Republican – Page 49 – BilgeBucket Gazette

Santa, All I Want For Christmas Is An AK-47

In the wake of yet another mass shooting, this time at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, more of the same predictable, reprehensible rhetoric has been spewing forth from ‘compassionate’ conservative right wingers who seem to love their guns more than life itself. From Republican congressman Louie Gohmert’s (from Texas of course) call for more guns to former Republican governor Mike Huckabee’s assertion that the massacre occurred because God had been systematically removed from school, the response is typical from the right wing. There have been 31 mass shootings since the Columbine incident in 1999 and 62 in the last 30 years. The response is always the same: the public expresses shock that something like this could happen in America; sane people say that something should be done to prevent this; the NRA and right wing neocon gun nuts scream about the right of every American to own a gun and that ‘guns don’t kill people, people kill people’; politicians say they’ll explore solutions to the problem without implementing the horrors of ‘gun control’ on assault weapons; the NRA and right wing neocon gun nuts cry that they need assault weapons to hunt; time lapses; people forget; finally nothing ever gets done…until the next mass shooting. Rinse and repeat.

Seriously folks, nobody needs an assault weapon to go quail hunting or deer hunting for that matter. It’s utter BULLSHIT!!! They should be BANNED!!!

Here’s a photo-toon from our May 12, 2007 issue right after after the Virginia Tech shootings which echoes Gohmert’s statement that somehow, if everyone had a gun, there would be no more violence and we could all join hands and sing ‘Kumbaya’.

malkingun — In the weeks following the shootings at Virginia Tech, neocon pundits and gun supporters, like Michelle Malkin, have suggested that the whole crisis could have been averted if all the students had been armed, which explains why gangs and mobs are such safe environments.

Save Christmas: Buy! Buy! Buy!

The last couple of posts, we’ve been railing on America’s favorite ‘culture warrior’, Bill O’Reilly, who’s only goal in life is to look out for you. He has been blathering on and on about the ‘War on Christmas’ for the past umpty-nine years about how atheists and secularists are attacking christianity causing America to fail and life as we know it to come to a cataclysmic end. Of course, he fails to mention the deadening effect of the rampant commercialism on christmas.

Companies start having all kinds of xmas sales earlier and earlier with every passing year; pre-Halloween christmas sales, pre-Labor Day christmas sales, pre-St.Swithins christmas sales… you get the picture. Corporate America has killed christmas far more than secularists. And it’s been that way for a long time. We are conditioned from an early age to want and consume. It’s a part of our culture. Who didn’t drool over the toys in Sears or Penney’s christmas catalogs when we were kids?. We are taught to want, want, want from the time we’re old enough to walk. Christmas has become all about shopping. Buy! Buy! Buy! But in Mr. O’Reilly’s view, it’s all the atheists’ fault.

So how should we save Christmas in a way in which Mr. O’Reilly would approve? The answer is obvious: go out and spend like there is no tomorrow. The world’s going to end anyway on the 21st, right? (Wink, wink)

xmasshoppingsheep — The only possible way to save Christmas and make Jesus happy is for every American to spend themselves into debilitating debt.

America’s Culture Warrior

It’s almost mid-December, which means that America’s self proclaimed ‘culture warrior’, Bill O’Reilly, is in the midst of his annual ranting about the so called ‘War on Christmas’. We’ve commented on O’Reilly before. He’s one of the neocons over at Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network, so this ‘War on Christmas’ fits right in with the ‘journalism’ dished out on a daily basis there. Of course, O’Reilly conveniently ignores any facts which get in the way of his agenda, like fourth century christians declaring that christmas should be on December 25th because that’s when the pagans celebrated the winter solstice. Sorry folks; Jesus wasn’t born on christmas. But that doesn’t give us warm fuzzies, and if you’re religious it’s all about the warm fuzzies. O’Reilly has a cow because people say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’, yet the word holiday comes from the merging of two old English words which mean ‘holy day’. And yet after O’Reilly delivered performed a recent rant, Fox News showed a message which wished the audience ‘Happy Holidays’.

Here’s a photo-toon from our October 6, 2006 issue, which shows America’s favorite ‘culture warrior’ O’Reilly ready to slay all the evil, secular dragons who have the audacity to say ‘Happy Holidays’.

oreillywarrior — Fox News talk show host, Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has written a book, Culture Warrior, where he fancies himself not only as a protector of Christmas but also a defender of American culture. In the book, he names and analyzes his enemies so his loyal thinking impaired followers will know whom to hate.

Corporate Douchery

The fallout from Con-a-thon 2012 continues with more Republicans and corporatists whining about the re-election of President Obama. Ranging from Papa John’s CEO stating that he’ll have to raise prices on his pizzas a whopping 14 cents to cover the costs of Obamacare to other captains of industry firing people rather than cut their own obscene salaries. To add insult to injury, huge department store chains have cut their workers hours and salaries and decided to open up their stores on Thanksgiving as well. So rather than do the whole wholesome, conservative family values thing and spend time with your family, spend time in the store fighting other people for unbelievable bargains.

What’s even more astonishing is that people showed up in droves to the stores on Thanksgiving. So now it looks like Black Thursday will replace Black Friday and probably Thanksgiving as the big event in November. And ‘culture warrior’ Bill O’Reilly blames atheists for the ‘War on Christmas’ and not the greedos in corporate America.

juggermartconsumerretribution — Billionaire President and CEO of Juggermart, Lawrence T. Juggers, explains the consequences of voting for President Obama to the faithful consumer automatons who frequent his stores.

The Trump Revolution

We mentioned in a previous post about Donald Trump’s asinine tweets early on election night when Spiff Romney had more popular votes than President Obama. Really? Donald Trump leading a revolution? We think it would go something like this photo-toon.

trumprevolutionary — Megalomaniac Donald Trump vows to do his part in the coming conservative revolution.

And The Whining Begins

You knew that the Republicans wouldn’t take the election results well but this last week has been ridiculous. From Donald Trump’s asinine tweets for ‘Revolution’, to Karl Rove’s refusal to believe that Obama won Ohio and the election, to the petitions being signed by red staters who want to secede from the United States. We hear that Texas has already collected over 80,000 signatures. We here at the Bucket say good riddance to the Lone Star state. They can go create their own country and elect Dubya as their eternal emperor for all we care. Oh yeah! That will be a great country!

GOPcrybabies2012 — Compassionate, conservative, Republican leaders respond to the re-election of President Obama like the true, whiny, sucky, crybabies they are.

It’s Over…For Now

We’re going to wait a few days before we comment about the election (although, in general, we’re thrilled!!!). If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, its that Con-a-thon 2012 has finally and mercifully come to an end: no more robocalls; no more attack ads; no more mailers; no more inane news media pundits offering their insipid two cents worth. That’s a good thing!

What’s really sad though is that according to some reports, these elections could come close to costing $6 billion dollars. $6 Billion Dollars!!! Thanks Citizens United! Just think of all the good, positive things that could have been done with that money(rebuilding infrastructure, education, energy research), instead of spending it on negative, short term drivel, which benefits no one and exhausts all Americans. Unfortunately, electioneering has become a thriving, full time industry in America. Some news media pundits are already talking about the possible candidates for 2016. To borrow from Bill Maher’s well known catch phrase; New Rule: no talking about the 2016 election until 2016.

election2016 — With the 2012 elections barely over, media pundits have already started talking about the 2016 elections, much to the chagrin of the American populace.

Romney’s Biggest Endorsement

There’s only a few more days in Con-a-thon 2012 and according to the mainstream media polls, it’s neck and neck between incumbent President Barack Obama and the GOP challenger, Spiff Romney. Lost in all the drama has been perhaps Romney’s biggest endorsement: former President George W. Bush. Yes folks, ol’ Dubya approves of Spiff Romney because Romney’s economic plan is basically Dubya’s and we all remember what a triumph Bushonomics was for this nation.

romneybush — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, picks up a key endorsement from the bestest president ever.

Romney: Disaster Capitalist

Hurricane Sandy socked the northeastern United States this week killing 30 people and causing between $20 to $60 billion dollars in damage. President Obama and FEMA were right there immediately to offer assistance to the stricken states, even earning praise from Republican governors Chris Christie of New Jersey and Bob McDonnell of Virginia. This is in sharp contrast to the anemic Bush administration response to the Gulf states in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. In a stunning display of stupidity, former FEMA head Michael “Heckuva Job” Brown said President Obama responded too quickly. What an ASS! And speaking of asses, GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, deflected 14 questions from the press about his earlier statements about abolishing FEMA if he were President. This of course would enable all those Republican disaster capitalists to swoop in and make a bundle every time a natural disaster hit. We think the Republicans should change their party logo from an elephant to a vulture.

romneyfema — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, explains to a victim of Hurricane Sandy how the federal government should work in a christian nation.

Corporate Ultimatum: Vote Romney…Or Else

Republican candidate, Spiff Romney, has been getting a lot of help from his plutocrat CEO buddies lately. It seems that several CEO’s and corporate heads are pressuring their employees into voting for Romney or face the consequences, like losing their jobs. You would think that this kind of heavy handed manipulation would be illegal, but apparently it’s not. So there you have it folks; if you want to keep your low paying jobs so you can barely pay your bills, you better vote for the plutocrat. And they say that there’s no class warfare.