Compassionate CONservatives – Page 49

Save Christmas: Buy! Buy! Buy!

The last couple of posts, we’ve been railing on America’s favorite ‘culture warrior’, Bill O’Reilly, who’s only goal in life is to look out for you. He has been blathering on and on about the ‘War on Christmas’ for the past umpty-nine years about how atheists and secularists are attacking christianity causing America to fail and life as we know it to come to a cataclysmic end. Of course, he fails to mention the deadening effect of the rampant commercialism on christmas.

Companies start having all kinds of xmas sales earlier and earlier with every passing year; pre-Halloween christmas sales, pre-Labor Day christmas sales, pre-St.Swithins christmas sales… you get the picture. Corporate America has killed christmas far more than secularists. And it’s been that way for a long time. We are conditioned from an early age to want and consume. It’s a part of our culture. Who didn’t drool over the toys in Sears or Penney’s christmas catalogs when we were kids?. We are taught to want, want, want from the time we’re old enough to walk. Christmas has become all about shopping. Buy! Buy! Buy! But in Mr. O’Reilly’s view, it’s all the atheists’ fault.

So how should we save Christmas in a way in which Mr. O’Reilly would approve? The answer is obvious: go out and spend like there is no tomorrow. The world’s going to end anyway on the 21st, right? (Wink, wink)

xmasshoppingsheep — The only possible way to save Christmas and make Jesus happy is for every American to spend themselves into debilitating debt.

America’s Culture Warrior

It’s almost mid-December, which means that America’s self proclaimed ‘culture warrior’, Bill O’Reilly, is in the midst of his annual ranting about the so called ‘War on Christmas’. We’ve commented on O’Reilly before. He’s one of the neocons over at Fox News, a.k.a. The Republican Propaganda Network, so this ‘War on Christmas’ fits right in with the ‘journalism’ dished out on a daily basis there. Of course, O’Reilly conveniently ignores any facts which get in the way of his agenda, like fourth century christians declaring that christmas should be on December 25th because that’s when the pagans celebrated the winter solstice. Sorry folks; Jesus wasn’t born on christmas. But that doesn’t give us warm fuzzies, and if you’re religious it’s all about the warm fuzzies. O’Reilly has a cow because people say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’, yet the word holiday comes from the merging of two old English words which mean ‘holy day’. And yet after O’Reilly delivered performed a recent rant, Fox News showed a message which wished the audience ‘Happy Holidays’.

Here’s a photo-toon from our October 6, 2006 issue, which shows America’s favorite ‘culture warrior’ O’Reilly ready to slay all the evil, secular dragons who have the audacity to say ‘Happy Holidays’.

oreillywarrior — Fox News talk show host, Bill O'Reilly, whose only goal in life is to look out for you, has written a book, Culture Warrior, where he fancies himself not only as a protector of Christmas but also a defender of American culture. In the book, he names and analyzes his enemies so his loyal thinking impaired followers will know whom to hate.

Corporate Douchery

The fallout from Con-a-thon 2012 continues with more Republicans and corporatists whining about the re-election of President Obama. Ranging from Papa John’s CEO stating that he’ll have to raise prices on his pizzas a whopping 14 cents to cover the costs of Obamacare to other captains of industry firing people rather than cut their own obscene salaries. To add insult to injury, huge department store chains have cut their workers hours and salaries and decided to open up their stores on Thanksgiving as well. So rather than do the whole wholesome, conservative family values thing and spend time with your family, spend time in the store fighting other people for unbelievable bargains.

What’s even more astonishing is that people showed up in droves to the stores on Thanksgiving. So now it looks like Black Thursday will replace Black Friday and probably Thanksgiving as the big event in November. And ‘culture warrior’ Bill O’Reilly blames atheists for the ‘War on Christmas’ and not the greedos in corporate America.

juggermartconsumerretribution — Billionaire President and CEO of Juggermart, Lawrence T. Juggers, explains the consequences of voting for President Obama to the faithful consumer automatons who frequent his stores.

The Trump Revolution

We mentioned in a previous post about Donald Trump’s asinine tweets early on election night when Spiff Romney had more popular votes than President Obama. Really? Donald Trump leading a revolution? We think it would go something like this photo-toon.

trumprevolutionary — Megalomaniac Donald Trump vows to do his part in the coming conservative revolution.

And The Whining Begins

You knew that the Republicans wouldn’t take the election results well but this last week has been ridiculous. From Donald Trump’s asinine tweets for ‘Revolution’, to Karl Rove’s refusal to believe that Obama won Ohio and the election, to the petitions being signed by red staters who want to secede from the United States. We hear that Texas has already collected over 80,000 signatures. We here at the Bucket say good riddance to the Lone Star state. They can go create their own country and elect Dubya as their eternal emperor for all we care. Oh yeah! That will be a great country!

GOPcrybabies2012 — Compassionate, conservative, Republican leaders respond to the re-election of President Obama like the true, whiny, sucky, crybabies they are.

Romney’s Biggest Endorsement

There’s only a few more days in Con-a-thon 2012 and according to the mainstream media polls, it’s neck and neck between incumbent President Barack Obama and the GOP challenger, Spiff Romney. Lost in all the drama has been perhaps Romney’s biggest endorsement: former President George W. Bush. Yes folks, ol’ Dubya approves of Spiff Romney because Romney’s economic plan is basically Dubya’s and we all remember what a triumph Bushonomics was for this nation.

romneybush — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, picks up a key endorsement from the bestest president ever.

Romney: Disaster Capitalist

Hurricane Sandy socked the northeastern United States this week killing 30 people and causing between $20 to $60 billion dollars in damage. President Obama and FEMA were right there immediately to offer assistance to the stricken states, even earning praise from Republican governors Chris Christie of New Jersey and Bob McDonnell of Virginia. This is in sharp contrast to the anemic Bush administration response to the Gulf states in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. In a stunning display of stupidity, former FEMA head Michael “Heckuva Job” Brown said President Obama responded too quickly. What an ASS! And speaking of asses, GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, deflected 14 questions from the press about his earlier statements about abolishing FEMA if he were President. This of course would enable all those Republican disaster capitalists to swoop in and make a bundle every time a natural disaster hit. We think the Republicans should change their party logo from an elephant to a vulture.

romneyfema — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, explains to a victim of Hurricane Sandy how the federal government should work in a christian nation.

Corporate Ultimatum: Vote Romney…Or Else

Republican candidate, Spiff Romney, has been getting a lot of help from his plutocrat CEO buddies lately. It seems that several CEO’s and corporate heads are pressuring their employees into voting for Romney or face the consequences, like losing their jobs. You would think that this kind of heavy handed manipulation would be illegal, but apparently it’s not. So there you have it folks; if you want to keep your low paying jobs so you can barely pay your bills, you better vote for the plutocrat. And they say that there’s no class warfare.

romneyplutocrat — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, shows his gratitude to MegaloCorpBank CEO J. Charles Harrington IV, one of many corporate heads to pressure their employees into voting for Romney...or else.

Romney’s Geography Problem

There were many memorable moments from Monday’s presidential debates. President Obama’s comment about ‘horses and bayonets’ was our personal favorite. But another comment by GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, showed that maybe he’s not ready to be commander-in-chief. He referred to Syria as being “Iran’s route to the sea”. In fact, Iran doesn’t share a border with Syria and has a large coastline bordering the Persian Gulf, the Straits of Hormuz and the Gulf of Oman, which leads to the Arabian Sea and in turn the Indian Ocean. This isn’t the first time he’s made the gaffe either. Not knowing geography is okay if you’re a college student. But if you’re the leader the largest country in the free world, you need to know the geography of countries and regions, especially those which have a history of being problematic. We here at the Bucket think we know who briefed Romney on world geography.

romneypalingeography — GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, consults with his geography tutor before the third Presidential debate last Monday.

Massachusetts and Salt Lake City Love…Obama?

One thing that is really interesting to us here at the Bucket is that no one is mentioning that Spiff Romney is trailing President Obama in polls by 15 points in his home state of Massachusetts. 15 POINTS!!! Remember in 2000 when media observers made such a big deal about Al Gore not being able to carry his home state of Tennessee. Well no one in the so called ‘liberal’ media is mentioning this juicy tidbit. No one is mentioning his low 40% approval rating when he left the governorship after one term either.

Another thing we noticed today is that the Salt Lake City Tribune endorsed Barack Obama for President yesterday. We find this rather astonishing since Salt Lake City is the mecca of Mormonism, which is Romney’s religion, and dealt considerably with Romney in the 2002 Winter Olympic games. Though Romney will no doubt carry Utah, it’s shocking that the largest daily newspaper would NOT lend it’s support to one of the most high profile Mormon politicians in the country. Things that make you go hmmmmm!