Continuing with our final installment of our brief ‘something completely different – get me the hell out of the nightmare year that is 2020’ photo-toon retrospective. . .
Sylvester Stallone has made many films in his long Hollywood career, but he is most notably known for his character Rocky Balboa and the film series franchise which has chronicled the pugilist from Philadelphia for umpty-nine movies since 1976, when Rocky won the Best Picture Academy Award. Quite honestly, in our opinion here at the Bucket, Stallone’s best acting performance was as a small town police officer uncovering corruption in the NYPD in the forgotten 1997 movie Cop Land. But Rocky has been his go-to meal ticket for over forty years, why should he stop now.
Here’s a photo-toon from our December 22, 2006 issue featuring Sylvester Stallone making yet another comeback in Rocky XXV: Still Cocky. This time the rapidly aging boxer must face off against a truly menacing cockfighting rooster.
The new movie, The Bourne Legacy, is due to open in theaters in August. However, in this movie, the action will revolve around a new character, Aaron Cross and not Jason Bourne, the former CIA assassin, turned rogue agent. This movie will surely be a blockbuster and the Bourne franchise will probably continue well into the future much like the James Bond series. Everybody loves a good spy film, right? Well, the BilgeBucket staff has come up with a list of suggested titles and plots for upcoming movies in the Bourne universe. If Hollywood chooses these gems, the movies are sure to be a smashing success!
New Bourne King – Bourne gets amnesia and thinks he’s Jesus
The Bourne Losers – Bourne gets amnesia and becomes a member of the Kansas City Royals
Bourne on the Fourth of July – Bourne get amnesia and thinks he’s James Cagney
Bourne to Run – Bourne gets amnesia and a chronic case of diarrhea
Bourne to be Wild – Bourne gets amnesia and thinks he’s Lady Gaga
First Bourne – Bourne regains his memory temporarily and remembers his days as a schoolyard assassin
Bourne Again – Bourne gets amnesia and thinks he’s a televangelist
Water Bourne – Bourne gets amnesia and thinks he’s a dolphin
A Star is Bourne – Bourne gets amnesia and becomes the toast of Broadway starring as Eliza Doolittle in a revival of My Fair Lady
Bourne Free – Bourne gets amnesia and tries to live as a lion on the savannahs of Africa
Bourne on the Bayou – Bourne gets amnesia and thinks he’s a Cajun crocodile farmer
To the Manor Bourne – Bourne gets amnesia and has bawdy adventures as a well heeled gentleman in merry old England
Natural Bourne Killers – Bourne gets amnesia and confronts a whole slew of people who just want to kill him (Wait…that’s the plot for the first three movies)
Bourne Yesterday – Bourne gets amnesia and time travels back to The Bourne Identity and relives his adventures from his first movie
Bourne and Bread – Bourne gets amnesia and makes lots of dough as a baker
We saw a blurb online this past week about a possible fifth Indiana Jones movie. Now Harrison Ford is in incredible shape for 69 years old. He’s also still at the top of his game acting wise. But lets face it folks, he is a senior citizen in an action adventure franchise. It may be time to ride off into the sunset. Which brought to mind one of our favorite BilgeBucket Lists from our September 10, 2007 issue. It names the rejected titles for the fourth Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which of course became a blockbuster when released in 2008. Maybe they could use one of these titles for the new fifth installment of the series.
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of Social Security
Indiana Jones Has Fallen and He Can’t Get Up
Indiana Jones and the Jewels of the Senile
Indiana Jones Adventure at Luby’s Buffet
Indiana Jones: Prostate of Fury
Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the Medicare Form
Indiana Jones and the Search for the Lost Car Keys
Indiana Jones and the Dentures from Hell
Indiana Jones and the Diaper of Doom
Indiana Jones: Dude, Where’s My Preparation-H?
Indiana Jones and the Quest for Low Cost Health Insurance