Tag Archive for protests

MÆGAMORONS: They Need Manicures!

We’re still shaking our heads at the stupidity of the MÆGAMorons or Teabaggers 2.0 and their insipid open up the country protests, despite the still rising number of cases of COVID-19 across the country and the world. The reason: they miss getting haircuts and manicures. These idiots, who’ve prided themselves that they collected enough rations to survive for years in the coming apocalypse, can’t make it a month on moderate social distancing. This shutdown isn’t to take away our freedoms; it’s for the safety of all Americans so we don’t get this nasty disease which currently has a 7 percent death rate worldwide. Like we stated in our previous post, should we protest when the weather service issues a tornado warning. It’s almost hurricane season; should we just ignore hurricane warnings because they infringe upon our freedoms for a while. This shutdown isn’t permanent, folks. If we can keep a lid on things until June, there’s a good chance the second wave, which will be coming, won’t be quite so bad.

But nooooooooo! States like Georgia and Michigan have already started to open things up. People flocked to beaches in southern California. We just hope that if these people do get sick, they won’t bother to go to the hospital. Just let your local Republican know that you gave your life for the economy and we’ll sure they’ll remember your sacrifice.

MÆGAMorons: Goddamn it! They need manicures!
MÆGAMorons: Goddamn it! They need manicures!

London Bawling

America’s CEO/Dictator Donald Trump just returned from a trip across the pond and to hear our man-baby-in-chief talk about it, it was a smashing success. Of course, the truth is somewhat different. As usual, Trump made many gaffes and ridiculous claims. He even had time to trash Bette Midler on Twitter, the platform of twits. The orange haired megalomaniac looked like Al Bundy in his tuxedo at a formal dinner. But probably the most egregious is the utter delusion he had of his own popularity. There were thousands who came out and protested Trump, complete with the Trump baby balloon, which accurately depicts our petulant toddler in all his diapered glory. But Trump said that they weren’t protesters; they were ‘fake news’.

We also have no doubt that with Trump’s colossal ego, he somehow thought D-day meant Donald’s Day and that everyone in the world was there to celebrate all the glory and wonder that is Donald Trump. As we’ve noted before, to think that in the span of fifty years, the Republican party has gone from a true hero in Dwight D. Eisenhower, to a world leader pretend like Donald Trump is nauseating, excruciating and revolting.

America's CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby, Donald Trump, whines that the protesters that greeted him in London were actually fans there to celebrate D-Day, which of course means Donald's Day.
America’s CEO/Dictator and petulant man-baby, Donald Trump, whines that the protesters that greeted him in London were actually fans there to celebrate D-Day, which of course means Donald’s Day.

Maybe The Problem Is The Pizza

John Schnatter, the founder and owner of Papa John’s pizza, recently came under fire for complaining that his pizza sales were down because of the NFL protests.

This from a man who complained back in 2012 that Obamacare would force him to raise the price of his pizza a measly fourteen cents to cover healthcare for his own employees. Let’s repeat that…his own employees. So Papa John is such a cheapskate, he doesn’t even want to protect the very people who made it possible for him to build a 40,000 square foot mansion. Boy, we thought we were misers here at the Bucket, but Papa John is definitely the World’s Stingiest Man.

Because of the stance against the players protesting, Papa John’s has become the ‘official pizza’ of the alt-right. To John Schnatter’s credit, he doesn’t want to be associated with Nazis so he’s had to come out and beg white supremacists not to buy his pizza. Too late Papa John…you’re one of them.

We here at the Bucket think that maybe Papa John’s pizza sales are down because the cardboard box the pizza comes in tastes better than the pizza.

A consumer suggests to Papa John that his sales suck not because of the NFL player protests but because the pizza box tastes better than the pizza and that he's a stingiest man alive.

A savvy consumer enlightens Papa John about the true reasons his pizza sales are lagging.