Satire that shovels it to the public – just like the real media!
On Wednesday, Congress finally made a deal to fund the government and increase the debt limit, which was clearly a victory for President Obama and the Democrats. Right? Not so fast, America. Shutdown architect and smuggest Senator alive, Ted Cruz, declared that the shutdown was a great victory…for the Republicans???!!! Ah yes! The delusion continues…
Republicans Holds America Hostage: Day 15…What?…Wait!…Day 15!!! Are you freaking kidding!!!
Well, the GOP shutdown clusterf*ck continues with no end in sight. According to polls everywhere, the Republicans are becoming less popular than syphilis. But Teabagger Extraordinaire, Ted Cruz, remains not only optimistic, but downright gung-ho. You see, according to the No-class Cruzer’s polls, the Teabagging Republicans are the most popular phenomenon since hula-hoops, transistor radios, crew cuts and slavery. Apparently, the right-wing bubble doesn’t permit 21st century reality to enter and is instead perpetually stuck in the 1950s or 1850s, take your pick. But have no fear America. Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are here to guide us to the Rapture. Or as Bachmann put it, “Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand.” Great! Just in time for Halloween!
Republicans Holds America Hostage: Day 5…
Back in May, Senator Harry Reid correctly called Senator Ted Cruz “a schoolyard bully” and what did the smuggest Senator alive do? He copped a “what? little old me?” attitude. Fast forward to this past week and you’ve got the No-class Cruzer pulling the same old crap stating that the Democrats want to shut the government down despite that fact he gave a 21 hour filibuster indicating that the Republicans would shutdown the government unless Obamacare was defunded.
But the funny thing is that the No-class Cruzer gave the world a hint back during the recent Syria crisis on how to deal with these Teabagging GOP bullies who turn into crybabies whenever they don’t get their way. In response to Syria’s action, Cruz said, “Bullies and tyrants don’t respect weakness.” Boom! There it is! Hopefully, the Democrats will keep the spine they’ve recently discovered and won’t let the wittle Teabagger babies get their way on their wittle temper tantrum.
The talk of this past week is all about Texas junior Senator Ted Cruz’s 21 hour filibuster (or filibluster) to oppose Obamacare. Jon Stewart humorously covered the filibuster fiasco quite nicely on the Daily Show. Ted Cruz is the perfect picture of today’s modern Republican Teabagger: smug, self-satisfied and completely clueless. Look at his pictures on the internet. Have you ever seen a smugger puss in your life? Even Republicans aren’t fond of this guy. And this former Canadian has Presidential ambitions, too. We here at the Bucket have a solution. Why doesn’t Texas secede from the United States and Ted Cruz can be President of the new Lone Star Republic. It’s win-win for everybody. Texas becomes it’s own country with one of it’s own as it’s God-fearing, conservative leader and America gets rid of one seriously crazy, wack-a-doodle politician and the irritating state that gave us Dubya, Rick Perry and the most annoying slogan of all time, “Don’t Mess With Texas”.
Georgia GOP Representative Phil Gingrey whined recently in a meeting about being stuck in Congress making $172k a year, while his staff can go out and get rich as lobbyists. All together now…Aaaaahhhhhhh! Poor wittle Phillie Gingrey!!! He can’t make it on just $172,000 a year! This would normally just be another of the myriads of examples of crybaby Republicans not getting their way, but what makes this even more profoundly disturbing is that these so called ‘compassionate conservatives’ just voted to cut funding for food stamps. So to review from events this past week: House Republicans say we’ve got money to go to war in Syria, but no money to feed our own citizens. Yessirree, that Jesus-like compassion is shining right through.
Arizona Senator John McCain, the man who gave us Sarah Palin, was caught last week playing online poker on his iPhone. What’s the big deal right? Well, it happened to be during a hearing about military intervention in Syria. But the kicker was that, later in the week, he had the audacity to suggest that Obama could be impeached for putting ‘boots on the ground’ in Syria. This from an ex-military man who has supported not only military intervention in Syria, but bombing Iran (to a Beach Boys tune no less) and the clusterf*ck that was the Iraq War. Talk about your mixed messages. Just think if McCain would’ve gotten into office. We might have our military in four, five or six different countries in the Middle East by now. We’re thinking that maybe it’s time for the good Senator to retire to one of his eight or ten or twenty houses that he owns so he can play online poker full time.
It appears that our congress has reached a new level of ineptitude. According to recent polls, congressional approval is down to 10% in a Gallup poll and 11% in a recent Rasmussen poll. Of course, this is to be expected since our Congress is made up of jellyfish (Democrats) and crybabies (Republicans). This says a lot about Americans as well. It’s been this way for some time and yet we continually send these same clowns back to Washington instead of sending new faces with fresh ideas from other parties. It’s like a certain segment of our population is comfortable with this clearly dysfunctional representation. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Maybe for the next election, we should try electing new people and new parties in Washington.
At least our bought-off-and-paid-for-corporate-loving congress has agreed on a bipartisan message for all us Americans who aren’t a corporation.
We’ve been on vacation kicking around in Europe. What did we miss? Uh-oh!
We knew Democrats were spineless and Republicans were shameless, but this is ridiculous. Apparently all our democratically elected representatives now think it’s a great idea to spy on each other. Right now, every resident of the former East Germany is laughing their ass off at us and rightfully so. We’ve become that country. What’s next, informal informants for our new Stasi-like surveillance state. Seriously folks, read up on the former country called East Germany and see if we’re now starting to resemble it(except of course we’re a corporatist surveillance state and not a socialist surveillance state). We had so much hope for President Obama and, like Clinton and all Democrats before him, is bending over backwards again to the right to appease the paranoid, right-wing crybabies that populate today’s Republican party (remember, the GOP is the party that started all this crap with the Patriot Act during Dubya’s administration). We’ve started looking for a new country to live in. We’re thinking the former East Germany is looking nice. At least they know enough that legalized spying is a bad idea.
The talks to avoid the dreaded ‘fiscal cliff’ continue and yet one big Republican player has been sitting on the sidelines of the debate. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, a.k.a. ‘The Turtle’, has pretty much kept himself out of the discussions. But we have no doubt that in the coming days, the good senator, who famously wanted to make President Obama a one-term president, will show us the typical spirit of bi-partisanship that Republicans have exhibited the past four years and block anything the Democrats put in front of him.
Well, Congress has adjourned for the holidays and surprise surprise, no progress on the looming ‘fiscal cliff’. Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced bo-ner), who seems to be under the illusion that the Republicans won the election, has stubbornly insisted that he gets his way. That means keeping his precious tax cuts for his rich handlers and cutting funds for the social safety net programs like Social Security and Medicare, which benefits most elderly Americans. Of course, most people seem to think this ‘fiscal cliff’ is baloney anyway (note how it’s always referenced in quotations) and to President Obama’s credit, he’s playing hardball with the Republicans (finally!). It’s not the first time that the great Oompa Loompa of negativity, John Boehner, has bungled up negotiations. It’s business as usual for the Republicans.
