Tag Archive for stockholder

Ajit Pai = A Shit Pie

The assholes keep coming out of the woodwork in the Trump administration. The latest jerk is none other than FCC chairman former Verizon lawyer, Ajit Pai,(or as we’re crudely calling him from now on, Ashit Pie, who this week brought an end to net neutrality and quite possibly will change how the Internet works in the future. Pie and his stupid, big ass coffee mug (because bigger is always better, folks), commented in the snarkiest way possible that the end of net neutrality will provide us with more freedom, which is corporate talk for even more profits for mega-rich telecom giants like Verizon, Comcast and AT&T and less bang for the buck for the average consumer and complete devastation for small businesses. He even produced a repulsive YouTube video (which we’re not going to provide a link to: FU Ashit Pie!) promoting all the things you can still do on the Internet, like gramming their food. Mark Hamill even slammed Ashit Pie for wielding a light saber in the video because a Jedi ‘would never enrich giant corporations’.

The surprising thing here is that the vast majority (83%) of the American public, covering the whole political spectrum( 75% of Republicans, 86% of Independents and 89% of Democrats), are in favor of keeping net neutrality regulations. You would think that most politicians on both sides of the aisle would be pushing to reinstate the laws. This opens the door for broadband providers to possibly throttle content based on politics, thus jeopardizing freedom of speech. It says in the Constitution that the general welfare of the United States citizenry should be promoted, not the coffers of a few already wealthy individuals. The Obama administration was right when it viewed the Internet as a public utility. In the 21st century, it is a basic part of every American’s life. Everyone should have access and all traffic should be treated equally just like electricity or water for our homes or phone calls. But thanks to corporate lackey Republicans, the American public is getting screwed once again.

No matter what happens, Ashit Pie is now one of the most hated persons in America behind pharma bro Martin Shkreli and just about everyone else in the Trump administration like Scott Pruitt, Mike Pence, Rex Tillerson, Stephen Miller, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Wilbur Ross, Steve Mnuchin, Jared Kushner…sweet freaking Zeus, the list goes on and on and the swamp just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger… One thing’s for sure: Ashit Pie is one massive DICKHEAD! 

FCC chairman, big mug aficionado and colossal DICKHEAD, Ajit Pai, a.k.a. A Shit Pie, explains to a consumer peon how awesome freedom from regulation will be much to the delight of a nearby plutocrat telecom stockholder.

FCC chairman, big mug aficionado and colossal DICKHEAD, Ajit Pai, a.k.a. Ashit Pie, explains to a consumer peon how awesome freedom from regulation will be much to the delight of a nearby plutocrat telecom stockholder.

The Job Creators

Our Corporate BS retrospective continues…This article is from our very first issue back on May 19, 2003. It’s amazing how some things remain the same in the ol’ Corporate States of America. Remember folks… it’s all about the profits.

CEO Says Layoff is ‘Move of Strength’

CEO Mike Montgomery of MicroDinks, Inc. says this weeks layoff of 25% of the work force was a ‘move of strength’. “This move will position us positively in the market place and enable us to be mean and lean for the future,” said Montgomery at a news conference.

“Move of strength my ass!” said laid off technician Jerry Nelson. “I’ve worked for MicroDinks for ten years and this is the thanks I get! I’ve got three small kids, a sick parent, a mortgage and two car payments. That two week severance check ain’t going to cover crap. And my health coverage is gone! I can’t afford those COBRA payments. They’re expensive as hell!  I’m screwed!”

John Germann, a laid off computer programmer said, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. The job market sucks. I’ve looked on monsterspaz.com, nerdorama.com and geeksforhire.com. There are just no technical jobs to be found.”

Montgomery insisted that the move was necessary in order for MicroDinks to make a profit for the upcoming fiscal year and keep stock prices high to appease stockholders.

Even though 250 people were laid off, neither Montgomery’s nor other officer’s salaries were cut. Montgomery makes a reported salary of $40 million year. Other officer salaries ranged from $5 million a year to $20 million a year.

“Well hot damn,” added Nelson. “That warms the cockles of my heart knowing that ol’ Mikey won’t have to sell his Porsche or his Hummer. He even gets to keep his five homes. Greedy Frigging Bastard!”

“Maybe I could get a job as his pool boy,” said Germann.