Tag Archive for kwanzaa

Top Holiday Gifts For 2013

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • An Official Miley Cyrus Foam Finger
  • A painting by George W. Bush of George W. Bush in the bathtub
  • ‘Moby Dick’ by Rand Paul
  • The NSA Super Snooper Spy Kit – For Kids
  • Ted Cruz’s new fragrance: Arrogant Ass
  • A lump of coal autographed by Dick Cheney
  • ‘The Great Gatsby’ by Rand Paul
  • Sarah Palin’s Book ‘Good Tidings and Great Joy’ Yule Log
  • ‘Kwanzaa For Dummies’ by Paula Deen
  • A Carlos Danger Action Figure with Realistic Twerkin’ Motion
  • Walter White’s Meth Starter Kit – For Kids
  • ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Rand Paul
  • A ‘Jesus was a Liberal’ T-Shirt (blatant capitalistic plug)
  • Guns, guns and more guns
  • Healthcare

 

Top Holiday Gifts For 2011

The holiday season is in full swing. If you haven’t spent yourself into bankruptcy yet and are still looking for the right gift for that special someone in your life, look no further. Our intrepid staff has conveniently compiled a list of the hot “gotta have it” items for this years holiday season. Take this to the mall and don’t forget your helmet, spiked gloves and shoulder pads. Holiday shopping is dangerous!

  • A set of masonry drill bits
  • Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Starter Set – For Kids
  • Mazeltel’s Talking Menorah featuring the voice of Fran Drescher
  • Mercenary Jesus Hummel Figurine
  • Lindsay Lohan’s new fragrance: Eau dat Skank
  • Pischer Frice’s My First AK-47 – For Kids
  • A jar of Colon Cleanse
  • A $30,000 Tiffany’s yellow diamond ring with a double-row of white round brilliant diamonds in platinum and 18k gold – Oops…That’s just for Newt and Callista Gingrich
  • Allahsbro’s Lil’ Suicider Fun Kit
  • Joan Rivers’ Do-It-Yourself Skin Tightening Clamps
  • Fear Factor Bug And Testicle Blender – For Kids
  • A barrel of sweet crude
  • ‘My Favorite Kwanzaa Memories‘ audio CD by Mitt Romney
  • A shiny, new Festivus pole

 

Top Rejected Holiday Television Specials

It’s the holiday season and that means television will be saturated with Holiday Specials like Rudolph The Red-Nose Reindeer, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and …gulp…The Little Drummer Boy. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! However, our intrepid staff has uncovered some specials that the networks rejected and will never be released on the airwaves. Which is really too bad because some of these look like sure fire crowd pleasers.

  • The Arby’s Oven Mitt Saves Christmas
  • How Santa Gambled Christmas Away
  • Joe Lieberman’s Dreidel Mania
  • Newt and Callista Gingrinch’s Christmas at Tiffany’s
  • Call Me Mistress Claus
  • Harvey The Wino Drinks the Spirits of Christmas
  • Sarah Palin’s Reindeer Hunt
  • Quentin Tarantino’s Candy Cokehead Offs Frosty The Snowman
  • A Very Dick Cheney Kwanzaa
  • Don We Now Our Gay Apparel: A Rick Santorum Christmas Nightmare
  • Heidi, the Christmas Hooker and The Motel Room Miracle