Compassionate CONservatives – Page 39

The Media Con Is On!

An amazing thing happened here in Arizona recently. Self proclaimed democratic socialist and Democratic candidate for president, Bernie Sanders, drew 11,000+ people to his rally in Phoenix, Arizona. Let us repeat that. Liberal Bernie Sanders drew 11,000+ people to his rally in red state Arizona. That’s more than the 4,200 than conservative, billionaire blowhard Donald Trump drew when he was in Phoenix. (Of course, Donald Trump, being the egotistical, bombastic salesman that he is, claimed that 15,000 people attended, even though the Phoenix Fire department said it was 4,200). You’d think the so called ‘liberal’ media would be all over the Sanders rally, exclaiming 24/7 that a liberal drew record crowds in a red state. That night the local, mostly conservative media outlets gave it only a passing mention, but instead devoted several minutes to the Donald’s comments about Arizona Senator John McCain not being a war hero. We checked CNN the next day and nary a mention of Sanders amazing rally. But they sure had coverage of Donald Trump’s mouth.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the neocon media con is on! We’ll be posting more on this elaborate and concerted effort by monied interest to bamboozle the American public into voting for the Republican candidate of choice of the corporate oligarchy that runs this country. Right now Donald Trump is doing his crazy billionaire schtick to make the other Republican candidates look sane by comparison. Our corporate overlords’ hope is that by next summer, Jeb Bush or Scott Walker will be looking like the only reasonable choice, especially if the media gives little coverage to sane, responsible people like Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton.

Liberal Bernie Sanders recently drew a crowd of 11,000 people in red state Arizona, but the big news is the inane blathering of megalomaniac, billionaire blowhard, Donald Trump.

Please Texas…Secede!

The Texas school board recently stated that Texas students will begin using new textbooks which teach that slavery was just a side issue to the civil war and never mention Jim Crow laws or the Ku Klux Klan. So basically it whitewashes racism and the whole Civil War. Then there’s that whole Jade Helm 15 crap. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Texas is a red state filled with conservative christians, who also believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old and that man co-existed with the dinosaurs. This is pretty dangerous stuff folks. Texas is purposely teaching their children false dogmas and history that just isn’t true. We think that Texas should make good on its repeated threats during Obama’s presidency and just secede from the United States. Actually we beg of you Texas; please take the Bushes, Rick Perry and Ted Cruz and form your own country! You’ll be happier without us and we’ll definitely be happier without you and your Texas size egos!

A Texas school teacher proudly teaches his class that slavery was fun and Negroes enjoyed the hell out of it and a conservative christian reminds the kids that the earth is only 6000 years old. — Texas now teaches its children that the whole slavery thing was just one big festival and Jesus probably rode a brontosaurus.

Rewind: Bullshit Accomplished

From the “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me” file, a recent poll indicated that George W. Bush now polls more favorably than Hillary Clinton and President Obama. Really??!!! Are Americans’ memories that bad? Apparently so. We’ve posted before about Louisiana Republicans blaming the Hurricane Katrina response on Obama. It’s a pretty common phenomenon that people become more popular once they’re out of office (the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder comes to mind). But have Americans really forgotten the crap that ol’ Dubya got us into like the financial crisis, the Hurricane Katrina response, the monstrous deficit, infrastructure collapse, environmental destruction, the failed pursuit of Osama Bin Laden and of course the clusterf*ck otherwise known as the Iraq War. We think it’s time for a little rewind to our September 25, 2003 edition when America was still basking in the glow of Dubya prancing around in a flight suit on the deck of an aircraft carrier proclaiming to the world ‘Mission Accomplished’. More like ‘Bullshit Accomplished’.

President Bush, prancing around in a flight suit, thanks gullible Americans for believing his crap as he wins the Emmy for the Best Politically Motivated Photo Op of the Year. — President Bush wins the Emmy for the Best Politically Motivated Photo Op of the Year.

Republican Clown Car 2016

Guess what everyone? It’s time for another presidential election. Didn’t we just finish this crap? Well, with a scant 16 months left before the 2016 presidential election, it’s time for CON-A-THON 2016… and we’ve already got 16 Republican presidential candidates. That’s right! 16!!!! You’d think that all this choice would be a good thing. But we’re talking about the modern Republican party. We’re not sure who coined the term, but the most accurate description of this collection of colossal egos has to be the Republican Clown Car (They’re also available for birthday parties and bar mitzvahs). Early polls are indicating that Jeb “Don’t Call Me Bush” Bush and perennial blowhard and teabagger favorite Donald Trump, are leading the polls. But if you peruse our archives for Con-a-thon 2012, you’ll see that there was a new flavor-of-the-week back then, too. One week it was Newt Gingrich; the next it was Herman Cain; and the next it was Rick Santorum, who apparently hasn’t learned his lesson that he’s not appealing to a wide swath of Americans. Oh well…this circus and extraordinary waste of money is sure to be amusing for the next 16 months. Really???!!! Another 16 months of this shit???!!!!

The Republican Clown Car for the 2016 Presidential election, also known as Con-a-thon 2016. — Ladies and Gentlemen: Introducing the Republican Clown Car for Con-a-thon 2016.

The Real Boss In America

The Trans-Pacific Partnership is a huge, free trade agreement with the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Japan and eight other Asian-Pacific countries. It’s just about a done deal thanks to the Republican Congress who wants to shove this through as fast as possible and a pliant President Obama, (sometimes known as the Compromiser-in-Chief), who is proving that he is as big a corporatist as Bill Clinton, Reagan and the Bushes. While proponents tout that this pact will lead to economic growth, development and job creation (NAFTA anyone?), opponents are sounding the alarm that the agreements contents are being kept secret because it’s really a gigantic gift to give multinational corporations to do whatever the hell they want including off-shoring more American jobs, exposing the U.S. to unsafe food products and empowering corporations to smash our environmental and health safeguards.

If any American had any doubt that representative democracy is dead in the U.S., take a look at the secrecy involved between the corporate world and congress to get this thing passed on the fast track. There is nothing democratic about the passing of this new deal and it pretty much confirms that America is a corporate oligarchy. Corporate States of America or Holy Corporate Empire; either one sufficiently describes America today. We also think there may be another reason why Obama wants to the same thing as Boehner, Cruz and other CONgressional Republicans, which is illustrated in the following photo-toon.

Obama proclaims he supports the TPP because he's a corporatist, doesn't want to be impeached and he wants to please his corporate masters. — America’s corporate, elite plutocrats applaud the fast tracking of the TPP by their political lackeys to prove to every one on planet Earth who really is the boss in America.

The Fox News Blinders

The big news this past week has been the shootings in Charleston, South Carolina. The killer, Dylann Roof’s racist manifesto has disturbed the nation and has brought many issues to the forefront. One is the removal of the confederate flag from the South Carolina state capital building in Charleston and the removal of any confederate flag items from store stocks. This isn’t sitting too well with some southerners. But then again, those confederate flag lovers been sore for the past 150 years.

More importantly, many dialogues have started about the prevalence of racism in America. But you won’t hear any such discussion from that bastion of conservatism, Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network. Nope, the ‘journalists’ at Fox are way too busy spinning the Charleston shootings as an attack on christianity. They know their audience all too well; old, scared, white, racist christians. Of course, in order to keep their audience happy they have to pander to them and enable them, denying any inconvenient fact like the killer saying he was racist and he was killing the people because of the color of their skin.

Fox News' Steve Doocy spins the racist desires of a white supremacist into a war against white christians. — Fox ‘journalist’ Steve Doocy (pronounced douchey), who is a graduate of the Bozo Clown College, demonstrates his impressive journalism skills for his pliant audience of old, scared, racist, white christians.

Jeb! No!

Jeb Bush has made it official; he is running for President in 2016. He’s even released his new logo, which not surprisingly doesn’t include his last name. Hmmmm….we wonder why?

Well, we’ve released America’s response to Jeb’s new logo. Just like the war on drugs; just say No! to Jeb!

Hypocritical Oaf

Remember when Hurricane Sandy devastated the East Coast back in 2012, killing 117 people and causing an estimated 65 billion dollars in damage. Millions of people were left in need of federal assistance to recover. But fortunately for conservative Republicans, a brash young tea party hellcat named Ted Cruz voted against a disaster relief bill for victims of the horrendous storm.

Fast forward to this past week and Ted Cruz is demanding President Obama and congress provide disaster relief for the victims of the recent calamitous flooding in Texas which claimed 15 lives. Remember, Ted Cruz is running for president so he has to appear to his fellow Texans like he gives a damn about them. If he keeps this up, he’ll out flip-flop Spiff Romney.

Teabagger patriot, climate change denier, staunch anti-socialist and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, proclaims that despite being against federal assistance for disaster victims, President Obama should send federal aid to Texas flood victims because...you know...Ted Cruz wants to be president.

Rewind: Dubya’s Dubious Legacy

Guess who’s reared his ugly head recently. That’s right: good ol’ Dubya. Since brother Jeb has started to rev up his campaign for Con-a-thon 2016, George W. Bush has stopped painting himself in the bath tub and emerged to help his brother gain the presidency in 2016. Of course, that means spinning the bejeezus out of his disastrous legacy as president. Dubya actually had the nerve to criticize President Obama on his handling of the situation in Iraq. And of course, Dubya has deluded himself into thinking that increasing the numbers of troops in Iraq (the Surge) helped stabilize the region when in fact the surge failed. It’s a sign of things to come in the next year and a half. The Republicans are going to being lying their asses off to try and make the Iraq War, Obama’s war. Make no mistake: the Iraq War was and will always be George W. Bush’s war.

Here’s a photo-toon from our November 29, 2007 issue, when Dubya was already trying to bullshit people on the debacle that was his presidency.

George W. Bush, flanked by his old friends the Deficit and the Iraq Occupation, has recently been trying to spin or bs a positive legacy out of his disastrous tenure as President. — George W. Bush, flanked by his old friends the Deficit and the Iraq Occupation, has recently been trying to spin a positive legacy out of his disastrous tenure as President.

Grand Stupidity

From the Unfreakingbelievable file: it appears a goddamn, greedy mega-developer thinks the timeless grandeur of the Grand Canyon in Arizona is lacking. That’s obviously because there’s no Mega-mall there where you can shop ’til you drop! Yes, this colossal asswipe wants to place a mega-development at the edge of the Grand Canyon. We don’t know where to begin on describing how ludicrously stupid this is. Seriously, if you’re going to the Grand Canyon and you expect to find unlimited shopping opportunities, then you are a special kind of seriously f*cked up! Most people go the Grand Canyon to GET AWAY FROM development and enjoy nature and wildlife at its most basic. If they want cheezy, glitzy shopping opportunities then they go to Las Vegas. Maybe these greedy, capitalist, dickhead developers can make a replica of the Grand Canyon in Las Vegas just like they did with Paris, New York and Egypt. Las Vegas is where this kind of stupidity belongs. When it comes to the Grand Canyon, we have just three words to say to developers: LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!

A noble, American hunter prepares to thin the herd of greedy, rapacious, land developers, who want to develop the Grand Canyon. — A noble, American hunter prepares to thin the herd of greedy, rapacious, land developers.