Tag: christians

Rewind: Condi’s Hot Tub

Have you ever noticed that you rarely see a conservative, christian Republican male not dressed in a suit and tie. Sure there have been exceptions: St. Ronald Reagan photo-oping himself as the Marlboro Man out on his California ranch; Dubya photo-oping himself riding around in his pick up truck, wearing a t-shirt, jeans and cowboy hat ‘clearing brush’ (because that’s what all manly men like to do on their vacations); and of course Spiff Romney photo-oping, wearing his blue denim button down shirt with the top button opened up just enough so we can see the top of his t-shirt (or it might have been his magic, Mormon undergarment). It’s no secret that many religious conservatives (not only christians) are repressed about sex and about their bodies. Some can’t even say the words penis or vagina without turning fifteen shades of crimson. Some even cover themselves up at all times…even in the hot tub???

Here’s a photo-toon from our April 11, 2004 issue just after Condoleezza Rice bamboozled the 9/11 commission, showing what kind of wanton antics happen when conservatives get their phreak on. Just don’t get your ties too wet guys.

Condoleezza Rice celebrates her bamboozling of the 9/11 commission by relaxing in the hot tub, conservative style, with other members of the Bush Administration. From left: Rice, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Paul Wolfowitz. Front: President Bush.

Poor Wittle Baby

Georgia GOP Representative Phil Gingrey whined recently in a meeting about being stuck in Congress making $172k a year, while his staff can go out and get rich as lobbyists. All together now…Aaaaahhhhhhh! Poor wittle Phillie Gingrey!!! He can’t make it on just $172,000 a year! This would normally just be another of the myriads of examples of crybaby Republicans not getting their way, but what makes this even more profoundly disturbing is that these so called ‘compassionate conservatives’ just voted to cut funding for food stamps. So to review from events this past week: House Republicans say we’ve got money to go to war in Syria, but no money to feed our own citizens. Yessirree, that Jesus-like compassion is shining right through.

GOP Representative and well known pauper, Phil Gingrey, shows Jesus-like compassion for the poor and downtrodden.

The Party of Inclusiveness

RNC Chairman, Reince Priebus, recently made an announcement that Republicans will ban MSNBC and CNN from the Republican primary debates in 2016 if they don’t drop plans to air projects about Hillary Clinton, who will more than likely run for President in 2016. Yep, once again, the crybabies of the GOP are demanding that everybody does what they want or else. They’re certainly doing what it takes, too, to advertise themselves as inclusive and tolerant of the various demographics which makes the United States such a melting pot. Let’s review some of their triumphs: they want to enforce voter ID in order to suppress the black vote; the only kind of immigration reform they support is building a wall across the Mexican-American border; they think the government should stay out of people’s lives unless you’re a woman, which in that case, allows the government to patrol every woman’s uterus; they’re against gay marriage or really any kind of equal rights for gays, lesbians or transgendered people (just stay in the closet folks); they don’t want healthcare for anybody unless you can afford to pay the astronomical expenses associated with today’s medicine; they want to push christianity down everybody’s throats as the only religion to be allowed in this country; they value the rights of the gun shooter over the rights of the gun victims; they portray any scientist who proclaims that climate change is real to be a fraud.  Yes, by all means, let’s keep electing these irrepressible zanies to run our country.

RNC Chairman, Reince Priebus, lays down the new rules that journalists must obey when dealing with Republicans.

 

Tolerance Is Sooooooo Overrated

Recently, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus stated in an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) “I don’t know if I’ve used the word ‘tolerance,’ I don’t really care for that word myself”.

It’s stunning that today’s christian conservative Republicans are such blatant hypocrites. Let’s review a little: today’s modern, conservative, christian Republican, should not want their neighbors to have affordable healthcare; should not give any kind of opportunity to anyone from another country who has come to this country in search of a better life; should mistrust anyone who has a different skin color; should hate anyone who has a different religious point of view; should not allow a woman to make her own health decisions in regard to her reproductive system; should despise people who have different sexual orientation; and should own several guns and use them if they are EVER threatened by the aforementioned groups of people. Yep, tolerance is very overrated. Jesus would surely be proud of today’s christians.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, lends support to his disciple, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, on how overrated tolerance is in today’s overpopulated world.

 

Reality Check

NASA released a fantastic photo this past week depicting the Earth as a pale blue dot through the rings of Saturn. The photo was taken by the Cassini space probe that is in orbit studying the giant gas planet and it’s moons. This picture brings to mind other humbling NASA shots like the photos of the Earth and the moon together taken by numerous spacecraft(here, here and here) and the ‘family portrait’ of the Earth and the other planets in our solar system from Voyager as it left our solar system in 1990. Everything that we know and all the history of humanity and life as we know it has originated from that tiny grouping of pixels. Clone stamp it in Photoshop and suddenly, no Earth exists. However, the rest of the Universe keeps going even if we humans and our mythologies and religions disappear. Just think of how advanced our civilization would be if all children started learning about astronomy instead of religion in grade school.

The Cassini spacecraft orbiting Saturn sends a reality check to all religious people on the pale blue dot called Earth.

 

Paranoid States of America

The verdict from the George Zimmerman trial is in and unbelievably he was found not guilty. Right wingers and gun nuts have declared victory for justice in America. Really? Well, it is a golden age for gun makers since everybody and their brother will be buying up arms, especially in Florida, so they don’t feel threatened. So just remember folks: if you’re walking down the street all locked and loaded and itching to shoot and you see some young hooligan wearing a hoodie, go ahead and pop him one, because you know anyone wearing a hoodie is sure to be threatening you.

In the wake of the Zimmerman trial, neighbors are reaching out to each other all across America.

Holy Wiretapping!

With all the latest news about surveillance, we thought we’d dust off a little article from our June 19, 2003 issue, almost ten years ago. Remember those halcyon days when super christian John Ashcroft was Attorney General, the Patriot Act had just been enacted and Ari Fleischer, doing his impersonation of a Stasi agent, warned us we had to watch what we said. Yes, Big Brother had just started to trample on our civil liberties and it hasn’t gotten any better. Guantanamo Bay is still open, too. Feeling safer yet? We didn’t think so. Thanks Dubya!

Ashcroft To Wiretap Prayers

In his latest attempt to halt terrorism in its tracks, Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced a plan to wiretap prayers to determine possible plots against the United States.

“Our scientists have made a breakthrough in prayer technology that will enable us to intercept evil prayers from evil doers and bring them to justice,” said Ashcroft. “We’ve built a device that will allow us to monitor all prayers from all American people no matter what religion they may be. We can determine to which God they are praying and for what they are praying.”

Ashcroft then gave an example. “Let’s say Mohammed Muslim starts praying to Allah and asks him to destroy the United States. Our agents can intercept the evil prayer, trace it back to its sender and have him locked up in Guantanamo Bay before you can say Jesus Christ.”

Ashcroft then added, “But don’t say Jesus Christ. It’s a sin to take the Lord’s name in vain.”

When asked if this was an invasion of personal privacy and freedom of religion, Ashcroft retorted angrily, “Look! George Bush and I are tight with God. We are doing his work! He wants us to win and the only way to win is by monitoring the minds of every single American and make sure they have no evil thoughts against the Bush Administration.”

When asked what he thought about the wiretapping of prayers, Jesus Christ said from his palatial mansion in heaven, “Hey it’s what I’d do. I’m tight with these guys okay. They know my mind. Excuse me now but I’ve got to watch the Reds-Dodgers game. Fred McGriff didn’t pray yesterday so I think he’ll be striking out a lot today. Who says I don’t care about sports.”

Time To Update The DB Connection

Much has been said about the right wing’s ‘War on Science’ in recent years (Links here and here and here). There is definitely a love connection with Republicans and religious conservatives but that’s not surprising. Most religions are authoritarian by nature, where all believers are supposed to follow their ‘exalted’ leaders or suffer the consequences. Right wing politicos also obey the hierarchy of authoritarianism. A prime example of this is when then Vice-President Dick Cheney, shot an acquaintance, Harry Whittington, and Whittington apologized to Cheney. And of course any criticism, even if it valid, logical and reasonable, is evil because it goes against the vaunted authority figure: for example, the catholic church’s support of child molesting priests. Or the religious right saying that evolution couldn’t possibly be real because God created man in his image. Of course, they never consider that maybe man made God in his image.

A huge criticism of religion is that while religious texts from thousands of years ago may provide some insight into human nature, (human nature really hasn’t changed since then), it is woefully inadequate in explaining the mechanics of the universe. So much information has been obtained through scientific inquiry and study in the last 400 years alone, in all branches of science, that one really has to question the logic of believing in traditions established when the the knowledge base of the universe was so small. Perhaps it’s time for some people on planet Earth to update their database connections.

 

Some denizens of planet Earth need to update their database connections.