We’ve posted this material before, (here), but we’ve decided to re-post it because of Uncle Dick Cheney’s recent re-appearance in the news media blaming the Iraq War on Obama. It’s amazing and shocking to us that this video only has one million views. Every person in America needs to see this video because it proves that at least one very influential person in the Bush Administration knew the Iraq War would be a quagmire and went ahead with it anyway saying instead that we would be greeted as liberators. Bush and Cheney are liars and need to be prosecuted! PLEASE…take time out and view this video!
Tag: Bush
A Dick Says What?
Guess who’s reared his ugly head again. That’s right, everyone’s favorite Dick, Uncle Dick Cheney, has come out of hiding to share his wisdom with the rest of the world. This so-called foreign policy expert, five years removed from his failure in Iraq, popped up on media shows along with other chicken hawk neocons like Paul Wolfowitz, Bill Kristol and everyone’s favorite crusty old curmudgeon John McCain. Yes these same people who failed so miserably with that clusterf**k called the Iraq War had the audacity to criticize Obama on getting us out of the Iraq Quagmire and then pinning the recent insurgency in Iraq on him. The architect of that failure, Uncle Dick even said “Rarely has a US president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many.” And no he wasn’t talking about George W. Bush. Of course, this was met with a huge WTF by most competent, clear thinking individuals. Even Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, in a rare fit of journalism, called Uncle Dick on his BS. We like Secretary of State John Kerry’s response to Uncle Dick’s buffoonery. All we have to say about Mr. Cheney is “WHAT A DICK!” And as for all the other neocon chickenhawks; we think they should move to Iraq, don some armor, go to the front lines and show us all how to win the war.
Rummy Shows Some TLC
Since Donald Rumsfeld has decided to delight us with his presence again, we’ve decided to do a little Rummy Retrospective featuring some of his more hilarious antics from his tenure as Bush Secretary of Defense.
Remember that time ol’ Rummy spoke coherently and explained the complexities of the Iraq War? Neither do we. But there was the time back in December 2004, when Rummy was on the hot seat after one of his infamous quotes. At the time, soldiers were having to search through dumps for scrap metal so they could augment the inadequate armor they currently had on their vehicles, since you know, they were getting blown up. When a soldier asked why they didn’t have the armor available to protect the soldiers from harm, Rummy said, “It isn’t a matter of money. It isn’t a matter on the part of the army of desire. It’s a matter of production and capability of doing it. As you know, ah, you go to war with the army you have—not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time.—You can have all the armor in the world on a tank and it can (still) be blown up…” What a compassionate conservative! Here’s a photo-toon from our January 16, 2005 issue, when Rummy tried to make it up to the troops with some TLC.
Rewind: Smells Like Rummy
It’s been like those old halcyon days of the Bush Administration lately. In our last post, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice spoke out against Obama’s foreign policy with Russia. Now, former Secretary of Defense and one of the architects of the debacle known as the Iraq War, Donald Rumsfeld, has crawled out of whatever hole he’s been hiding in and weighed in with his two cents (as if anyone cares.) Good Ol’ Rummy said last week that ‘a trained ape’ would be better at foreign policy than Obama. This from a man who completely clusterf**ked the Iraq War and had to be removed from his post for his incompetence (or excellence as the Republicans remember it). Here’s an article from our November 13, 2006 edition right after the 2006 elections when the Democrats won the House and Senate.
Rumsfeld Becomes President Of Rumsfeldia
Donald Rumsfeld, fresh from his dismissal as Secretary of Defense last week declared himself President of Rumsfeldia, which is what he calls his residence in Maryland.
“Am I surprised I was dismissed? Not really,” said a candid Rumsfeld from his living room throne. “Am I disappointed? You bet. But as I’ve said before, the President is correct whatever it was he said. Although I wish he hadn’t said what he said he said. Did I just say that? It doesn’t matter. What I mean to say is, sure, this is a setback. Will I recover? I think so, but the future’s not ours to see. Que sera sera! I don’t do predictions. I also don’t do dishes. Joyce, I’ve dirtied my coffee cup. Come clean it; on the double soldier. Where’s my latest issue of People? This Britney Spears divorce intrigues me to no end. She should have got out years ago.”
Rumsfeld’s wife, Joyce, seemed stressed and frazzled about her husband being around the house all the time. “He’s going to drive me nuts. It’s only been a few days, but he’s making me cuckoo bananas. He just sits there in the living room, which we’re supposed to call Command Central, or he rearranges the furniture or reorders the books on the shelves. Yesterday, he was in his bathtub playing naval battle with his model ships. Oy vey!”
Neighbor Fred Dittmeier said while cleaning his barbecue pit, “Don’s a smart guy. He needs to be active all the time. I’ve got a great job for him. He could be a greeter over at the Juggermart in Chevy Chase. He’d be a natural. He’s always got a clever response to questions. Plus he’s a former Secretary of Defense. I mean, what a drawing card! And just think of the classic Rumsfeld quotes he’d be spewing from that post. ‘Of course I know where the garden supplies are; they’re in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.’ Wouldn’t that be a hoot!”
Rumsfeld daughter Marcy said, “I’m really worried about Dad. Like at dinner the other night, Mom put out the regular dinner plates and Dad questioned why Mom was putting out pottery ware for a Sunday dinner. Mom explained the good china was being cleaned and that this was all that was available. Well Dad was crestfallen. He muttered that you go to dinner with the plates you have not the plates you want or wish you had at a later time. He’s just repeating his old quotes over and over again. Mom’s hair’s already white. It’s gonna start falling out pretty soon.”
When asked about his immediate plans, Rumsfeld mused over the possibilities. “Well I’ll tell you. I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started. It’s like I’ve said before: there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don’t know we don’t know. I’d have to say I fall into that latter category.”
Rumsfeld then started micromanaging his pets. “Fluffy get off the couch. And pick up that hairball. Rover, why do you always have to lick yourself? And you Goldie! Honestly, if you don’t start swimming soon, it’ll be the toilet for you. And you Fido, quit sniffing Rover’s butt! You don’t know where it’s been. Besides, you’re doing it all wrong. Move aside. Must I do everything?”
Oh The Irony
Well guess who’s been speaking up now that Russia has invaded Crimea in the Ukraine? Why it’s a couple of our old buddies from the Bush administration, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice. Dick Cheney, says that we should not take this invasion of a sovereign nation lightly and that no country should be allowed to do that to another country. And Condoleezza Rice echoes those sentiments. Haven’t they done enough for the world already? Of course, as we all learned from those eight fantabulicious years of Dubya and his pals, conservative Republicans are somewhat irony impaired. But hey… Dick Cheney just realizes that war is good business. So if there is the possibility of stoking another cold war and making money off of weaponry or oil, by golly, Dick’s going to be there on the front line ready for the profit taking (see Iraq War). What a Dick!
Top Holiday Gifts For 2013
The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!
- An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
- A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
- ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
- The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
- Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
- A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
- ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
- Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
- ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
- A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
- Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
- ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
- A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
- Guns, guns and more guns
- Healthcare
Rewind: Condi’s Hot Tub
Have you ever noticed that you rarely see a conservative, christian Republican male not dressed in a suit and tie. Sure there have been exceptions: St. Ronald Reagan photo-oping himself as the Marlboro Man out on his California ranch; Dubya photo-oping himself riding around in his pick up truck, wearing a t-shirt, jeans and cowboy hat ‘clearing brush’ (because that’s what all manly men like to do on their vacations); and of course Spiff Romney photo-oping, wearing his blue denim button down shirt with the top button opened up just enough so we can see the top of his t-shirt (or it might have been his magic, Mormon undergarment). It’s no secret that many religious conservatives (not only christians) are repressed about sex and about their bodies. Some can’t even say the words penis or vagina without turning fifteen shades of crimson. Some even cover themselves up at all times…even in the hot tub???
Here’s a photo-toon from our April 11, 2004 issue just after Condoleezza Rice bamboozled the 9/11 commission, showing what kind of wanton antics happen when conservatives get their phreak on. Just don’t get your ties too wet guys.
The Whole System Is Out Of Order
Another one from the “You’ve Got to be Kidding” file. It appears that President Obama’s new idols are the members of the Bush Administration. Recently, it was reported that the Obama Administration’s Department of Justice wants to grant immunity to the Bush Administration for war crimes in Iraq even though the Republicans will no doubt continue to kick the President in the teeth on anything he may want to accomplish. Something is rotten in Washington and in the media (as if we didn’t know already). In the past year, we’ve seen Dubya re-emerge into the public spotlight as an ‘enlightened’ artist, polls that indicate that people are starting to view the Bush presidency favorably, and even that more Republicans in Louisiana are blaming Obama for the sad response to Hurricane Katrina (see previous post), even though it was three and half years before he took office. Not only that, whistleblower Bradley/Chelsea Manning is a criminal for exposing government lies and the Bush Administration is getting a free pass for lying to the public and getting us involved in the clusterf*ck known as the Iraq War. The next thing you know, the Obama Administration will want to go to war with another country in the Middle East because, based on intelligence, they may have weapons of mass destruction. Oh….right….Syria. Didn’t we do this crap already and it ended badly for us? Like a trillion dollars in the hole, bad. Oh well, chalk up another win for the military-industrial complex. War is just good business!
Some Elephants Do Forget
From the “You’ve Got to be Kidding” file…According to a recent poll, apparently almost 30% of Louisiana Republicans think that Obama was responsible for the horrendous response by FEMA to Hurricane Katrina in 2005 despite being almost 3 and 1/2 years before Obama even came into office. And almost 45% aren’t sure whose fault it is. Only 28% thought Bush was responsible for the lousy response. It appears that certain members of the GOP species (elephantus redneckius) have a truly serious memory problem. Unfortunately, it also appears that Obama has officially replaced Bill Clinton as the new Republican scapegoat for all the woes in the world.
Holy Wiretapping!
With all the latest news about surveillance, we thought we’d dust off a little article from our June 19, 2003 issue, almost ten years ago. Remember those halcyon days when super christian John Ashcroft was Attorney General, the Patriot Act had just been enacted and Ari Fleischer, doing his impersonation of a Stasi agent, warned us we had to watch what we said. Yes, Big Brother had just started to trample on our civil liberties and it hasn’t gotten any better. Guantanamo Bay is still open, too. Feeling safer yet? We didn’t think so. Thanks Dubya!
Ashcroft To Wiretap Prayers
In his latest attempt to halt terrorism in its tracks, Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced a plan to wiretap prayers to determine possible plots against the United States.
“Our scientists have made a breakthrough in prayer technology that will enable us to intercept evil prayers from evil doers and bring them to justice,” said Ashcroft. “We’ve built a device that will allow us to monitor all prayers from all American people no matter what religion they may be. We can determine to which God they are praying and for what they are praying.”
Ashcroft then gave an example. “Let’s say Mohammed Muslim starts praying to Allah and asks him to destroy the United States. Our agents can intercept the evil prayer, trace it back to its sender and have him locked up in Guantanamo Bay before you can say Jesus Christ.”
Ashcroft then added, “But don’t say Jesus Christ. It’s a sin to take the Lord’s name in vain.”
When asked if this was an invasion of personal privacy and freedom of religion, Ashcroft retorted angrily, “Look! George Bush and I are tight with God. We are doing his work! He wants us to win and the only way to win is by monitoring the minds of every single American and make sure they have no evil thoughts against the Bush Administration.”
When asked what he thought about the wiretapping of prayers, Jesus Christ said from his palatial mansion in heaven, “Hey it’s what I’d do. I’m tight with these guys okay. They know my mind. Excuse me now but I’ve got to watch the Reds-Dodgers game. Fred McGriff didn’t pray yesterday so I think he’ll be striking out a lot today. Who says I don’t care about sports.”