Tag Archive for drug

Douchey Border Fearmongering

If there’s one thing Republicans know, it’s that when election time comes around, they can always ratchet up the fearmongering propaganda that there’s a border crisis that only the good ol’ GOP can resolve. They’ve been doing it during every election since 9/11. Remember in 2014, it was Ebola, Benghazi, ISIS, Obama and the border. How about 2006, ol’ Dubya and the GOP, trying to distract everyone on the clusterf*ck in Iraq, warned of an unsecured border and sent troops to secure it. They know that their core base of white christian conservatives react strongly to fear and there’s no better fear provoker than a bunch of illegal, brown skinned immigrants approaching the border. Gee, what a coincidence that a caravan of immigrants just happens to be approaching America and will make it to our border right around election time. Hmmm…let’s think like Fox News, a.k.a. the Republican Propaganda Network… maybe the immigrants are nothing more than crisis actors being paid under the table by GOP operatives? Could this be fake news? A great big nothing burger?

This whole spiel is playing more like a Monty Python sketch. I mean the caravan is just inside the Mexico-Guatemala border, still at least 800 miles away from the nearest border in Texas, and almost twice as far to the Arizona border, but the media is covering it like this group was right at the U.S. border. Plus, they’re being portrayed by American CEO/Dictator, Donald Trump, like they’re a band of thugs and criminals and the media is buying into it. He’s even admitted there’s no proof of terrorists being in the throng. So here we are watching the slow motion advance of a band of unarmed, poor, desperate immigrants who are escaping violence in their home countries and meanwhile, our Republican leaders are lining up tanks at the border to mow down these ‘menaces’. There have been more people protesting Trump on any given weekend than there are people in the caravan and yet this band of walking immigrants is getting more coverage (especially Fox News) than any group of protesters. But the media keeps brainlessly repeating Trump’s narrative that there doesn’t seem to be a way to stop these marauding foreigners from making a run on our borders.

Which brings us to the racist fearmongering ads being run across the board by Republicans in Arizona. They are attacking all Democratic candidates as being weak on immigration and insinuating that candidates like gubernatorial candidate David Garcia, who are against building a wall, (like most Americans), would welcome with open arms illegal gun toting, drug taking immigrants. We’ve posted here before that illegal immigration has been dropping in recent years and since Trump has taken office, it’s down even more. A border wall is completely unnecessary. Not only that, it wouldn’t stop drugs from getting over the border. The cartels would just build more tunnels and find new routes for their drones and planes. A border wall would be a colossal waste of taxpayers’ money. Candidates like Garcia and Kyrsten Sinema want a common sense approach to securing the border and eliminating drug dealers. But leave it to the Republicans like Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey), to push fearmongering border politics to try and win an election.

In a stunning display of political fearmongering, Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey), proclaims that his opponent, whose last name is suspiciously Garcia, will probably open up the border to all sorts of caravans carrying gun toting, drug dealing illegal immigrants.

In a stunning display of political fearmongering, Arizona Governor Doug Ducey (pronounced douchey), proclaims that his opponent, whose last name is suspiciously Garcia, will probably open up the border to all sorts of caravans carrying gun toting, drug dealing illegal immigrants.

Trickling Down

Our Corporate BS retrospective continues…Here’s an article from our January 18, 2004 issue.

New Drugs To Combat Effects From Environmental Pollution

Drugzilla, one of America’s leading pharmaceutical companies has released of a suite of new drugs for combating the effects of nuclear radiation and environmental pollution. This is in response to the announcement last month by the National Research Council calling for drugs to prevent effects of nuclear radiation for people living near nuclear plants.

“We feel this is a very timely solution for every American,” said Drugzilla spokesperson, Sally Whitman. “With the relaxed environmental regulations passed by the Bush administration, pollution will most likely increase. But Americans need not worry. We have created a whole new set of drugs to fight the symptoms of pollution. For instance, Nukitol, is for people living near nuclear power plants who may be exposed to radiation. Carbomonoxitol offers relief for urban dwellers who breathe in massive amounts of car exhaust fumes or factory exhaust each and every day. Nixochemitol helps people who may drink contaminated water from mining, manufacturing or chemical plants. Plus we have several other drugs available to aid the average citizen in living with the necessary pollution of modern corporate America.”

Doris May Watkins, a housewife from Corpdump, New Jersey, expressed gratitude for the new medication. “We live right next to a chemical plant and we can’t afford to move. But thanks to these wonderful drugs, my raging migraine headaches and chronic diarrhea can be fixed with just one tablet eight times a day at the affordable price of just $10 a tablet. Thanks Drugzilla!”

Beau Garner, from Dungheap, Texas, who lives next to a nuclear power plant, said, “This is great! Now maybe my gums and my stomach will stop bleeding long enough for me to eat. Maybe my hair will stop falling out, too. I mean I’m only twenty-five for Pete’s sake. I’m unemployed and got no health insurance, but it’ll only cost three quarters of my unemployment check to buy the drugs. That leaves a cool fifty bucks to pay my bills and buy me food for the month. Thanks Drugzilla!”

Whitman warned that the drugs do have possible side effects like cramping, headaches, uncontrollable salivation, seizures, hair loss, heart palpitations, spleen rupture, night sweats, blindness, war flashbacks, bloody stool, heebie-jeebies, bladder infection, tremors, hairballs, sterility, memory loss, incessant flatulence, body rashes,  kidney failure, limb paralysis and an inexplicable urge to listen to parody music by Weird Al Yankovic. Fortunately, Drugzilla makes drugs to combat all of these side effects.

President Bush praised the new drugs. “This is a great victory for the American people and the economy. See, I told you so. By allowing more pollution, all my friends and benefactors are making more money and the economy is being stimulated. Trickle down economics does work. God Bless America!”