Spineless Ted Cruz

We know the first of the Presidential Debates was last night, but so much crap is happening, we’re having a hard time keeping up. We’ll be commenting on the debate results soon.

In a not so surprising move to us here at the Bucket, Ted Cruz endorsed authoritarian megalomaniac, Donald Trump, for President, which pretty much proves all those nasty things Trump and Cruz said to each other was political theater and absolute bullshit. It also proves that Ted Cruz doesn’t really have much integrity. We hope he enjoys cleaning up Trump’s trail of bullshit with Suckinupagus Chris Christie. Better get those waders out boys…it’s gonna get deep!

Donald Trump orders his new lackey Ted Cruz to help Suckinupagus Chris Christie clean his shorts- his undershorts.
Smuggest Senator alive and spineless suck-up, Ted Cruz, freely chooses a life of servile lackeydom to authoritarian megalomaniac and GOP nominee, Donald Trump.

 

Liberal Media My Ass – Part ∞

We’ve commented numerous times before here about the myth of the liberal media. But there’s nothing like stats and graphs that prove that the news media is actually very conservative. The web site Media Matters does an excellent job of keeping track of the lies and deceptions of the right wing media, especially Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network. We usually don’t post graphics from other sites, but this one speaks volumes. It shows that on September 12, 2016, the major media outlets spent almost 13 total hours covering the non issue of Hillary Clinton’s health and only 51 minutes covering the real scandal of Donald Trump misusing funds in his so called Foundation. And of course, Fox News said nothing of Trump’s malfeasance.  This probably explains why Trump has gained on Hillary despite his vile, ignorant, inane commentary. It’s kind of like on the Simpsons, when smart, responsible Lisa gets bawled out for getting a 98% on a test instead of 100% and stupid, irresponsible Bart gets a trip to Itchy and Scratchy Land for getting a D on his math test. Yeah, we’re using a Simpsons analogy but so what. Donald Trump is the frigging GOP nominee for President! Con-a-thon 2016 cannot end soon enough!

Graph shows major new media outlets MSNBC, CNN and Fox News spent an inordinate amount of time on Hillary Clinton's health and hardly any time on Donald Trump's misuse of funds in the Trump Foundation.
This graph from Media Matters shows conclusively the ‘fair and balanced’ news coverage of the major news networks.

Pence Loves Dick

This past week, GOP VP nominee and everyone’s favorite Puritan, Mike Pence came out of the conservative closet and proudly pronounced to all that Dick Cheney, architect of that clusterf*ck called the Iraq War, is his VP role model. If we had any respect for this man, (we didn’t), it was completely lost with this confession.

As a policy we started last year, whenever Dick Cheney appears in the press spouting his lies or one of his surrogates like Pence pops up praising him, we’d repeat Cheney’s biggest lie on Iraq. This is precisely the same strategy taken by the Bush Administration and the Republican Fear and Noise Machine, a.k.a The Republican Propaganda Network, a.k.a Fox News; to repeat things ad nauseum until the sheeple get it. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!

Here’s another video released by the White House which shows how wrong Dick Cheney has been about everything and that his credibility level is zero. All we have to say about Cheney is WHAT A DICK!!!

Rewind: The Bush Putin Bromance

As we’ve noted before, GOP nominee Donald Trump and Russian President, Vladimir Putin have struck up quite the bromance lately. But it’s not Putin’s first bromance with a Republican President. George W. Bush and Putin developed quite a chummy relationship back during Dubya’s disastrous presidency. Bush even famously said, “I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul.”  Wow! Get a room will ya.

As a matter of fact, Trump and his VP nominee, Mike Pence, have stated that they think Putin is a stronger leader than Obama. And why wouldn’t Republicans not like the authoritarian dictator (we know he’s technically president, but come on!). Putin strong arms and bullies everyone and stifles dissent, just like Republicans. Gee, no wonder he has a high approval rating. If you disagree, you die. This is what the Republicans have been after since…well…forever; absolute power and dominance over not just this country, but the world.

There’s a reason why some people consider Putin the most dangerous man in the world; we’re talking James Bond kind of villainous. Putin sees a way to make Russia great again. Putin saw a sucker with Bush and he sees another simp in Trump. If he can cleverly get America to bite on several more disastrous quagmires like Iraq and Afghanistan, which would be likely with the hotheaded Trump in charge(we’re thinking Syria, Iran, Iraq again, North Korea, Ukraine and Mexico – basically World War III), America’s wealth would be bled away again and Russia would return to prominence in the world order.  So go ahead Trump supporters; make Russia great again and enjoy all those new wars in which you’ll be fighting. There’s a reason Millennials hate Trump; with him they have no future.

This photo-toon is from our July 19, 2007 issue.

Putin advises George W. Bush that to rid himself of pesky dissenters, just use a pinch of Polonium 210 and a dash of AK-47 and Voila.
While rekindling their romance recently in Maine, President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin discussed possible solutions to some of their more difficult problems, like dealing with people who disagree with them.

The Tragedy Of Clogged Prayer Lines

Pope Francis made Mother Teresa a saint this past week so now the catholic sheeple have yet another semi-deity to whom they can pray. Yay!

In honor of this nonsense, here’s another golden oldie article from our archives covering the tragedy that occurs when prayer lines get clogged. Oh the horror! The horror!

This is from our April 10, 2005 issue.

Prayer Lines Clogged For Schiavo, Pope

A crisis occurred last week in heaven when billions of people across the globe simultaneously prayed for Terri Schiavo and Pope John Paul II causing ancient prayer lines to temporarily clog, preventing many prayers from getting through to intended saints, angels, and deities.

Lead prayer center agent, Saint Sixtus said, “Jesus Christ, what a mess! Oops did I just use the Lord’s name in vain. Well, I’m sorry J.C! We’ve really got to update our technology here. I mean we might have been able to keep Terri Schiavo alive for a few more days if those prayers hadn’t been lost. Boy, St. Paul really chewed my butt out for that one.”

President Bush spoke on behalf of Jesus Christ. “People, we’re going to need to update these old prayer lines. I mean don’t you hate it when you pray for something and don’t get it? It hasn’t happened to me lately, but it’s still annoying. Why I was talking to God just this morning, and the connection was all garbled. I could have sworn he said to invade Iran. Now I can’t take chance on orders from the Big Guy, so I guess we’re going to have to invade Iran. The bottom line is, if we don’t help streamline prayer technology those terrorists prayers to Allah will get through quicker and then who knows what will happen. Fear, fear, fear! Terror, terror, terror!”

Reverend Eugene Bilkwell of the Fourth Evangelical Church of Latham, Louisiana said, “I’ve been predicting this for years. My brethren, we need to upgrade to PT1 or PT3 lines as soon as possible. This technology offers wider bandwidth so Christian prayers get through quicker than Muslim, Hindu or Jewish prayers and they have less of chance of getting dropped. But it’s going to take money folks and lots of it. So be sure and give generously to your church each and every week. We’ll make sure it gets to the right people in heaven. Remember – we’ve got better connections with the Man Upstairs because we’re holier than you disgusting, degenerate sinners.”

All signs seem to indicate the panic has subsided. Saint Sixtus said, “Well everything has calmed down for now. We were hitting spikes for the Michael Jackson trial, but traffic seems to have dropped off precipitously. Yeesh! I ain’t voting for that guy to get in here. But those crappy old Seraphim 1000 lines, that are as old as Methuselah, aren’t going to hold much longer, especially if Bush invades Iran. It’s going to be the apocalypse!” After a short pause, a perplexed Saint Sixtus remarked, “Are you sure this Bush guy is in good with Jesus? Because he really seems like a bonehead to me.”

Republicans May Be Right

Republicans have been vocal in recent years about voter ID laws despite the in person voter fraud being virtually non-existent. (Another article here.) Now, voter ID laws, like the one in North Carolina, are being struck down because basically they are an attempt by Republicans at repressing certain people like minorities from having access to the voting booth.

But with the rise of Donald Trump as the GOP nominee for President, maybe we should have voter restrictions…against Republicans. Let’s say if a person voted for Dubya, Ms. Ubetcha, Sarah Palin and is in the process of supporting the megalomaniac, orange haired rage monster then that person clearly lacks the intelligence to astutely choose a candidate who will run this great nation properly. We would suggest that this person stick to the more basic skills in life like drinking beer, watching wrestling on tv and belching on the couch. It would be a win-win for everyone.

Given the choices Republicans have made over the last 20 years, maybe some people shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Given the choices Republicans have made over the last 20 years, maybe some people shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

The Peachy Keen VPs

The Vice Presidential candidates for the Democrats and Republicans couldn’t be more different from their respective running mates. Mike Pence is pretty much a modern day Puritan and the complete opposite of the bombastic and coarse Donald Trump. Tim Kaine is a walking Disney character and his squeaky clean demeanor is in contrast with the popular perceptions of Hilary Clinton as untrustworthy. Amazingly, the same adjectives are being used to describe both candidates: bland, boring, dull and our favorite, milquetoast.

We think the upcoming debate between the two candidates could be one of the biggest snooze-fests ever. Of course, it will probably be one of the most polite political events ever, too. We do have a bit of advice for the Democrats. If the Democrats don’t want another Dukakis-in-a-tank moment, do not use Kaine as an attack dog. Use Biden, Bill Clinton, Bernie Sanders or Obama to rip Trump a new one. Kaine is a nice guy. Let him be a nice guy. When he tries to be mean…it just looks bad.

GOP Vice President candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, excoriates Disneyesque Democrat VP candidate, Tim Kaine, for using the g d words.words.
GOP Vice President candidate and modern day Puritan, Mike Pence, excoriates Disneyesque Democrat VP candidate, Tim Kaine, for using the g d words.

Square Mileage ≠ Population

The election is less than three months away now and according to polls, Clinton has opened up a sizeable lead over Republican nominee, megalomaniac Donald Trump. But Donald Trump has a crafty plan; just claim the election was rigged and get his echo chamber at Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network to relay and repeat the message ad infinitum to the sheeple who watch it and bingo! – any result that doesn’t turn into a Trump victory is invalid.

We saw this coming back during Con-a-thon 2012, when Donald Trump declared the election was rigged and said he would start a revolution. But we never dreamed in a million years he would actually become the 2016 nominee. He and all Republicans will no doubt use the same old inevitable con that conservative Republicans always use; look at the electoral map and say “Wow! Look at all that red! How could the Democrats have won, when the majority of the map is sooooooo red!” They once again take advantage of American’s poor math skills and inability to grasp that square mileage doesn’t equal population.

To truly grasp the electoral map, one needs to go to Nate Silver’s election site fivethirtyeight.com.  He has an electoral map that gives the true representation of what’s happening with the electoral vote, which is based on population, and not the square mileage. So yes, for example, Montana has a lot of square mileage(147,164), but there are more people living in the 372.4 square miles of San Diego California (population: ≈ 1.356 million) than in the whole state of Montana (population: ≈ 1.024 million). So these calls by Trump and his fellow con artist Republicans stating that there’s no way he should be losing are absolute bunk according to Nate Silver’s site. Trump is losing and losing badly. If you have any doubts, DO THE MATH!

Donald Trump and his conservative Republicans try to convince their gullible audience that square mileage equals popluation and that the election is rigged if Trump loses.
Conservative Republicans and their cohorts in the corporate media are trying once again to push the old square mileage equals population ploy on its gullible audience.

Sticks And Stones

Thanks to the disastrous Trump campaign, we’re given on a daily basis such a plethora of gaffes and blunders to choose from, the satire just writes itself. Take for instance, Mike Pence recently stating that name calling has no place in politics; this from the Vice Presidential candidate of a man who’s made his living for the last year calling his opponents childish nick names like Lyin’ Ted, Little Marco and Low Energy Jeb Bush. We think ol’ Puritan Pants is a bit irony impaired.

Irony impaired GOP President and Vice President candidates, Trumpy McSmallHands and Puritan Pants blather on about how name cailling has no place in politics.
Irony impaired GOP President and Vice President candidates, Trumpy McSmallHands and Puritan Pants blather on about how name cailling has no place in politics.

The Art Of The Con 101

We’ve commented ad infinitum about our befuddlement over the fact that megalomaniac Donald Trump is the Republican nominee for president and is somehow ahead in some polls, despite running an absolutely miserable campaign, and presiding over one of the worst Republican conventions in history. It really boggles the mind! Can Americans really be this dense?

It goes back to previous posts(here, here and here) about some lower income Americans seeing themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. They see a rich man like Donald Trump and they buy his con that he’ll make things better and that all that wealth will come flooding in and tricking down(where have we heard that before). There’s a reason why Trump says he loves the poorly educated; they’re pretty easy to con. And you throw in the fact that most Americans are horrendous at math and you’ve got a world class swindle going on right now in the Republican party which could not only affect the United States but the world in a stupendously negative manner.

Take Donald Trump’s claim a few months back that he gave a million dollars to a veterans charity. On the surface that seems pretty generous. But when you consider that his estimated wealth is 4.5 billion dollars, the one million dollar gift is only 0.022 percent (not even 1% folks!) of his wealth. This is like a person with a $1,000 dollars giving 22 cents to the charity; not very impressive in reality. But that’s the beauty of this con and Republicans use it all the time. They claim that these poor billionaires pay millions in taxes every year. To most of the Republican party’s lower income blue collar white workers, this seems like robbery because a million dollars to these people is an absolute fortune. But to billionaires, it’s a drop in the bucket.

For simplicity sake, take a CEO who earns a one billion a year. If the tax rate is 30%, then he should pay $300 million a year in taxes. Most of us would scream bloody murder if we had to forfeit this much money. But this CEO still has $700 million dollars left. He ain’t hurting! He’s still living high off the hog while you’re scraping and scratching just to get by. When he complains and gets his tax rate lowered he’s taking that extra money and selfishly puts it into offshore tax havens or buying up more real estate and mansions. He’s not letting that money trickle down by any means. In fact, he’s leaving us to foot his portion of the tax bill, one that he easily could afford. Money is power and with great power comes great responsibility. The 1% in this country want all the money and power but none of the responsibility.  Instead, we, the middle and lower classes, are squeezed and the corporate lackey conservative Republicans the 1% pay off in Congress convince everyone it’s the Liberals or the Democrats fault. The Republicans claim loudly that the rich, like Donald Trump, would never con anyone. Hah! Just look into Trump University and his numerous failed businesses. If you’re supposed to run the government like a business, like many Republicans claim, then Trump is the wrong person to be CEO. The astonishing truth is that if you’re a Trump supporter and you make less than $125k a year, you’re voting against your own interests. In short, DO THE MATH!

Donald Trump claims to give a million dollars to chairty which accounts to a not so generous 0.022 percent of his $4.5 billion dollar wealth.
Thanks to the atrocious and pathetic math skills of Americans, authoritarian. megalomaniac con artist, Donald Trump, is on the verge of becoming President.