Tag: christian

Massachusetts and Salt Lake City Love…Obama?

One thing that is really interesting to us here at the Bucket is that no one is mentioning that Spiff Romney is trailing President Obama in polls by 15 points in his home state of Massachusetts. 15 POINTS!!! Remember in 2000 when media observers made such a big deal about Al Gore not being able to carry his home state of Tennessee. Well no one in the so called ‘liberal’ media is mentioning this juicy tidbit. No one is mentioning his low 40% approval rating when he left the governorship after one term either.

Another thing we noticed today is that the Salt Lake City Tribune endorsed Barack Obama for President yesterday. We find this rather astonishing since Salt Lake City is the mecca of Mormonism, which is Romney’s religion, and dealt considerably with Romney in the 2002 Winter Olympic games. Though Romney will no doubt carry Utah, it’s shocking that the largest daily newspaper would NOT lend it’s support to one of the most high profile Mormon politicians in the country. Things that make you go hmmmmm!

GOP candidate, Spiff Romney, receives a reality check from one of his Mormon brethren in Salt Lake City.

 

RNC 2004: The Neocon Future for America

Here’s the final installment of our RNC 2004 retrospective…

The future plan for America for the Neocons is the same in 2012 as it was in 2004: there will be tax cuts for the 1%ers and corporate welfare especially for oil, gas, energy, insurance, finance and defense corporations which will make the rich richer and demolish the middle class thus creating a super lower class to work for pittances in corporations or the military. And thanks to imperialistic foreign policy, perpetual wars will become the norm.  If Romney is elected, you can bet that war with Iran, Syria or some other perceived belligerent will be a certainty. And we’ll stay indefinitely in Afghanistan, the place where empires go to die. Romney will actually make the Dubya years look good. Yes, the future looks pretty bright for neoconservative America.

Little Tommy Kimball prepares for his future in neoconservative America.

RNC 2004: The Big Endorsement

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

In America, the Republican Party has become the party of God and Jesus. Well, we shouldn’t be surprised because Jesus was all about supporting the rich while despising the poor. We’re sure if Jesus came back today he’d be wearing a well tailored Armani suit, driving a BMW and/or a pickup, be a member of an exclusive country club, eating caviar, drinking the finest wines and carrying a loaded gun in case any poor person would think of threatening him. And as for healthcare, he’d say, “If you can’t afford it, well that’s your fault for being poor. Why should I help you?” That’s life in a christian nation. We’re also sure that it was Jesus who steered Tropical Storm Issac away from a direct hit on Tampa and instead directed it toward other red states like Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi, which have many poor people,  because, you know…he loves Republicans so much.

President Bush pulls some strings with the Big Guy and gets Jesus to appear to endorse his candidacy.

RNC 2004: The Flock Follows Their Shepherds

Continuing with our RNC 2004 retrospective…

Here are some Texas Republican sheeple hanging out at the 2004 convention exchanging ideas on how they can be more obedient to Dubya, their christian shepherds and the corporate establishment.

Bush supporters from Texas mull around waiting for orders on what to think and do.

The Ryan Hypocrisy

In the words of Ricky Ricardo, Paul Ryan has some “‘splaining to do”. It seems that Spiff Romney’s new GOP Vice Presidential candidate has some conflicting beliefs that need some clarification. On the one hand, he’s supposedly a staunch Catholic, which means he’s a follower of Jesus, who preached to share and care for your fellow human beings. On the other hand, he’s a staunch fan of Ayn Rand (an avowed atheist), who preached that one should be selfish and be concerned only for yourself and that caring for others is weak and undesirable. These two philosophies seem to be contradictory.  It seems to us that Mr. Ryan and those other conservative christian Republicans, who tout the prosperity gospel while at the same time want to deny basic healthcare to some people in our country, may be hypocrites. Make no mistake: if Romney and Ryan get in, senior entitlements like Medicare and Social Security are gone, while corporate entitlements will be handed out like candy at Halloween. I wonder what Jesus would say, because we all know how much of a capitalist he was.

Capitalist Jesus, who is also very Republican, has nothing but praise for GOP Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan and his Randian philosophy.

Consumer Blackmail

Polls across the nation show that Spiff Romney is behind President Obama in the joke that is … Con-a-thon 2012. Conservative Republicans must be panicking because now businessmen have just about taken to consumer blackmail to ensure that Romney gets elected. Papa John founder and CEO, John Schnatter, came out the other day and said that if Obamacare is passed, the price of their pizza will go up. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to predict that some businesses will try use these threats of higher prices to affect the outcome of the November election.

This should be no surprise of course since America has been a corporatist state for quite some time. The Supreme Court rules that corporations are people and they can contribute as much money as they want. So naturally they contribute money to the congressional lackeys who will do their bidding and give them maximum profits and minimum taxes. Or as Papa John puts it, shareholders are more important to corporations than the average American’s well being. Or put another way, if you don’t support the candidate of our liking, we’ll take it out on you. Sounds like corporatism to us folks.

Billionaire President and CEO of Juggermart, Lawrence T. Juggers, warns consumers of higher prices if a certain result isn't achieved this November.

Just Gaffeing Around

The world got a good look at Mitt Romney last week and … they don’t like him. He made gaffe after gaffe with world leaders and certainly didn’t improve foreign perceptions of the United States. About the only meeting that went off without a hitch was Romney’s meeting with former Solidarity Union leader and Polish president Lech Wałęsa, who seems to be backing Romney. Which begs the question, why would a union leader support Romney? Conservative Republicans hate unions. If Wałęsa’s movement was in the United States, Romney would be trying to dissolve it. Wałęsa is a very religious man, so we’re thinking in this case that religion trumps common sense.

Or just maybe, Romney managed to pull a boner and the media just swept it under the rug. Why that’s blasphemy! How could we even suggest such a thing? The news media never looks the other way when it comes to Republican candidates.

Former Solidarity leader and Polish president, Lech Wałęsa, seems to be having second thoughts about his endorsement of Mitt Romney in the upcoming American presidential election.

 

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

Author John Steinbeck famously observed that “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” We think this insightful comment best explains why anybody in the United States would vote for putting Republicans back in charge of the country after eight disastrous years of Bushonomics (tax cuts for the rich, spend the country into bankruptcy and the middle class foots the bill). Oh, that’s right. Spiff Romney is rich and he’ll make us all rich, too. Ah, the trickle down myth lives on!

A couple of temporarily embarrassed millionaires contemplate their march to grandeur under a Spiff Romney presidency.

Ugh. You Choice? Here Choice!

Back in 2006, South Dakota, passed an abortion law that banned abortions even in case of rape and incest. Fortunately, the law was repealed by a voter referendum in November 2006. Did that deter those South Dakota Republicans who feel it it is their responsibility to police women’s uteruses? Not on your life. They passed a tough law last year that lengthens the waiting period for an abortion to three days and to receive counseling (from a religious center of course).

Here’s a photo-toon from our March 17, 2006 issue showing the new state quarter which depicts the only choice possible for a South Dakota woman who may want to terminate her pregnancy.

The U.S. Mint reissued a newly designed South Dakota state quarter to reflect South Dakota's recent ban of abortion even in the case of rape or incest.

 

Mormon Chants

It was a beautiful afternoon the other day here in Cactus Corners, Arizona. The temperature had dropped into the low 100’s, so our gruff but lovable senior citizen staffer, Chester Einstein, went for a late afternoon constitutional through one of the many Cactus Corners subdivisions.  He was having a fine time: enjoying the blue skies, green trees, chirping birds, barking dogs, rock landscaped yards, slithering snakes and blossoming cacti. Then suddenly he was accosted…by two pimply faced, bicycle riding, Mormon missionaries. Yes, these well groomed youngsters rode next to and harassed Chester about where he lived, how long he has lived there, did he want to go to heaven or hell and whether he’s accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior for several blocks. Finally, Chester pulled the old “Look! It’s Jesus!” ploy and when the boys excitedly turned to look, Chester ducked behind a hedge and ran like hell. Needless to say, his carefree outing was ruined, but he did get some good exercise.

This reminded us of an article in our August 1, 2004 issue. Just a reminder folks: in the land of Mormons, conversion is a year round process. So even in 100 plus degree heat, stay vigilant and when you see them coming, start running.

Local Mormon Lads Sweating Their Asses Off

Local Mormon missionaries Brandon Neal and Lucas Brennan continued their mission riding the local Cactus Corner neighborhood converting people to Mormonism, despite temperatures reaching well over 100 degrees.

“I must admit it’s been a bit challenging lately,” commented Neal, wiping sweat from his brow, as he sat aboard his bike waiting for the light to change. “I mean shit… ooops, damn. I didn’t mean to say that…we’re sweating our asses off here…, Fuck I did it again. Hell, I’m cussing left and right. Jesus H. Christ, my brain is fried.”

“I don’t think this is very fair,” said Brennan, sucking water from his camelback. “It’s so hot out and yet we are required to wear a shirt, tie, long pants, and good shoes. Not only that, we’ve got to wear this stuffy bike helmet and carry our heavy packs and ride our bikes all over tarnation trying to convert people who don’t want anything to do with us. Give us a break! At least let us wear shorts and a tee-shirt.”

It’s a tradition for male members of the church to go on a two-year mission when they reach their late-teens or early twenties. It’s also important that during the mission, the young men perform their mission away from home and family. Neal and Brennan are both from the Salt Lake City area and aren’t accustomed to the Valley heat. Cactus Corners LDS Ward President John Hunt said, “It’s important that members go out and spread the word of God and suffer just like Jesus did. Young Neal and Brennan shouldn’t complain. This is just their cross to bear for the next couple of years. Besides their conversion ratio is extremely low. If they don’t start converting people I might be forced to send them to Yuma next year. Now that’s hot!”

“I don’t see how we’re going to convert people, when we’re all hot, sweaty and smelly,” said Brennan wearily. “You should see people’s reaction when they see us coming. It’s like we’ve got the plague. I mean they literally start running away from us. I’m really starting to get a complex.”

“Catholics don’t have to do this crap,” snarled Neal. “Hunt wants more conversions, I’ll give him conversions. I convert to Buddhism. I’ll probably go to hell now! But I don’t fear hell; I’ve been to Cactus Corners, Arizona! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Ha-ha-ha-ha!” Neal then rode erratically into oncoming traffic.