Corporate States of America – Page 9

Louis DeASS

With the revelations by the Republican led Senate Intelligence Committee this last week, it’s been made crystal clear that the Trump campaign colluded with Russia in tampering with the 2016 election. It’s out in the open that America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump cheated his way into the White House. And now four years later, Trump is pulling out all the strings again to cheat his way back for another four years.

This time, Trump’s sabotaging one of the United States’ most venerable institutions, the Post Office. Our megalomaniac-in-chief nominated a full-fledged, flying monkey lackey in big time Republican donor Louis DeJoy to be his new Postmaster General or in Republicanspeak, the hatchet man to destroy the Post Office from the inside. DeJoy has conflicts of interest here; basically he’s invested in competitors to the USPS. So Trump putting DeJoy in charge of the Post Office is like putting an arsonist in charge of the Fire Department. In testimony in front of the House Oversight Committee, DeJoy’s even proclaimed how little he knows about the Post Office. But that hasn’t stopped this obsequious Trump lackey. DeJoy has removed sorting machines and mailboxes in an effort to disrupt mail-in balloting. The Democrats have passed a bill for emergency funding for the USPS and because of the pressure, DeJoy has stated that he won’t continue any more reductions. But he also proclaimed that he won’t restore the removed equipment. Fortunately, some post office workers are getting into ‘good trouble’, as the late John Lewis would call it. Workers in Washington state have defied orders and put sorting machines back into service. We also know that we can’t trust Trump’s new Postmaster General because the Democrats in the House Oversight Committee have uncovered how much the mail has slowed down because of DeJoy’s ineptitude.

Considering the actions taken this summer, a more appropriate moniker for Louis DeJoy would be Louis DeASS. He’s just like every other crook in the Trump crime syndicate; the list of Trump’s criminal associates just keep growing – Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Michael Cohen, Steve Bannon, etc… Just one look at that cheezy-ass smile on DeJoy’s face and you realize that this corrupt man is one of those ‘biznuss’ assholes who tells you he’s going to screw you over and that you’ll like it, too. DeJoy and Trump are clearly obstructing the mail, which is clearly against the law. They should be dealt with like the criminals they are.

Considering his actions this summer, a more appropriate moniker for Trump's new Postmaster General would by Louis DeASS. — Considering his actions this summer, a more appropriate moniker for Trump’s new Postmaster General would by Louis DeASS.

Vote For Trump, Get The Vaccine

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump had taken yet another page from the banana republic dictator’s instruction manual and is now trying to the sabotage the election in November by hindering the mail-in ballots. Yes, Trump has appointed lackey Louis DeJoy as Postmaster General and he has immediately implemented changes that threaten the counting of mail-in ballots for the upcoming election. Not only that, DeJoy has investments in competitors with the USPS.

In related dictatorship news, Russia had announced that it has a vaccine for COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus, and Russian President Vladimir Putin has even given it to his daughter. Well, what more proof do you need? Of course, despite Putin’s assurances, the rest of the world is not convinced.

Could Trump’s October surprise be that Putin’s vaccine will be available for U.S. citizens but only if you vote for Donald Trump? Considering the Trumpfuckery that had gone on for three and a half years of this clusterf*ck of an administration, we wouldn’t put it past the Republicans at all to try this kind of stunt. If they can blatantly disrupt mail service, they can hold their own citizens hostage while dangling a life saving vaccine in front of their noses. Hey . . . it is what it is in Trumpland or as we call it here at the Bucket, the Holy Corporate Empire.

America's Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, proclaims that everyone who votes for him will get the super duper coronavirus vaccine from his pal Vlad Putin while everyone who votes for Joe Biden will get death. Hey, it is what it is. — America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child, Donald Trump, proclaims that everyone who votes for him will get the super duper coronavirus vaccine from his pal Vlad Putin while everyone who votes for Joe Biden will get death. Hey, it is what it is.

Beware The Lincoln Project

There has been a lot of buzz this election season, or as we call it around here, Con-a-thon 2020, because of the caustic, acerbic ads produced on a daily basis by a group called the Lincoln Project. This organization is led by a several so-called Never-Trumpers who oppose America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump that include George Conway, Rick Wilson and Steve Schmidt. All these people are Republicans who supposedly are fed up with the current state of the GOP and have decided to make devastating videos that attack the President. These videos have had a disastrous effect on Trump’s poll numbers and could lead to the Republican’s not only losing the White House but also the Senate. Even we’ve posted links to a few ads.

So, what’s bad about that? Getting rid of this slimeball President and his asskissing Republicans is a good thing, right? Keep in mind that all three of the above people in charge of the Lincoln Project are POLITICAL STRATEGISTS. Also keep in mind that they all VOTED FOR TRUMP, which they don’t really mention a whole lot. It was pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that Donald Trump was ill-equipped to be President in 2016. We even joked about it back in 2012 after Mitt Romney lost the election, when Trump bloviated forth and proclaimed he’d start a revolution. Well, apparently Mr. Conway, Mr. Wilson and Mr. Schmidt have less than half a brain.

Consider this about each one, too, and you’ll realize the whole Lincoln Project just doesn’t pass the smell test. Conway is married to Kellyanne Conway, the President’s Prevaricating Puppet who tries lamely to spin every stupid thing Trump says into a fountain of wisdom. How can this man remain married to this woman? What’s more, As staff curmudgeon Chester Einstein put it, “How can I trust someone who’s married to this little lying con artist?” The whole operation is a kabuki theater of bullshit but yet Americans seem to be fascinated and repulsed at the same time.

Steve Schmidt was famously John McCain’s campaign manager and actually thought it was a good idea to have Sarah ‘Ms. U-betcha’ Palin on the ticket. Should anyone trust what this man says ever? Yet, he’s making the rounds on all the talk shows as the face of the Never-Trumpers and the liberals are treating him like royalty because he dares to stand up to the President. He’s definitely saying the right things challenging Trumpty Dumpty. But it took him until 2018 to speak up. Could it be that Schmidt’s the chosen one in this grand ol’ political theater orchestrated by the GOP who’s playing the ‘reasonable guy’? Sorry, folks; we just don’t trust the guy.

Rick Wilson is the one who tried to tie then Democratic Senator Max Cleland, who was a disabled veteran and silver star recipient, to Osama Bin-Laden and Saddam Hussein all in an effort to help Saxby Chambliss win the Senator seat. The mudslinging worked and Chambliss won. He also tweeted in 2012 a picture of a cooler that proudly proclaimed ‘the South shall rise again’. The Tampa native’s slimy fingerprints are all over many of the Lincoln Projects ads.

The people who run the Lincoln Project are doing nothing more than setting things up for the Republican Party, post-Trump. They are laying the groundwork for politics where devastating hate ads, which may or may not be true, will hold sway over vulnerable people who don’t have the capacity for critical thought or investigating stories on their own. Unfortunately, the negative smear campaigns have worked like a charm in the 21st century. In election after election, Republicans bombard the airwaves with them (i.e. Swiftboating against John Kerry) as Democrats try to take the high road which, unfortunately, has rarely worked. We are actually old enough to remember when elections weren’t all attack ads. Now, with the Lincoln Project, dirty politics will become the norm and a whole new generation of ratf*cking Republicans will slither forward and take over spreading hateful misinformation to every gullible Gus and Gerty around.

In summary: if these ‘noble’ Americans of the Lincoln Project were so concerned about Trump, why didn’t they release the ads in 2016. Trump hasn’t changed. He was just as obnoxious back then. Sane, intelligent citizens should relish that these vile rats are attacking the other vile GOP rats but DO NOT be conned into thinking they’re on your side or you’ll be sorry.

Heads up, Democrats: The effective, acerbic, caustic ads against Donald Trump by the Lincoln Project, headed by George Conway, Rick Wilson and Steve Schmidt, will be used against Democrats for the remainder of the 21st century.

Trump: Full O’ Beans

The clusterf*ck presidency of Donald Trump drones onward and with every passing day, absurd events occur leaving normal sane individuals banging their heads against brick walls in disbelief. Take Trump’s recent escapade with Goya Beans, a company which sells products catering to the Latino and Hispanic marketplace. Goya CEO Robert Unanue met with Trump and praised him effusively. One cannot find a more vomit inducing example of obsequiousness, even among GOP sycophants. Just watch the video in the link above. It reminds us of that poll last year when Republicans claimed that Trump’s a better President than Lincoln. Puke, puke and puke!!! Ignorance is alive and well in America, folks!

Not surprisingly, Hispanics, who don’t particularly care for Trump (he called them rapists and murderers), were outraged by the Goya CEO and started a campaign to boycott Goya. Not to be outdone, the Trump family charged into action . . . okay. . . they slithered into action. Ivanka did her best model impersonation with a can of Goya beans and Trump laid out a whole line of Goya products to give his seal of approval., The only problem is that while Trump’s endorsement of Goya may not be illegal, it is definitely unethical. In Ivanka’s case, it’s unethical and she probably broke the law. But why should that matter to the Trump Family Crime Syndicate. Ethics, smethics! The laws don’t apply to them. They’ve been doing whatever they want since Fred Sr. ruled the roost, taking no responsibility and facing no repercussions for their actions.

Who knows? Maybe Trump is planning to roll out a new business in the fine tradition of his other ‘successful’ endeavors like Trump Vodka, Trump Water, Trump Air and Trump University. Yep, we think Trump Beans is on the horizon, because when it comes to beans. . . Trump is full of ’em. Ivanka can even lend her incredible smiling and holding talents to pose with a can of Trump beans cajoling people to “Jump start your farts with my Daddy’s favorite.” Trump can even create an award called the “Ten Toot Salute” to proudly promote that his beans are winners. And pay no attention to the explosive flatulence or chronic diarrhea. That’s all a hoax! Eat the beans! What have you got to lose!

From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of 'em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy's favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat 'em. What have you got to lose. — From the fine people who brought you Trump Vodka, Trump Air, Trump Water and Trump University comes their next doomed endeavor, the ultimate in designer beans, Trump Beans. Because when it comes to beans, Trump is full of ’em. Trump Beans is the winner of the coveted Ten Toot Salute award created by Donald Trump for excellence in bean stuff. Like Ivanka sez, jump start your farts with her Daddy’s favorite, Trump Beans. Rumors that these beans cause explosive flatulence and chronic diarrhea are a hoax. Go ahead and eat ’em. What have you got to lose.

GOP Putin On The Ritz

We’ve been appalled by antics of the Trump administration for the last three and a half years and guess what folks. . . the hits keep a comin’. Recently it was learned that Russia had placed bounties on the heads of American soldiers in Afghanistan. This shouldn’t be that surprising considering the United States did pretty much the same thing against the Soviet soldiers with the mujahideen freedom fighters (which included Osama Bin Laden) back during the Soviet Union’s military adventure in Afghanistan back in the 1980s. The U.S. has pretty much overstayed our welcome in the place where empires go to die so the bounties by the Taliban should not be a shock.

But what is disconcerting is that Trump has struggled to speak out against Putin on the matter and won’t even begin to talk about possible sanctions. We all know about Trump’s man crush on the Russian President but by not addressing this obviously disturbing piece of news, he’s adding fuel to the fire that he’s somehow being controlled by Russia’s leader. The Mueller report concluded that Russia interfered in the 2016 election and is already at it in the 2020 election. Not only that, Russia is hacking COVID-19 vaccine data. And yet Trump and the Republican party stays silent on the matter. Moscow Mitch ‘Turtle Boy’ McConnell and the GOP Senate has even blocked any kind of bill for election security. Due to the malfeasance of the Trump administration in handling the coronavirus pandemic, the news of the bounties has already been relegated to the back burner. Even veterans have voiced their concerns, but in typical Trumpian fashion, our CEO/Dictator and petulant man child does nothing.

That’s because the Republican party has clearly become the party for white nationalists and lovers of authoritarianism and fascism, . . . you know . . . Putin-style ‘democracy’. We remember a photo back when Obama was President and he was giving Putin the evil eye, like he was saying, “Cut the bullshit, Vlad!” Pretty badass, right? Of course, the Republicans were rooting for the white guy in the photo because:

They’re the ones who are un-American
They’re racist as hell
They’re THE PROBLEM

Solve the problem on November 3rd and vote out every Republican sycophant from federal level all the way down to state level. When you let a foreign power like Russia have influence over our country, that’s unacceptable, untenable and un-American.

GOP Living In The Twilight Zone

The coronavirus situation is getting worse in the U.S. and America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump and his sycophantic Republican cronies have resorted to the tried and true GOP method of dealing with problems: deny, distract and gaslight. Remember when Mick Mulvaney tried to convince the public that quid pro quos were good and that people would just have to ‘get over it’? Fun times! Then Donald Trump got impeached. Hey GOP: that went well didn’t it. Arizona’s Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) did the same thing last month and Arizona is now 7th in the nation in number of cases and added more cases per capita than any country on the planet in the past week. So much winning!

So, in typical conservative Republican fashion, they’re sticking to their guns with pathological liar Trump proclaiming to all this past week that Americans will just have to get over it and learn to live with the possibility of getting the virus and . . .yada, yada, yada . . . maybe DIE! And now Trump is bullying the CDC to relax guidelines in order to send our children back to schools this fall in the midst of a pandemic which has killed over 130,000 people already (that’s over 43 9/11s, folks). With this kind of leadership who needs enemies. Oh, that’s right. . . Trump is okay with enemies killing our troops.

The cowardly, obsequious Senate Republicans are in quite a pickle and stand to lose the Executive Branch, House and even the Senate by continuing to prop up Trump. It reminds us of the classic Twilight Zone episode called Its a Good Life, in which a spoiled, petulant little boy (played by Billy Mumy) with extraordinary powers terrorizes everyone in the community and no one stands up to him for fear of being ‘sent to the cornfield’. They just repeat over and over how great he is and that everything he does is ‘real good’, while the terror goes on and on and on. Sound familiar? In 2020, Republicans are living in their own self-manufactured Twilight Zone. Like this video from the Lincoln Project says, may they all suffer the deserved consequences for their fecklessness in letting democracy die in America.

In 2020, with Donald Trump as their dear Leader, the Republicans are living in the Twilight Zone.

Racists Pickin’ Cotton?

Lost amidst the recent headlines of America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump ignoring Russia’s bounties on American soldiers in Afghanistan, the ever expanding number of COVID-19 cases in the U.S. and all the other Trumpf*ckery that is transpiring right now, is the apparent debut of the possible new standard bearer for the Republican party in the 2024 presidential election. The polls are so bad for Trump that some Republicans seem to be giving up hope and laying the groundwork for a successor to the authoritarian wing of the GOP. Some are even saying Trump will drop out. We don’t know about that but there’s one person who has stepped forward as the new white hope for Republicans: Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton.

Cotton recently penned a much criticized opinion piece in the New York Times stating that the military must be used to crush any protesters with overwhelming force. Gee, Mr. Cotton. . . does that go for the boneheaded, assault rifle toting, anti-lockdown MÆGAMorons who don’t want to wear a mask because it doesn’t look manly? Of course not! Those guys are white! Now, we’re not saying Cotton is racist but he sure is using the same dog whistles as Trump and other GOP Senators from the South have been using . . . for decades.

In addition to his toxic tome in the Times, he also spouted similar racist logic recently when the House approved statehood for Washington D.C. In Cotton’s dissenting viewpoint: despite that “the District has more residents than both Wyoming and Vermont, he argued that its economy and political leanings disqualified it from full representation. Its citizens, he suggested, were incapable of governing themselves responsibly and, in any case, did not deserve a voice in Congress because they hold jobs he considered illegitimate“. When you consider the fact that the majority of D.C. is African-American and Democrat . . . yeah, that’s some pretty good racism right there. Then Cotton said Wyoming’s “well-rounded working class” was more worthy of statehood. As you already may have surmised, Wyoming is mostly white (around 80%) and very Republican. Yep, we’re thinking the possible new GOP standard bearer Tom Cotton will be a dad gum fine heir to the right-wing, authoritarian, fascist, Nazi and KKK loving, redneck empire, now called the Republican party.

Arkansas Senator and complete non-racist Tom Cotton explains with foolproof logic why anti-lockdown protesters are okay while all other protesters should be annihilated.

Mister Fitness

Things are not going well lately for America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump. His coronavirus response has been anemic as COVID-19 cases continues to escalate across the United States and the death toll mounts. His ‘comeback rally’ in Tulsa was a complete and total disaster. His poll numbers are tanking and Joe Biden has opened up a sizable lead, although we know better (see the 2016 presidential elections) than to completely trust polls especially four months before election day.

But probably the funniest thing that’s happened is the problems our fearless Leader has had with basic human motor functions. Much mockery has been made of Trump’s exit down a ramp from a West Point speech that made him appear “like a baby deer on a frozen pond”. During that same West Point speech, our orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist drank a glass of water like a toddler using his sippy cup. Normally, we wouldn’t mock elderly people who are having trouble. However, Trump has derided and mocked others every day of his clusterf*ck of a presidency while simultaneously bragging what a perfect human specimen he is. He has become so unhinged that he spent several minutes regaling the crowd of his domination of the water glass and his ramp descent like he had just single-handedly wrestled a hippo into submission in the Congo. He even drank a glass of water with one hand, to hoots and hollers from the small crowd. So, this is what it’s come to, folks; Trump supporters are cheering for and worshiping a man because he can drink a glass of water . . . with one hand. Yikes!!!

Yes, Donald Trump is Mister Fitness, America. We have no doubt that soon he’ll be boasting about running a mile under four . . . HOURS.

America’s Impeached CEO/Dictator, stable genius, fittest President ever and the self proclaimed ‘chosen one’, Donald Trump, amazes everyone with magnificent feats of derring-do like running a sub-four hour mile and drinking a glass of water with one hand.

Trump’s Tulsa Turdfest

How ’bout that rally in Tulsa? Talk about your turdfest! Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump really laid an egg Saturday night at his Nuremberg rally for his MÆGAMoron followers. The Tulsa fire department listed the attendance at 6,200, which is about 1/3 the 19,000 seat capacity for the BOK Center. Compare the actual turnout with the millions of ticket requests boasted by the Trump campaign and you can quickly surmise what a complete and total clusterf*ck this was.

What caused this hilarious debacle for the orange-haired megalomaniac narcissist? Tik-Tok users and K-pop fans are taking credit for the reduced crowd by claiming they submitted fake requests. Also contributing, the unrelenting march of COVID-19 with massive coronavirus spikes throughout the Sun Belt. Trump did himself no favors by requiring attendees to sign a liability waiver form absolving Trump of any responsibility if they get sick. Indeed, several Trump staffers tested positive for COVID-19 before and after the rally. Oooops!

Any way you slice it, Trump’s Tulsa rally was an unmitigated disaster. Or as this article puts it, Trump wanted mayhem but got meh instead. Excuse us if we have nothing but Schadenfreude about this fiasco. Could it be that the end of the Trump authoritarian regime is nigh? Only four more months to find out.

The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump's massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader's presence with overwhelming electric energy. — The overflow crowd at Impeached CEO/Dictator Donald Trump’s massive rally in Tulsa responds to dear Leader’s presence with overwhelming electric energy.

Douchey Advice

As we’ve mentioned before, coronavirus cases have spiked throughout the Sun Belt with record numbers of cases for one day being recorded in many states. One of the hardest hit states has been our home state of Arizona. Our state was doing fine at the beginning of May. We had kept our numbers down, businesses were closed, people were social distancing and wearing masks. Then Impeached CEO/Dictator and petulant man child Donald Trump visited a mask factory in Phoenix without wearing a mask. Trumpty Dumpty had some words with Arizona’s super-duper-businessman-turned-governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey) and yada, yada yada, restrictions were removed and in the past two weeks COVID-19 cases have spiked dramatically, almost tripling since Memorial Day. To give you an indication of how dramatic, Arizona was holding at 23rd in the nation in mid-May, just barely ahead of Wisconsin, who just held their stupid anti-lockdown protest. Now, Arizona is 15th and on the fast track to 13th and a whopping 22,000 cases more than Wisconsin.

You’d think Ducey would reconsidering reopening or at least mandate wearing a mask in public but nooooooooooo. Our douchey governor recently stated that Arizonans are just going to have to get use to the coronavirus. Wear a mask, if you think it’s wise, or in other words, consumer beware. What a douchebag! Fortunately, for Arizonans, local municipalities are looking into mask-wearing mandates since Ducey seems reluctant to. . . you know. . . be a leader. Ducey can’t seek re-election in 2022 because of term limits. But unfortunately, we’ve got two more years of this Trump asskisser, who’s done absolutely nothing for this state other than typical Republican shit: rip away at regulations in order to privatize federal lands and services thus starving the government for the good of corporate America and the plutocrats who control it. His now dismal legacy on coronavirus may finally lift the stranglehold the GOP has had on this state since the 1960s.