Tag Archive for Redskins

D.C. Cherry Blossoms

Amazingly, it’s almost football season and most American men are looking to the soothing distraction of sports to take their mind off of how awful 2020 is. Seriously, 2020 sucks!!! It’s no surprise that the topic of the Washington Redskins offensive nickname has came up again and FedEx, the owner of the stadium the team plays in, has been insistent with Redskins ownership to change the name of the team to something less racist and obnoxious. The controversy has existed for many years and yet the owner of the team, Dan Snyder, refuses to change things, saying the name is part of the team’s heritage stating, “We’ll never change the name. It’s that simple. NEVER—you can use caps.” Talk about being stubborn as a mule!

Since we’re talking about the gawdawful stupidity of collegiate and professional sports, it’s time for another edition of Helmet Hilarity. We think the funniest thing about football and collegiate sports are some of the school and team mascots. For instance, the Banana Slugs of the University of California at Santa Cruz or the Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College evoke a hilarious image, especially if you saw a big banana slug or an artichoke depicted on a football player’s helmet. So, in this vein we present our feature, Helmet Hilarity, featuring the helmets of obscure collegiate teams (or future football teams) and their unconventional, zany mascots.

Today we present a possible new contender for the Redskins. We did a BilgeBucket List several years ago about the re-branding theme; the top new names for the Washington Redskins. While the most logical new moniker would be Warriors, (you could keep the current color scheme and even the classic spear helmet), we’d like to see one of the names we suggested from our Bucket List get chosen. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the team name was changed to the D.C. Cherry Blossoms. We can just picture the pink helmet with a big cluster of cherry blossoms depicted on it, with pink, creme and cherry red uniforms. What manly man, testosterone crazed football fan in D.C. wouldn’t love it, amirite? Just imagine the excitement of the brand new Thanksgiving Day rivalry between the Cowboys and the Cherry Blossoms. Getting goosebumps yet? Or how about the ‘fierce mascot’ match-up between the Cardinals and the Cherry Blossoms? You could bring a picnic lunch and take a nap. ‘Cuz you know . . . there’s nothing more important in life for Americans than football and just like Family Guy needed Conway Twitty, Trump and the Republicans desperately need the distraction of professional and collegiate sports to obfuscate their gross incompetence and malfeasance to voters even if it means that the athletes could catch the coronavirus, which many baseball players have done already. But then again, sacrificing one’s health for the good of the economy is what living in Trumpland is all about. So, GO CHERRY BLOSSOMS!!!

The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.
The football helmet and jerseys of the renamed Redskins, now called the D.C. Cherry Blossoms, complete with pink, creme and cherry red color scheme which will surely please all the macho manly man football fans in the Washington D.C. area.

Top New Names For The Washington Redskins

Native Americans have long taken offense with many professional sports teams with team names that reference their culture, sometimes in a derogatory manner. The biggest offenders who are usually mentioned are the Cleveland Indians(Chief Wahoo), Atlanta Braves(Chief Knock-a-homa) and the Washington Redskins. We think that the worst offender in this group is definitely the Redskins. The term Redskin is an offensive slur even to people of non-Native-American persuasion. Imagine calling a professional sports team in San Diego the Spics or a team from New York the Kikes or a team from Milwaukee the Honkies. It’s just not a good idea!  In basketball, the Washington Bullets changed their name to the Washington Wizards because they wanted to distance themselves from a reference to violence. Would it be so horrible for Washington to change the team name to something like the Warriors or some other name which appropriately reflects the city’s stature as the nation’s capital and political and military center? Well, the Bucket is here to help. Here’s a list of possible new team names for the Washington Redskins.

  • Washington Blowhards
  • Washington Kickbacks
  • Washington Intern Bangers
  • Washington SuperPACs
  • D.C. Cherry Blossoms (complete with pink, lavender and red uniforms)
  • D.C. Cabs
  • Washington Gasbags
  • Washington Lobbyists
  • Washington Generals (oops! Already taken!)
  • Washington Rear Admirals
  • Washington Snollygosters
  • Capital Critters
  • Capital Offenses
  • Washington Influence Peddlers
  • Washington Supremes
  • Washington Crooks