Rewind: Pat & Rudy Time Warpin’

June 15, 2023 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Grand Old Plutocrats, Holy Huckster Hijinx, Neocon Media Circus, Wide World O' Wacky

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Pat Robertson, the uber-evangelical preacher who, together with fellow holy huckster Jerry Falwell, blew hot air into the christian nationalism movement that is threatening to turn our democracy into a theocracy, died last week. We had a very poignant salute to Falwell when he died in 2007 (and repost in 2015) listing all his greatest hates so just visit that page and you’ll be up to date on Robertson’s dubious record. We’ve also had a photo-toon featuring Robertson and his exceptional ability to exaggerate, but then that’s what you should expect from an evangelical con-man. But we found another photo-toon from our November 29, 2007 issue of Robertson endorsing Rudy Giuliani for President in 2008, presumably for his role in helping New York heal after 9/11. We had an article covering that election. But this photo-toon features Robertson with Giuliani dressed in drag ala Rocky Horror Picture Show. In case you’ve forgotten, Giuliani dressed in drag on more than a few occasions including a strange one with megalomaniac man-child Donald Trump. We wonder what ultra-conservative, christian, anti-LGBTQ MAGA Morons and QAnon nutbags would say if they saw this video of Trump motorboating Rudy’s fake boobies.

Ultra-conservative televangelist Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani for President in 2008 even though Giuliani had supported abortion and gay rights, two issues which Robertson is vehemently against, and had dressed in drag on several occasions.
Ultra-conservative televangelist Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani for President in 2008 even though Giuliani had supported abortion and gay rights, two issues which Robertson is vehemently against, and had dressed in drag on several occasions.
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Rewind: Rejected Indiana Jones Movie Titles

June 5, 2023 bb_admin Articles:Hollywood BS, BilgeBucket Lists

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Back in August 2011 there was talk about doing a fifth Indiana Jones movie which prompted us to post a BilgeBucket List we did originally in our September 10, 2007 issue listing the top rejected movie titles for the fourth Indiana Jones movie which was subsequently released in 2008 as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and predictably made zillions of dollars. And this was when Harrison Ford was a spry and youthful 69 years old. Now he’s 80 and the fifth Indiana Jones movie has come to fruition with the name Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Quite frankly, our list of titles is a lot funnier and more age appropriate so here’s a repost of the top rejected Indiana Jones movie titles featuring super senior citizen Harrison Ford.

  • Indiana Jones and the Raiders of Social Security
  • Indiana Jones Has Fallen and He Can’t Get Up
  • Indiana Jones and the Jewels of the Senile
  • Indiana Jones Adventure at Luby’s Buffet
  • Indiana Jones: Prostate of Fury
  • Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the Medicare Form
  • Indiana Jones and the Search for the Lost Car Keys
  • Indiana Jones and the Dentures from Hell
  • Indiana Jones and the Diaper of Doom
  • Indiana Jones: Dude, Where’s My Preparation-H?
  • Indiana Jones and the Quest for Low Cost Health Insurance
  • Indiana Jones and the Treasure of Viagra Madre
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Headlines Circa Aught 5

May 29, 2023 bb_admin Headlines

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Continuing with our headlines retrospective, we’ve switched to the year 2005. Oh, the memories!

Bush Nominates McGruff The Crime Dog New Homeland Security Chief
50 Cent CD On Sale For A Dollar
Sesame Street Promotes Healthy Diets: Cookie Monster Now Known As Fiber Monster
In Retrospect, Rutabaga Festival Was Lame-Ass Idea
Oil Prices Up – No, Down – No, Back Up Again
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Rewind: Fashion Shrubberies

May 22, 2023 bb_admin Wide World O' Wacky

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

One of the strange constants in this modern world is the wackiness of the fashion industry. Each year, fashion houses pump out the latest in haute couture with models prowling the catwalks wearing trendy costumes that no normal woman or man would wear even for Halloween. And yet, celebrities flock to these extravaganzas and schmooze with other wealthy elites just to be seen in what many view as an orgy of status attainment and snobbery.

We’ve had some fun with the fashion world before at the Bucket (here and here) and we uncovered another photo-toon from our October 6, 2006 issue illustrating the wackiness of these avant garde trendsetters. Are you ready for some fashion shrubberies? We’re sure they’ll be available soon at your nearest Kohls or Home Depot.

Fashion shrubberies, like this one by Elmer Goochie Nurseries presented last week at London Fashion Week, are making a huge comeback this spring.
Fashion shrubberies, like this one by Elmer Goochie Nurseries presented last week at London Fashion Week, are making a huge comeback this spring.
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Rewind: Commercial TV

May 15, 2023 bb_admin Articles:Hollywood BS

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

The writers are on strike which means some of our favorite comedy shows have shut down production. This stoppage brings up an old article from our June 26, 2007 issue when we pondered a fall TV season where all the shows featured popular characters from commercials, like the cavemen from the Geico commercials (yes, the cavemen actually had a deservedly short-lived TV show on ABC). Look at the progression: sitcoms, game shows, informercials, reality shows, more reality shows, a reality show President. Everything TV in the 21st century sucks! How many Real Housewife shows do we need? Not even one, if you ask us. Let’s face it, folks; the golden years of Hollywood are very far away in the rear view mirror.

Fall TV Season: All Commercials

Recently, ABC announced that is was going to create a sitcom this fall about the cavemen from the popular Geico commercials. It didn’t take long for the other networks to follow along like lemmings and announce that they too will broadcast shows featuring characters from popular television commercials. As a matter of fact, the whole fall schedule is now devoted to shows based on commercial characters.

“This is an amazing development,” said Brantly A. Burke, assistant programming exec for Fox. “Eight years ago, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire ushered in the era of prime time game shows. Then Survivor started the reality show trend which spawned dozens of copycat shows. Well, the new wave is here and its TV shows about commercial characters! What better way to produce revenue for the network than a half hour or hour long commercial. This will be revolutionary! We already have infomercials, which are quasi-entertainment. Why not take the next step and create entire sitcoms which are not only crowd pleasing but also sell a product. It’s rampant commercialism on steroids.”

Geico struck it rich by not only getting a sitcom about the cavemen but also a sitcom featuring celebrity spokesmen Verne Troyer, Peter Graves and Little Richard as door-to-door insurance salesmen and another sitcom featuring the Geico Gecko and his adventures in modern day London.

“It’s really not all that surprising,” said the Geico Gecko in his trademark British accent. “People like to be entertained and they find me adorable. Why not have me on more frequently? It’s like if someone offers you free pie and chips. You’re not going to turn down free pie and chips. It’s pie…and chips…for free. Stop me if you’ve heard this before.”

Burke expounded more about the shows. “Now the whole show won’t be one big sales pitch. There will be some semblance of a plot. But there will be subtle product placement and discussion of the product sprinkled liberally throughout the show. For instance, here’s a sample of dialog from the show featuring Little Richard and Peter Graves.”

Graves: Wow! I’m wiped out. I’m too old to be a door-to-door insurance salesman.

Little Richard: Wooooooooo! I sure hope you have Geico Life Insurance in case you drop dead. Woooooooooo!

Graves: You bet I do! And boy is it affordable!

“See,” said Burke. “Very subtle.”

Examples of some new shows this fall include:

  • Those five knuckleheads from the Alltel commercials battling each other every week in Sell Phone
  • Those wise-acre stand-up comedians from the Sierra Mist ads working, living and laughing together in Play Sierra Misty for Me
  • The Burger King buys an RV and travels the backroads of America creeping out people from all walks of life in Burger King of the Road
  • The return of the Taco Bell Chihuahua in Yo Quiero Mindless Entertainment
  • The Mentos kids starring as MacGyver-like adventurists, who get in and out of trouble each week in a different location around the world thanks to their unlimited supply of Mentos in Have Mentos, Will Travel

The American viewing public seemed very receptive to the new wave of programming. Robin Weller of Boston, Massachusetts said, “Wow! This promises to be very entertaining! It should keep my interest for at least thirty seconds. Oh look. A fly. Bzzzzzzzz. What were we talking about?”

Peter Johnson of Lake Pleasant, New York said, “What a perfect marriage of entertainment and commerce. Being a typical American consumer, I look forward to buying any product that is pushed in front of my face and placing myself in even more debilitating debt.”

Barry Bealle of Jackson, Kentucky said with a glazed look in his eye, “Can’t talk. Must find TV.”

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Still More From Oh-Four

May 8, 2023 bb_admin Headlines

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Continuing with our headlines retrospective, here are still more from that fantabulous year of 2004. Again, no groaning, please.

Cheney Admitted To Hospital: Gets Oil Transfusion
Local Volleyball Player Digs Balls
Fox Insists You Find Arrested Development Hilarious
Stripper Complains Men Keep Ogling Her
Ashcroft’s Pants Catch On Fire During 9/11 Commission Testimony

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Shows Tonight On Court TV

May 1, 2023 bb_admin TV Tonight

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Are you ready for some justice and entertainment? Grab your gavel and popcorn. Here’s a schedule of shows coming up on Court TV.

Shows Tonight on Court TV

6:00pmHot Bench
6:30pmCold Bench
7:00pmLuke Warm Bench
7:30pmJudge Judy
8:00pmJudge Reinhold
8:30pmGrace Shipley, Super Stenographer
10:00pmBailiffs After Dark: Proper Handcuffing Techniques
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Rewind: Pickles – RAW

April 25, 2023 bb_admin Compassionate CONservatives, Dubya's Madcap Misadventures, Neocon Media Circus, Wide World O' Wacky

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

There weren’t many good things about the Bush administration. Let’s face it, folks: they screwed up the economy, the United States’ standing in the world and crippled us with two unwinnable wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. About the best thing about Dubya and his gang of corrupt buffoons was Laura Bush. As First Lady, she wasn’t awful. Sure she was a kowtowing christian wife who meekly demurred to her christian husband. Remember in 2006 when she said it was okay to sing the national anthem in Spanish and when she heard Dubya’s opinion differed she changed her mind to match her husband. Man do thinking – women make food, have babies. Ugggh!

But Laura Bush did have a sense of humor as evidence in 2005 at the White House correspondent’s dinner. She gave a bawdy little stand up routine that was well received by everyone across the political spectrum. Some of the jokes were even at the expense of lil’ Georgie who sat red faced while she mocked him roundly. One particular anecdote dealt with Dubya’s early attempts at ranching that thoroughly humiliated him. “George didn’t know much about ranches when we bought the place. Andover and Yale don’t have a real strong ranching program. But I’m proud of George. He’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What’s worse, it was a male horse. “ Yes, the imagery of ol’ Dubya whacking off a stallion is pretty damn funny. Not even Jon Stewart could have done better.

Here’s a photo-toon from our June 6, 2005 issue featuring the cover of Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush bawdy new comedy album RAW featuring horse masturbation jokes.

Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents' dinner, First Lady Laura 'Pickles' Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week.
Emboldened by her recent success at the White House correspondents’ dinner, First Lady Laura ‘Pickles’ Bush released her bawdy new comedy album last week.
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Rewind: Dubya’s Cowboy Diplomacy

April 18, 2023 bb_admin Dubya's Madcap Misadventures, Lil' DubToons

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

We again revisit 2006 when Dubya was making excuse after excuse for the Iraq War’s less than stellar results. The Bush administration was trying to pivot away from its ‘cowboy diplomacy’ and looking for another dodge to avoid culpability for an ill-advised war while at the same time trying to con the public that America was turning the corner – or in other words, going around in circles and we should stay the course wasting trillions of dollars and killing thousands of people in the process. But in true Dubya fashion he staggered and tripped all over his tongue resulting in yet another embarrassing word salad.

Here’s our DubToon from our August 11, 2006 issue featuring big buckaroo Dubya lamenting giving up on his prized cowboy diplomacy.

“I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it’s easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?”

George W. Bush
06-14-2006

Big Buckaroo George W. Bush laments the ending of his cowboy diplomacy in Iraq.
“End of cowboy diplomacy? But I like being a cowboy.”
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Rewind: Top Revelations In The DaVinci Code

April 11, 2023 bb_admin BilgeBucket Lists, Wide World O' Wacky

2023 marks the 20th anniversary of the BilgeBucket Gazette. Our first issue was on May 19, 2003 and we’ve been shoveling it to the public, just like the corporate media, ever since. We changed our format to a WordPress blog in 2011 so all of our earlier material was archived. We’ve been reposting many of those archived articles, headlines, photo-toons, BilgeBucket Lists and other content over the past twelve years. In honor of our 20th, and because we’re sick of the current state of affairs in the world, we’ll be reposting more items from 2003 through 2009 throughout this year.

Since the evangelical christians and conspiracy minded QAnon wingnuts have taken over the GOP we’ve decided to repost a BilgeBucket List from our May 31, 2006 edition when we reported on the top revelations of the movie The DaVinci Code. This film threw a lot of christan groups and conspiracy buffs into royal hissy fits. The blockbuster by Ron Howard, based on the novel of the same name by Dan Brown, opened to huge box office numbers. Its opening week raked in $224 million worldwide. The controversial book elicited complaints from the Catholic Church and other christian organizations because it speculates that Jesus actually married Mary Magdalene and has descendants walking among us today. But there were other juicy tidbits as well. So, here are those shocking and totally not made up revelations in no particular order.

  • Jesus and Mary Magdalene had two children named Wally and ‘The Beav’
  • Peter always walked around au natural at meetings which annoyed all the other apostles except James . . . Hmmmmm
  • The beverage served at the Last Supper: Zima
  • Emperor Constantine legalized Christianity at the Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. and also penned the classic Disco hit “Get Down Tonight”
  • Zeus is the one true God
  • Jesus liked to wear his hair in braids, adorn himself with bling and rap with his homies when he wasn’t performing miracles
  • JFK was killed by space aliens
  • Judas annoyingly ended everybody’s sentences by saying “That’s what she said!”
  • The Mona Lisa was smiling because DaVinci’s fly was open while he was painting her
  • The world was created by leprechauns
  • Opus Dei members get a special member discount at Walmart
  • Elvis is alive and well and managing a Burger King in Tuscaloosa
  • The original message scribbled under the Mona Lisa: “So Dark The Wrath of Khan”
  • The Holy Grail is actually a big ass beer stein located in Munich’s Hofbrau House
  • Black helicopters are really more of a midnight blue
  • The current Grand Master of The Priory of Sion: Pauly Shore

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