stoner – BilgeBucket Gazette

The Stoner Who Would Be President

As if the joke that is Con-a-thon 2016 couldn’t get any stranger, the once respectable Chicago Tribune announced this past week that they’re going to endorse not Donald Trump… not Hillary Clinton… but Libertarian candidate and stoner extraordinaire, Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson. We’ve gained a little, tiny bit of respect lately for the Arizona Republic and the San Diego Tribune for breaking with tradition and endorsing the only sane choice for President, Democrat Hillary Clinton. But come on Chicago Tribune. This man had another ‘Aleppo’ moment last week on Chris Matthews when he couldn’t name a world leader. We think the people at the Trib may be ex-High Times employees and may be smoking the same thing as the ‘Dude’.

Libertarian candidate Gary 'Dude' Johnson says that Captain America is a gnarly world leader much to the approval of the stoners at the Chicago Tribune, who endorse him totally for President. — The stoners over at the Chicago Tribune think that Libertarian candidate Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson would be a totally awesome choice for President.

Remembering Aleppo Marx

Last week was a bad week for everyone involved with the farce known as Con-a-thon 2016, (especially we the people who have to endure this shit). Hillary Clinton kept getting hit about her emails and then got pneumonia to boot. Donald Trump’s fraud, lies and deceptions kept proliferating. Matt Lauer completely botched the Commander-in-Chief forum. Anyone else?

Yes indeed! Libertarian candidate and former Republican Gary Johnson had the biggest fail of all last Friday. When questioned about the besieged Syrian city of Aleppo, Johnson replied with a perplexed look on his face, “What is Aleppo?”. Not good! Not good at all…especially for someone who would be making vital decisions in this region for years to come. He’s running for President of the United States, not President of the PTA. He did recover somewhat and even took responsibility for the gaffe saying he needed to do better. But the damage was done. We’re guessing that maybe Johnson should’ve laid off the weed before the interview. The disturbing thing is…he still knows more than Donald Trump.

Libertarian presidential candidate, Gary 'Dude' Johnson' explains that Aleppo was the funniest of the Marx Brothers. — Libertarian Presidential candidate, Gary ‘Dude’ Johnson, explains that Aleppo was the funniest of the Marx Brothers.

The Stoners

We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of little known collegiate teams and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present the helmet of the Central San Francisco State Stoners. The unfortunate thing for opponents who actually have to look at them is that the Stoner’s uniforms are tie-dyed to match the helmets. Far out, man! At home games, school mascot, Doobie the Hippie, roams the stadium spreading ‘cheer’ to all the patrons. Of course, people who attend Stoner games aren’t too interested in the football. But for some reason, they spend a lot of time at the concession stand.