Rejected Indiana Jones Movie Titles

We saw a blurb online this past week about a possible fifth Indiana Jones movie. Now Harrison Ford is in incredible shape for 69 years old. He’s also still at the top of his game acting wise. But lets face it folks, he is a senior citizen in an action adventure franchise.  It may be time to ride off into the sunset. Which brought to mind one of our favorite BilgeBucket Lists from our September 10, 2007 issue. It names the rejected titles for the fourth Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which of course became a blockbuster when released in 2008.  Maybe they could use one of these titles for the new fifth installment of the series.

  • Indiana Jones and the Raiders of Social Security
  • Indiana Jones Has Fallen and He Can’t Get Up
  • Indiana Jones and the Jewels of the Senile
  • Indiana Jones Adventure at Luby’s Buffet
  • Indiana Jones: Prostate of Fury
  • Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the Medicare Form
  • Indiana Jones and the Search for the Lost Car Keys
  • Indiana Jones and the Dentures from Hell
  • Indiana Jones and the Diaper of Doom
  • Indiana Jones: Dude, Where’s My Preparation-H?
  • Indiana Jones and the Quest for Low Cost Health Insurance
  • Indiana Jones and the Treasure of Viagra Madre

 

Rewind : Dubya’s Nu Teecher

Our previous post about Obama has us thinking about his predecessor, George W. Bush. To humorists, satirists and comedians, he was the gift that kept on giving. The Bucket created plenty of photo-toons, features and articles about ol’ Dubya during his presidentin’ days and we’re going to reprint these gems on a regular basis so we can all bask in his Bushy goodness once more.

Here’s one of our favorite photo-toons from our December 5, 2004 issue. Yes, this is from those halcyon days right after the 2004 election where amazingly 62 million Americans voted to retain Bush as President even though he started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that had lost almost a million jobs, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which did nothing to alleviate high costs…well, we could on and on and on and on but we all know what happened. We’re living with the results right now. Make no mistake, thanks to the madcap misadventures of Dubya, we’re all living the high life…er… make that 1% of us are living the high life. Thanks, Dubya!

New Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings holds up a drawing President Bush made for her as a welcoming gift.

 

The Great Compromiser

You’ve got to feel for President Obama. For the last three years, he’s reached across the aisle, bending over backwards trying to accommodate Republicans with deals that appeal to both sides, attempting to find a common middle ground and what does he get? A bunch of whiny, obstinate, partisan, GOP, crybabies acting like two year olds who won’t agree to anything he offers, because they’re being pressured from the supposedly “financially responsible” Teabaggers(who are being propped up by deep pocketed corporations), who apparently don’t have any memory that they supported the fiscal malfeasance of Obama’s predecessor, George W. Bush. (Gee, we don’t sound bitter do we?) While we here at the Bucket admire his attempts (and his patience), we think that sometimes you just have to slap the stubborn, sniveling brats upside the head and make them mind. Unfortunately, for Obama, his three years of bending over backwards has left him in an uncompromising position; not the best way to celebrate the big 5-0.

Three years of bending over backwards trying to compromise with whiny, partisan, GOP congressman has left President Obama in an uncompromising position.

 

Larry King Through The Ages

From our June 2, 2007 issue.

The United States Postal Service is always releasing new postage stamps honoring subjects like nature (ducks,spiders,flesh-eating virus), people(Elvis,Marilyn,Sanjaya), and classic movies(Star Wars, Wizard of Oz, Dude, Where’s My Car?). Well as part of our effort to keep America informed, we’ve decided to give the public a preview of upcoming stamp series so you can be the first in your neighborhood to line up at the post office and buy these collectable gems.

The United States Postal Service has decided to honor American talk show legend and the host of CNN’s Larry King Live, Larry King, with a series of stamps commemorating his years and years and years and years and years of broadcasting excellence. Congratulations Larry and best wishes for many, many, many more years of success!

Larry King interviews Abe Lincoln.

Larry King crosses the Delaware with George Washington.

Larry King addresses the Roman senate.

Young Larry King hunts the woolly mammoth.

Tuscanini Design Studio’s Luxury Stool

From our February 18, 2007 issue:

What’s more fun than perusing those in-flight shopping magazines and seeing fun products that everyone needs like ping pong ball cannons, solar powered face fans for your dog, and your very own life-size bronze sculpture of Simon Cowell…all on sale at exorbitant prices? Not much if you ask us. That’s why we’re teaming with SKYMart, America’s favorite in-flight crap merchant shopping mart, to bring you the best in people pleasing products. So break out your credit cards and prepare yourself for debilitating debt!

You can’t get much trendier than this Luxury Stool from the leaders in modern, contemporary, furniture design, Tuscanini Design Studio. This conversation starter is not only comfortable, it tones the body. By balancing on the streamlined tip, you’re toning your abs, hips, and scrotum in ways you’ve never dreamed possible. Plus, the cone shape enhances any trendy chic décor. Be the first in your upscale condominium with the new Luxury Stool from Tuscanini Design Studio. Sale Price: only $1 million

Rep. Oompa Loompa

Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa, John Boehner, following the debacle of the debt ceiling talks breakdown this past week, addressed the American people late last night with a message of hope …for corporate America.

Republican Speaker of the House and Chief Oompa Loompa John Boehner tells the American people the GOP’s economic plan for America.

 

Top All Time Baseball Nicknames

It’s midsummer and the baseball season is in full swing. Pennant races are heating up, the Hall of Fame has just inducted Roberto Alomar, Bert Blyleven and former GM Pat Gillick and players and fans are preparing for another exciting playoff season culminating in the fall classic World Series. Which brings to mind one of our favorite BilgeBucket Lists from March 13, 2005.

The Boys of Summer are known for their quirky nicknames, such as ‘Dizzy’ Dean, ‘Hammerin’ Hank Aaron, ‘Yogi’ Berra and Stan ‘The Man’ Musial. In honor of America’s favorite pastime, the BilgeBucket staff has decided to reprint our list of the best baseball nicknames of all time.

  • Lenny ‘Stinking Drunk’ Peterson
  • Bob ‘Puddinhead’ Wilson
  • Dave ‘Knucklehead’ Jenson
  • Ted ‘Cokehead’ Kowalski
  • Randy ‘Big Unit’ Johnson
  • Gary ‘Tripod’ Brown
  • Jerry ‘Two Inch Penis’ Mullins
  • Joe ‘Sheep Fucker’ MacDougal
  • ‘Assless’ Fred Markham
  • Henry ‘Superfluous Third Nipple’ Jones
  • Terry ‘Elephant Balls’ Smith
  • Harry ‘Roid Boy’ Engelwood
  • Kenny ‘Back Door’ Norton
  • ‘Shoeless’ Joe Jackson
  • ‘Sandals’ Sam Stone
  • ‘High Heel Pumps’ Dan Duvall
  • Dennis ‘Unserviceable Scrap Materials’ Sanders
  • Twinkletoes ‘Harold’ McGee

 

The Party of No, No, No

Some things never change. The debt ceiling talks breakdown this past week reminds me of a Pic of the Week photo-toon from February 6, 2009 at the beginning of Obama’s first term as President.  You see, according to Republicans, the definition of bi-partisanship is doing exactly what they want. Of course, it looks like Obama, like every other Democrat except Alan Grayson and Al Franken, is going to do a submissive roll to these whiny, sucky crybabies.

 

Whiny, sucky, ‘bipartisan’ GOP congressmen and senators do what they do best.

Mr. Hannity’s Neighborhood

Check out this classic photo-toon from February 13, 2005. Recently, Fox News’ own bastion of everthing American, had a blue ribbon neo-con panel on his show and their topic of discussion was how Sesame Street was too liberal and making everyone immoral. Too funny!! You see folks, it’s all Big Bird’s fault. If he would just carry an machine gun and cap everybody, all would be well with the world. Geez, come on Sean! You were doing the same thing back in 2005. It’s just rinse and repeat with our ol’ buddy Mr. Hannity. Watch the video boys and girls and see if you can count the number of hypocritical statements these eh-hem…grown-ups make. Link to Mr. Hannity’s Neighborhood.

2-13-05 – Neoconservative author and talk show host, Sean Hannity, has written an explosive new book exposing the hidden gay agenda of children’s entertainment.