friday. BUY! BUY! BUY!

The football helmet of the J. Prescott Worthington School of Financial Management Capitalist Pigs features compassionate conservative school mascot, Rich Uncle Oinkie.

 

The Gospel According To Sarah

Hey everyone…Sarah Palin’s back in the news. Yay!!!

We don’t waste much time on the Tea Party Princess anymore because…well…she’s a waste of time. But Ms. Ubetcha was out recently promoting her book on the ‘War on Christmas’ when she made comments about how Pope Francis was sounding kind of liberal lately. Really? Imagine that. Bill Maher’s reply to her ‘insightful’ comment hit the nail on the head.  Maybe she would like our ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ t-shirt as a gift for Xmas.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, offers his support for Sarah Palin, advice on dealing with people of different religious persuasions, and suggestions for a great stocking stuffer this holiday season.

 


Tolerance Is Sooooooo Overrated

Recently, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus stated in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) “I don’t know if I’ve used the word ‘tolerance,’ I don’t really care for that word myself”.

It’s stunning that today’s christian conservative Republicans are such blatant hypocrites. Let’s review a little: today’s modern, conservative, christian Republican, should not want their neighbors to have affordable healthcare; should not give any kind of opportunity to anyone from another country who has come to this country in search of a better life; should mistrust anyone who has a different skin color; should hate anyone who has a different religious point of view; should not allow a woman to make her own health decisions in regard to her reproductive system; should despise people who have different sexual orientation; and should own several guns and use them if they are EVER threatened by the aforementioned groups of people. Yep, tolerance is very overrated. Jesus would surely be proud of today’s christians.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, lends support to his disciple, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, on how overrated tolerance is in today’s overpopulated world.

 

Romney: Disaster Capitalist

Hurricane Sandy socked the northeastern United States this week killing 30 people and causing between $20 to $60 billion dollars in damage. President Obama and FEMA were right there immediately to offer assistance to the stricken states, even earning praise from Republican governors Chris Christie of New Jersey and Bob McDonnell of Virginia. This is in sharp contrast to the anemic Bush administration response to the Gulf states in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. In a stunning display of stupidity, former FEMA head Michael “Heckuva Job” Brown said President Obama responded too quickly. What an ASS! And speaking of asses, GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, deflected 14 questions from the press about his earlier statements about abolishing FEMA if he were President. This of course would enable all those Republican disaster capitalists to swoop in and make a bundle every time a natural disaster hit. We think the Republicans should change their party logo from an elephant to a vulture.

GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, explains to a victim of Hurricane Sandy how the federal government should work in a christian nation.

 

The Ryan Hypocrisy

In the words of Ricky Ricardo, Paul Ryan has some “‘splaining to do”. It seems that Spiff Romney’s new GOP Vice Presidential candidate has some conflicting beliefs that need some clarification. On the one hand, he’s supposedly a staunch Catholic, which means he’s a follower of Jesus, who preached to share and care for your fellow human beings. On the other hand, he’s a staunch fan of Ayn Rand (an avowed atheist), who preached that one should be selfish and be concerned only for yourself and that caring for others is weak and undesirable. These two philosophies seem to be contradictory.  It seems to us that Mr. Ryan and those other conservative christian Republicans, who tout the prosperity gospel while at the same time want to deny basic healthcare to some people in our country, may be hypocrites. Make no mistake: if Romney and Ryan get in, senior entitlements like Medicare and Social Security are gone, while corporate entitlements will be handed out like candy at Halloween. I wonder what Jesus would say, because we all know how much of a capitalist he was.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, has nothing but praise for GOP Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan and his Randian philosophy.

Oinkings from Singapore

Recently, Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin renounced his U.S. citizenship, to reside in Singapore, because he didn’t want to pay income taxes on his billions of dollars. What a patriot!  To their credit, two senators decried this and announced that he would still have to pay taxes and could be barred from re-entering the country. However, there were several right-wing conservative Republicans who defended his take-the-money-and-run capitalist pig style. No doubt they’ve got their money in off shore tax havens just like the GOP presidential candidate, ol’ Spiff Romney. Way to support America’s infrastructure, guys!

Facebook co-founder, Eduardo Saverin, who now resides in Singapore, sends oinkings to all the Americans who made him a billionaire.