Bush – Page 13 – BilgeBucket Gazette

Jindal, Jangle, Jingle

More Political BS…

Remember Republican Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal? Well he just won re-election by a landslide. Which has us here at the Bucket wondering if he’ll be the next Republican candidate to join in the fun that is Con-a-thon 2012. He was very highly touted by the GOP in 2009 until he gave his rebuttal to President Obama’s state of the union address. Could he be the next flavor of the month for the Republicans? Here’s an article and photo-toon from our April 8, 2009 issue to refresh our memories.

Jindal Sez It’s Okay To Want Democrat Presidents To Fail

Republican Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal, who was widely panned by both parties for his less than stellar rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union address, defended Rush Limbaugh and others who have openly wished President Obama to fail with his agenda at a recent press conference.

“Boys and girls of the United States of America,” said Jindal in a mild sing-song voice, wearing a casual red sweater, tie, slacks and sneakers. “We truly are living in exciting times aren’t we? We’ve got the very first African American President; we’ve got another thrilling season of American Idol; and our economy is on the verge of completely saying bye-bye. But you know what isn’t exciting? It’s when people say other people shouldn’t say things. And that’s what’s happening today boys and girls. Poor Republican party members like Boss Rush Limhogg are yelled at for saying innocent things like ‘I want President Obama to fail’. Poor Boss Limhogg. Poor Republicans. Why are we conservatives always the victim of mean attacks by the liberal media? That’s right boys and girls; like that sweet angel Ann Coulter says, the liberal media is bad and they’re out to get us.”

“Now I know what some of you liberals are thinking. You’re saying well didn’t Republicans say during the Bush presidency that we should always support the President no matter what? Didn’t the Republicans say things like ‘you’re either for us or against us’ or ‘people need to watch what they say’? Didn’t the Republicans say Democrats supported the terrorists? Well, yes but that was different. We had a great, brave, Republican President back then named George W. Bush. Yaaaaay! Now we have an evil, liberal, Democrat as President. Remember how bad President Clinton was? Booooooo! That means it’s perfectly okay for all good American boys and girls to say to the President, ‘You’re a liberal and you obviously hate America. Just look how much you made Glenn Beck cry. You’re a bad, bad man, so I hope you fail.’ It’s just that simple.”

“All us poor, persecuted Republicans are saying is that the only way to heal our nation’s boo-boos is with tax cuts. Yes boys and girls, tax cuts to the wealthiest of Americans are like medicine that will make all our owies better real soon. You see, rich people know best about spending and investing money, so they should have more of it. You shouldn’t have to worry your pretty little heads about something hard like investing. The smart, rich people will do that and the money will trickle down to you…in about 70 to 100 years. Giving money to dumb things like volcano monitoring and alternative transportation will only make us sad. And we want to be happy don’t we boys and girls? Besides who do you trust more: the big, bad, evil tax and spend liberal Democrat government…booooooo; or the nice, rich, corporate CEOs who only want a happy stock market…yaaaaaay! I think you all know the answer to that.”

Prominent Republicans voiced support for Jindal. Fox News personality Glenn Beck said, “This Jindal guy truly understands what it means to be a conservative Republican. I think St. Ronald Reagan would be proud. Oh God. Here I go again. I’m getting misty.” He then paused and wiped a small, small tear from his eye. “God Bless America. God Bless America.” Fellow Fox News personalities Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly rushed over and gave Beck a consoling hug. Then O’Reilly barked to the cameras, “Are you happy now, liberals?!”

Republican Party Boss, Rush Limhogg said, “I like this Jindal kid. He’s a good, useful little lackey. He knows his place. Hey! Steele! Get back here! You missed a spot on my boots. And take off your hat! I need an ashtray.”

Most conservative Republicans from all over the country responded favorably to Jindal’s statement. Todd Murphy of Rancid Holler, Georgia said, “Oh man I feel so…ummm…what’s the word I’m lookin’ fer…good. I mean I think that the Democrats are so …ummm…bad. But what Jindal done said, I think Republicans will do real….ummm…good.”

Pete Junkins of Curtisvilleton, Missouri said, “I like Jindal and all but I’m still gonna vote for Sarah Palin in 2012. I hear she hunts wolves in a bikini. Man that’s so hot!”

Jean Grayhill of Felderkarb, Tennessee said, “He talks to me like I’m an eight year old and you know what…I like it. The easier my leaders make it for me to understand, the better. I really don’t like thinking all that much. Oh look; a shiny nickel. I’m going to stare at it for a while.”

Reverend Fred Devlin of Dillweed, Virginia said, “I think with a Jindal-Palin ticket in 2012, we will most definitely see the Rapture. Come and get us Lord!”

Jeb Dean Bob Jones of Burnt Cesspool, Texas said, “All I know is I just got done watching Glenn Beck and I can’t stand to see a grown man fake cry like a little lady. I’m ready to join the revolution. President Chuck Norris of Texas forever! Where’s my AK-47? Yeeeeeee-haaaaaawwwww!”

Jindal closed his conference by saying, “Now everybody get to bed now and dream little dreams of fast cars, guns and Jesus. Sleep tight and don’t let the liberals bite.”

mrjindalsneighborhood — Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal addresses the good little boys and girls of the United States on the Republican cure for all of our nation’s owies. Yay!

Celebrity Look-a-likes

This was one of our favorite features back in the day. This is from our October 6, 2006 issue.

A favorite feature nowadays in many papers across the country is one presenting local citizens who claim that they look like well known celebrities. Well we here at the Bucket know a lame-ass idea when we see it. We’ve asked residents of Cactus Corners, Arizona which celebrity they resemble. The results will astound you!

WARNING – You’re not seeing double folks!


Phyllis Forman:The gals in my canasta club think I’m a dead ringer for Madonna; especially when I’m wearing my black leather equestrian gear.

Boyd Schnee:I think they’re just messing with me but the guys down at the gym say I look exactly like Michael Jordan.

Zippy:I don’t care what the other dogs in the Kennel Club say; Rin Tin Tin and I could be twins!

Nimrod the Clown:I’m always stopped by people on the street who mistake me for President Bush.

Rewind: Bush + Pope = FUN

We feel like remembering ol’ Dubya: he was always good for a laugh. Here’s one of our favorite photo-toons from our July 19, 2007 issue, just a month after Bush had visited Pope Benny in Vatican City.

Dick and Dubya’s Act

This will be the last installment of our Dick Cheney retrospective because quite frankly we’re sick of him and we want him to go far away, like maybe Iraq. He’d be greeted with flowers there and he’d be downright giddy being around all that precious oil. So here is a photo-toon from our May 9, 2004 issue right after Dick and Dubya testified in a secret, off the record testimony before the 9/11 commission (you know the manure was flying in that meeting). We think this photo-toon succinctly captures the essence of the Bush presidency.

cheneyventriloquist — President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney performed their patented bamboozling act before the 9/11 Commission last week.

He’s Baaaaacck!

Just when you thought it was safe, former Vice President Dick Cheney has emerged from his underground lair with a new tell all book about the Bush administration and (drumroll please)… nothing was Uncle Dick’s fault. The Dickster pretty much lays all the blame for everything that went wrong in Iraq on Condi Rice, Colin Powell and George Tenet and in typical Dick form, apologizes for nothing. He also praises Dubya as an outstanding leader. Well, we’ll just read the reviews of the book because we think the only thing Dick does well is spread the manure on thick and high.

So we’ve decided for the next few days, we’d repost some of the worst of Uncle Dick during his time in the Bush administration. We’ll start off with a link to an interview he did back in 1994 for a conservative think tank, American Enterprise Institute. He states in the interview that if George H.W. Bush had sent in troops to Baghdad in 1991 a quagmire would have resulted. Whaaaaaaaaaa!!! So, Cheney knew the Iraq War and Occupation would be a quagmire and yet he lied to the American people in 2003 by saying we’d be greeted as liberators. What a Dick!!

Dubya Spent 1020 Days on Vacation

There were blurbs on most websites today stating that some people are criticizing President Obama for taking a 10 day vacation right now. Those ‘some people’ are basically Fox News and neocons who have conveniently short memories when it comes to presidential vacations. Of his time in office, George W. Bush spent 1020 days on vacation, the most of any President in history. And at this time in Dubya’s presidency(almost 3 years), he had spent 180 days on vacation. Obama has spent a grand total of 61 days on vacation, a mere drop in the bucket compared to Bush. And let’s not forget that in August 2001, Dubya spent most of August patriotically clearing brush on his Crawford ranch ignoring stupid memos about ‘terrorists determined to strike inside the U.S.’.

Let’s revisit one of Dubya’s finer moments when he was looking for scapegoats for the botched Iraqi intelligence which led to the Iraq occupation fiasco. This is from our April 10, 2005 issue.

bushnotme — President Bush announces that the real culprits responsible for Iraqi intelligence failures were the adorable little imps from the Family Circus comic strips, Not Me and Ida Know.

Rewind : Dubya’s Nu Teecher

Our previous post about Obama has us thinking about his predecessor, George W. Bush. To humorists, satirists and comedians, he was the gift that kept on giving. The Bucket created plenty of photo-toons, features and articles about ol’ Dubya during his presidentin’ days and we’re going to reprint these gems on a regular basis so we can all bask in his Bushy goodness once more.

Here’s one of our favorite photo-toons from our December 5, 2004 issue. Yes, this is from those halcyon days right after the 2004 election where amazingly 62 million Americans voted to retain Bush as President even though he started a costly war on false premises with no exit strategy, plunged the nation into tumultuous debt, rolled back numerous environmental regulations in favor of industry, presided over an economy that had lost almost a million jobs, misled the nation about the cost of his healthcare bill which did nothing to alleviate high costs…well, we could on and on and on and on but we all know what happened. We’re living with the results right now. Make no mistake, thanks to the madcap misadventures of Dubya, we’re all living the high life…er… make that 1% of us are living the high life. Thanks, Dubya!