conservative – Page 44 – BilgeBucket Gazette

The Whole System Is Out Of Order

Another one from the “You’ve Got to be Kidding” file. It appears that President Obama’s new idols are the members of the Bush Administration. Recently, it was reported that the Obama Administration’s Department of Justice wants to grant immunity to the Bush Administration for war crimes in Iraq even though the Republicans will no doubt continue to kick the President in the teeth on anything he may want to accomplish. Something is rotten in Washington and in the media (as if we didn’t know already). In the past year, we’ve seen Dubya re-emerge into the public spotlight as an ‘enlightened’ artist, polls that indicate that people are starting to view the Bush presidency favorably, and even that more Republicans in Louisiana are blaming Obama for the sad response to Hurricane Katrina (see previous post), even though it was three and half years before he took office. Not only that, whistleblower Bradley/Chelsea Manning is a criminal for exposing government lies and the Bush Administration is getting a free pass for lying to the public and getting us involved in the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War. The next thing you know, the Obama Administration will want to go to war with another country in the Middle East because, based on intelligence, they may have weapons of mass destruction. Oh….right….Syria. Didn’t we do this crap already and it ended badly for us? Like a trillion dollars in the hole, bad. Oh well, chalk up another win for the military-industrial complex. War is just good business!

obamadojbushadministration — President Obama shows his unrequited love for the Bush Administration.

Some Elephants Do Forget

From the “You’ve Got to be Kidding” file…According to a recent poll, apparently almost 30% of Louisiana Republicans think that Obama was responsible for the horrendous response by FEMA to Hurricane Katrina in 2005 despite being almost 3 and 1/2 years before Obama even came into office. And almost 45% aren’t sure whose fault it is. Only 28% thought Bush was responsible for the lousy response. It appears that certain members of the GOP species (elephantus redneckius) have a truly serious memory problem. Unfortunately, it also appears that Obama has officially replaced Bill Clinton as the new Republican scapegoat for all the woes in the world.

redneckmemorylapse — A couple of Louisiana Republicans kick back and have an intellectual discussion about American history as they see it.

The Party of Inclusiveness

RNC Chairman, Reince Priebus, recently made an announcement that Republicans will ban MSNBC and CNN from the Republican primary debates in 2016 if they don’t drop plans to air projects about Hillary Clinton, who will more than likely run for President in 2016. Yep, once again, the crybabies of the GOP are demanding that everybody does what they want or else. They’re certainly doing what it takes, too, to advertise themselves as inclusive and tolerant of the various demographics which makes the United States such a melting pot. Let’s review some of their triumphs: they want to enforce voter ID in order to suppress the black vote; the only kind of immigration reform they support is building a wall across the Mexican-American border; they think the government should stay out of people’s lives unless you’re a woman, which in that case, allows the government to patrol every woman’s uterus; they’re against gay marriage or really any kind of equal rights for gays, lesbians or transgendered people (just stay in the closet folks); they don’t want healthcare for anybody unless you can afford to pay the astronomical expenses associated with today’s medicine; they want to push christianity down everybody’s throats as the only religion to be allowed in this country; they value the rights of the gun shooter over the rights of the gun victims; they portray any scientist who proclaims that climate change is real to be a fraud. Yes, by all means, let’s keep electing these irrepressible zanies to run our country.

gopexclusiveparty — RNC Chairman, Reince Priebus, lays down the new rules that journalists must obey when dealing with Republicans.

Holding The Nation Hostage

Speaker of the House John Boehner, (pronounced bo-ner), and the House Republicans recently voted to repeal Obamacare for the the 40th time. The new GOP plan is something akin to holding the government hostage: repeal Obamacare or we’ll shut down the government. If there was any doubt that the Republicans have been nothing but whiny, sucky, crybaby obstructionists, then this should chisel it in stone. Even Super Neocon Newt Gingrich said that Republicans rip Obamacare but have no alternatives to it. Ahh yes! The party of No continues it reign of terror in Congress. There’s nothing more patriotic than that.

boehnerunclesamhostage — Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner, reveals the GOP’s patriotic plan to save America from the horrors of Obamacare.

Tolerance Is Sooooooo Overrated

Recently, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus stated in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) “I don’t know if I’ve used the word ‘tolerance,’ I don’t really care for that word myself”.

It’s stunning that today’s christian conservative Republicans are such blatant hypocrites. Let’s review a little: today’s modern, conservative, christian Republican, should not want their neighbors to have affordable healthcare; should not give any kind of opportunity to anyone from another country who has come to this country in search of a better life; should mistrust anyone who has a different skin color; should hate anyone who has a different religious point of view; should not allow a woman to make her own health decisions in regard to her reproductive system; should despise people who have different sexual orientation; and should own several guns and use them if they are EVER threatened by the aforementioned groups of people. Yep, tolerance is very overrated. Jesus would surely be proud of today’s christians.

notolerancejesus — Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, lends support to his disciple, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, on how overrated tolerance is in today’s overpopulated world.

Paranoid States of America

The verdict from the George Zimmerman trial is in and unbelievably he was found not guilty. Right wingers and gun nuts have declared victory for justice in America. Really? Well, it is a golden age for gun makers since everybody and their brother will be buying up arms, especially in Florida, so they don’t feel threatened. So just remember folks: if you’re walking down the street all locked and loaded and itching to shoot and you see some young hooligan wearing a hoodie, go ahead and pop him one, because you know anyone wearing a hoodie is sure to be threatening you.

Congress Is Great…At Sucking

It appears that our congress has reached a new level of ineptitude. According to recent polls, congressional approval is down to 10% in a Gallup poll and 11% in a recent Rasmussen poll. Of course, this is to be expected since our Congress is made up of jellyfish (Democrats) and crybabies (Republicans). This says a lot about Americans as well. It’s been this way for some time and yet we continually send these same clowns back to Washington instead of sending new faces with fresh ideas from other parties. It’s like a certain segment of our population is comfortable with this clearly dysfunctional representation. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Maybe for the next election, we should try electing new people and new parties in Washington.

At least our bought-off-and-paid-for-corporate-loving congress has agreed on a bipartisan message for all us Americans who aren’t a corporation.

uscongress2013 — The United States congress has finally come together for a special message to the non-corporate American electorate.

Holy Wiretapping!

With all the latest news about surveillance, we thought we’d dust off a little article from our June 19, 2003 issue, almost ten years ago. Remember those halcyon days when super christian John Ashcroft was Attorney General, the Patriot Act had just been enacted and Ari Fleischer, doing his impersonation of a Stasi agent, warned us we had to watch what we said. Yes, Big Brother had just started to trample on our civil liberties and it hasn’t gotten any better. Guantanamo Bay is still open, too. Feeling safer yet? We didn’t think so. Thanks Dubya!

Ashcroft To Wiretap Prayers

In his latest attempt to halt terrorism in its tracks, Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced a plan to wiretap prayers to determine possible plots against the United States.

“Our scientists have made a breakthrough in prayer technology that will enable us to intercept evil prayers from evil doers and bring them to justice,” said Ashcroft. “We’ve built a device that will allow us to monitor all prayers from all American people no matter what religion they may be. We can determine to which God they are praying and for what they are praying.”

Ashcroft then gave an example. “Let’s say Mohammed Muslim starts praying to Allah and asks him to destroy the United States. Our agents can intercept the evil prayer, trace it back to its sender and have him locked up in Guantanamo Bay before you can say Jesus Christ.”

Ashcroft then added, “But don’t say Jesus Christ. It’s a sin to take the Lord’s name in vain.”

When asked if this was an invasion of personal privacy and freedom of religion, Ashcroft retorted angrily, “Look! George Bush and I are tight with God. We are doing his work! He wants us to win and the only way to win is by monitoring the minds of every single American and make sure they have no evil thoughts against the Bush Administration.”

When asked what he thought about the wiretapping of prayers, Jesus Christ said from his palatial mansion in heaven, “Hey it’s what I’d do. I’m tight with these guys okay. They know my mind. Excuse me now but I’ve got to watch the Reds-Dodgers game. Fred McGriff didn’t pray yesterday so I think he’ll be striking out a lot today. Who says I don’t care about sports.”

Big Brother Is In Your House…Literally

We’ve been on vacation kicking around in Europe. What did we miss? Uh-oh!

We knew Democrats were spineless and Republicans were shameless, but this is ridiculous. Apparently all our democratically elected representatives now think it’s a great idea to spy on each other. Right now, every resident of the former East Germany is laughing their ass off at us and rightfully so. We’ve become that country. What’s next, informal informants for our new Stasi-like surveillance state. Seriously folks, read up on the former country called East Germany and see if we’re now starting to resemble it(except of course we’re a corporatist surveillance state and not a socialist surveillance state). We had so much hope for President Obama and, like Clinton and all Democrats before him, is bending over backwards again to the right to appease the paranoid, right-wing crybabies that populate today’s Republican party (remember, the GOP is the party that started all this crap with the Patriot Act during Dubya’s administration). We’ve started looking for a new country to live in. We’re thinking the former East Germany is looking nice. At least they know enough that legalized spying is a bad idea.

President Obama has had a sudden change of heart concerning the surveillance policies of the Bush administration.

Time To Update The DB Connection

Much has been said about the right wing’s ‘War on Science’ in recent years (Links here and here and here). There is definitely a love connection with Republicans and religious conservatives but that’s not surprising. Most religions are authoritarian by nature, where all believers are supposed to follow their ‘exalted’ leaders or suffer the consequences. Right wing politicos also obey the hierarchy of authoritarianism. A prime example of this is when then Vice-President Dick Cheney, shot an acquaintance, Harry Whittington, and Whittington apologized to Cheney. And of course any criticism, even if it valid, logical and reasonable, is evil because it goes against the vaunted authority figure: for example, the catholic church’s support of child molesting priests. Or the religious right saying that evolution couldn’t possibly be real because God created man in his image. Of course, they never consider that maybe man made God in his image.

A huge criticism of religion is that while religious texts from thousands of years ago may provide some insight into human nature, (human nature really hasn’t changed since then), it is woefully inadequate in explaining the mechanics of the universe. So much information has been obtained through scientific inquiry and study in the last 400 years alone, in all branches of science, that one really has to question the logic of believing in traditions established when the the knowledge base of the universe was so small. Perhaps it’s time for some people on planet Earth to update their database connections.